


Dare to Be

by CarriePlum



Series: Sirius and Annabelle [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Coming of Age, F/M, Friendship, Love, Marauders' Era, Relationship(s), Romance, Sexual Content, Substance Abuse, Underage Drinking, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-06
Updated: 2015-09-03
Packaged: 2018-02-26 03:08:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 171,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2635754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CarriePlum/pseuds/CarriePlum
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sirius Black has his hands full when his mates' problems with love, family, and each other seem to take centre stage. Add to it a sinister new professor who seems fixated on his girlfriend, and he's got a recipe for disaster. Sequel to Meet Me with a Smile…. Subplots/OCs/all four marauders/drama galore.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Rough Start

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: This is a sequel to Meet Me with a Smile, starting where it left off. Reading part 1 is not a requirement, but is highly recommended, just so you get to know how I write the characters and their history with each other. Also, I've been told it's a sweet, fun, emotional read if you like romance/drama involving Sirius Black and his buds. :)
> 
> One more thing, I forgot about Remus being a prefect… oops. James' sentiment in the beginning of the first chapter is essentially my thoughts as well. Ha! The new professor may seem like Lockhart with the bragging, but that is where the similarity ends... TRUST ME.
> 
> Please, review and tell me what you think! Feedback is so helpful and encouraging. Without further ado...
> 
> Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of J.K. Rowling. The original characters and plot are the property of the author of this story. The author of this story is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any previously copyrighted material. No copyright infringement is intended.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

_What is a friend?_

_I will tell you . . . . it is someone with whom you dare to be yourself._

_\- Frank Crane_

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

**_Sixth Year – January 1977_ **

It was the first day of classes after Christmas break, and the halls of Hogwarts were abuzz with enthusiasm. Not necessarily for classes, but most of the students were glad to be back among their friends. The Gryffindor sixth-years were in high spirits, except for two, Dominica Dávila and Septima Scroggie, who were suspended until the end of the month for the awful trick they played three weeks prior on Sirius Black and his girlfriend, Annabelle O'Neill. Fortunately for Sirius and Annabelle, they not only got through the aftermath of the prank, but they were stronger for it.

Just before heading off to breakfast that morning, they quietly slipped outside the common room ahead of their friends, unable to go another second without touching each other. As soon as the portrait closed, they didn't waste any time; Sirius pulled her in tightly against him and their mouths met in a frenzy. They moved toward the bannister, using it for support as they attempted to get their fill of each other, or at least a small fix until the next time they could be alone.

"God, I missed you last night," Sirius whispered as he kissed her, this girl that he'd known of for years, but never really knew until last autumn. Now, he wasn't sure how he'd existed without her.

"Likewise," Annabelle responded, feeling a bit weak in the knees. The previous night was the first in a few that they'd spent apart, and she hadn't known how much she would miss the warmth of his presence until she was alone in her own cold bed again. Sure, her friends were there in the room, but her arms were so empty without him. She'd wondered if he felt the same sense of loneliness, and now she had her answer.

"Sneak out with me tonight?" he breathed into her ear.

"I'll meet you at midnight," she replied.

He squeezed her tighter, lifting her onto her tiptoes as she pushed her hands through his lush hair. Quite abruptly, the portrait burst open and out stumbled Caradoc Dearborn and Fairfax Hood, who stopped in their tracks. Sirius and Annabelle parted lips, and Annabelle hid her face his neck, her cheeks prickling with embarrassment.

"What's this?" bellowed Caradoc. "Troppin' off on the stairs at eight o'clock in the morning?"

Fairfax laughed and said, "Give 'em a break, Doc. They haven't seen each other in ages. Yesterday was a long time ago, after all," then he turned back to Sirius and said, "Just so you know, there are several broom cupboards in the vicinity that are quite convenient for that sort of thing."

"And I'm sure you're familiar with the interior of each and every one of them," replied Sirius.

"Can't deny it," quipped Fairfax with a wink as he started down the stairs after Caradoc.

"That was awkward," Annabelle remarked to Sirius when they were out of earshot.

"I'm sorry, Annie," Sirius replied. "I should have taken you somewhere more private. I just couldn't wait to get my hands on you."

"Did you fail to notice that I was just as eager to get my hands on you?"

The corner of Sirius' mouth turned up. "I hope you're still as eager later on."

Again the portrait opened and Remus, James, Peter, and Alice came out onto the landing.

"Where's Lily and Johnny B.?" Annabelle asked.

"Lily said something about reading through her notes from before the break," Alice replied. "She said she'd catch up with us."

"Huh, I wonder why she's doing that," Annabelle said as the group started down the stairs. Lily was a straight-A student and she'd always taken school seriously, but looking over old notes the first day back after a break was going a bit overboard in Annabelle's opinion.

"And Johnny B. is working on his hair," replied Remus. "He said not to wait."

"Of course," Alice said.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

After breakfast, the girls walked a few feet ahead of the boys on their way to class. "It still feels like the holidays without Dominica and Septima around," Lily observed cheerfully.

"You're telling me," said Annabelle, who wasn't quite over the lengths the girls had gone to break up her and Sirius.

"I hope they move Dominica in with Septima when she gets back," said Alice. "It will be rather uncomfortable sharing a room with her if they don't."

"It's her that should be uncomfortable," replied Lily. "Not us."

The boys were a few paces behind them. James had been pleased the day before when he saw that Sirius' mood had improved greatly since he'd last seen him. He hoped that his mood would stay elevated now that his parents no longer had a hold on him. James never knew quite how to handle his bouts of depression after facing his family, even though he did his best to be there for him. Thankfully, he seemed the opposite of how he was in London. The kid looked like he was floating on air.

Remus on the other hand was looking a bit run down from the recent full moon. He wasn't talking much, and he seemed almost as miserable as Sirius had been in London. Just when one of them got happy, the other had to go all gloomy, James thought.

"Are you all right, Moony?" he asked Remus as they followed the girls to class.

"Just a bit sore. You know there was full moon a few nights ago."

James wasn't sure if he should ask him about Claire. He was so bloody sensitive about her and he never knew if mentioning her would get him an answer or a telling off. He decided to ask anyway.

"Did you see Claire on the train yesterday?"

"Yep."

James and Sirius exchanged apprehensive looks. "How is she?" James prodded.

"She's fine."

"When did you-"

"I'm going to take house points if you keep questioning me," Remus interrupted.

"From your own house?" demanded Sirius. "Only a complete wally would do that."

"Then call me Wally," Remus replied. "Look, I'm tired. We can chat later, lads."

And with that, the prefect walked ahead past the girls and entered the classroom.

"What's got into him?" Peter asked. "He's barely worn his prefect badge all year. Now he wants to take points from his own house?"

"He's all talk," replied Sirius. "He wouldn't take points from us."

"Crikey. I forgot he was a prefect until just now," said James.

Just then, Severus Snape passed them rather quickly, bypassing Lily as well without so much as a glimpse. It pained James that they had to share two classes with Slytherin, and he hoped that Dumbledore would come to his senses and stop the madness. He knew he was just trying to force them all to be friends, but it wasn't working, and it never would. Maybe someday the old man would figure it out.

They followed the girls into the classroom, eager to see if there was any truth to the rumours that their elderly, deaf Defence against the Dark Arts professor had suddenly retired. Old Professor Dunbar had only been hired as a replacement for last year's instructor who rather unfortunately tried apparating while intoxicated and ended up splinching his own head off. They were used to having a new teacher every year for the class, but two in the same year was something different.

They entered the classroom to find the new professor standing at the front of the room, his hands clasped behind his back. He was quite tall with shaggy light brown hair that was streaked with gold. His skin was sun-tanned, but his eyes were dark and didn't seem to match the rest of him. He looked to be in his early-thirties, and was well-dressed, his clothing on the more modern side of what professors normally wore, but not flashy enough to be considered unprofessional. He had a light stubble running around his jaw and for a moment Annabelle recalled the absurd cover of Lorelei's romance novel that she'd nicked from her bedside table over the Christmas break.

Annabelle and Lily went straight to their assigned seats, but James and Sirius took it as an opportunity to sit wherever they pleased, almost daring the new professor to tell them where to sit. Sirius sat directly behind Annabelle, and James shoved Edmund Kittle out of the way and sat behind Lily.

"That's my seat, Potter," Edmund said angrily.

"Not anymore it isn't," replied James as he made himself comfortable.

Edmund muttered something under his breath and found another seat. Lily turned around and said, "What if he has the seating chart?"

James shrugged. "Then my name is Edmund Kittle."

As the rest of the students found seats, James leaned forward in his desk, instantly drawn to Lily's hair. He took a lock of it and began twirling it around his finger, barely resisting the urge to bury his face in it. Maybe sitting behind his girlfriend wasn't the best idea after all. He would never hear a word the teacher said with Lily that close to him. She flipped the rest of her hair out from between her chair and her back, then turned her head and glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. She was killing him, as usual.

Sirius was also distracted by Annabelle being directly in front of him. He sat with his elbow on the desk, his head resting in his hand as he gazed at her. She was seated sideways in her chair, observing their classmates as they found seats. All Sirius could think about was what the two of them had done over break, the last few nights of break specifically. He also reached for a lock of her hair, running it between his fingers, recalling how it felt brushing across his bare chest as she covered him in kisses.

Suddenly, the man in the front of the room cleared his throat loudly. Annabelle turned forward in her seat, and Sirius leaned back in his, crossing his arms over himself. This new professor already struck him as a wanker and he hadn't even spoken to them yet.

"Greetings, class," he said in a deep voice. "My name is Eric Jaeger. If you get on my good side I'll let you call me Eric." He chuckled, but when the class didn't respond, he continued. "Allow me to take attendance before we begin."

He ran through the names, and when he got to Dominica and Septima, he questioned why they weren't there. All eyes shifted to Sirius and Annabelle, but neither of them said a word. Alice took it upon herself to inform him that they were suspended until the end of the month and the professor seem satisfied with her answer. Once Professor Jaeger was through with attendance, he poised himself rather grandly and addressed the class again.

"Your former professor has retired due to his poor health, so I will be with you for the duration of the year. In case you're wondering if my credentials are suitable to this position, I'll have you know I've been training people to defend themselves against the dark forces for over a decade, with great success I might add. I own several Defence against the Dark Arts training studios throughout the U.K. and I am opening one in France this summer."

Sirius and James exchanged irritated glances from the across the room.

"I have also been hired by top ministry officials to train their _private_ security staff," he bragged on. "Annnd, I've been honoured multiple times over the years for my contributions to the betterment of wizarding society."

From his seat in the back of the room, James was becoming increasingly disappointed in his peers as he observed their reaction to the new teacher. He noticed how Gloria Henderson and Opal Ross, two of Septima's roommates, were tilting their heads and looking up at Jaeger like they were in love with him. Next, he watched as Esmeralda Roux and Delilah Burke, two of Elsinore Collins' best friends, began twiddling their hair and biting their lower lips as they gazed at the man. He looked around and noticed several others of the female persuasion gawking dreamily at him as well. He wished he hadn't sat behind Lily because he really wanted to know if her facial expression in any way resembled theirs.

Then he saw Alice. She seemed to be smirking, like she wasn't impressed. And Annabelle wasn't even looking at him. She looked like she was falling asleep. Even Johnny B. looked like he was trying not to laugh at him. At least he knew his mates were the clever ones in their year.

James leaned over in his desk and whispered to Lily, "Is this guy an arse or what?"

"Shhh," she responded. "Let's not make a bad first impression, all right?"

On the other side of the room, Annabelle couldn't keep her eyes open. The dullness of the man's droning on and on about himself and her need to catch up on sleep almost knocked her out cold. Her head kept nodding forward and when her neck would drop, she'd open her eyes and sit up a little, then repeat the cycle. It was torture.

Sirius noticed she was dozing off, and he poked her in the shoulder with his wand a few times to get her to wake up. He knew the feeling of trying so hard to stay awake, but not being able to force his eyes open. In fact, his own eyelids were feeling a bit heavy, but he didn't think it wise for either of them to get in trouble with the new teacher on his first day.

The professor droned on. "Before coming here, I was an instructor at Beauxbatons and I've also guest lectured at the formidable Durmstrang. Oh, and I almost forgot," he chuckled at himself, "I have worked with Aurors on top secret missions all over the globe."

Caradoc couldn't take it anymore. Despite Johnny B. shooting him a warning a glance when he raised his hand, his impulsiveness got the better of him.

"Yes, young man, do you have a question?" Professor Jaeger asked.

"Yeah, um, if you've done all that high and mighty stuff, what're ya doin' here?"

The professor pursed his lips and looked up toward the ceiling, clearly wanting everyone to know how annoyed he was with Caradoc's question before answering it. A few of the girls glared at Caradoc, but Annabelle had perked up when she heard a different voice.

"Because, young man - what is your name?"

"Caradoc Dearborn, sir."

"Because, Mr. Dearborn, I like to volunteer my expertise wherever it is needed. I'm not selfish with my gifts."

"But volunteering means you're not getting paid," pointed out Evan Rosier, the nasty Slytherin Keeper who had screamed "Die Mudblood!" at Annabelle during Gryffindor's last Quidditch match in December. "Who in their right mind works for free?"

Professor Jaeger exhaled in exasperation. "What I mean is, I offered my services where I heard there was a need for them. I am not one to keep my talents to myself. I like to share them."

Sirius snorted with laughter, which caused a chain reaction of laughter throughout the class. The professor pretended not to notice, perhaps because it was difficult to know who laughed first.

"All right, I think it's time we get started. Take out your parchment and your quills. Time for your first exam."

A collective groan rose from the students as they prepared for the surprise test. Once they were ready, Professor Jaeger led them through an interminable series of questions that covered everything they should have learned up until that point.

At the end of class, Professor Jaeger motioned to Annabelle and said, "You, young lady, Miss O'Neill is it?"

Annabelle warily nodded as she said, "Yes, sir."

"Please stay here for a moment. I'd like to speak to you."

Some of the other girls shot daggers at her with their eyes. She was used to those jealous looks from dating Sirius Black, but she didn't expect to receive them for being asked to stay after class by a professor. She looked nervously to Sirius who said, "I'll wait."

Lily and James hung behind as well. Once the majority of students had left the room, Jaeger motioned for Annabelle to approach his desk. She did as she was directed.

"I noticed, Miss O'Neill, that you were having a bit of a nap earlier. Did I bore you?"

"No, sir."

"Then what was the problem?"

"I'm just tired, sir."

"Try to get a good night's sleep before my next class. It would be quite ironic if the late, great Darien O'Neill's granddaughter failed Defence against the Dark Arts."

At the mention of her grandfather's name, her heart seemed to leap into her throat. She was unsure how to respond. Was he trying to hurt her? Or was he just showing off some more by tossing her granddad's name around? She couldn't tell.

"All right then, Miss O'Neill. No need to look so… put out. You are dismissed."

Annabelle nodded and went back to her desk to gather her belongings. As they were exiting the classroom, Sirius looked back at the man and noticed that he was staring at them as they left.

"Creep," he muttered under his breath. The others were waiting in the corridor.

"What did he want?" Alice asked.

"He scolded me for falling asleep in class," Annabelle replied, not wanting to repeat what he'd said about her grandfather. It made her self-conscious for some reason.

Sirius scowled. "If he wasn't so fucking boring then maybe people wouldn't have such a hard time staying awake."

"Dumbledore really knows how to pick 'em," said James as they made their way to the common room.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Lily sat down at a study table and instantly cracked open her Dark Arts text book, scouring it for the correct answers to the test Professor Jaeger had just given. She was confident she'd passed, but there were some questions she wasn't quite sure of, and she had to make sure she'd got them correct. If she hadn't, then she would be studying before their next class, not socialising like everyone else was doing.

"That test was bloody easy, wasn't it Lil?" James commented as he sat down at the table with her. "I mean, come on. Name five dark magic items available to the public for purchase? Who doesn't know that?"

Lily frantically started naming off the ones she'd put on the test. "Shrunken heads, poisonous candles, flesh-eating slug repellent, human fingernails, and… and… the hand of glory! Was I correct?"

"Yes, those are all correct," he said in a soothing voice. "Relax, Lily. You're acting like you just took your N.E.W.T.s or something."

"I just wasn't expecting a test the first day of classes after a holiday. I'm glad I looked over my notes this morning."

"Only a complete git gives a surprise test the first day back after a holiday," James replied.

Johnny Bemis, or as his mates called him, Johnny B., sat down in a huff at the table with them, pouting like a child. Then he sighed dramatically. Lily knew what it was about. She had talked with Matthew herself for a bit on Saturday, and he was every bit as gorgeous as Johnny B., and just as nice. Matthew had clearly thought it odd that she had to handle all the post between them, but he didn't let it scare him away. Still, her heart went out to Johnny B. She didn't imagine pursuing a relationship with an unsuspecting muggle who didn't even live nearby would be easy.

"Where the hell is Annabelle?" he asked.

"I don't know. They were right behind us," Lily looked round the room. "Where's Sirius?"

"My guess is wherever Annabelle is," James said.

"Of course," muttered Johnny B.

"Just let me know when you're ready to send Matthew a letter," Lily offered. "My mum said it's no trouble."

Johnny B. nodded glumly. "Thanks Lily. And thanks to your mum."

"Don't worry," said James. "We'll get back to London one of these days. It's only a quick trip by floo, don't forget."

"So, what do you think of Jaeger?" Johnny B. asked. "He's a bit naff, isn't he? Like he's trying too hard to be cool."

"Thank you. I thought the same thing," James replied. "Total wanker."

"Give him a chance," said Lily. "He might be a really good teacher."

"And he might be a total wanker," James countered. "Look how he treated Annabelle."

"She was sleeping in class," replied Lily. "No teacher is going to accept that. A good teacher wants his students to pass. She should know better."

James decided not say any more about it. As long as Lily didn't fancy the man like some of the other girls seemed to, then he couldn't care less about him. She didn't appear to think much of him either way just yet, and that was good enough for him.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Remus went directly to his room to rest. He was always tired after a full moon, sometimes for an entire week after, and getting back into the swing of school didn't make it any easier. He already felt guilty for how he'd brushed Claire off on the train the day before. He used his prefect duties as an excuse, but he could tell she was disappointed. Once they got back to school he'd disappeared with his friends, knowing she'd be too shy to come looking for him at the Gryffindor common room. He felt like a total cad, but he wasn't ready to break her heart just yet. Every once in a while he'd try to talk himself out of breaking up with her, telling himself that maybe she wouldn't reject him if she knew what he was, or that maybe she'd already figured it out. But then he thought about how horrible the transformations were, and how monstrous he was when they were complete, and he berated himself for wanting to shackle her with someone like him. She deserved a normal boyfriend. Someone she didn't have to worry might accidentally kill her someday.

That evening at dinner, she smiled and waved to him, but didn't approach like she normally did. She could sense something was wrong, he knew. He waved back, and felt his heart ache as her smile faded and she looked away.

The next day, as they were walking to Potions, Claire passed them in the halls. She smiled timidly, and almost whispered, "Hello," but kept walking.

"Claire," called Alice, glancing from Claire to Remus and back to Claire again. "Wait! How are you? How was your break?"

Remus backtracked, figuring that being cold would only make things worse.

"It was long," she said. "I actually found myself missing school." She looked at Remus, who looked down at the floor.

"You're not the only one," replied Lily.

"Yeah, well, I'd better get to class," Claire said, glancing at Remus one more time. "Bye Remus."

"Bye Claire," he said and began to walk away.

The girls looked at him like they were astonished at his behaviour, and the guilt overwhelmed him. "Claire, wait!" he called as he caught up with her. "I'll see you later, all right? I'll stop by your common room."

She nodded quickly, and replied, "All right, I'd like that."

Once they were in potions, Annabelle whispered to Sirius, "Did something happen with Remus and Claire?"

Sirius shrugged. "He didn't say."

Professor Slughorn welcomed them back from holiday and immediately got started on a new potion. It was called the Wideye Potion, and it was used as an antidote for the Draught of Living Death, as well as other medicinal purposes. It was considered a controlled substance and he made it clear that he would be coming round himself to dump their finished product at the end of class.

"I could have used some of this stuff yesterday," Annabelle said quietly.

Sirius smirked and replied, "You'd have needed a whole pitcher of it."

During the lecture, Sirius and Annabelle zoned in and out, half the time holding hands, touching their legs together, and daydreaming about the other, remembering their nights together earlier in the week. When it came time to brew the potion, Sirius was confident that he'd understood the process, even though his sparse notes told another story. Annabelle's notes weren't any better. They got to work, almost forgetting what direction to stir in after adding the crushed ingredients. The potion took a long time to brew, and in the meantime, they were given a detailed reading assignment about the proper uses for it and how it could be misused as well. After adding the final ingredient, they waved a wand over it, completely forgetting to stir it first.

"Oops," Sirius said.

"Uh-oh," Annabelle muttered.

Slughorn came to check their potion and said rather loudly, "This is an example of what _not_ to do. I'm quite disappointed in you both."

"So sorry, sir," replied Annabelle. "It won't happen again."

"I certainly hope not. This potion is always on the N.E.W.T." He walked away, and when he got to Lily and James he cooed gleefully, "Wonderful work, Miss Evans and Mr. Potter! This is so well done that instead of disposing of it, I think I'll send it to Madam Pomfrey to be used in the hospital ward!"

Lily smiled proudly. "Thank you, sir."

James turned around in his seat and looked at Sirius, smugly holding up his forefinger then pointing to himself, indicating that he was number one. Sirius snickered and gave him the two-fingered salute in response. James laughed silently before turning back around.

"Sorry Annabelle," Sirius said. "I should have been more focused."

"I wasn't paying attention, either," she replied.

The class was immediately dismissed since it had already gone over into lunch due to the lengthy brewing time of the potion. At lunch, everyone was teasing Lily and James for their potion brewing success.

"Snivellus had some competition today," Peter said. "I could tell he was miffed."

"It was mostly Lily's doing," said James. "She was determined."

Lily's eyes flashed and she smiled tightly, thinking of how she was already on the path to destroying her sister's notions of her. Head girl would be hers and Petunia would be eating her nasty words. She just had to keep up the momentum.

"Slughorn is going to ask you to join the Slug Club if you're not careful," Fairfax teased James.

"Don't count on it," James said. "But if he did, I might actually consider it."

Sirius pulled a face. "What was that? Because I thought I just heard you say you might join the Slug Club."

"Yeah, well, it couldn't hurt, right?"

"No comment," replied Sirius.

"You're just pissed off because you ruined your own potion," Peter sneered at Sirius. He seemed a little too delighted that Sirius had made a mistake.

"Oh, yes, Pete," Sirius said. "You got me there. I'm gutted over one stupid potion going wrong in six years of making them correctly."

"It's not like you to screw up in that class," Peter goaded. "Slughorn was none too pleased."

"Slughorn can go to hell," Sirius replied.

"It's not Slughorn's fault you messed up."

"Put a cork in it, Peter," said James, mildly irritated with him.

Sirius was getting angrier by the second. "Pete, do you want me to hex you into next year?"

"That would get you expelled," Peter replied. "But maybe you don't care about school anymore."

Annabelle was getting upset with Peter's heckling of Sirius. He was like a dog with a bone; he just couldn't let it go.

"For crying out loud, it was one bloody potion!" she exclaimed. "Why does it concern you so much?"

"Yeah Peter, let it go," said Remus. "It's not your problem."

"It's not anyone's problem," continued Annabelle. "In fact, we could go back in there right now if we wanted to, and brew it correctly."

"Why didn't you do it right the first time, then?" asked Lily quietly, barely making eye contact with Annabelle.

Sirius laughed irreverently as Annabelle just looked at her friend in disbelief. Everyone else at the table had grown silent.

"Maybe because people make mistakes," Annabelle replied evenly. "One bad potion won't make or break us."

"And it's no one's business but ours, so everyone can calm the fuck down," declared Sirius.

Lily wanted to say more but she didn't. She knew what hotheads Annabelle and Sirius were when they were upset and she didn't want to fight with them. But she also didn't want to see her best friend slacking off. First she was falling asleep in class, then she wasn't paying attention in Potions… it wasn't like Annabelle. She needed to pay attention in Potions since it wasn't her strong suit, and Lily began to wonder if her being partners with Sirius was still such a good idea.

"You're right," Lily said. "I'll mind my own business."

James was uncomfortable with the turn the conversation had taken. Forgetting for a moment that he was supposed to be making an effort to appear more studious for Lily, he snapped, "Can we please change the subject? All this talk about classwork is getting awfully geeky."

Lily glared at him. "So it's geeky to care about your marks?"

"Uhh, no… it's just… well… it's kind of geeky to keep going on and on about them, that's all."

"Oh look, it's time for class," she chirped. She got up in a huff, grabbed her belongings and charged out of the Great Hall.

"Shite," James spat, and went to catch up with her.

Sirius sighed and said, "Come along, Annabelle. Let's take our completely inept, stupid selves to Transfiguration. Maybe we can really get everyone going by mucking up in there, too." He shot a malevolent look at Peter before taking Annabelle's hand and leaving the table.

Johnny B. watched them walk away and as he gathered his books, he turned to Peter. "What the hell was that? You couldn't just leave it alone?"

"Yeah, that was a bit of a kick in the teeth, wasn't it?" added Caradoc, standing to leave as well. Fairfax just sighed in disappointment.

All three boys left, and Peter said to Alice and Remus, "I was just surprised is all. Sirius never does poorly in Potions. Or any class."

"Still, why'd you have to call attention to it?" Alice asked. "Couldn't we have just been happy for Lily and James?"

"You've never brewed a perfect potion in your life, so it's really quite funny that you are shaming Sirius for one error," Remus scolded him. "Next time, just keep your thoughts about other people's mistakes to yourself."

"Whatever you say," Peter muttered, still feeling pretty good that he took Sirius down a peg or two, or so he thought.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

That evening in the common room, Lily and James sat at a study table doing their assignments together. Sirius and Annabelle came in after them, plunked down at the table with them, and took out their books and parchment. Annabelle wanted to prove to Lily that they weren't intentionally slacking off or anything. Lily looked up at them and smiled slightly, then got back to work. For two hours they worked, only speaking about the subjects at hand. Eventually, though, Sirius had had enough. He yawned and stretched his arms over his head, hoping the others would tear themselves from their parchments. James glanced at him, then to Lily, who was writing like mad. Then he looked back at Sirius, shook his head, and got back to work.

"Are you finished?" Annabelle asked him.

"Yep," Sirius replied. "Except for the new lit assignment which-"

"So start reading it now then," Lily suggested.

"If you'd let me finish, I was going to say I was waiting for Annabelle."

"Oh, right, you two like to read it out loud to each other like it's a joke."

Annabelle's brow knitted and she said, "No, not like a joke. We just like to have fun with it. There's nothing wrong with that, is there?"

Lily didn't answer because Lorelei Twonk burst into the room like an angry Hungarian Horntail. She was scary enough when she was in a good mood, but when the abrasive, vulgar girl was upset, it was common knowledge that one should run for cover.

She looked up at the ceiling and shouted, "O'NEILL! WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU!?"

The whole room fell silent and all eyes turned to her, then to Annabelle. Annabelle glanced around at her friends whose mouths had all dropped open.

"Help," she mouthed to them, slowly moving her hand to her wand. The others instinctively did the same. Sirius stood up, blocking Annabelle from Lorelei's line of vision.

When Lorelei met Sirius' eyes, he asked, "What's the problem, Twonk?"

Annabelle didn't think it fair that he should face her by himself. She stood up and stepped around Sirius.

"I'm right here, Lorelei. You don't have to shout."

"YOU LITTLE _BITCH_!"

"Just you wait a min-" Sirius began but Lily interrupted him, coming around the table to defend her friend.

"Who are _you_ calling a bitch?" she demanded.

Lorelei ignored them, and took a few steps toward Annabelle. "I told you NOT to touch my books. I told ALL of you not to. So I was quite taken aback when I was called into Professor McGonagall's office and given a bloody lecture for letting FIRST-YEARS read my ADULT NOVEL!"

It took Annabelle a moment to figure out what she was going on about. But then it hit her. The book she'd nicked from her bedside table during Christmas break.

"What does this have to do with Annabelle?" Lily asked.

"The first years in question were here with Annabelle over the break! Apparently they found the book stuffed in the sofa cushions. They were caught passing it around in Transfiguration!"

"How do you know they didn't nick it themselves?" asked Lily.

"You have no proof Annabelle took it," Sirius said. "None."

"I don't need proof. I know it was her!"

"Annabelle doesn't read that smut," replied Lily. "Only you do."

Lorelei narrowed her eyes. "Say what you will about my taste in books, but Annabelle nicked it, then misplaced it, and it fell into the wrong hands. It's HER fucking fault that I have detention for a bloody WEEK and I get to miss Hogsmeade!"

"You are just looking for someone to blame," said Lily. "Blame yourself for having that trash lying about."

Annabelle was embarrassed. She put a hand on Lily's arm to stop her and said, "I'm sorry, Lorelei. I was going to put it back, I promise."

Lily looked at Annabelle in shock, and Annabelle didn't know if it was because of her carelessness, or if she was disappointed that she'd been reading a trashy romance novel.

"So you admit it?" Lorelei seethed.

Annabelle nodded uncomfortably and said, "Yes. It looked… interesting, so I borrowed it." Then she looked back at Lily and said, "It was a mistake, because it was a dreadful book anyway." She swallowed hard and turned back to Lorelei. "Then Professor McGonagall came in and I hid it between the sofa cushions and forgot about it. The younger girls must have discovered it."

"Well how _convenient_ for _you_. You get away with _nicking my belongings_ while I get humiliated for having INAPPROPRIATE READING MATERIALS!"

"I'll tell McGonagall it was mine," Annabelle offered, her voice trembling as she made a move toward the portrait hole. "I'll go right now."

Lorelei shoved her and screamed, " _What's the point you selfish brat? It said MY NAME on the inside cover!"_

Sirius got in front of Annabelle again and wielded his wand at Lorelei. "Don't you lay so much as a finger on her again, do you understand me?"

"Don't get involved Black! This doesn't concern you!" Lorelei shouted, her grating voice hurting the ears of everyone in the room.

"Oh, it concerns me all right. I was there when she put the book in the sofa. I forgot about it, too. Hex your vengeance out on me if you must, but leave her alone. She said she was sorry."

"McGonagall called me a bad influence," Lorelei replied. "Do you know how terrible that made me feel? I would NEVER share that book with children."

"Neither would I!" exclaimed Annabelle. "Not on purpose! It was an oversight. I'm sorry. I want to make this up to you. Just tell me what to do!"

Lorelei's nostrils flared as she snarled, "Here's what you can do, Little Miss I-Can-Do-No-Wrong, STAY AWAY FROM MY STUFF!"

Lorelei stomped dramatically to the girls' staircase and was gone. Now everyone in the room was looking at Annabelle. Some started to whisper, others giggled. Annabelle thought Lily must be disgusted with her for reading a book like that in the first place and she couldn't meet her eyes. She was feeling like a massive screw-up and instead of waiting to be berated by her mates while the other students looked on and snickered, she ran out of the common room, Sirius following right behind her. When he exited the portrait hole, he slammed it shut with such force that all the paintings on the walls rattled and the Fat Lady screamed.

"Never a dull moment around here," James muttered. At the rate things were going, 1977 was not looking good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little sidenote: Someone mentioned to me that the name "Eric Jaeger" reminded them of a character's name in something called Shingeki. Honestly, I have never heard of Shingeki and had to Google it, and in case anyone was wondering, I didn't get that name from anywhere but my own head. (I have never read any Manga (?) in all my days.)


	2. Dramatic Exits

Remus had been entirely unaware of the confrontation between Lorelei and Annabelle, because while Annabelle was having her head bit off by her roommate, he was sitting outside the Ravenclaw common room with Claire, talking about what they did over the holiday. He mentioned that he met his mates in London for a few hours, leaving out the part about getting sick and needing to leave.

"How lovely that your parents allowed you to do that," she said, smiling timidly.

"Yeah, well, it was a first."

There was an awkward silence. Remus had planned to break things off with her, but he just couldn't bring himself to do it. How could he hurt her? He glanced at her hands folded in her lap, and had the urge to hold them; her perfect, gentle hands. But he didn't. He felt a cold sweat breaking out all over him as he tried to summon the words. Finally Claire broke the silence.

"Remus, is there something wrong?"

"No," he answered. "Why do you ask?"

She cautiously met his eyes. "Well, you've been so quiet since we got back. I hope my letter wasn't too much."

"No, it wasn't too much, not at all," he assured her. She was so vulnerable right then; he knew she must be wondering if his uneasiness with her was because of something she'd done wrong. Guilt and sorrow permeated his chest as he gave into his urge and took her hand. "Your letter was the highlight of my holiday."

She smiled again, and after a moment's hesitation, she kissed his cheek. She wasn't going to make this easy on him, that was for sure. He couldn't help himself and leaned in slowly, kissing her gently on the lips. They were so soft. There was a touch of heartache in her expression as she put her hands on his cheeks and pulled back, searching his eyes for truth, then she allowed him to kiss her again even though she had no answers. Soon they were kissing with an urgency neither of them had experienced before, their hearts taking over for their confused heads.

How he wished she already knew the truth about him and was still kissing him, wanting to be with him. But even so, he was a monster, and nothing could ever change that. The war in his head raged on as Claire, blissfully unaware of his struggle, wrapped her arms around him and hugged him tightly. In that moment it all felt so good and right; she was so trusting, and so beautiful. As much as he wanted to get it over with and rid himself of the guilt, it would have to wait for another day. He didn't want to hurt her, and he also couldn't bear to face his own inevitable pain over losing her. Not just yet.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

"Where are you going?" Sirius asked Annabelle as he fell in step beside her, the Fat Lady still protesting in the distance about being slammed shut.

"To McGonagall. I have to tell her it was my fault the girls got hold of the book."

"No you don't. Twonk said she got in trouble for having inappropriate reading materials. She probably has twenty more like it stashed in her trunk. Are you going to take credit for those books as well?"

"No, but I have to take some of the blame," she said. "I did nick it, despite her telling us not to touch her stuff. I should have respected her wishes."

"Did you hear how she spoke to you? I wouldn't do her any favours after that."

"She's a total hag, but I still should have left her book alone."

McGonagall was upset when Annabelle admitted her part in it. She expressed her utter disappointment, and even though Annabelle said she'd only read a few chapters, she punished her anyway for being careless with something that the first-years could easily get their hands on. Sirius was waiting outside when she came out.

"Three days detention," Annabelle muttered. "She said the only reason she didn't take Hogsmeade away was because I came forward and admitted my part in it.

"And after everything you did for her over break. I bet she's reading the book as we speak, getting her jollies."

Annabelle started laughing at the idea of Professor McGonagall reading the book and... enjoying it. Sirius broke his brooding grimace and laughed too. They began walking back to the common room, hand in hand.

"I don't want to go back in there," she said when they arrived at the portrait. "That was so embarrassing."

"I happen to know somewhere we could go."

"Strangely enough, so do I." She tucked a lock of his hair behind his ear. "I wonder if it's the same place."

"Wait out here. I'll go get James' invisibility cloak."

He approached the study table where Lily and James were still sitting and Lily asked, "Where is she? Is she okay?"

"She's fine," he said as he gathered their books and parchments. "She went to McGonagall to confess her mistake and got herself three days detention. I tried to stop her, but her mind was made up." Then he leaned in and said quietly to James, "I need to borrow your cloak, mate."

"Go ahead, my trunk's unlocked."

"Cheers."

A moment later, Sirius passed again, exiting the common room more calmly than he had earlier.

James shook his head. "Why'd she go and tell on herself like that?"

"Because she has a _conscience,"_ said Lily.

"Oh, and I don't?" James retorted.

"I didn't say that, did I?"

"It was just the way you said it. _She has a conscience_. Like I don't have one."

"Well, that's not how I meant it. Now I'd really like to read this assignment over again, so please."

James wasn't so sure if the studious route was for him after all. He always did his work, but doing it twice was absurd. He shut his book and said, "I'm done. Come on Lily. Don't you want to take a break?"

Lily peeled her eyes from her book and noticed his hair was messier than usual. He had taken off his glasses and was staring at her, waiting for her answer. Then he scratched his head and rested it on the table. She put her quill down, reached over, and began massaging his head. Maybe she could take a small break. He lifted his head up, resting his chin on his arm, his hazel eyes looking at her expectantly.

"I suppose a walk would be nice," she said.

A grin slowly formed on his lips, and he stood up and offered her his hand.

**.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.**

The weekend passed quickly and soon it was the second week of January. Annabelle and Sirius made sure to play close attention in Potions, and James did his best to keep up with Lily's new found determination. Lorelei hadn't quite got over Annabelle nicking her book, but she started speaking to her again when she found out she confessed her part in it to McGonagall. Annabelle was going to give Zelda and Twyla an earful, but they had received detention as well for bringing the book to Transfiguration, and they really hadn't known who'd left the book there. She figured they'd learnt their lesson, even though she thought McGonagall was overreacting a touch.

The six-year students were offered apparition lessons once a week in the Great Hall, and even though Sirius and James had implored the girls to let them be their teachers, Lily insisted on doing it the proper way, and Annabelle went along with her just so Lily wouldn't be disappointed in her again. Annabelle had noticed that Lily seemed a bit high strung recently, but she had always taken her school work seriously, so Annabelle figured she was just trying harder to get high marks, considering they'd slipped a little in the fall. Annabelle's had too, what with Quidditch and her anxiety over it, but neither of them were even close to failing and Annabelle figured her A dropping to a B was a small price to pay for taking some chances and expanding her horizons.

As they walked toward the Defence against the Darks Arts classroom, Gloria Henderson and Opal Ross pushed pass them, sprinting to get into the room.

"Go get him, ladies!" Caradoc called after them, teasing them for having a crush on Professor Jaeger.

"Ick. Why would they want him?" Johnny B. said, wrinkling his nose.

Despite Johnny B.'s sentiment, Professor Jaeger was becoming rather popular among the students. He often relayed stories from the field about dangerous missions he'd been on and near death experiences involving the Dark Arts. He had a ruggedness about him that was appealing, his shirts were tight enough to showcase his muscular physique, and he spoke of scaling mountains to corner dark wizards in Tibet and swimming across shark infested waters during a hurricane in Micronesia to rescue victims of an evil warlock. He had the girls swooning and the boys imagining themselves in his shoes.

Not everyone was impressed though. Sirius found him repugnant and Annabelle hadn't forgotten how he'd mentioned her grandfather when reprimanding her for falling asleep. Lily was too concerned with getting an A in the class to be distracted by his stories and looks, and James still thought he was a bullshit artist. Alice said she was going to ask Frank to find out about him, to see if he was lying about any of his stories. As James listened to him drone on and on in class one morning, he wished Alice would hurry up already. This man needed to get stuffed and fast.

Annabelle really wanted to pay attention. But his stories were so over-the-top, and he just bragged so much that she got tired of listening to him. Sirius was passing her notes, trying to keep her from falling asleep again she presumed, but he ended up making her want to laugh instead.

**_Did you know I once dove head first into a volcano to conquer a dark wizard?_ **

_I'm impressed. Tell me more of your brave adventures!_

**_All right, since you asked. There was the time I wrestled a fully grown Norwegian Ridgeback with my bare hands, on the side of a mountain, which happened to be located in the middle of an ocean filled with sharks and grindylows._ **

_Amazing. I am fascinated by your brute strength combined with your strong convictions and magnificent sun-streaked hair._

**_Wait, there's more! One time I was surrounded by a thousand Dementors while I duelled the dark wizard Voldemort with my wand between my toes, because a troll had previously broken my arms off. Once I defeated him, I cast the most powerful Patronus the world has ever seen, then reattached my arms and healed my own wounds. All in time to charm the ladies at the local night club with my tan, my neck scarf, and my skills on the dance floor._ **

Annabelle's shoulders started shaking and Sirius knew she was laughing. As much as he loved it when he made her laugh, he didn't want her to get into trouble, so he figured it was a good time to stop making jokes. But once Annabelle got laughing like that, she couldn't stop. She tried to hide her face by resting her head in her hands. Sirius' heart began to beat a little faster as Jaeger made his way over to her. He wasn't looking at her, just droning on and on, so Sirius kicked the leg of her chair, hoping it would alert her to his presence, but it only made her laughing jag worse. She let out a strangled whimper and sniffled, and Jaeger turned to her.

"A-hem."

Annabelle looked up at the professor, still fighting the urge to laugh.

"Did I miss something funny on this side of the room?" he asked.

"No sir," she said, the corners of her mouth turned slightly upwards, betraying her words.

He turned to the class and said, "Excuse me, students." Then he leaned in close to her, his mouth almost touching her ear and whispered, "Detention. Here. After class."

She felt like her skin was crawling as he pulled away and continued to the lecture the class. At least he'd killed her urge to laugh. Another note from Sirius landed on her desk.

**_What did he say?_ **

_Detention for me, after class._

Sirius felt like it was his fault. He glanced across the room to James and Remus who looked disturbed by the scene. At the end of class, Sirius didn't move from his seat. He was interested to see if the professor would make him leave. Lily told him he shouldn't instigate, that Annabelle was laughing and now she had to take the consequences. There was something about Jaeger that Sirius didn't like, though, so he stayed anyway.

"Why are you still here, Mr. Black?" he asked sharply.

"I'm waiting for her."

"You may wait in the corridor, in your common room, or wherever else you'd like. But not here."

"I'd like to work on my assignment, though. Are you saying that a student can't stay after class to do some work?"

Annabelle turned round and whispered, "It's okay, just go."

"If you require extra help, you may stay. Otherwise, you have other options for places to do your school work."

Sirius wanted to say more, but he bit his tongue. "I'll be right outside, Annabelle," then he looked at Jaeger and repeated himself. "Right outside."

After Sirius left, Jaeger went back to his desk and took care of some things, while Annabelle hunched over her desk, doodling nervously on a piece of parchment. A few minutes later she heard his footsteps approaching her. He sat down on top of the desk next to hers and looked down at her until she was forced to turn her head and meet his eyes.

"You are a very rude girl," he said.

Annabelle didn't know what to say to that, so she said nothing. She blinked and averted her eyes, but he still sat there staring at her.

"I think you should know I met your grandfather once. A kind gentleman. The effects of his early demise clearly show in your behaviour. You've obviously lacked a father figure over the years."

His degrading words were a blow to Annabelle. She couldn't fight the tears forming in her eyes.

"He didn't have a chance to teach you about _respect,_ " Jaeger spat. "Now I don't ask for much, Miss O'Neill. I just ask that you recognise my expertise, and learn from it, instead of disregarding me. I can teach you things he might have taught you. I can _fill in the blanks_ , if you will."

Annabelle swallowed hard, feeling like she was going to be sick. She wasn't entirely sure what he was suggesting, but again she hated the way he used her grandfather to get to her. She had been ten when he died, which was old enough to have learnt some important lessons from him, and he had taught her by example about respect; respect for others and for one's self. She certainly didn't need this ego maniac for that.

"Now, do we have an understanding?" Jaeger asked, his smooth tone a contradiction to his harsh stare.

Annabelle didn't understand. She had no idea what he was insinuating, but she wanted him to get away from her, so she murmured, "Yes."

"What was that? I can't _hear_ you."

"Yes, sir. Yes," she said louder.

"Very good," he replied, and walked away. He sat back down at his desk, and as though it was an afterthought, said, "You may go."

She grabbed her things and got out of the room as fast she could. Sirius was outside the door, as he said he would be, and he instantly noticed the tears in her eyes.

"What happened?" he asked.

Annabelle felt her stomach turning, but didn't quite know how to articulate why. She also didn't want to upset Sirius for fear of his reaction.

"Nothing, he's just so creepy."

Sirius clenched his jaw. "What did he say to you?"

She knew if she tried to downplay it too much that he would see right through her. She fought her tears, willing them to stop wetting her eyes. She needed to calm down.

Trying to sound indifferent, she replied, "He just went on and on about my grandfather and how he died before he could teach me respect and all this nonsense. And he called me a rude girl."

Sirius was fuming, and Annabelle knew that look. He turned toward the door of the classroom, hell bent on setting the professor straight, but Annabelle clutched his arm, and said, "No. I don't want you in trouble too. There's something not right about him. Let's just go, please?"

"I hate that he keeps targeting you."

"I will just have to behave in class. If I don't sleep or laugh or talk or…breathe… he won't be able to target me."

"It was all my fault," Sirius said. "I'm so sorry."

"No, it wasn't. Now let's go before he comes out here."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Later, at lunch, they were discussing their views on Professor Jaeger.

"I think he has a lot to offer us," said Lily. "He's got more experience than any teacher we've ever had and he actually seems to know his stuff."

"I don't care how much he knows," countered James. "He's a git."

"Agreed," said Sirius.

"You don't think maybe you lads are just a bit jealous?" asked Lily.

Sirius winced at the remark. "Jealous? Have you noticed the way he keeps harassing your best friend?"

"No offence to Annabelle," she said, "But she was laughing in class today, no thanks to you I'm sure. Maybe you shouldn't be sitting behind her if you can't keep from distracting her."

Sirius rolled his eyes and made a show of biting his tongue, but Annabelle said, "Come on, Lily. He wasn't distracting me from anything important. The lesson hadn't even started yet."

"Still, Jaeger had a right to reprimand you."

"Yes, he did," Annabelle agreed, _but he didn't have to talk about my grandfather_ , she thought. She also began to wonder why Lily was acting so superior all of a sudden.

Sirius stated matter-of-factly, "He's a jackass."

"That's Professor Jackass to you," Caradoc teased.

Claire approached them just then, surprisingly stepping outside her comfort zone because Remus was surrounded by his mates.

"Hello," she said, timidly putting a hand on Remus' shoulder.

Remus swallowed his guilt and replied dully, "Hello, Claire."

He barely looked at her, and her smile quickly turned into a frown. She opened her mouth as though she wanted to speak, but then decided against it. Her cheeks were on fire and she seemed stricken with embarrassment.

The others looked at each other uncomfortably, willing someone to say something to her in order to break the tension, but no one knew what to say.

"Claire, would you like to sit down?" Sirius asked, moving closer to Annabelle so there was a space between him and Remus.

She shook her head, and replied, "No, thank you. I just wanted to say hello. I'll be going now." And with that, she walked quickly away to her house table. Claire's mortification was so potent that they all felt traces of it. Remus lips were set tightly as he stared at his plate, preparing himself for the barrage of questions from his mates.

"Speaking of jackasses," James said, "What in Merlin's name was that all about?"

Remus' eyes darted to James and he replied evenly, "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Are you giving Claire the old heave-ho?" James asked.

"Because if you are, there's nicer ways to do it, mate," Fairfax said. He was an expert in giving girls the old heave-ho.

"That was bloody awkward," added Johnny B. "Maybe you should go talk to her."

Remus was fuming. Getting angry seemed like a good way to redirect his pain. "Maybe you should all learn to mind your own business," he replied through gritted teeth.

For a moment, no one said anything, and the silence was fraught with tension. Finally, Remus couldn't take it anymore, and he got up to leave.

James sighed in frustration. "Please tell me you're _not_ leaving."

"I'll see you in class," he muttered, and stalked out of the Great Hall.

"What is it with people storming out of here all dramatic like?" Peter mused out loud.

"Shut up, Peter," snapped Sirius. It seemed uncalled for, but he hadn't forgot how Peter tried to embarrass him for messing up his potion.

"No, you shut up," said Peter.

In one quick motion, Sirius aimed his wand at Peter's mouth. " _Silencio_!" he exclaimed. With that, Peter went mute, trying to curse Sirius back but unable to speak the incantation. Everyone started laughing, even Lily, who hadn't had much of a sense of humour lately. Then Sirius expelled Peter's wand from his hand and summoned it. "I'll reverse the spell, but if you so much as try to curse me, you'd better sleep with one eye open tonight."

"I'd agree to it if I was you, Pete," said James, snickering with laughter at the scene.

Peter nodded wildly and made an angry face as he pointed at his mouth. Once it was reversed, Peter said, "Now give me back my wand."

Sirius narrowed his eyes and smirked malevolently at him as a warning not to try anything, then he tossed his wand back to him. Peter got up and stormed out of the Great Hall as James laughed and called after him, "Now who's being dramatic?"

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

At bed time that evening, Remus was still keeping to himself. Peter and Sirius had gone to brush their teeth, so James took the opportunity to apologise. "Moony. Come on, mate. I'm sorry I called you a jackass. You just surprised me, that's all."

Remus, who had been standing over his bed, folding his clothes, stopped and replied, "No, you were right. I was a jackass."

"I thought you really fancied Claire," James said as he leaned against his bed post.

"I do, I really do."

"Did you have a fight with her?"

Remus laughed weakly. "No," he replied. He couldn't imagine arguing with Claire.

"So what's the problem then?"

Remus knew that dodging the question would make him look childish. "Honestly, is it that difficult to figure out?"

James thought for a minute, then realised the problem.

"You don't want to tell her you're a werewolf."

"Well done, Prongs. Ten points to Gryffindor."

"Ten points? Really?"

"No. You know I'm not allowed to give points."

"Bugger. I was hoping you could bend the rules." Remus rolled his eyes, so James went back to the subject. "Okay, so don't tell her, then. That solves it."

Remus closed his eyes, trying to remain patient. "That doesn't solve anything, and you know it."

"Tell her, then."

"And risk her panicking and telling someone? All it would take is one person to start spreading it around for the whole school to find out."

"So you're just going to dump her? With no excuse?"

"I have to think of an excuse. I'm working on it."

James didn't know what to say. He hated to see him break up with Claire since she made him so happy, but he knew he had legitimate reasons to do so. If people found out he was a werewolf he'd probably have to leave school, and then what would happen to him? Not everyone was as understanding and accepting as his mates were. Claire seemed so nice, though, like she wouldn't give him away, even if she wanted nothing to do with him after she found out. But nobody wanted to see Remus get his heart ripped out. Except maybe Snivellus.

"We'll think of something," said James. "For now though, just make sure it's what you really want."

"It's not what I want. Nothing about the situation is what I want."

James sighed and crawled under his covers. "Fine, then. I trust you to know what's best for you." Even as he said it, he wasn't sure if that was true. Remus might have been wise beyond his years, but having a girlfriend was new territory for him. James hated to see him ruin a perfectly good relationship based on fear of something that might not even happen.

Remus finished what he was doing and grabbed his lit book. "I'll be in the common room," he said, and he left the room.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Meanwhile, in the boys' loo, Sirius and Peter stood side-by-side brushing their teeth. Peter hadn't spoken a word to Sirius since lunch. It had amused Sirius at first, but he certainly didn't want any strangeness between them, so he swallowed his pride.

After rinsing his mouth, he said, "Listen, mate, I got a little carried away at lunch. And I'm sorry for that."

"You're an asshole."

"That's definitely a possibility. But you are, too," said Sirius. "Making a big deal because I screwed up one potion. It's like you were happy about it."

"Maybe I was. You never mess up. Anything. Ever."

"That's not true. And even if it was, why would you want me to mess up?"

"Because it entertained me," Peter said. Entertained hadn't been the exact the word he was going for, but how could he say to Sirius, _because it made me feel like less of a screw-up?_

Sirius wrinkled his nose in disgust. "Are you out of your mind?"

"I just mean it isn't every day that you fail at something. It's like the sun always shines on you."

"That's all in your head, Pete. But I'm sorry to hear you take pleasure in my short comings."

Peter realised he was only making himself look jealous and wanted to end the conversation. He replied in a casual tone that was obviously forced, "I'm sorry, Padfoot. I'll try not to be so chuffed the next time you screw up, you jammy sod."

"Good," Sirius said, feeling self-conscious. "Now, can we drop this? Please?"

"Consider it dropped," Peter said, still trying be cool and indifferent.

"All right, see you upstairs, then." After a quick nod of the head, Sirius left the loo, eager to escape. He was glad the hostility was gone for the moment, but wasn't sure he liked knowing that Peter enjoyed seeing him fail.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

The post arrived the next morning, and Lily, Johnny B. and Alice all received letters. Johnny B.'s came in an envelope along with Lily's sent from Mrs. Evans.

"Matthew?" Annabelle asked him.

Johnny B. looked at her and nodded slowly, like he might burst with excitement at any moment.

"He wrote to you, someone he barely knows, and not to me, someone he's known since he was practically a baby?" Annabelle questioned. "You must have made a pretty big impression on him."

"I'm too nervous to open it!" he exclaimed, but then ripped the envelope and yanked out the letter, his eyes darting back and forth as he read. He glanced at Annabelle and said, "He told me to say hello to you and that he'd write you soon," then he continued reading, a smile slowly forming on his lips. Suddenly he smacked the letter down and cupped his hands over his mouth. "I have to tell you something later," he whispered to her.

She nodded, figuring by his reaction to the letter that it must have been encouraging, and turned to Lily. "Is everything all right?"

Lily's face didn't hide her agitation over the letter she received. "Yes. It's just my mum telling me about Petunia's promotion at her job. She wants me to write her a note of congratulation."

James replied, "How about you don't, and say you did."

"Right," Lily said. "She wouldn't congratulate me for anything I achieved."

"You could always send her a note," suggested Annabelle. "Then maybe she'll feel bad that she hasn't been nicer to you."

"You clearly don't know my sister. She never feels bad for anything that concerns me." She stopped there, surprised at how emotional she was getting. She didn't want to get all worked up, especially when she felt like no one really understood just how awful her sister made her feel. She watched as Alice discreetly folded her letter and put it inside one of her books. Her shoulders curved forward and she looked as though she was about to cry.

"You all right, Alice?" Lily asked.

Alice cleared her throat. "Yes. Just disappointed. Frank is going to be travelling for his training and he won't be able to write for a month, lest his owls get traced somehow."

"Sorry to hear that."

Alice sighed heavily, but tried to put on a cheerful face. "By the way, he says that Jaeger is telling the truth. He actually is a really skilled and accomplished wizard. So I guess we can all stop second guessing him now."

The boys grimaced at that piece of news. "He's still a git," said Caradoc.

"I'm going to take a walk," Alice said, her eyes welling up with tears. "I'll see you in class."

As she walked away, James said, "That's what? Four dramatic exits this week? Who's next?"

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Later that morning, Annabelle was tidying up the reference section of the Hogwarts Library, putting books in their proper places and counting down the hours until bed time. There were less students there than usual since it was only the second week back, and there was no one in the reference section but her. She was feeling tired again; she and Sirius had sneaked out the night before to the secret tower, and she thought of pretending to be ill so Madam Wigworthy would let her go early. She really wanted to take a nap before Potions.

Of course, she wouldn't change the reasons for her drowsiness, not for anything. She grinned as she thought of Sirius; how when they were kissing he would sometimes stop to gaze at her, his eyes intent on hers as though making sure she was real before pressing his lips to hers again, the way he would smile with his eyes closed as she scattered kisses all over his body, the feeling of his hands on her bare skin… how she wished she could rewind the clock to the last nights of break when the night belonged to them. She walked round to the other side of the bookcase, her mind floating somewhere in the upper atmosphere, and when she saw Sirius in front of her, she shrieked. He was leaning against the shelves in his typical way, hands in his pockets, looking like he didn't have a care in the world. He instantly started laughing at her reaction, his face radiating warmth and light. She just couldn't be cross with him.

"Shhh, you bleedin' pain in the arse," she whispered, laughing as well.

"It's just too easy," he said, still cracking up. "I didn't even have to do anything. You should've seen your face!"

Madam Wigworthy called from a distance, "Is everything all right, Miss O'Neill?"

"Just a doxy, ma'am!" She bit her lower lip as she looked into his eyes. "I was just thinking about you."

Sirius abruptly stopped laughing and took a giant step toward her, slipping his arms around her waist. "You were? What exactly was I doing in your thoughts?"

Annabelle grinned. "Only everything."

He leaned in and kissed her, because what else could he do when she said such things? Soon, they were against the wall, kissing to their heart's delight, and why not? They practically had the place to themselves.

"It's torture not being able to take you straight to my bed," he said between kisses.

"Pure agony."

As Sirius moved to her neck, she noticed someone in her peripheral vision. She turned her head slightly and saw the new professor, standing just a few rows over, flipping through a book. He was right there, so close she could hear the pages turning. He must have seen and heard them, there was no way he could have missed them snogging against a wall while standing only several feet away.

She put her hands on Sirius' head and whispered into his ear, "Sirius… the professor… He's right there."

"Wha-" Sirius breathed as he raised his head and followed Annabelle's stare. When he saw the man, he lowered his eyebrows in suspicion, took Annabelle by the hand, and led her away, clear across the library. He stopped behind some bookcases near the exit and said, "What a fucking pervert."

"Do you think he saw us?" she asked, shuddering.

"Is he blind? Of course he saw us. And he just stood there."

"I'd have preferred it if he'd reprimanded us. It would have been less disturbing."

"Can you tell Wigworthy that you're finished? Maybe she'll let you go early."

"I can try." Annabelle walked over to where the librarian stood at the counter, writing out book orders.

"I'm finished in the reference section, ma'am." Annabelle paused. She didn't think it wise to ask if she could leave early, but she didn't want to stay another minute after a teacher saw her and her boyfriend wearing the faces off each other in the back of the library. "If there's nothing else, might I be excused?"

The librarian appeared agitated by the request. "Miss O'Neill, you know as well as I do, that there's always something to do around here. And I find it hard to believe that in a half hour, you've managed to cover the entire the reference section. Please go back and check again."

"Yes, ma'am," she replied. As she walked away from the counter, she made sure Madam Wigworthy wasn't looking and darted between some shelves, making her way back to where Sirius was waiting.

"She said I can't leave, and that I have to go back and check the shelves again."

"Fine," Sirius said. "Let's go then."

When they got back to the reference section, Professor Jaeger was gone. They finished checking the shelves, and by then it was time for class. As Sirius and Annabelle walked to Potions, a growing sense of foreboding stirred in their chests.

"Maybe he was too uncomfortable to admonish us," Annabelle suggested.

"Then why wouldn't he have just walked away?"

"Well, maybe he was really involved in the book he was looking at and didn't even notice us."

"Yeah, maybe," Sirius replied. Yet something told him that wasn't true.


	3. Jack-the-Lad

Sirius and Annabelle sat down at their shared work table in Potions, trying to clear their minds of their strange encounter in the library with Professor Jaeger. Slughorn decided to review a potion they'd learned two years prior, Wit-Sharpening Potion, and even though Sirius was confident he knew the procedure, he still tried to focus on Slughorn's review since he didn't want to let Annabelle down again. He knew she would never blame him, but despite her claims that she was just as responsible for their marks in that class as he was, Potions was her weakest subject and she needed a lab partner who knew what he was doing.

"Who remembers what this potion does?" Slughorn asked.

Lily's hand shot up into the air, among many others, but Slughorn called on her.

Lily replied, "It allows the drinker to think more clearly and it can be used as a counteragent to the Confundus Charm."

"Well done, Miss Evans! Now, my intelligent Slytherins and Gryffindors, I don't think any of you will ever require such a potion for your personal use, but it will be on the N.E.W.T. next year, so pay close attention."

As he went over the ingredients and the process, Annabelle made sure to write everything down, even though Sirius reassured her by saying he could make the potion in his sleep. It was a simple potion compared to one they'd ruined the week before, almost impossible to muck up, especially since they'd learnt it already. The only problem Annabelle had with it was it included armadillo bile as a main ingredient. She would have to try like crazy not to gag for the majority of class.

They were off to a good start, Sirius taking care of the bile, and Annabelle doing the mixing. It only needed to brew for ten minutes, and they both kept close watch on the clock. The potion was on its way to perfection. At about the nine and a half minute mark, Professor Jaeger entered the classroom and breezed past them, leaving a cloud of musky cologne in his wake. He fell into conversation with Professor Slughorn who had been a few desks over helping some students. Sirius and Annabelle's attention switched from the clock to the professor.

As they spoke, Jaeger's eyes wandered the room and settled on Annabelle for a moment before returning to Professor Slughorn. Jaeger gave a nod and they heard him say, "Thank you," before exiting again.

Sirius turned his eyes back to the clock. "Shite! Ten and a half minutes!"

Annabelle quickly added the ginger root, but the potion would no longer cooperate. It was ruined.

"Maybe we could make it again," she said.

Sirius raised his hand and when Slughorn approached them, Sirius told him the truth, that they'd lost track of time. Slughorn told them he couldn't let them do it over because he was very low on armadillo bile and he needed it for his _fourth_ -years, emphasis on the word fourth to remind them that this was just review and should have been simple.

Sirius knew the mistake had nothing to do with their intelligence or skill, but he still hated that he'd let Annabelle down again. If only that creep hadn't walked in when he did. And the way Jaeger glanced at her as he was conversing with Slughorn was maddening.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I should've paid closer attention to the time."

Annabelle felt bad that he was blaming himself; he tended to do that too much as far as she was concerned.

"I should have as well," Annabelle said. "It was an honest mistake."

"I don't want you failing this class because of me."

"There's no danger of that. If I fail, it will be my own doing."

Professor Slughorn made a big show of praising Severus Snape and Damon Wilkes' potion, and when he made his way to Lily and James, he put on another show. Lily beamed proudly while James bent over his book, trying to avoid the attention.

After class, the girls were walking behind the boys on the way to the Great Hall. Caradoc, who meant no harm but couldn't resist taking the mick, ran past with Edmund Kittle and shouted to James, "Have a look at the swot!"

"Hahaha, very funny, Doc!" James responded, but then he glowered. "I might have to muck up a potion just to keep Slughorn from ruining my image."

"That's ridiculous," snapped Remus. "In a year and half we'll be done with school. Your _image_ won't matter when you're looking for a job."

"I was just kidding, Moony. Relax. Lily would lose it if I did that and I prefer not to be hexed into next Wednesday by my girlfriend. She's a little too keen on her studies lately if you know I mean."

Remus shook his head in exasperation and said, "Too keen on her studies? This is school, in case you'd forgot."

James looked to Sirius and Peter who also seemed to be confused by Remus' uppity tone. "Thanks for reminding me, almighty prefect," he replied, not masking his irritation, but Remus said no more.

As the girls trailed along behind the boys, they also spoke about Potions. Lily's mission to show up her sister had made her very sensitive to other's attitudes about school, and she felt like Annabelle was slipping. As a friend, she felt she had to ensure she stayed on the straight and narrow, because Sirius clearly wasn't helping in that regard. In September, when she had begged Annabelle to be Sirius' partner so she could be with James, she hadn't known how close the pair would become. At first, their partnership seemed to benefit Annabelle's marks; Sirius knew the subject well and had been eager to help her, but now it appeared their relationship was doing more harm to her class average than good. Without parents to guide her, Annabelle needed to hear the truth from someone else, and as her closest friend, Lily felt she would benefit from some tough love.

"This is two classes in a row you are mucking up in Potions," Lily scolded her. "And you got in trouble twice in Defence against the Dark Arts. Of course, then there was Lorelei's book that you left lying about. What's got into you?"

"You know I'm the class idiot in Potions."

"No, you're not!" Lily reproved her. "With that attitude you'll never pass your N.E.W.T."

"Lily, what makes you think I want to study Potions next year?"

"I just thought that-"

"Sirius is the only reason I am passing the class at all. He can't take the N.E.W.T. for me though, so I think it best that I don't take it either."

"Maybe if you just paid attention in class-"

"Merlin, Lily, why are you suddenly so concerned with my studies? Because I fell asleep in class? Because I got caught laughing? Or is it because of some minor potions errors?"

"Don't you see what all of those things have in common?"

"What? Besides me?"

Lily tilted her head to one side and raised her eyebrows, waiting for Annabelle to realise what was so obvious to her. When it dawned on Annabelle what Lily was insinuating, she was incensed. Her hands went to her hips and she said, "I'm not going to let you blame him. So he passed me a funny note. You've passed notes loads of times. The potions errors were equally my fault and it's a bit unfair to expect he carry us both in that class." She started to walk away, but spun around again and asked, "And how is my sleepiness his fault?"

"You must think I was born yesterday," Lily said. "I sleep in the same room as you. I hear you sneaking out at night."

Annabelle felt her cheeks get hot. "Like you've never sneaked out with James."

"I admit I've sneaked out with him a few times. But you've sneaked out with Sirius more times in a week than I have all year."

Annabelle's lips parted, and she raised her finger as though she was about to make an important point, then she closed her mouth and put her hand back on her hip. She held her head high as Lily waited patiently for a response. Finally, Annabelle said, "Well, I'd say you have some catching up to do."

Lily stared at her blankly for a moment, then she broke down and laughed. Annabelle exhaled, relieved that her friend still had a sense of humour. She thought it would be the end of the interrogation, but Lily wasn't finished with her.

"I'm surprised Sirius would make a mistake like that," Lily said, as they started walking again. "It wasn't that difficult of a potion."

"Well, that's what happens when he has a numpty like me for a lab partner. Gosh, what do you want me to say?"

Lily shrugged and replied, "Maybe the both of you should focus more on your studies and a little bit less on each other. At least until you bring your marks up."

Annabelle gave a frustrated sigh and stopped walking again. Lily had been acting strange since she got back to school, but this was too much. She was overreacting.

"Whether or not Sirius and I are together, I would still be his lab partner because of _you_ , and I would still stink at potions. Besides, we can't all be Slughorn's pets, can we now?"

Lily's lips grew tight and she glared at Annabelle, so Annabelle mirrored her expression.

"Whoa!" exclaimed Johnny B. who had backtracked with Alice to see what was taking them so long and had overheard the last bit of their conversation. From their facial expressions and their body language, he could tell they were entering into dangerous territory with their tiff.

"Breathe in and out, ladies! Potions is not something to fight about, really," he said, hoping to snap them out their defensiveness.

"I'd rather be Slughorn's pet than his… than his-" Instead of finishing her sentence, Lily tightened her lips again and narrowed her eyes.

"Stop this, you two," Alice ordered. "Right now. You are friends, remember?"

"Than his _what_?" Annabelle demanded, ignoring Alice. Lily didn't respond, but continued to glare at her. "Go on. Say it! Than his what? His class clot? His mouth-breathing muppet?"

"Nevermind," Lily muttered, and stormed off to the Great Hall. Alice ran after her.

Annabelle was shaking. Not so much from rage, but from the sudden throb of hurt feelings, from the utter astonishment that the girl that had been her best friend for years could talk to her that way. She instantly regretted calling Lily Slughorn's pet. It made her seem jealous of her success, which she wasn't, and it had most certainly hurt Lily's feelings, which she'd never intended. But what had she been about to call her in response? It crushed her to think of it. She felt a lump rising in her throat and the heat of tears stinging her eyes as she watched her best friend of almost six years flounce angrily down the corridor away from her.

Johnny B. stood by as Annabelle watched Lily go.

"Don't worry, Annie," he said. "You and Lily will work it out." He wasn't sure what else to say since it had been so unexpected. He was still trying to process it himself.

Annabelle saw Sirius coming back down the corridor toward them. The look on his face was one of pure concern and she felt an ugly cry coming on.

Sirius could see she was upset from the other end of the corridor by the way she was hunched over slightly with her arms crossed over herself, but his heart thumped painfully in his chest when he saw her stricken face. When he reached her, he immediately swept her into a hug before Johnny B. could do it for him.

"What's happened?" he asked as he squeezed her. "Lily rushed by and Alice said that you'd had an argument."

"We did... And I don't understand why."

Sirius glanced at Johnny B. who said softly, "I only saw the end of it, and it was rather brutal, for them anyway."

"Shh," Sirius soothed her. "It's going to be all right. It's just a quarrel, not the end of the world."

"I'm going to head over to lunch and see how Lily's doing," Johnny B. said. "I'll see you there, Annie."

Sirius led Annabelle to the foot of the last flight of stairs that would lead up to the ground floor and sat down with her. It was quiet in the stairwell since lunch had started already, but he couldn't let her go to lunch in a state either. Lily had an excellent game face; Sirius had witnessed it many times over the years in response to James, but Annabelle's game face was almost non-existent. Her countenance always betrayed her desire to keep her feelings to herself. As endearing as that was to him, he knew it would make it that much harder for her to sit next to Lily at lunch and maintain her composure.

"Tell me what happened," he said as he pulled the sleeve of his robe over his hand and wiped her cheeks.

Annabelle sighed softly. She wanted to tell him, but Lily had incriminated him too, and Annabelle didn't want him to feel insulted.

"She was going on about my troubles in class," Annabelle said. "Like she felt she had to play mum with me or something."

"And?"

"And, she said she thinks I need to focus more on my studies."

"It's not like you don't do your assignments," Sirius said. "What more does she want from you?"

Annabelle couldn't meet his eyes. She didn't want to hurt his feelings, not after he'd been feeling so much better lately. He was far deeper and more complex than he let most people see, and she didn't want to say anything that might spark a return to the dark place he was in when they went to London. The thought of him slipping away into his own personal hell again scared her. She looked down at a thread that was hanging off her robe and began playing with it. She decided to ignore his question.

"So, I called her Slughorn's pet and she was about to call me something in response, but…."

She should have known nothing would escape his sharp mind though, and in the moment she hesitated, he had his answer.

"She thinks I'm your problem."

"Sirius, she doesn't know what she's talking about. She's obsessed with her own marks all of a sudden, like she's out to prove something-"

"Be honest, Annie. Do you think I'm dragging you down?"

Annabelle looked him in the eyes and replied, "Absolutely not."

"Because I don't want you to resent me if-"

"Please, stop it," she said, forcing a smile. "This is all being blown out of proportion. People are acting like I'm failing or something when I'm not."

Sirius grew quiet and she knew he was blaming himself again, which was exactly what she didn't want to happen.

"My marks are fine," she assured him. "I can keep them up and spend time with you as well. Honestly, we shouldn't have to choose between each other and our studies."

"That would be an easy choice for me. I'd choose you."

Annabelle felt her heart swell with affection for him when he said that. She replied softly, "I'd choose you as well, however irresponsible that sounds."

"You won't have to make that choice, I promise," he said, slipping his hand over hers. "I just don't understand why she's having a go at you over some minor oversights on our part."

"She's also on about Jaeger catching me laughing and sleeping."

"Which is definitely my fault."

"No, it isn't. I am pretty sure I exercised my own free will every time we… sneaked out at night instead of getting a full night's sleep. And the laughing, well, I could have told you to stop passing me notes, but I encouraged you because it was funny and I needed a laugh. So you see? If there is any fault to be assigned, it belongs to me. I got myself in trouble with that tosser. And I don't regret it, either."

Sirius grinned slightly. Emerging then was another endearing trait of Annabelle's; her willful, no-one-is-going-to-tell-me attitude. He'd been frustrated by it on a few occasions in the past, when she just wouldn't do or see things his way, because, after all, he was equally as willful, but the more he came to know her, the more he saw it as something the two of them understood about the other. It was something that made them strong.

"Well then," he said. "Having no regrets is a good indicator that you're ready to go to lunch."

"What if she's still angry? What if she told them all her side of it and they think I'm a vicious harpy?"

Sirius squeezed her hand. "Listen, you have as much right to sit and eat as she does. And it's not like you'll be alone. I will be right next to you, so if anyone tries to shame you, I will set them straight. You can count on it."

Annabelle took a deep breath, and they stood up and headed to the Great Hall. As soon as they walked through the doors, Annabelle noticed that Lily had switched places with James at the table.

"Look, she moved her seat," Annabelle said.

Sirius couldn't believe that they could be arguing over what he considered to be something so inconsequential. He thought of James getting that upset over anything with him, especially class related stuff, and it almost made him laugh out loud. Girls really were too bloody sensitive sometimes.

"I suggest you sit in your normal spot," Sirius said. "Show her that you aren't affected by her actions."

"No… no. What if James is angry with me, too? You sit in my spot."

Sirius sighed and said, "Fine. But I guarantee he's not the least bit angry with you."

They sat down in their new arrangement, Sirius and James in between Annabelle and Lily, and Johnny B. immediately piped up, "This is a joke, yeah? Please, someone, tell me they are joking."

"You are both being utterly ridiculous," said Alice. "And James and Sirius, you are not helping by switching seats for them. You are just indulging their childish behaviour."

"For the love of Merlin, I just want to eat my lunch!" James exclaimed, not wanting any part of their squabble. "Is that all right?"

No one spoke much for the remainder of the meal. It felt alien to Annabelle, this sudden bitterness between her and Lily. Sure, they had minor tiffs over the years; what friends don't disagree occasionally? But this felt bigger somehow than those petty fights. Annabelle felt like she'd lost track of Lily somehow, like she woke up one morning and Lily had been replaced by this manic McGonagall-in-training. It was an unfamiliar dynamic, since it was usually Lily trying to get Annabelle to lighten up. Now the roles were reversed, and she didn't know how to make it right between them.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

The next morning, Johnny B. yanked Annabelle aside before they went into the Great Hall. He motioned for Sirius to stay behind as well and waited for everyone to pass before talking to them.

"We have to get back to London," he said, a quiet desperation in his voice.

"You're telling me," Sirius replied.

"No, I mean, we have to do it soon. Saturday, to be specific."

Annabelle eyed him suspiciously. "Why?"

"Matthew invited us to a party! Some friend of his is turning seventeen and she told him to invite as many people as he wants. He sent me the address and everything and told me to just show up."

"Who else are you planning on inviting?" Annabelle asked.

"He said to bring my mates, but obviously I can't show up with the entire Quidditch team. What do you think?"

"I think we can do it, but only if you don't tell anyone," advised Sirius. "The less people involved, the easier it will be."

"You're right," Johnny B. agreed. "Too many people and we will definitely get caught."

By the end of breakfast, everyone was coming. Johnny B. could not for the life of him exclude anyone. Of course James was up for it, but only if Lily was. Remus and Lily didn't seem too enthusiastic about it, but Remus felt that someone with his head screwed on correctly should be there, and Lily didn't want to be the only party pooper. She figured she could stash some class notes in her pocket book to read on the tube. Alice was still depressed over Frank's long absence, and at first she said no, but Johnny B. told her she had to go or else he would bother her all week about it, so she changed her mind and said yes. Caradoc and Fairfax were always up for a party, and Peter, as frightened as he was of muggle London, didn't want to be left out either.

Sirius, for the first time in his six years at Hogwarts, was actually worried that they might get caught. It was one thing just going to Straiton by portkey, but this was so much more involved. He and James would have to come up with a solid plan for getting there and hopefully back again. It would be the ultimate test of their ability to beat the system.

On their way to Defence against the Dark Arts, he said to Annabelle, "Well, Annie, pack your trunk, because we're all getting expelled."

"This is going to be a disaster, isn't it?"

"It might very well be."

Once they were in the classroom, they forgot about the party for a bit and thought instead of how they were going to get through class with the professor that saw them snogging in the library. Class hadn't started yet, so Annabelle sat sideways her seat again, her hand in Sirius' hand on his desk. Johnny B. was looking at Jaeger with his nose wrinkled in disgust, and Annabelle started giggling immediately at his face. Sirius turned to see what she found so funny, and when he saw Johnny B.'s face he laughed too, but then squeezed her hand and said, "Just look straight ahead and act like you give a shite about the git's stories."

Annabelle took a deep breath and turned around in her chair, steeling herself for class. Once everyone was seated, Professor Jaeger said, "Don't get too comfortable. I've created a seating chart-"

A collective groan of disappointment rose from the class.

"Now now, I know you'd prefer to sit with your friends, but I need to be the bad guy here and make sure you're learning instead of mucking about. So without further protest…"

He proceeded to rearrange most of the class. His groupies he left in their seats in the front row, moving a few more up to the front for good measure, and Annabelle remained in her front row, first aisle seat as well. Lily got to stay in her seat, in the last aisle second seat from the back. Sirius figured it was because she wasn't drooling over him enough to get promoted to the front. Why Annabelle hadn't been moved back with Jaeger's other detractors began to eat away at him. She certainly didn't fawn all over his every word like the others, so what purpose was there in keeping her up front?

Finally, and just when they thought they were safe, James and Sirius were told to switch seats with each other, much to their discontent. Instead of jumping at Jaeger's command, they both sat still for moment, not budging, irreverent smirks on their faces. The class fell silent in anticipation of some kind of showdown.

"Was I not clear?" Jaeger asked sharply. "I said move."

The boys continued to smirk as they dragged themselves up and gathered their books. As they passed each other on the way to their new seats, James snorted with laughter and Sirius responded with his own snicker. The professor eyed them stiffly, unnerved by their impudence.

Sirius understood what the professor was doing. He was putting Sirius in the exact opposite spot from Annabelle as a punishment of some kind, for refusing to leave straightaway during her detention, for snogging in the library; he couldn't be sure, but it was meant to be a message to them, that much he knew. She would be in the front, he would be in the back, clear across the room from each other. This git needed to get a life, Sirius thought, as he slammed himself down behind Lily and next to Caradoc.

"All right, class. Let's begin. Last week we were discussing what constitutes a dark witch or wizard. Who can refresh our memory?"

Lily's hand shot up in the air. Jaeger checked his seating chart and said, "Yes, Miss Evans?"

"A dark witch or wizard is any magical person using their gifts against the greater good. This can include making and using dark potions and objects, training dark beasts, and using the unforgivable curses."

"Well done, Miss Evans, well done indeed."

Annabelle had been writing down everything that was being said, even though she already knew this information, and had already taken notes on it the week before, just so he couldn't accuse her of not paying attention.

"Now, someone, anyone, please name an infamous dark wizard or witch. You know, a really naughty one," Jaeger requested, trying to sound cute, Annabelle assumed, but not succeeding in her opinion.

Lily's hand shot up again and the professor said with a chuckle, "Miss Evans, one more answer from you. Then we'll have to give some of your classmates a chance."

"Gellert Grindelwald."

"Yes, indeed. Grindelwald, a very deranged warlock if there ever was one. Defeated by our very own headmaster. Who else can name a dark wizard?"

Opal Ross raised her hand. "Yes, Miss Ross."

"Emeric the Evil."

"Yes, old Emeric. A very foul specimen indeed…"

As he began talking about Emeric the Evil, Annabelle accidentally dropped her quill. James reached down to pick it up at the same time she did and he whispered to her, "Jaeger sees a foul specimen every times he looks in a mirror."

Annabelle pursed her lips to fight the smile that threatened, and went back to her parchment.

"Anyone else care to name a dark witch or wizard?"

So many hands went up in the air, but he didn't call on any of them. Instead, he eyeballed the girl whose head was bent to the task of vigorous note-taking in an attempt to avoid his attention.

"Miss O'Neill."

Annabelle was startled by the mention of her name, and she darted her eyes to him, then away again when she saw him approaching.

"Um… Morgan le Fay," she responded as she gripped the edge of her parchment.

"One of the most reviled dark witches of all time," Jaeger replied, "known to muggles and wizards alike. But I'm surprised you didn't name one Hadrian Selwyn, of the infamous Selwyn family, due to your personal connection to him."

There was a palpable tension in the air all of a sudden; some students gasped softly, others shifted uncomfortably in their seats while stealing a glimpse of Annabelle, but everyone in the room knew that Hadrian Selwyn was the dark wizard who had killed her beloved grandfather. Selwyn and his allies had been kidnapping magical children and raising them in a compound in Morocco. He wanted to prepare them to be his own personal army for when he would overthrow the ministry and take over the wizarding world. Her grandfather had gone on a mission with Aurors and other human rights activists to liberate the children and capture Selwyn and his co-conspirators, and a great duel ensued. It was reported that her grandfather was struck with the Killing Curse when he moved to protect one of the children that had wandered into the fray.

When it happened, Annabelle wasn't told much about it since she didn't know her grandfather was a wizard, except that there had been an "accident" of some sort. Once she learnt the truth, Annabelle never repeated the dark wizard's name, not even once. She didn't need to, because everyone had read about it in the papers or heard it on the radio. Unless they lived in a bubble, most wizards and witches knew the name of the evil sorcerer that had murdered the gallant Darien O'Neill. For Annabelle, speaking the name was synonymous with summoning the devil. She hated the name and even though he was defeated just moments after he killed her grandfather, she feared saying it would generate a tidal wave of destruction upon the people she loved.

She stared ahead like a frightened animal that had been cornered. Every nerve-ending in her body was on fire and she began to tremble. The professor continued with class, though, as if he hadn't just decimated her for all to see.

"Who can name one more dark wizard?"

Sirius felt the burning heat of rage creeping up into his face and he muttered to anyone in his vicinity, "This fucker is going down."

Lily turned her head. "Shh, you will only make it worse."

Jaeger blinked several times in annoyance and sneered, "Mr. Black, I can only assume the reason you are talking to Miss Evans is because you need clarification on an aspect of today's lesson. Do you require some sort of assistance from me?"

"Assistance with what?" Sirius replied. "How to get a suntan in the dead of winter? Or the most effective way to harass a student? Because you seem to be the expert in both."

Several students laughed and some gasped, but Remus, Alice, Lily, Johnny B. and Annabelle looked pained by the situation that just seemed to be getting worse by the minute.

"Do you have an issue with my teaching style, Mr. Black?" Jaeger asked, an arrogant smile stretching across his face.

"Is that what it's called?" Sirius responded. "A teaching style? I thought it was called being a tool."

Jaeger's lips closed tightly as he stood up straighter and crossed his arms. "What do we have here?" he drawled. "A Jack-the-lad proudly displaying his feathers like a peacock? What a novelty. Are you impressed with Mr. Black, ladies?"

Sirius Black was only the object of desire of at least half the class, a lesson Jaeger learned the hard way when only a few Slytherins laughed at his comment and everyone else remained silent.

James, who wasn't about to let his best mate fend off the professor alone, chimed in, "Whoa, did you just say _jack your lad_? All due respect, sir, but no one wants to see you jack your lad. Keep your private _Dark Arts_ to yourself, please."

This time, almost the entire class burst out laughing. Annabelle felt like she was having an out-of-body experience. She couldn't believe this was all happening, and her stomach was tight with dread. She turned her head slightly so that she caught a glimpse of Lily, who was looking down at her desk with her head in her hand.

"Get out," Jaeger intoned. "Both of you."

"With pleasure," Sirius replied.

"I thought you'd never ask," James quipped.

As the boys got up to leave, Jaeger barked, "To the headmaster's office! This instant!"

Sirius and James ignored him as they exited the room. Neither of them intended on going to Dumbledore's office. Instead, they parked themselves in a stairwell around the corner from the classroom while Sirius called Jaeger a stream of obscenities.

"What piece of shit," James added to the list as he leaned back and rested his elbows on the steps behind him.

Sirius was sweating from the encounter despite the stairwell being chilly, and tugged at his shirt collar in an attempt to loosen it. "What kind of scumbag talks about the murderer of a student's family member, in class, to the student herself?"

James shook his head in disbelief, then chuckled. "You called him a tool."

"Your comment was worse," Sirius replied.

"Indeed it was. Looks like we don't have to wait until Saturday to get expelled. I think calling a professor a tool and mentioning his wanking habits qualifies us for a more immediate send-off."

"Let them expel me then. I don't care."

"Well, we can always stay with my parents, if they don't kill us first."

Sirius rested his head against the wall and chuckled a little. "I think we're out of luck. It was nice knowing you Prongs."

Around the time class was to be dismissed, the boys stood up and watched the door from the landing. When the bell rang, Annabelle must have bolted from her seat because she was the first one out the door, and she turned to sprint in the opposite direction of where the boys were.

"Pssst! Annie!" Sirius called. She spun around and paused for moment while she located him, then ran to the stairwell, tugging at his arm as she started up the stairs.

"Please, let's get out of here," she said, her breathing laboured. She seemed to be hyperventilating. "Now. Let's go."

Sirius went up the stairs with her, and turning to James he asked, "Are you going to wait for the others?"

"Yes, just get her to the common room," James replied as he waved them away, disturbed by the panic the professor had sparked in her.

Lily came charging out of the classroom next, her eyes narrowed and her jaw set. James scratched the back of his head as she headed straight for him, and he braced himself for the fallout. When she reached him, she pressed her hand into his back and directed him up the stairs ahead of her, afraid of the professor catching him there. He almost tripped on the first step she was so forceful.

"What are you still standing about for? Do you want him to see you out here?" she demanded as she stomped up the steps, passing him as they reached the first landing.

"No, Lily, I was just waiting for you."

"You and Sirius created a fine mess for yourselves, you know that right?"

"Uh, yeah. I reckon I do."

"Why did you have to chime in with him?" she said in a strained voice.

James stopped walking and caught her hand. She turned and looked at him, her eyes showing the stress she was under.

"It's simple," James replied. "He's my best mate. The tosser was trying to humiliate him. He'd have done the same for me."

"Are you saying I'm a bad friend because I didn't stand up for Annabelle?"

"No, I'm not saying that at all. In fact, if he had kept it up with Annabelle, you would have stood up for her, just like you did when Lorelei confronted her."

Lily's face contorted in sadness and she hurried up the rest of the stairs. James knew she was hurting over her fight with Annabelle, but he'd decided to stay out of it. Now he said, "Lily, just talk to her. I'm sure she could use a friend at the moment."

They turned down a corridor and she stopped walking. "She has Sirius now."

"So? That doesn't mean she doesn't need anyone else, does it?"

James reached his arm around her and pulled her over to him, hugging her close.

"I was so out of line with her," Lily said as she cried into his chest. "She must think I'm a right bitch."

"I doubt it," he said as he stroked her head. "You had good intentions. She might be a little confused, but I really think she'll get over it if you talk to her."

James hoped that this was a breakthrough of sorts, and that it would be an end to her high-strung obsession with getting top marks in every bloody class. If she hadn't been in such a state, he might have mentioned it, since something was off with her since they'd got back to school. But he didn't think right then was the time to bring it up.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Annabelle and Sirius entered the common room to find other students there. More would be filing in since it was the break between classes, and Annabelle didn't want to be around anyone else. Sirius tried to think of somewhere they could go, but there were too many students out and about to trek off to other parts of the castle, and he didn't want her disappearing to her room alone.

"How about you get your coat and whatever you need for Transfiguration, and we'll get some fresh air," he suggested.

"All right then," she said.

On their way down the stairs, they passed Alice and Remus.

"We'll be in the Middle Courtyard," Sirius told them.

"Are you all right, Annie?" Alice asked.

"Sure I am," Annabelle replied, clearly lying. "See you in class."

They headed out to the courtyard and sat down inside one of the arches. Sirius put his arm around her and pulled her close to him, planting a kiss on top of her head.

"Can you believe he said that to me?" she asked him, feeling a bit calmer now that she was out of the classroom and with Sirius. "Why would he bring up that name?"

"I don't know," Sirius replied. "Something is mentally wrong with him, that's all I can figure out."

"And now you're going to be in heaps of trouble."

"I don't care about trouble. I care about you. I couldn't sit by and say nothing while he hurt you."

"1977 has been nothing but crap so far," Annabelle mused.

"A big steaming pile of centaur shit," replied Sirius.

Annabelle giggled and wrinkled her nose. "Could have done without that imagery, thank you very much."

"Sorry, love. There is one bright spot though."

"Do share."

"Quidditch playing weather isn't far off."

"Right. I can't wait," she said dully.

Sirius laughed at her lack of enthusiasm. "I'm just teasing. You're the bright spot, Annie, for me anyway."

Annabelle looked up at him coyly. "Ah, Sirius, are you chattin' me up?"

He rubbed his nose against hers and replied, "I just can't help it."

"Annie!" Lily's voice echoed from inside the cloisters. James was with her, but he hung back a bit as Lily approached Annabelle. "Can we talk?"

Sirius turned and hopped down off the archway and into the corridor as Lily came around and sat down next to her friend.

"Should I wait for you?" Sirius asked.

Annabelle shook her head and replied, "No. It's all right."

After Sirius and James had gone, Lily sighed heavily and said, "I don't know what else to say except that I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been so bloody pedantic with you."

Annabelle was surprised she was willing to admit she was wrong, but she was also relieved. She looked so remorseful, hunched over with her hands resting limply in her lap, her mouth turned down in a frown. Annabelle immediately softened to her. "I'm sorry I called you Slughorn's pet."

"Even if it's true?"

"It's not a bad thing, though, yet I tried to make you feel bad for it. I really am proud that you do so well in that class. Honestly, I don't want to take that away from you."

"I know. You were only trying to get me to stop bothering you."

The girls sat in silence for a moment, then Annabelle said, "Do you really think I'm doing poorly?"

"No, Annie. I guess I just overreacted. You know what you're doing, and you're right, you aren't failing or anything, so I'll just keep my big gob shut from now on."

"It's nice to know you're looking out for me."

"I wish I had looked out for you in class today," Lily replied. "What an awful man."

"There was nothing you could've said that would have improved the situation. I find the best way to repel him is to not respond. He's like a dangerous beast; if you remain still, he retreats."

Lily grinned and said, "James and Sirius haven't learnt that lesson I guess."

Annabelle laughed. "I doubt they care to. I just hope they don't get in too much trouble over it."

"That will be a miracle," Lily said. "Tool and jack your lad are not the kind of irreverence McGonagall will take lightly."

"She doesn't take anything lightly, does she?"

"No, she doesn't," Lily replied. "Speaking of McGonagall, let's get going. I want to look over my notes before class."

"Goodness, Lily, you're going to burn out at the rate you're going," Annabelle said as they got up to go.

Lily thought of Petunia and her sneering insinuations that she wasn't bright and that she could never come close to being head girl, or head weirdo, as she'd put it. She draped an arm round Annabelle's shoulders and with a gleam in her eye, she replied, "Don't worry, Annie. I'm just getting started."


	4. Stairway to Heaven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I know in the books there is a connection to the Floo network in the Gryffindor common room. I am going to guess that it wasn't always connected, because that would be pretty dangerous for the kids that lived in that tower. Imagine any creeper from Knockturn Alley popping in for a visit? Umm…. So in this story, it isn't connected.
> 
> FYI – In the UK, "lemonade" refers to 7-Up, Sprite, and the whole class of clear, fizzy lemon-lime sodas. Just thought I'd mention it since it appears in this story (and the last) and it's different in America (yellow, non-carbonated).
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't condone underage drinking.

Sirius and Annabelle made sure to toe the line for the rest of the week. They didn't sneak out once, opting to catch up on sleep and be alert in class. Annabelle went to the library in the evening with Lily to do some work without distractions… or temptations. She felt it was necessary to prove to everyone that she and Sirius weren't forgetting their studies, but by the end of the week they missed each other like crazy.

Strangely enough, days after the incident happened in Defence against the Dark Arts, Sirius and James still hadn't been punished for their behaviour. Jaeger didn't mention it, nor did McGonagall in Transfiguration. Even Dumbledore seemed oblivious that anything had happened. Alice speculated that Jaeger realised after he'd rashly ordered them to Dumbledore's office that he'd get himself in trouble as well if they followed his orders. He was probably glad that they hadn't followed his directive.

"He knows you'd tell Dumbledore that he mentioned… that particular dark wizard," she explained. "He probably knows Dumbledore was a mentor and close friend to Annie's granddad and that he wouldn't take kindly to him throwing his name around so callously."

It seemed like a good enough explanation, so everyone stopped worrying about Sirius and James getting expelled. Peter was again amazed at their sheer luck at getting away with things, even though he agreed that the professor was an asshole.

Jaeger seemed a bit subdued in their next class with them, and all he really talked about was the dark wizard Voldemort and what a nightmare he was for the Ministry of Magic's public relations team. It was quite an understatement, since his activity was a truly a nightmare for his victims, whose numbers seemed to be rising. Sirius was correct, Jaeger was a tool.

Right before the end of class, he asked for a volunteer to stay after and help him organise his office. Of course he picked Esmeralda, his lead groupie. Annabelle shivered at the thought of voluntarily spending time with the man. Once class was over, all she wanted was to get away from him. She thought they'd made it through an entire class with him without an issue, when just after dismissal he started with them again.

"Mr. Black, please tell me what is so captivating outside that you must stare out the window for the entire duration of class?"

Sirius thought about answering honestly, _because looking at you makes my stomach turn_ , but he wasn't sure what this git's deal was yet, and didn't want to play right into his hands. Instead, he didn't answer. He just gathered the rest of his belongings and left with his mates, secretly daring the professor to stop him. He didn't.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

That Saturday evening as the group gathered in the back of the common room to make a plan for their escape to Matthew's party, Peter was nowhere to be found.

"I reckon he's wimped out," James said. "Probably hiding out somewhere playing a rousing game of chess."

"One less person to worry about," muttered Remus, who was recalling Peter vomiting on himself and slipping in it the last time they sneaked out. "He said something about it being a naff idea at dinner, although I think all that talk in class the other day about Voldemort going after muggles frightened him."

"Anyone else want out, speak up now," Sirius said. "Once we're in London there's no easy way back."

No one spoke. Just then, Peter appeared, looking stressed out.

"Are you coming with us or not, Pete?" James asked.

"Let's just think about this for a moment," he whispered shrilly. "We, a group of one…two…three…a group of _ten_ people, are going to sneak out of the castle, to London. To _muggle bloody London_ , to attend a party full of strange muggles and you actually think we can get away with it? Are you all barking mad?!"

"Keep your voice down," scolded Sirius. "We could easily be a group of nine if you don't want to join us."

"Peter, you're coming," said Johnny B. "Don't worry, we won't let the muggles hurt you."

"It's not the muggles I'm worried about," he hissed. "It's the dark wizard and his followers that seem to have it in for muggles that I'm not too keen on meeting up with."

"So are you just going to hide in Hogwarts for the rest of your days?" Fairfax asked.

"No," Peter replied. "Just until the Aurors catch him."

"Don't hold your breath," Alice said. "They say he's extremely elusive."

"Should we be worried about him making an appearance at this party?" James asked her.

"I don't think so," she said, figuring it couldn't hurt to share what little she'd heard from Frank. "He seems to strike when people are alone, not in large groups. So far he's only been active in Eastern Europe. Oh, and Spain. They think his followers killed a muggle in Spain."

"Okay then," James replied. "I'd say we're safe. Are you coming or not, Pete? Because otherwise you are wasting our time."

Peter replied, "Fine. I'll go. But if Voldemort shows up, it's every man for himself."

They decided to go in shifts like they did when they went to Straiton, meeting just outside the Leaky Caldron on Charing Cross Road. Fairfax, Johnny B., and Caradoc would go first, then James, Lily, Peter, and Alice, and finally Sirius, Annabelle, and Remus. They considered using the invisibility cloaks but thought if they lost one at the party the consequences would be disastrous. The muggles would have a field day with magic like that.

"Just make sure you cover your faces with a scarf in case any professors are at the pub when we get there," Sirius reminded them. "And be quick, but casual. Don't draw attention to yourselves."

"Because walking through a pub with scarves up to our eyeballs won't draw attention to us?" Alice asked.

"Alice, it's the middle of bloody winter and you are heading for the exit," he replied. "Stranger things have been seen, yeah?"

"How are we going to get out of the common room without everyone seeing us with coats on?" she challenged.

"Just tuck it under your arm, for crying out loud," he suggested. "If anyone asks, say you're taking a walk."

She conceded and the first group got their coats and scarves, then left with directions to the room with the fireplace and a fistful of Floo powder that James and Sirius had procured the night before from Filch's office.

James and Sirius went upstairs to check the Marauder's Map, then Sirius slipped it into his pocket. Ten minutes later the second group left, and finally, just before nine o'clock, the last group left. Minutes later, they were all outside The Leaky Cauldron, having made it without any problems.

"It's bloody glacial out here!" Caradoc exclaimed as they walked to Charing Cross Road underground station to catch the tube to Hampstead.

Lily linked arms with Annabelle and whispered, "This is probably the stupidest thing we could have got ourselves into."

"I think you're right," Annabelle replied. "Even Sirius and James look a bit tense."

"Maybe we should go back. We have that massive Literature assignment due Monday. We could be working on it."

"We should go back," Annabelle agreed. "But not to do school work. We have all day tomorrow to get that assignment done."

They didn't go back though, and once everyone was on the train, they started to relax a little as the excitement of going to a muggle party took over.

"So what do we know about this friend of Matthew's?" James asked.

"All he told me was that he plays football with her boyfriend," Johnny B. explained. "They all go to the same school and I guess no parents will be there."

"Do you think you'll see anyone you knew from your primary school?" Lily asked Annabelle.

"It's entirely possible," replied Annabelle. "What's the address?"

Johnny B. pulled the letter out of his pocket and read, "22 Springhill Road."

Annabelle raised her eyebrows. "Wow. Quite the posh address."

"It's bloody Hampstead," replied Fairfax. "The whole place is posh, isn't it?"

"Yes, that's true," said Annabelle. "But Springhill Road is the poshest part of the village. Massive homes with brick walls surrounding them, famous muggles…."

"Sounds like this party is going to be full of rich prats," said Caradoc, forgetting that half the people with him had been raised with money.

"Give it a chance, Doc," replied Fairfax. "Not all rich kids are prats. Take James, for example."

"Nope, he's a prat," teased Sirius.

James smiled slightly and shook his head. "Sirius is one to talk," he said. "It takes one to know one."

"Too late for that," Sirius replied. "I've not a sickle to my name anymore. I'm living solely on your parents' good graces."

"True," said James. "But you're still a prat."

"Fair enough," replied Sirius, "but I prefer to be called a Jack-the-lad."

Everyone laughed, even though the memory of Jaeger calling him that, and the rest of what happened, still made them all a bit uneasy.

Once they were out of the station and on their way to the party, Johnny B. whispered to Annabelle, "I'm not sure about this, Annie. I didn't know it was going to be a bunch of rich kids."

"We're going to this party to see Matty, right? Who cares how much money the other kids have?"

"I'm going to stand out like a sore thumb," Johnny B. said.

She looked at him with his thick shocks of jet black hair like a lustrous crown upon his head, a dramatic contrast to his icy blue eyes. For a kid that was normally such a free spirit, he was rather morose all of a sudden. Annabelle hadn't realised he had an insecurity about money, or his family's lack thereof.

"Oh, you'll stand out all right, but only because you're stunning," she assured him, "And if we get there and you feel uncomfortable, we can always leave."

"Okay," he replied, still apprehensive. "I can't believe we're doing this."

"No turning back now," she said. "We're almost there."

They walked down the high street several blocks and made a left turn onto Springhill Road. The tree-lined neighbourhood was mostly quiet and even though the houses were close together, they were all quite large by city standards, or any standards really. When they reached the house, they hesitated outside the gate for a moment, admiring the stateliness of the grand old home and having second thoughts. There was a short slate path to the front door, and they could hear music thumping from inside, as well as laughter and an occasional squeal of delight. They looked at each other, the nervous anticipation written all over their faces while they waited for someone to make the first move.

"The way I see it, we're all going to be kicked out of school tomorrow, so we might as well live it up tonight," James said, taking charge and wrenching open the iron gate.

They filed in and approached the door. Again, no one moved, so James reached out and pushed the doorbell.

"Do I have to do everything around here?" he asked.

A moment later the door opened wide and a petite girl, even shorter than Alice, with choppy peroxide blonde hair looked back at them with a goofy smile on her face. "ALEXA! YOU HAVE GUESTS!" she hollered, the smile never leaving her face.

"She's really short," Peter whispered to Remus. "Do you think she's part goblin?"

"No, I don't," Remus replied. "And if you say things like that inside, you will give us away."

Suddenly, a taller girl clad in a white silk halter dress that extended to the floor, stumbled into the short girl as if she'd been shoved and held onto her for support. She was pretty, with long golden hair feathered away from her face and about the same height as Sirius whose eyes she met first. She batted her long lashes flirtatiously, then she did the same to Johnny B. who was attempting to see past her for any sign of Matthew.

"Hiii," she said with a posh affectation. "I'm Alexa. Welcome to my arsehole father's house. Don't worry, he's on business in Australia, so he won't be dropping by. Please, come in." Then she bit her lower lip, looking at Sirius again. As usual, he was oblivious to the attention.

They went inside and as they were standing in the entrance way, the shorter girl offered to take their coats. Annabelle thought it was odd that the birthday girl didn't seem to care who invited them. She was about to ask where Matthew was when he came bursting into the room, all smiles and laughter.

"You made it!" he exclaimed. "I wasn't sure you'd be allowed!" He immediately hugged Johnny B. then Annabelle, and worked his way around the group until he got to Caradoc and Fairfax. He introduced himself to them then turned to Alexa and said, "You remember Annabelle, don't you?"

Annabelle didn't remember the girl at first, and she began to say, "I think you're mistaken-"

"Oh my god. Annabelle O'Neill?" Alexa said, not sounding all that thrilled to see her.

"Yes, but I don't-"

Then it all came rushing back to Annabelle. Alexa Westwood had been in her year in school, but she'd been known as Lexi back then which explained why Annabelle hadn't remembered her straightaway. She was the quintessential mean girl, and while Annabelle never had any problems with her personally, the two girls had not been friends. She had a very distinct memory of Alexa and her mates picking on her friend Emma for an entire month once, because Emma's father was a record producer and had introduced her to The Bee Gees. Emma had made sure to tell everyone that Barry Gibb said she had a pretty smile, which made young Alexa seethe with jealousy. One day, someone had put some kind of red juice on Emma's seat in the lunchroom, and she unwittingly sat in it. Alexa, a bully through and through, began to chant, "Soggy bottoms! Soggy bottoms!" Emma began to cry.

Annabelle could still remember the fury rising inside of her as she tore open her tiny milk carton and threw the contents all over the front of Alexa. Instead of a fight breaking out, Alexa cried and ran off to tell the headmaster what Annabelle had done. It was the only time Annabelle was punished at school, receiving the traditional caning across the hands. It had been worth it, because Alexa never bothered Emma again, and she even seemed to develop a quiet respect for Annabelle. They had talked civilly a few times after that, Alexa preferring to keep her enemies close, but Annabelle never trusted her completely.

"Oh, yes," Annabelle said. "Lexi. It's been ages. How are you these days?"

"I'm fabulous, dahling," she replied, looking down her nose at Annabelle.

"Right, well, this is-" Annabelle began, in an attempt to start introductions, but she stopped when a muscular dark-haired boy ran up behind Alexa and picked her up off the floor, spinning her around. Then he slung an arm around her and muttered something in her ear. Whatever it was must have been hilarious because she jerked her head back and guffawed with such intensity Annabelle almost covered her ears. Then she turned and walked into the kitchen with him, leaving her guests standing there.

"Sorry everyone," Matthew said. "I'm actually mates with her boyfriend, not her…. And that wasn't her boyfriend."

"It's all right," James replied. "We won't hold her against you."

Annabelle leaned in close to Matthew and said, "Why didn't you tell us it was _her_ party?"

Matthew smiled. "Because I knew you wouldn't come."

He led the way into what appeared to be a sitting room. It was twice the size of the Gryffindor common room and it had muggles spread out on sofas and chaise lounges, and many more standing up and flailing to the music blasting from a massive wooden stereo console at the back of the room. The air was thick with cigarette smoke, something most wizards looked down upon as a dirty muggle habit, even though the cigarette trend had already caught on with the younger generation. If an older wizard smoked, it was usually a pipe, but there were some students that hung around the various courtyards, fags hanging off their lips at any given hour.

"Make yourselves at home," Matthew said. "The booze and food is in the kitchen, that way, and some in the dining room as well. And there are several loos, one off the kitchen and two upstairs. No room is off limits, so feel free to look around."

Matthew put a hand on Johnny B.'s shoulder and led him into the kitchen. Johnny B. turned his head and shot an excited look at Annabelle.

"Listen you naïve lot, let's not have a repeat of last time we all sneaked out," Fairfax said to the rest of them. "Know your bloody limit. You don't want to end up like a mate of mine getting his stomach pumped in a muggle hospital." He started for the kitchen, Caradoc right behind him. "Now I'm going to check out the booze. Anyone want anything?"

The rest of them shook their heads awkwardly. The thought of getting their stomachs pumped scared them off the liquor for the time being, even though it was a bit ironic taking drinking advice from Fairfax, who could drink them all under the table.

There were a few empty chairs in a corner by the front bay window, and Lily, Alice, and Annabelle sat down in them. James, Remus, Sirius, and Peter leaned against the grand piano that was only a few feet away.

"Why do I feel like a total wally?" asked James as he bit his nails.

"Because no one knows us here," Sirius replied.

Soon, three muggle girls approached them. "Hello," one of them said. "You're all empty-handed. Would you like to go get a bevvy with us?"

"Um, no thanks," James replied.

"Don't think we've seen you around school. What are your names?" one of the others asked, looking directly at Sirius.

Sirius answered in a bored voice, barely making eye-contact with her. "I'm Sirius, and this is Remus, Peter, and James."

"Remus? Sirius? What kind of names are those?"

Sirius looked helplessly to Annabelle. She had been amused by the scene until the girls rudely questioned their names. She got up and linked her arm through his and answered, "Their parents were hippies, yeah? They've got siblings named Compass, Karma, and Zodiac."

The boys were entertained by her response, but the muggle who had asked the question seemed irritated that Annabelle had entered the picture.

"And you are?" she asked.

"Annabelle O'Neill," she replied as she slipped her arms around Sirius' waist. "Have we met?"

"I don't think so."

Lily had enough of watching the girls attempt to chat up her boyfriend and walked around behind them to James, taking him by the hand and forcing him down into the chair she'd been sitting in. Then she sat down on his lap, making it very clear to the girls that he was already spoken for.

"Wow, you're so sexy when you're possessive," James said to her.

She gave him a gentle nudge with her elbow. "Can't have these innocent muggles getting mixed up with the likes of you, now can I?"

"You just wanted to sit on my lap," James said, a cheeky grin on his face.

She wrapped her arms around his neck and replied, "Maybe I did."

Remus and Peter walked off to the kitchen while Sirius took Annabelle by the hand and led her back to their seats.

"Nice meeting you," Annabelle called to the girls who sort of shrugged and wandered off.

"On a scale of one to ten, how much do you want to go somewhere else?" James asked.

"Ten. And a half," Sirius replied.

"We just got here," Alice said. "Give it a chance. You can't do that to Johnny B."

"Right, well, I hate to say it, but I'm going to require a drink if I have to sit through this," said James.

"Stay there and save our seats," Annabelle said, not wanting to lose their safe little corner of the room. "We'll get you something."

Alice went with Annabelle and Sirius as they navigated their way to the kitchen, weaving in and out of staggering, hooting, and dancing muggles. Annabelle thought she recognised several people from her primary school, but she wasn't sure she remembered their names, and she really had no interest in making small talk with them anyway. Her life was completely different from theirs, and getting reacquainted would be pointless, especially since they were Alexa's friends.

The kitchen was also sprawling, and there were people sitting on counter tops and hovering about a long table. Johnny B. and Matthew were in the back, leaning against the wall and talking. Caradoc and Fairfax, being muggle-born and football fans, were deep in conversation with some boys about football scores, cups in hand. Matthew saw Sirius and Annabelle enter the kitchen and he and Johnny B. joined them.

"There's all kinds of bottles in the fridge, and the keg and liquor is over there," Matthew informed them.

He pointed to one of the counters were there was a spread of liquor and on a small table stood a giant metal keg from which a group of muggle boys were serving themselves. Since it appeared to be the cool thing to drink, Sirius and Remus helped themselves too. Annabelle and Alice had no idea what to drink. Annabelle wasn't entirely sure she wanted to drink at all, but she remembered she was supposed to be letting go of her fears of ending up like her mother, and told herself that it was a party after all and one or two drinks wouldn't kill her. Sirius must have sensed her trepidation because he came up behind her and whispered in her ear, "You don't have to drink, but if you decide you want to, I won't let anything bad happen to you."

She nodded and said, "I don't know the first thing about drinks, except that beer is nasty and whiskey and vodka burn."

A tipsy muggle girl who was leaning against the counter surrounded by a group of friends overheard her and turned around, sloshing some of the liquid out of her cup.

"I can help," she said. "You like lemonade?"

Alice and Annabelle nodded yes.

"You like peach?"

They nodded yes again.

"All right then," she said. She set her drink down and made them a drink of lemonade mixed with a clear liquid that said "Peach Schnapps" on the bottle.

"Can we get one more for a friend?" Alice asked, thinking a lemon and peach flavoured drink couldn't be too dangerous.

"Sure," she said, and made another.

Alice and Annabelle said, "Thank you."

The girl lit a cigarette and took a drag on it. "Any time loveys."

Alice took her and Lily's drinks and said, "I'm going to sit down. This kitchen is making me claustrophobic." She turned to Remus and asked, "Want me to bring James his drink?"

"No, I'll come with you," Remus replied. Already in chaperone mode, he figured it best if no one went off alone.

Annabelle looked at her cup, then at Sirius. "Are you going to taste it?" he asked.

"Might as well." She took a cautious sip and then raised her eyebrows in surprise. "It's actually quite nice. A bit sweet, but better than whiskey, that's for sure. Try it."

Sirius took a sip and wrinkled his nose in disgust. "That's almost as sweet as Butter Beer. Here, taste mine."

She took a sip of his beer and shuddered as she forced it down. "Foul," she said.

Sirius laughed and took her hand, leading her into the entrance hall. They sat down on the foot of the large staircase, off to the side since there was a bit of traffic going up and down the stairs. A few minutes later, James and Lily approached them.

"Anyone want a refill?" James asked, holding up his cup.

"Sure why not," Sirius replied.

Sirius finished the rest of his beer and went with James to the kitchen, and Lily sat down next to Annabelle. "This drink is lovely," she said. "I might want another one."

"I might, too," replied Annabelle. "And can I just say that I can't believe I am in Alexa bloody Westwood's house? It's quite surreal. She was a bitch if there ever was one and I can't believe Matty is mates with her boyfriend."

"Do we know which one is her boyfriend?"

"Not yet, but I pity the poor sod."

Another girl came round passing out cups of something called a Pink Lady.

"What's in it?" Lily asked when the girl handed them each one.

"It's like a fruity milkshake!" she exclaimed.

Annabelle and Lily each took a tiny sip.

"I like this one too," said Lily. "Do you think it has a lot of alcohol in it?"

"Nah," replied Annabelle. "It tastes like cereal milk. It must be pretty weak."

Being that the drinks were so sweet, they were easy to drink quickly, and few moments later the girls were tipping their heads back, trying to get the last sugary drops out of their cups. From the stereo came the familiar tune of the Bay City Rollers, "Saturday Night." Lily grabbed Annabelle and rushed into the sitting room, picking up Alice along the way, and joining the other "dancers" in front of the stereo, if one could call what they were doing dancing. Most of the muggle boys were put off by the song, and stood by like wallflowers, laughing or scowling. The girls sang along as loud as their voices could go, and house was filled with chants of "S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y NIGHT!" Even Alexa broke away from the boy she was with, this one a tall, blue-eyed blonde that looked an awful lot like Fairfax, and jumped into the mix whirling around wildly, chanting along.

After a few more songs, they were thirsty and sweaty. They went to the kitchen to get some water and look for the boys. Apparently there was some kind of drinking competition taking place; Sirius, James, Caradoc, and Fairfax right in the centre of activity with a group of muggle boys who all seemed to be playing cards and taking turns drinking from different cups and shot glasses. The others were watching from the side lines. Lily and Alice walked over to Johnny B. who had also stepped closer to the table to watch the game. Annabelle approached Matthew.

"What are they doing?"

"Playing Ring of Fire," he answered, then went on to explain the rules.

"That's a bit complicated," Annabelle said. "And stupid as well."

Matthew laughed and took a sip of his beer. After a moment, he turned to her and said, "Annabelle, I'm going to say something to you, and I don't want you to take offence to it."

"Go ahead, what is it?"

"Your mates are bloody weird. It's like they all just arrived from another planet… or time period."

Annabelle stifled a laugh, and asked, "But do you like them?"

"Oh yeah, they're really nice and fun, but there's something about them I find so bizarre… in a good way of course. I mean even Johnny. He's fascinating and different, but there's something about him I can't quite place. Something special."

"Well, it sounds to me like you fancy him," Annabelle blurted out.

Matthew smiled. "I won't deny it," he replied. He got quiet for a moment, his smile fading, then continued. "Did it surprise you… you know… to find out I'm gay?"

Annabelle chuckled. "Honestly? Nothing surprises me anymore."

"It doesn't bother you, then?"

"You must be joking!" she replied, eyes wide. "Johnny B. is one of my closest friends. Of course it doesn't bother me!"

Matthew gave a sigh of relief. "I figured as much. Just wanted to make sure though. I did a have few friends stop speaking to me when I came out last year."

She put an arm around his shoulder and gave it a squeeze. "I won't be doing that, Matty. Sorry, but it looks like you're stuck with me."

"I just wish you lot lived closer."

Annabelle felt a pang of sadness over Matthew. He and Johnny B. were so perfect for each other. And yet it didn't seem like it could possibly end well. There were strict rules about wizards interacting with muggles, and the only way around them was to take your chances if you felt it was worth it and hope the other person wouldn't freak out or think you were a lunatic.

"I wish we did, too," was all she could muster.

"Do you want another drink?" Matthew asked. "I can make you my signature cocktail."

"Since when do you have a signature cocktail?"

"Since I was old enough to stand in for my dad behind the bar every once in a while."

"We actually just wanted some water," Annabelle replied, as Lily and Alice wandered back over.

"You can have that too," he said, and turned to the counter where the liquor was and started mixing. His hands moved so fast that Annabelle couldn't keep up, not that she knew what half the liquor bottles contained anyway. They watched as he skillfully shook the cocktail shaker and poured out three perfectly measured drinks.

"Tell me what you think," he said eagerly.

The girls tasted it and smiled. "Well done," Lily said. "What's it called?"

"Never named it. What do you think it should be called?"

Lily grinned and said, "The Johnny B."

Matthew laughed and when he laughed he seemed to sparkle, Annabelle noticed. It was like he and Johnny B. were both happy, gorgeous sparklers. And thinking of gorgeous lads, Annabelle wondered how long the drinking game was going to keep Sirius.

Sirius looked over his shoulder and caught her eyes. She blinked and smiled, and he turned back to the boys he was with and said something, then walked over to Annabelle, wrapping his arms around her waist.

"Did you finish the game?" she asked.

"No, but it was a naff game, so…"

"It's not like you to quit a game."

"Trust me, Annie, that is not a game you want to win. What is that?" he asked, looking at her cup.

"It's called the Johnny B.," she said with a hiccup, and held it to his lips.

He took a sip and said, "Another sweet one. It should be called the Annie O'Neill."

Her cheeks burned as she grinned. "You're the sweet one."

He leaned in and kissed her. She felt her stomach flutter and she just wanted to kiss him, to squeeze him until the party ended, or longer even. But someone bumped into them, disturbing their moment, and they went back to the sitting room to see if their seats were still available.

Johnny B. was taking it easy with the drinking as well. He didn't want to start acting like a drunk fool in front of Matthew, who also seemed to be pacing himself. They talked quite a bit; about music, about sport, and about school, as much as Johnny B. could talk about without revealing too much. Matthew seemed keen on knowing more, like he suspected something strange about the school. Johnny B. was tempted to tell him, but knew it was way too soon, nor was that the place to do so. Another reason he didn't want to drink too much; he didn't want to accidentally say too much.

"Too bad we couldn't get together every weekend," Matthew said. They had found an empty corner of the kitchen and sat down against the wall, Matthew keeping an eye on things for his best mate, but generally staying away from the party, just wanting to take full advantage of the time he had with Johnny B.

Johnny B. swallowed hard, feeling like his magical gift was more of a curse at the moment. "I wish we could too. If only we weren't so far away."

"Where are you all staying tonight?" Matthew asked.

Johnny B. hadn't thought of a solid answer to that question and he had to improvise one on the spot. "Oh, uh… we're just going to crash at Caradoc's house for the night. His parents are out of town."

Matthew was perplexed. "You could all stay at my parents' place."

Johnny B. laughed. "There's ten of us. I doubt your mum and dad would appreciate that."

"Yeah, you're probably right."

Matthew slipped his hand into Johnny B.'s and gave it a squeeze. Their eyes met and with a sad longing in his heart, Johnny B. leaned in timidly, Matthew meeting him the rest of the way as they softly pressed their lips together.

Meanwhile, Caradoc and Fairfax decided they'd had enough of the rich kids, and decided to venture off on their own. Remus tried to convince them it was stupid move, but they insisted they'd make it back to Hogwarts with no problem. First they tried to get Peter to go with them, since he was basically sitting in a chair looking bored, but he almost had a coronary at the idea of it. They found their coats, taking a handful of Floo Powder from the envelope in Sirius' coat pocket, and departed into the cold, dark night.

James finally decided to quit the drinking game, and found Remus doing a shot with a group of muggle girls.

"Come on, Moony," James slurred as he pulled him aside. "We're already getting shitfaced and we said we wouldn't."

"I never said I wouldn't," Remus replied. He was tired of being the responsible one all the time. Why couldn't someone else be the group babysitter once in a while? Besides, the alcohol had a miraculous way of numbing his feelings, helping him temporarily forget a certain brunette witch. He picked up his beer and chugged it, letting out the fiercest burp his body could produce. Applause erupted from the nearby muggles, a few even whistling and hooting for Remus' accomplishment.

"What the fuck!" James cried out and doubled over in laughter. "That was incredible!"

"You want to do a shot?" Remus asked.

"Nah, I think I'm well past my limit already from that game. Lily will throw a wobbly if I get too pissed."

Much to James' surprise, Remus turned and did one more shot, and the two staggered off to find the others.

Sirius and Annabelle had made their way over to the makeshift dance floor to see if any of their mates were there. "Stairway to Heaven" was playing on the stereo, and there were couples with their lips locked together, languorously swaying to the music. The muggle girl who had made Annabelle the peach and lemonade drink tapped her on the shoulder. Annabelle turned to see her holding a tray of shots and sugar-coated lemons.

"Have a shot; it's called a Lemon Drop," said the girl. "You do the shot then bite the lemon."

Neither Sirius nor Annabelle could deduce anything threatening from something called a Lemon Drop. They looked at each other, shrugged, and each took one, their faces registering the shock of what they'd consumed after it was already burning their throats.

"Vodka," Annabelle said hoarsely.

"Bite the lemons!" the girl prodded, so they did, and they both shuddered. Sirius pulled an exaggerated drunk face which made Annabelle giggle. They looked on at the dancing muggles, feeling a slight buzz creeping through their bloodstreams. Annabelle made the decision to cut herself off, lest the buzz become something she couldn't handle and she embarrass herself at Alexa fucking Westwood's house.

"They are so comfortable snogging in front of god and everyone," she observed of the muggles.

"They're hammered, Annie," he replied as he bent slightly to wrap arms around her waist. "They don't know their arse from their elbow right now."

Annabelle reached her arms around his neck and gazed at the corner of his mouth; tiny grains of sugar from the lemon dusting it. He was smiling as he pulled her in close, resting his forehead against hers and closing his eyes, and she felt the delicious ache of being in his arms warm her entire body. She ran her hands over his cheeks and up through his irresistibly silky hair, then rested her head against his shirt collar. His hands slowly but firmly caressed her back as they moved to the music, which seemed to go on forever, much to their satisfaction, and they found themselves snogging in front of god and everyone, just like the other couples around them, the taste of sugar and lemon on their tongues.

Lily and Alice had gone round in the opposite direction of James and Remus, each holding their drinks made by Matthew. As they tottered through the crowd, they saw that Sirius and Annabelle were a bit preoccupied, so they crossed the room and sat down on the floor next to the piano since most of the seats were taken. James stumbled over and nestled in next to Lily, and Remus sat on a loveseat on the other side of the sitting room entrance next to a purple-haired muggle girl. She had an unlit fag hanging out of her mouth and a lighter gripped in her hand, her eyes half closed.

After a few minutes, she jerked her free hand out to Remus and said, "I'm Sharon, but my mates call me Shaz. What's your name?"

"Remus," he replied, shaking her hand and waiting for the remark that always followed whenever a muggle heard his name.

"That's a boss name," she replied, to his surprise. "You lot are all mates of Matthew's, yeah?"

"Well, sort of. My friends are friends with him."

"Matthew's the dog's bollocks, in't he?"

"Yeah, he's a good lad."

There was lull in the conversation when her eyes started to close again, but then she jerked herself awake and sighed.

"How did you get your hair to turn purple?" he asked her, reminding himself that she couldn't possibly be a Metamorphmagus.

"First I bleach the hell out of it, then I dye it. You like it?"

"Sure, it's lovely." He meant it too, even though it was a far cry from Claire's deep brown locks.

"Thanks. This party is crackin'," she said, then her eyes closed and she fell over, her head falling into Remus' lap. He gently pulled the cigarette out of her mouth and tossed it to the floor, then put his head back on the sofa and closed his eyes, too.

"I'm going to get some water," Alice muttered to Lily, who was too busy snogging James to respond.

She wandered back to the kitchen, and poured herself some water, then she stood drinking it against a large glass-paned door that led to a back garden. She also was feeling a little tipsy, and in an attempt to forgo the pounding headache from the last time she drank, she decided to stick to water from there on out. She noticed a tall, lanky boy with mousy brown hair and kind eyes pour himself some water as well. He reminded her so much of Frank that her chest swelled with sadness. He came round near her, doing a double take when he saw her.

She must have looked utterly desolate because he asked, "Are you all right?"

"Yeah, I'm smashing," she replied.

He held out a hand and said, "Dennis Maxwell, please to meet you."

"Alice Prewett," she replied, giving his hand a squeeze. She noticed he seemed a bit down as well.

"You want to come with me to find a place to sit?" he asked, then quickly added, "I mean… just to talk."

He reminded her so much of Frank that it was all she could do not to call him Frank. Even his easy going manner and the hopeful expression on his face… she thought if she squinted her eyes a bit, it would be just like having Frank there.

"All right," she replied, following him to one of the giant mustard-coloured sofas near the dancing couples.

"So who'd you come here with?" he asked.

"My mates," she replied, then she sighed wistfully. "They're all scattered about, there and there and there…."

"Oh, Matty's friends," he replied. "He's one of my best mates. We play football for our school together."

"Ah, so you must know the birthday girl."

"You could say that," he replied with a wry chuckle, then looked down at his water. Their arms were touching, and when another couple squeezed in next to Dennis, he scooted closer to her, their thighs pressing together. Alice closed her eyes, feeling a bit foggy-headed. She thought of Frank again, who she hadn't seen since the day they all went to London together, and how he promised her he'd come see her at school before he went off on his mission, but he didn't. He said he didn't have the time. He never had time for her, she thought.

She told herself that she had no right to be upset, that this was what happened when you dated an Auror-in-training. And she would have to go through it herself if she decided to become one as well. But it was so difficult to reconcile her feelings when her two closest friends had their boyfriends with them all the time, and they didn't hide how happy they were with them. Not that she wanted to them to hide their feelings, but sometimes it hurt. Frank wasn't there, and he never would be.

"So, Matty says you are all at some boarding school in Scotland. What's that like?"

"Lonely," she replied. His face showed empathy for her when he frowned slightly, and he nodded in commiseration. She watched as Sirius and Annabelle left the dance floor and strolled off somewhere. She had a fleeting impulse to get up and find the others, but she didn't want to leave Dennis' side, his familiarity providing an illusion of comfort to her sad heart. The next song that started to play was "I Don't Want to Talk about It," by Rod Stewart. Its lyrics were so poignant and fitting that she wanted to cry right then.

"I know the feeling," he said. Alice looked at him, her heart pulling at her as she saw her own pain reflected in his eyes. Before she could think about it, her lips were parting as he bent to meet them with his own.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Is anyone reading this? Let me know.... :(


	5. Gang o' Weirdos

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FYI – In the UK "squash" refers to a liquid fruit concentrate that is mixed with water.  
> And here is another long chapter, because that's how I roll.

As the party continued downstairs, Sirius and Annabelle ambled upstairs, curious to see the rest of house. When they got to the next floor, they noticed the many doors to the rooms on that level were closed, except for the loo. They didn't think they should open any of them; even though they'd been pretty sheltered their whole lives they did have some idea of what went on behind closed doors at parties. Annabelle peeked inside the bathroom instead and was amazed at the size of it.

"It's as big as a dorm room," she said, tripping on a shag rug near a triangular shaped bath, but managing not to fall. Sirius snorted in laughter, figuring the vodka shot had gone straight to her head, and maybe his as well. He shut and locked the door behind them.

"Sorry, Annie, but I'm bursting," he said as he headed for the toilet. "Need to have a wee-wee."

She laughed at his childish word choice and went to the sink, preferring to give him his privacy. Looking at herself in the enormous mirror she noticed her cheeks were flushed. She splashed a little cold water on them from the golden taps set in a marble countertop, but it didn't take the heat away from them. She thought maybe they should leave before they could be tempted to drink more. It would be all too easy to go overboard, and the enormity of the trouble they would be in at school if they got caught wasted in the Hogwarts' corridors in the middle of the night would be the stuff of legends for decades to come.

Sirius stumbled a little as he zipped his trousers, then made his way over to the sink. Annabelle waited as he washed his hands. She detected a slight flush in his cheeks as well, which was a rare occurrence for him. That bloody lemon drop, she thought. He dried his hands, and then turned and leaned against the cold marble.

"It's like a posh studio flat," he observed of the room. "Minus the bed and kitchenette."

"It is. Definitely more like a flat than a bathroom." She looked around, noticing the gold leaf design on the crown moulding. Then she looked back to Sirius. "I think it's time we head back to the castle."

"You're right, we should."

She held out her hands and when he took them, she gently pulled him towards her. She took a few steps backwards, leading him to the door and just when she went to open it, he put a hand on it to keep it closed, his grey eyes fixed intently on her.

"Or we could stay a little longer," he said quietly.

It was a tempting proposition, not only because they hadn't been alone for days and she thought she might implode if she didn't get her hands on him, but because he had been so strong for her over the last two weeks, standing up for her when she lacked the strength herself, and right then, that look of longing for her in his eyes…. It was too much to resist.

"We could."

She slowly ran her hands down his neck as he kissed her softly. He stopped to look at her, then their lips feverishly met as he manoeuvred her against the wall. Hands were unbuttoning, unzipping, touching, moving under and inside, and the ache of loving him so much consumed her. Her entire body seemed to awaken under his fingertips and from his body's response to her, she knew he felt the same.

Sirius was aware that his sixteen-year-old hormones in overdrive were part of his desperation for her, but he felt there was more to it than that. Articulating it would have been difficult for him, but the truth was, before Annabelle he'd rarely experienced anything but pain from the hands of those who were meant to love him, so her gentle, loving touches were a revelation to him. Just the simple act of her running her fingers through his hair, or a warm hug and a peck on the cheek were enough to melt him. And she gave her love and her touches so willingly, so freely, that it took his breath away.

"It's like I can never get enough of you," he whispered into her ear.

Her breathing quickened as her eyes closed and she replied, "I hope you never do."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Alice parted lips with Dennis and for a second they both smiled dreamily. Suddenly, Alexa Westwood was towering over her. Dennis hopped up and tried to hold her back as she reached out and grabbed onto Alice's hair.

"Who in the FUCK do you think you are?" Alexa spat through gritted teeth.

"Let go of my hair!" Alice cried out.

"Let go of her, Lex," Dennis said and he pried her hand loose from Alice's hair. Alexa's other friends surrounded them, looking at Alice like she was Voldemort himself.

"What happened, Lex?" one of them asked.

"She was snogging Dennis!" answered one of her friends for her. "At Alexa's party!"

"So bloody what?" Alice retorted as she stood up. "She's been locking lips with just about every lad in the place!"

Dennis winced a little as his ears turned bright red, the same ways Frank's did when he was embarrassed about something. Alice realised by the grip Alexa had on his hand that she was his girlfriend. Alice had kissed the birthday girl's boyfriend. By then, Lily and James had rushed over. Lily threw an arm around Alice and said, "Is there a problem here?"

"Why didn't you tell me she was your girlfriend?" Alice asked Dennis, her face showing the hurt she was feeling.

"I didn't even realise what I was doing," he said. "It's my fault. I kissed you."

Lily's eyes widened. "You what?"

Matthew and Johnny B. wandered over to see what all the fuss was about. Dennis pulled Matthew over to him and whispered something in his ear, and Matthew's eyes widened as big as Lily's just had.

"Look, I didn't know what I was doing either," Alice said. "I'm sorry. If I had known-"

Alice's voice caught when she realised the gravity of what she'd done. Not so much how it affected Alexa, because the girl obviously had the moral compass of a flea, but what she'd just done to herself, and to Frank. She felt like she was going to be sick.

"You nasty little slag," Alexa hissed at her. Normally, Alice would have defended herself against such an accusation, especially since Alexa was not one to be assigning labels of that nature, but the onslaught of guilt and her deep, scoring pain over what she'd done to Frank made her weak. She felt as though she deserved the insult.

As Lily began to argue with Alexa, Alice made a beeline for the loo, but someone was in there so she ran up the stairs, the spasms of regret assaulting her lungs as she tried not to cry. She opened the first door and found Peter sitting on the floor with three muggles girls, her eyes too foggy with tears to register what they were doing.

"Where's the loo?" she squeaked.

"Across the hall," one of the girls answered.

She went to the door and tried the knob. It was locked.

A sob escaped her. "Can you hurry up in there?! I'm going to be sick!"

Sirius and Annabelle's eyes widened when they heard what sounded like Alice's distraught voice outside the door.

"Alice? What happened?" Annabelle called as she and Sirius quickly began tucking in and refastening their clothing.

"Open the bloody door and I will tell you! Merlin, Annie, what are you doing in there?" she demanded, quickly thinking what a ridiculous question it was.

Once they were sorted, Annabelle opened the door and when Alice saw Sirius with her, their flushed cheeks and slightly swollen lips, she realised the answer to her question, and it wasn't the one she'd anticipated.

"Should I go somewhere else?"

Annabelle pulled her into the bathroom. "No! Not if you're sick!"

Alice tottered across the room to the loo, but put the cover down and sat on it instead. She put her head in her hands and started crying. Sirius said, "I'm going to wait outside."

Annabelle went to her and knelt down beside her. "Are you going to tell me what's going on?"

Alice leaned forward and said in a low voice, "I kissed a lad downstairs."

"What?" Annabelle asked. "Why? Who?"

"Dennis. The birthday girl's boyfriend. I didn't know he was her boyfriend. She caught us and tried to rip my hair out."

"How dare she?" Annabelle demanded, her voice rapidly shifting from concerned to angry. "Alexa's been snogging everyone in sight!"

"I know," Alice said. "But that's not the point. What am I going to tell Frank?"

Just then Lily burst through the door and came rushing over. "What was that all about, Alice?" she asked as she knelt down on her other side.

Alice explained to them how he had reminded her so much of Frank, and how she was missing him so much. She told them how she'd just lost control of herself, and when he kissed her she'd welcomed it, yet at the same time she knew it was wrong.

"It was just a drunken, meaningless kiss," she said. "And it only happened because he was just… so much like Frank. Alexa is right; I _am_ a nasty slag!"

Annabelle couldn't believe how little Alexa had changed. Hair pulling and name calling; it was like being in the schoolyard all over again. In her drunken state, she had a hard time staying focused on the issue at hand; that Alice had snogged a boy other than Frank. Instead, she turned and headed straight for the door.

"The boys are all out there, Annie," Lily warned her, knowing she was going to confront her. "They will probably try to stop you."

Her words were lost on Annabelle, who was astounded that Alexa was still hurting her friends, years later. It was preposterous, and that same indignation she'd felt all those years ago returned with a vengeance.

She tore out into the hallway and Sirius caught her arm. "Where are you going?"

"Downstairs, to find Johnny B. He doesn't know we're leaving." She told herself it wasn't a lie if she actually did find Johnny B. and tell him they were leaving.

"No, I'll go," Sirius said. "James told me what happened. I don't want that loon turning her anger on you, too. Please, stay up here and let me find Johnny B."

Annabelle pulled her arm away from him, and said, "I just want to have a word with her, that's all."

Sirius knew she had good intentions. She wanted to defend her friend. But there were too many of Alexa's friends about and it was dangerous for them. This wasn't Hogwarts. Annabelle was not a violent person; she preferred to fight with words if the need arose, and he never wanted her to learn what a fist felt like as it crushed against her face. He also didn't want her to see him murder the person that did it to her.

"No, Annie, please? You can't change people like Alexa. Please, sit down. I will find Johnny B."

She took a deep breath and begrudgingly nodded her assent, but she would be there, waiting for her if she tried to come after Alice again. Sirius gave a look to James and Remus to suggest they attempt to keep her upstairs, away from the birthday girl and her crew. She sat down against the wall next to Remus and scowled. She hadn't planned on hurting her, just telling her off. But if Alexa was pulling hair, Annabelle knew deep down that it could get ugly, and getting into a brawl at a party was not convenient to their status as witches and wizards among muggles, far from where they were supposed to be, with no quick way to St. Mungo's.

James looked down at her and said, "If it makes you feel any better, Lily called her a cavewoman."

Annabelle chuckled a little in spite of herself. It was a fitting description. A moment later, Peter's voice was heard from the room across the hallway. James went to the door and listened.

"Peter, what are you doing in there?"

"Do we really want to know the answer to that?" Remus asked, his head lolling against the wall.

James heard the giggling of several girls' voices and turned to Annabelle and Remus with a look of stunned incomprehension on his face. "There are multiple females in there with him."

Remus lowered his eyebrows as a smirk spread across his face. "No bloody way."

"Peter, this is your warning," James said into the door. "By the count of three this door will be opening, even if I have to open it by… other means. One… Two… Three."

The door wasn't locked, and as it swung open James felt his stomach almost drop through the floor. Peter had three girls seated around him; his wand in his hand making a half-empty bottle of gin levitate and pour into a shot glass in the middle of their circle.

"What the fuck are you doing?" James asked him.

When Remus heard James' tone, he got up and peeked inside.

"What the fuck are you doing!" he echoed, forgetting his manners. It was a not every day that Remus dropped the F-bomb.

"What's he doing?" Annabelle asked, bracing herself for the answer.

James turned to her and said, "He's levitating a bloody gin bottle, that's what he's doing."

"Has he lost his mind?" she said, lunging for the door.

"Calm down you idiots," Peter sneered. "I'm just showing them a few magic tricks."

"It's not real," one of the girls said. "He's a _magician_. You know, he makes illusions happen?"

James rolled his eyes. "Thanks for the explanation, but we know what a magician is. And that magician has to leave _right now_."

"What? Just when things are getting fun?" Peter whined.

"Aww, we were having fun with The Phantasmagorical Mr. Pettigrew, Master of the Mysterious!" one of the girls exclaimed, and the two others giggled hysterically after the name was repeated.

James' hand clenched into a fist as he glared at Peter. Peter knew he wasn't going to get his way, so he stood up and said, "Well, it's been brilliant. I'll look you ladies up the next time I'm in London for a magic show."

Remus had to choke back his laughter as Peter sauntered proudly from the room. "The Phantasmagorical Mr. Pettigrew, Master of the Mysterious? You are insane."

"But it sure got them interested," Peter replied. "Maybe muggle girls are the way to go."

James slammed the door shut behind them. "The only girls you'll be seeing if you pull a stunt like that again are the ones in St. Mungo's emergency room."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Meanwhile, Sirius found Johnny B. and Matthew seated together in a corner of the sitting room, their hands laced together. He hated to interrupt what looked like an intimate conversation, but they had to leave.

He approached the pair and said to Johnny B., "Sorry, but we're going now. Come find your coat."

Johnny B. frowned as Matthew regarded Sirius impatiently.

"Can you give us a moment?" Matthew asked.

"Sure," he replied, and wandered out into the entrance hall. He stood against the newel post of the staircase and watched as a muggle boy and girl popped some colourful pills. He was glad Annabelle wasn't there to see it. He also saw an abandoned pack of cigarettes sitting on small table by the front door. James and Sirius had both noticed how the muggle teens seemed really keen on smoking, and he remembered how Regulus had once endured a terrible beating for coming home stinking of cigarette smoke. His father had called it a filthy muggle habit, and forbid either of them to ever touch a cigarette. For some reason, pipes were okay though, but only when one became a man, which Regulus and Sirius were not, their father had made sure to remind them. Sirius glanced around to make sure no one was looking, then grabbed the pack, discreetly tucking it into his pocket.

A few minutes later, Johnny B. appeared with a gloomy looking Matthew right beside him.

"Thanks for inviting us," Sirius said to Matthew. "It was quite an experience."

"Sorry about Alexa," he replied. "She's a witch when she's wasted."

Sirius had to fight the urge to snicker. "Nah, she's not a witch. She's just a spoiled brat."

Matthew chuckled softly and said, "That too. I feel terrible about Alice. Dennis has some issues he needs to work on, the first being acquiring a backbone."

"We all noticed," Sirius replied, wondering why Dennis would stand by while his girlfriend humiliated him all evening. She clearly didn't love him, so it seemed ridiculous to stick around and endure her abuse if he didn't have to.

"I'll wait here while you get your coats," Matthew said, mainly to Johnny B. They were looking at each other like they were saying goodbye forever, and it made Sirius want to tell Matthew the truth about them just so he'd understand why things had to be so difficult, even though he knew better.

Once they were all bundled up, they said good-bye to Matthew. Annabelle hugged him tightly, wishing they could just take him with them. Even after all the years apart, he was still so dear to her. She also couldn't ignore how happy Johnny B. was all evening, and he deserved to be with someone special. She hoped beyond hope that they would have a happy ending, and she would do whatever Johnny B. asked of her to make that happen, even if it meant going against ministry statutes pertaining to muggles. In the past school year she'd already broken more rules than she could count, thanks to Sirius, so what difference would a few more make? As her grandfather always said, _"Right is right, regardless of rules."_

Sirius shook Matthew's hand and smiled warmly, a noticeable change from the first time they'd met and Sirius was cold as ice with him. "It was good to see you again, Matthew. I hope we can all meet up again soon."

As the others were saying goodbye to Matthew and he was apologising profusely to Alice for Alexa's behaviour, Annabelle peeked into the sitting room. Alexa was across the room, standing against the back of the sofa by the dance floor with a full beverage in her hand. She no longer seemed upset that her boyfriend had kissed another girl. In fact, she had her arm snaked around the neck of the dark haired boy that she'd been with when they arrived.

Sirius caught sight of Annabelle, and knew vaguely what she was planning to do. Annabelle turned to look at him, and was relieved to see that his facial expression was one of acceptance and amusement. The corners of his mouth turned up slightly as he watched her raise her arms in a pretend stretch, feign a yawn, and extend her right hand in the direction of Alexa's cup. She fixed her eyes upon the spot and concentrated. One would have to be standing very close to her to hear the sharp whispering of the words " _Locomotor Cup!"_ as they escaped her lips. Mysteriously, Alexa suddenly lost control of her drink and it spilled all over the front of her.

"Shiiiiiite!" she wailed from across the room. "This dress is a _Dior!"_

Annabelle and Sirius both laughed quietly, then he made his way over to her. "Feeling sleepy, love?" he asked, a roguish glint in his eyes. He put his arm around her and steered her toward the door.

"I am, actually," she replied, still laughing.

"You're rather good at wandless magic," he whispered to her as he gave her a squeeze. "I foresee a top mark on your Charms N.E.W.T. next year." She grinned triumphantly, glad she'd got another chance to take Alexa down a notch or two.

The group of friends left the house, Matthew stealing one more kiss from Johnny B. on his way out, and they headed slowly in the direction of the bus stop near Hampstead underground station. The tube stopped running at midnight, and as tempting as it was to apparate to Diagon Alley, they decided to play it safe and take the night bus, especially since they weren't entirely sober.

As they were walking, Peter burst out singing in a deep, mock operatic voice, " _Oh! You'll take the high road and I'll take the low road, and I'll be in Scotland afore ye!"_

Nobody could keep a straight face. Sirius and Annabelle instantly recognised it as the song McGonagall had playing on her record player while they were helping her clean out her files for two hours over the holiday. In that time, they heard the song repeat several times, and they each threw an arm around Peter, joining in with him loudly and off-key.

" _But me and my true love will never meet again on the bonnie, bonnie banks of Loch Lomond_ _ **!"**_

"Oy! Pipe down before you get us arrested for disturbing the peace!" James scolded them, then tripped and stumbled into a hedge. Everyone burst out laughing at him, and Lily offered him a hand which he promptly took, hopping up out of the hedge with a grin on his face.

"I meant to do that," he said, then slung an arm around Lily for support.

"Merlin's pants, you are all completely legless!" Johnny B. exclaimed. "How did I end up the most sober one among us?"

"You were trying to make a good impression on Matthew," Lily droned, her eyes feeling tired.

"Wait til he finds out what a lush you really are," Sirius teased.

"I am not a lush," Johnny B. said. "But from the looks of it, you lot are."

"What time is it," James groaned.

"It's almost two o'clock," Alice replied. "And we aren't lushes. We didn't drink as much as we did the last time we did something this stupid."

Remus opened his eyes wide. "Did you say two? Two in the morning?"

"I did."

"We're all screwed," James said.

"That's quite a defeatist attitude you have there, Prongs," replied Sirius.

Lily snorted with laughter. "What did you call him?"

"That's one of those names from your map, isn't it?" Annabelle said, her smile making it hard for Sirius to be angry at her for mentioning it.

"It's nothing," Sirius replied. "Just a joke. You wouldn't think it funny."

Johnny B. started walking faster. "Hurry up, we have to get going or we'll get caught and I will never see Matthew again!"

"All right, all right," James said. "Relax. No one is going to catch us."

They had to wait a little bit for the night bus, and after a while, they were freezing and feeling a bit more sober than when they'd left the party. Peter kept threatening to reach out his hand for the _Knight_ bus, but there was a muggle waiting with them, so James and Sirius had to repeatedly warn him to keep his hand down, or else.

Finally, the bus arrived, and they clamoured on board. They took it to the last stop, Trafalgar Square, which was walking distance to the Leaky Cauldron. The group tiredly made their way to the pub, hoping it was still open, and if it wasn't, that the night maid would let them in.

Of course, she wouldn't.

"There is no way I'm letting a gang o' weirdos in this late at night. Breakfast is at nine and if it's rooms yer lookin' for, check-in starts at eleven. Come back then!" she exclaimed at them, then slammed the door in their faces.

"But we just wanted to use the… floo," Alice trailed off.

"A gang o' weirdos?" Lily asked. "I think she's been talking to my sister."

"Now what are we supposed to do?" Peter whined.

"We'll have to apparate to Knockturn Alley and use a floo in one of those pubs," replied Sirius.

"I don't know how to evaporate, I mean evapor, I mean appar… apparate yet," Lily stammered. "We only just started lessons."

"Neither do I," said Annabelle. "I can only go two feet!"

"I do," slurred Alice. "Frank taught me last summer." At the thought of Frank and what she'd done, her eyes filled with tears. Johnny B. put an arm around her.

"You come with me, Annie," Sirius said, "Lily, go with James."

"Are you comfortable with this Peter?" James asked, "You only just learned."

Peter looked embarrassed, like he didn't want to admit he wasn't sure of himself.

"I'll take him," said Johnny B. with an impatient sigh. "Where are we going?"

"To the front of The Headless Hound," Sirius replied. "They have a hearth that's connected to the Floo Network and they're open quite late."

"Professor Covington died last year from apparating while drunk," Lily reminded them.

"He lost his bleedin' head!" Annabelle whispered shrilly.

"Just keep your legs and arms and head in, and you'll be fine," Sirius said. "We aren't going far and it's not like we have much choice."

Annabelle clutched Sirius, pressing her head under his chin and getting her feet as far between his as she could manage without falling over. She held onto his neck with one hand, pulling his head down to hers as she thought of their headless ex-professor.

"Don't lift your head," she warned him as she started to tremble.

"It's okay," he whispered. "We can do this."

Once Lily was secure in James' arms, he nodded to the others, and with several loud cracks and pops, they made it to The Headless Hound, heads still attached. They could see through the window that there were candles lit and there were a few wizards at the bar, but other than that, it was empty. They wrapped their scarves around their faces, just in case. Sirius squinted through the foggy glass to see who the wizards were, but couldn't quite make them out due to the poor lighting.

"Does the one at the end of the bar look like that knobhead Jaeger?" he asked.

James peered inside. "No way. You're just paranoid. Jaeger is probably off slaying a three-headed dragon somewhere." Then he knocked on the door, since it was locked.

"Or shagging some girl from our class," Peter remarked.

They all looked at him like he was sick in the head. "That's twisted, Pete," James said.

"It's an observation. He flirts like mad with those bints in the front row."

"Don't call them bints, you tosser," Johnny B. scolded him.

"Sorry," he said. "Those girls in the front row."

The night barman, a brooding figure with a dirty bandage wrapped around his bald head, took his sweet time coming round the bar and opening the door. He was instantly suspicious of them with their scarves up to their eyes.

"Have you come to rob the place?" he asked, wielding his wand.

Remus burst out laughing like it was the funniest thing he'd ever heard, which made everyone else laugh as well. The man began to close the door on them, but Sirius stopped him.

"Wait! Please, we just need to use the floo," he said as they all pulled down their scarves to prove they weren't thieves.

The man eyed them narrowly, but let them in, and they thanked him as they made their way to the fireplace. It only took a few minutes for them to get back to Hogwarts, and then the real work began. Sirius stepped aside and checked the map as discreetly as possible. They had a clear path to Gryffindor tower, but they had to move swiftly because he noticed the names Rosier, Carrow, and Snape moving in the dungeons. He felt a flash of white hot rage consume him. He still hadn't forgot what Amycus Carrow had done to Annabelle during their final match with Slytherin in December, nor had he come to terms with Snape's part in the trick Elsinore played on them. But he knew that right then was most definitely not the time for a confrontation.

"So, what's the story, Padfoot?" Peter asked a little too loudly. "Are we in the clear?"

Prongs, Padfoot… Annabelle's curiosity was growing. She had seen the map before and knew those were two of the four names on it, but she couldn't help but wonder what they meant. She thought it must be some inside joke of sorts, but it was odd, nonetheless.

"Yes, but let's hurry," Sirius said.

"Sure thing, Padfoot," Annabelle replied, a teasing gleam in her eyes.

He looked at her, a wry smile forming on his lips. He wasn't sure how the girls would react knowing they were Animagi, running about all night with Remus in his werewolf form, but he knew it wouldn't be long before they'd have to fess up and tell the them the truth behind their crazy nicknames, especially if they kept slipping up in front of them. It only seemed to be happening because they were drinking, which they didn't do very often, but part of him wanted to tell Annabelle. He hated keeping secrets from her, and something told him she wouldn't disapprove of their activity once she knew how much it helped Remus to have them there.

It took them longer than it should have to get back to Gryffindor tower, only because they were still a bit tipsy and trying extra hard not to get caught, but they made it to the common room without a problem. The fat lady scolded them for waking her up and threatened to tell on them, but she recanted when Johnny B. told her how beautiful she looked and winked at her.

"I'm going to see if Doc and Fax made it back in one piece," he said, and disappeared into the boys' dorms.

Alice turned and shushed Annabelle and Lily, even though they weren't talking. "We have to be really quiet. Lorelei will go mad if we wake her up."

Sirius recalled how Lorelei almost assaulted Annabelle over a stupid book, which made him think that waking her up in the middle of the night might get them more than a telling off. James seemed to be thinking the same thing because he said, "Maybe you shouldn't wake her…." Then he took a deep breath, braced himself for their reaction, and offered a solution. "You can all crash in our room."

Lily's eyes grew huge. "But it's against the rules."

"No one has to know," Sirius replied. "I mean, I won't tell."

"Neither will I," said James. "Remus, you won't take house points from us, will you?"

"Shut it, Prongs," he muttered.

Annabelle snickered at the mention of the name again, and Lily said to James, "What in the bloody hell are they calling you?"

"Nothing. It's just their way of taking the piss," he replied. He was starting to get a bit miffed with his mates for almost giving their secret away.

"I'm not using the boys' loo," Alice said. "I can only imagine it's vile."

"So use your own damned loo," Peter sneered. "I can only imagine it smells like roses and unicorn piss. I'm getting out of here before trouble finds us." He went up the stairs, while Sirius and James choked back the urge to laugh at his comment.

Lily turned to Annabelle and said, "What do you think?"

Annabelle replied, "I think we should use our own loo."

"No, I mean, should we go to their room?"

Annabelle didn't want to risk waking Lorelei, but she also didn't want to pass up an opportunity to spend the night with Sirius, even if they'd have to control their urges. She missed sleeping in his arms, and she was so tired and unprepared for a battle with Lorelei.

"Sure, why not? We will all be together, so… it's not like it's something intimate. It'll be like sleeping over at a friend's house, but with boys."

Alice sensed Lily's trepidation and added, "And I don't have the strength to argue with Lorelei right now. Do you? She will wake the whole bloody tower with her shouting."

The girls decided it best to let Lorelei sleep, and quietly went to use their own loo. When they crept back down their stairs, Sirius and James were waiting for them. They tried not to laugh as they all stumbled up to the sixth-year dorms, and when they got inside the room, Annabelle yanked the covers back and fell onto Sirius' bed like she'd been reunited with a dear old friend. His pillow smelled like him and she breathed in its familiar scent. As the rest of them squabbled over who would sleep where, she quickly and easily drifted off to dreamland.

"Alice, my bed is all yours," Remus said. "I'll take the floor."

"I feel bad making you sleep on the floor. We can sleep at opposite ends of the bed, can't we?" Alice figured that sleeping in the same bed as Remus was the least of her problems.

"No, no. Don't worry about it," he replied, throwing his coat down to use as a pillow, too tired and drunk to find anything more comfortable.

Sirius sat at the end of his bed, taking Annabelle's shoes off and quietly placing them on the floor while he waited for James and Lily to decide where they were sleeping.

"I don't think it's proper for me to sleep in bed with you with all these people here," she whispered to him as they stood huddled by the stove.

"It's just sleeping, Lil. It's not a big deal."

Lily thought of what her parents would think if they knew she spent the night in James' bed, not that they would ever know. But they'd be disappointed in her if they did know.

"It just seems wrong," she said.

Sirius sensed there was a problem and offered a solution. "You can sleep in my bed with Annabelle if you want to. I'll just crawl in next to James. We can cuddle."

James and Remus started laughing, but Lily wasn't amused. She whispered to James again. "I'm not kicking Sirius out of his own bed. You should sleep on the floor."

"Why is it okay for Annabelle to sleep in the same bed as Sirius?" James asked.

"Annabelle and Sirius don't have their parents to answer to," she whispered, not meaning it to be hurtful, but just stating it as a fact.

"It's not like your parents will be stopping by," he replied quietly. "But if it makes you feel better, I will sleep on the floor."

"Thank you," she said.

"It's settled," he announced as he flopped down on the floor next to his bed. "I'm sleeping on the cold, hard floor."

"Finally!" Peter interjected from his own bed. "Now would you all be quiet? I need my beauty sleep."

James, Sirius, and Remus all snorted at his comment as Lily got into bed and closed her eyes. Sirius scooted in next to Annabelle and pulled the covers up over them, relieved that Lily didn't take him up on his offer. How he'd longed to have Annabelle with him at night again. He brushed her hair back with his hand, watching her breathe and basking in the warmth and peace that her presence provided him. A few moments later he was sound asleep.

James closed his eyes, thinking he should have transfigured something into an extra bed or at least a pillow, but he didn't have the mental capacity to do it at the moment. The floor was freezing, and he really wanted to grab the quilt off the end of the bed, but he figured Lily might get cold in the night and need it, so he curled up into a ball and tried to sleep.

It wasn't long before Lily peeked over the edge of the bed at him. He looked so cold and uncomfortable, and why? Because he wanted _her_ to be comfortable. She still didn't feel right about it, but they were only sleeping, and her heart went out to him. Besides, she told herself, her mother would never condone letting someone sleep on an ice cold floor. It was rude and inhospitable. She reached down and poked him in the arm.

"Ouch," he murmured, his eyes still closed.

"I can't let you sleep like that."

"It's fine, Lily. Go to sleep."

"If you don't get into this bed, then I am coming down there with you."

He opened his eyes and whispered, "That would be ridiculous." He got up and climbed into bed with her. There wasn't much room to sleep without touching, but Lily cuddled up close to him and allowed him to slip his arm under her head so she could rest against him.

"Good night," she said softly, feeling much less guilty now that he was off the floor, and much more content having him close to her. It was a good thing the others were in the room, she told herself, because being snuggled up to him like that, his angular shoulder beneath her and his Quidditch-toned arms wrapped around her made her want him in a way she wasn't quite prepared to handle.

"Good night, Lily," he replied. He kissed her forehead and she smiled as she fell asleep. He had been tired before, but it took no time for the realisation to hit him that Lily Evans was in his bed, and even though it was innocent, he was entranced. He watched her sleep for a long time, afraid to move lest she wake up and decide to leave, and he willed his nether regions to cooperate and stay dormant. Instead, he tried to focus on how trusting she was of him, this amazing girl asleep in his arms. He was awake long enough to discern in the stove light Alice pulling Remus' arm and whispering something to him, then Remus getting into the bed, his head at the foot of the bed and their backs to each other. James eventually fell asleep, his head resting against Lily's, his heart full.

He didn't wake up until the revolting sound of Peter retching onto the floor tore them all from dreamland; the bright morning sunlight blinding them and making their heads throb. James checked the time and his heart sank. They'd overslept. On weekends breakfast was later and schedules weren't adhered to as strictly, but McGonagall, and for the most part everyone in the whole bloody school would notice if they were all missing. There would be a gaping space at the Gryffindor table right then that would easily raise suspicions, and in the state they were in, they didn't need to call attention to themselves.

"Breakfast started ten minutes ago, if anyone cares," he warned them.

"I can't," Peter moaned. "I can't get up."

Annabelle opened her eyes, the sight of Sirius' chiselled jawline the first thing she saw. How she wanted to kiss it, but the smell of Peter's vomit quickly wafted over to her, and she covered her nose instead.

"Clean up after yourself," Remus scolded Peter. He complied and picked up his wand from the floor, muttering " _Scourgify_ " before attempting to get out of bed.

James got out his invisibility cloak for the girls so they could leave without being seen. All they had time for was a quick change of clothes and a washing up, no time for a shower. When they were as ready as they could be, they rushed to the Great Hall and entered a few at a time in an attempt to avoid drawing attention to themselves, but people noticed anyway. Fortunately, Johnny B., Caradoc, and Fairfax were already there, which might have made their absence slightly less noticeable to the faculty.

Once they were seated, they thought they'd got away with it. None of them felt like eating, except for Fairfax who never felt hungover no matter how much he drank. Instead, they drank copious amounts of water to quench the dry thirst they all felt. Sirius glanced round the hall, curious to see if anyone appeared to have noticed their late entrance.

"Bugger," he muttered when he saw Professor McGonagall coming toward them.

Despite the fact that they were all exhausted and headachy, they put on an act of looking alert and well rested as Professor McGonagall approached them at the table. She immediately eyed their empty plates.

"Not hungry today?" she asked them.

They realised their blip and began helping themselves to food at once, overcompensating by piling their plates high with fried eggs, bacon, sausages, and beans. The smell of the food that close to Annabelle's nose made her throat lurch, and she held her breath for a moment until the urge to vomit passed.

Professor McGonagall's nose twitched. "Each and every one of you reeks of cigarette smoke," she observed, her eyes full of suspicion. "Please don't tell me you've all picked up that nasty habit."

"No, ma'am," Johnny B. answered. "We just took an early morning stroll through the middle courtyard. A bunch of seventh-years were out there smoking like chimneys and we walked through their smoke cloud."

"I see," she replied.

With that she stalked out of the Great Hall, presumably to catch the seventh-year smokers in the middle courtyard. She obviously suspected something, but being late for breakfast on the weekend wasn't a crime, so she had no choice but to overlook it.

"Oops," Johnny B. said, a sheepish grin on his face. "I hope I didn't just get anyone in trouble."

Alice pushed her plate away, then got up and ran out into the entrance hall, disappearing in the direction of the loo. Fairfax couldn't help but laugh.

"You need to learn how to pace yourselves," he declared as he stuffed his mouth full of fried bread. "You were like kids in a candy shop."

"We didn't know those drinks were so strong," Annabelle said in their defence.

"What did you think was in them?" he questioned. "Fruit-flavoured squash? Your drinks may have tasted innocent, but they were mostly alcohol."

"I think I'll stick with water next time," murmured Remus, whose pounding headache had him regretting his foray into debauchery.

"If there's a next time, count me out," Lily declared. "God, we are so bloody irresponsible! We have a major assignment due tomorrow, and we were out until the wee hours of the morning acting like fools."

"Can we all just relax?" Peter asked. "We left at the right time, and guess what? No one died. So we're hungover. Merlin, am I the only one who had any fun?"

They all looked at each other and grins broke out on their faces. It didn't escape them that Peter had been the most afraid to go, and yet he'd ended up enjoying himself. They'd all had fun at one point or another, but knew that they'd have to be careful in the future not to go too far. Peter was correct, they had left at the right time. Except for Alice, of course, who left a bit too late.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Alice stood in the loo, looking in the mirror, her eyes bloodshot after her episode of vomiting that eventually gave way to dry-heaving. It was as though her body was trying to expel her wantonness, but couldn't. The bitter, acidic taste was still in her mouth as she condemned herself for losing control.

_Sodding muggle birthday parties… long distance relationships… alcohol!_

_Loneliness._

_It was just a drunken kiss, though, wasn't it? Meaningless. Harmless._

God, how she loved him, and now she had lost him. She knew it. Frank Longbottom was too dignified a man, too _good_ to ever accept such a betrayal, such carelessness with his heart. That was what separated him from Dennis Maxwell, who apparently lacked self-worth. And she couldn't even tell Frank what she'd done, because he was on a mission and explicitly warned her against sending owls. That would have to be part of her penance; the guilt and shame she would endure until he came back to her. Then, the real penance would begin.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Since apparently no one is reading this here, I'm going to stop posting chapters. If you are interested in reading more, the rest of the story can be found on Fanfiction.net under CarriePlum. You don't need an account to read it there.
> 
> Not to be mean, just don't want to waste my time posting into the void. Makes me feel a bit silly, is all. Thanks for understanding.


	6. Desperate Times

Two weeks later, as Lily's birthday and the full moon approached, James and Sirius decided to sneak down to the Great Hall one night for a little revenge. It had been almost two months since Amycus Carrow had broken Annabelle's shoulder blade during their final Quidditch match. Two months since he could have paralysed or killed her had the Bludger hit her in the head or spine. And it was only a month and half since Severus Snape had brewed the potion that caused Sirius and Annabelle to lash out at each other. Finally, it was the years of hounding, being called blood traitor, and enduring the diabolical Slytherin gang's attempts to make him and his mates pay for not sharing their views.

James had an additional reason to want revenge. He still wasn't quite sure what the status of Snape's relationship with Lily was. He didn't think Lily was even on speaking terms with him anymore, but Peter claimed he saw him trying to talk to her in the corridor recently. James wasn't threatened by him, but he couldn't help but wonder if Snape still had feelings for her. It ticked him off as well that he'd caught Snivellus staring at her in class several times over the last few weeks. He wished the oily sod would get a clue and back off already. It was getting harder and harder to play nice.

"This is only the beginning, a preview of sorts," Sirius said as they entered the Great Hall under James' invisibility cloak. It was a very basic prank; not that harmful, just embarrassing. They'd had an itch to do something to them for some time and this one would be quick and easy to pull off.

"Yeah, well, it's a good beginning," James replied. He knew Sirius wanted to do something worse, but he'd promised Lily he'd stop tormenting Snape. This prank didn't just affect Snape, though, so he could always use that as an excuse if she got angry with him.

They took out their wands and proceeded to loosen every bolt and screw that held together the bench that Carrow, Snape, and Evan Rosier, another lowlife, had been sitting on at meals. Then they charmed it to collapse once it reached the estimated weight total of the students that sat there. The loosening of the bolts wasn't a necessity, but they wanted to ensure that it gave way, just in case their charm failed for some reason.

"Maybe we should add an extra few pounds for the grease in Snivelly's hair," James said.

Sirius laughed silently at the joke. Then they put a sticking charm on the bench so that once it collapsed, the boys wouldn't be able to get up again. It was designed to humiliate them, and should it go according to plan, they'd be the laughing stock of the school in the morning.

"Merlin, I hope this works," Sirius said, but deep down he knew this was too simple, too kind. After what they did, it just wasn't enough.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

The next morning, James and Sirius hurried to breakfast ahead of the others, worried they'd miss the show if they were late. They sat down and casually started eating, all the while watching the doors for the boys to enter. Snape was the first one to sit down.

"Why'd you run off so fast this morning?" Lily asked as she and the rest of their friends arrived.

"We were famished," James responded.

Lily and Annabelle exchanged dubious looks. It was obvious they were up to something as they both kept stealing surreptitious glances across the room and they were unusually quiet.

"Are you up to something?" Annabelle asked Sirius.

He didn't take his eyes away from whatever he was looking at, but said, "Course not. Why would you think that?"

That was the moment it happened. A loud cracking noise was heard as the bench on which the three boys were seated along with a few of their mates went crashing to the floor. Amycus Carrow had the pumpkin juice pitcher in his hand when it gave way and now he was wearing its contents.

Sirius and James immediately crumpled into a laughing fit, as did the majority of the Great Hall including their friends when they realised what had happened. Lily covered her mouth in an attempt to hide her mirth when she saw that Severus was affected, but the laughter of everyone around her made it difficult to remain composed. Sirius and James were trying to hide their amusement by looking down and pretending to eat, yet they couldn't stop laughing as the three Slytherins struggled to get up. For a moment, they looked absolutely ridiculous as they sat glued in place, trying to wrench themselves up repeatedly and failing each time.

"I'm guessing that was your doing?" Annabelle whispered to Sirius, who couldn't answer for laughing so hard. Instead he nodded, tears forming in his crinkled up eyes as his whole body shook. Annabelle couldn't help but laugh when she saw him in stitches like that, even though it made her nervous that they were stirring things up with the dangerous boys again.

Professor Flitwick hurried over and undid the charm and the gruesome threesome scrambled to their feet, still looking like idiots as Flitwick repaired the bench with a few swift motions of his wand. Amycus Carrow stormed out of the hall, presumably to change his clothes while the others sat back down, some laughing at themselves in an attempt to save face, and others, like Snape, scowling into their plates. Alecto Carrow, Amycus' younger sister, was standing up and ranting about what happened, wildly gesticulating, swearing, and making a complete arse out of herself. Evan Rosier was the only one to look across the room at the Gryffindor table. His eyes were fixed on the most likely suspects.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

In addition to pranking the Slytherins, Sirius was reluctantly spending more time apart from Annabelle over those couple weeks. They continued concentrating on schoolwork, getting their assignments done and sleeping rather than sneaking off to their secluded hiding spots around the castle. Annabelle insisted that they try to find a balance of sorts, and initially, Sirius thought it was a good idea. It would mean people would get off their backs about their marks, and maybe Annabelle would be less of a target for Jaeger if she was alert in class. But after a while, he began to feel like the scales were tipped against them, despite Annabelle's previous claim that she felt it was unnecessary for her to choose between Sirius and academics. Maybe she was afraid of disappointing Lily again, or maybe she was frightened of drawing Jaeger's attention. Whatever it was, he missed her.

"I'm worried about her," Annabelle said, when he asked why she was following Lily to the library every evening. "She's acting manic over her marks. I've never seen her like this before."

Lily had told James she preferred to do her school work alone, where no one could distract her, and she would disappear in the library for hours every evening, usually until it closed. She tolerated Annabelle's presence because Annabelle didn't constantly beg her to take breaks like James did. Then she would retreat to her room until around ten, and after revising until her eyes hurt, she would finally come down to meet James. He would be waiting for her in the common room, often by himself since the others had all gone to bed, or with Remus who liked to read by the fire after his prefect rounds.

Lily would stay there with James for a little while, but every night the time she spent with him got shorter and shorter. He was starting to think she was considering moving on, and like Remus' issue with Claire, she just couldn't find a way to end it. It was entirely possible that she was still resentful over his episode of cold feet during the fall, or maybe she wanted someone more sophisticated, or more studious and inconspicuous. His stomach was in knots every night as he wondered if that was the night she would wash her hands of him.

"Hey Moony," he said when Remus entered the common room that evening.

"Where's Lily?" Remus asked.

James shrugged. "Haven't seen her since dinner."

"Wow, she really means business, doesn't she?"

"She certainly does." He didn't feel comfortable talking to Remus about his concerns pertaining to Lily, only because Remus was quite studious himself and he had already tried to make James feel bad for criticising her new study habits.

"At the pace she's going, she'll be head girl next year," said Remus.

"Yeah," James replied, looking downcast.

"That would be a great accomplishment, don't you think?

"Suuure."

James would be proud of Lily no matter what. But the thought of her being head girl made him sad for some reason. He figured he would feel the way Ringo must have felt when the other Beatles got their successful solo careers. Alone. Left behind. A distant memory.

"You could be head boy, you know," Remus said. "Your marks are already high without trying very hard. Imagine if you put in some effort. Then, you'd not only be captain of the best Quidditch team at Hogwarts, but the leader of every house's prefects, and pretty much the entire student body."

"Why the hell would I want to be head boy? Every head boy this school ever saw was a massive dork."

"Dumbledore was head boy, and he's not a massive dork."

"No, but he probably was back in ye olden times."

"Eh, it was just a thought," replied Remus. He was starting to feel ill due to the approaching full moon and changed his mind about reading, opting to get some rest instead. "I'm knackered. G'night."

"Night."

James tried to imagine himself as head boy with everyone thinking he was a swot. It was an interesting thought, and a hilarious one at that. But Remus had a point. He would still be the captain of the Quidditch team, unless his teammates ousted him for being suddenly uncool. And being leader of the prefects was a tempting incentive. It would be an interesting position to be in having the power to boss around those corrupt Slytherin prefects. Nothing would make his day more.

But what if, for some reason, Lily didn't get to be head girl? Would James being head boy make her want him more? It was a strong possibility, since lately she valued academics above everything else. She certainly didn't have to worry about being Ringo'ed by him, because he would never do that to her. He was the one who needed to worry. She would grow tired of him soon, if she hadn't already. He had to show her he wasn't just a goof off and he had to do it in a big way. He could think of no bigger way than becoming head boy.

"Hello," Lily said as she came round the other side of the sofa. She looked like she'd just run twenty laps of the Quidditch pitch, James thought. She collapsed next to him and put her head on his shoulder, shutting her eyes.

"Lil, maybe you should go to bed," he suggested as he put his arm around her, even though he would be disappointed if she did. He'd barely talked to her all day.

"Are you saying I look tired?" she murmured.

"Yes, even though the circles under your eyes are a rather lovely shade of purple."

"I still want to re-read the Dark Arts assignment. It was confusing," she replied, her eyes still closed.

James began to stroke her hair while she held his other hand. "Give yourself a break. You will go mad if you keep this up."

"Some of us have to work harder than others to get ahead," she said drowsily.

He knew when she said "us" she meant the muggle-born students and by "others" she meant him.

"You don't have to work as hard as you think you do," he told her.

She sighed softly, her breathing becoming even. He realised that she'd fallen asleep, her forehead pressed against his neck. She'd never accidentally fallen asleep against him like that and he found himself hoping she wouldn't wake up until morning, just so he could hold her the way he had when they'd come back from the party in London. As she slept, he thought about how much less time she'd have for him the following year. Seventh year was hard enough with N.E.W.T.s to prepare for, but if she became head girl, he just knew it would be over. He didn't want to imagine what it would be like to never hold her again the way he was doing just then, not when everything had been going so well. He noticed her writing hand was stained with ink and her fingers were red with callouses where the quill had rubbed against them. He was jarred by the sight and he wondered why she felt the need to wear herself out like that.

After a while, the comfort and warmth of her against him for so long had a calming effect on him, and he started to doze off himself. It wasn't until the portrait shut loudly that they opened their eyes again. Fairfax and a seventh-year girl named Posey Palmer appeared, arms wrapped around each other as they snogged like they didn't care who saw them.

"What time is it?" Lily asked, beginning to panic. She still hadn't reread her Dark Arts assignment. The clock said half past eleven.

Fairfax and Posey unlocked their lips when they noticed they weren't alone. "Oops," Posey said with a giggle.

"Sorry to interrupt!" Fairfax called, completely unfazed by Lily and James' presence.

"You didn't interrupt anything," Lily said as she stood up. "I fell asleep. James, why didn't you wake me?"

"Because you were tired?"

"Goodnight, beautiful," Fairfax said to Posey as he let go of her hand. Then he said goodnight again to Lily and James before heading upstairs to his room.

Lily put a frustrated hand over her forehead. "You knew I wanted to read the Dark Arts assignment again!"

"I'm sorry," James said, standing up as well. "I didn't think you were serious about that, considering you couldn't keep your eyes open."

"I have to go read it now," she said. "I will see you in the morning." With that, she gave him a chaste peck on the lips and hurried up the girls' staircase.

James rolled his head around in a circle, causing his stiff neck to crack, then he went up to his own room to go to bed. His heart was suddenly very heavy. Just before he went to sleep, he pulled out his Dark Arts reading assignment and read it over again.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Late that night, when all the girls were sleeping, Annabelle heard Lily moving followed by the creak of a floor board. She opened one eye and watched as Lily crossed the room and slowly opened the door, then pulled it quietly shut behind her after she left. An hour later, Lorelei's snoring woke Annabelle again, and she looked over and noticed Lily's bed was still empty. She figured she took to heart her remark that she'd made during their quarrel about sneaking out with James more often, even though Annabelle hadn't meant it as anything other than a joke. She rolled over and went back to sleep.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Soon, it was the day before the full moon, and three days before Lily's seventeenth birthday. Remus had been doing his prefect rounds when he ran into Claire. She was sitting in a little alcove near Ravenclaw Tower, a book in hand, but she didn't appear to be reading it. She smiled hopefully when she saw him approaching, but her smile faded as he got closer.

"Are you feeling all right?" she asked him as she held out a hand to him, willing him to sit down next to her. He reluctantly took her hand and sat, biting at the inside of his lower lip in order to control his emotions. He had avoided Claire when he could, but he began to feel terrible about himself, like he was someone he no longer liked. Deep down, and he wasn't proud of it, he hoped she would be the one to dump him for constantly brushing her off, just to save him the pain of doing it himself.

Yet, she didn't dump him, and he felt even worse for being such a coward. Instead, she humbly accepted whatever attention he was willing to give her, and every time she did, he was pulled back into his indecision. He knew it was selfish to keep stringing her along and he berated himself for it repeatedly, but he adored her. He never in a million years would have thought he'd meet a girl like her and that she would fancy him as well. He wanted so much to be with her, but he couldn't keep hurting her. It was time to end it. But it would have to wait until after the full moon, because he wasn't prepared, and he didn't have the fortitude to deal with the consequences just then. He was too sick.

"Nah, it's my allergies again. They've been acting up a lot lately," he lied.

She ran a hand gently across his forehead, pushing back the sandy hair that was damp with his cold sweat. Her touch made him stop breathing for a moment.

"Do you take any potions for them?" she asked.

"Yes, but they don't work," he replied, looking down at his hands to avoid her searching brown eyes.

"Well, if you're feeling better tomorrow, maybe you'd like to come see a play some of my housemates are doing? It's just a small little production in the Literature classroom, for extra credit, but it's _Hamlet_ so how bad could it be?"

She laughed after she said it, and normally he'd have made witty remark back to her, and then he would have agreed to go. But, the full moon would be there no matter how much he wanted to accompany her to the play. It would always be there, and he couldn't keep coming up with excuses.

"My parents are taking me to see a healer tomorrow in Edinburgh," he lied again. "Just to run a few allergy tests. I'll be gone overnight." Before she could ask any more questions, he stood up and said, "I'd better finish my rounds."

"Get some rest," she replied, the concern in her eyes unwavering.

He nodded. "I will."

He left her sitting there, completely unaware of the tears that fell down her cheeks when he was gone.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

The next day, Remus didn't go to his classes as he was too ill to attend. James hoped he'd be recovered enough for Lily's birthday, not that they were doing anything special for it except going to Hogsmeade. She refused to sneak out again, and there wasn't anything he could do to persuade her. Annabelle had asked Izzy the house-elf if she could make one of her special cakes for the occasion, and Izzy was more than happy to oblige. The plan was to surprise her with it at The Three Broomsticks. At least it was something, but still, it didn't feel like enough.

That evening, James had told Lily that he wasn't feeling well and not to bother meeting him in the common room. Alice and Annabelle had gone to bed early, so the boys were in the clear to go meet Remus in The Shrieking Shack. It was getting harder and harder to hide their monthly excursions from them, especially since they spent so much time with them and Remus wasn't the only one looking exhausted the day after. Telling them the truth would have made it so much simpler. And though the girls might disapprove of them running about with Remus-the-werewolf considering the potential for tragedy involved, they could be trusted not to tell. They would never intentionally give them away.

But if there was ever a slip up; an accidental mentioning of it, Remus' life might be destroyed since his secret would be out, and Sirius, James, and Peter would be punished by the Ministry. Being an unregistered Animagus was a crime. They had fiercely guarded their secret for almost two years, and no one had a clue, so as much as they longed to share their abilities with Lily, Annabelle, and Alice, they chose to keep quiet instead.

The next morning, Sirius, James, and Peter woke up late after only two hours sleep, barely making it to breakfast. Remus was too weak to get up, which was typical after a full moon. They tried to be casual as they walked into the Great Hall, but Alice immediately asked where they'd been.

"We overslept," answered James honestly. "It happens."

"All three of you look knackered," she observed, eyeing them suspiciously. "Were you roaming about the castle last night, torturing Filch with your mischief?"

"What do you think we are? Children?" Sirius retorted a little too defensively.

"You did just pull a childish prank on the Slytherins, so…" she replied moodily. She also hadn't been herself ever since she kissed Matthew's best mate.

"And you laughed," said Sirius. "You should be thanking us for providing the entertainment around here."

Annabelle had a feeling they were covering something, but it didn't surprise her. She knew they were still trying to finish their intricate real-time map of the castle, so she figured that was what they were doing all night and they didn't want to give it away. She felt bad that Remus had to miss out on the fun with his mates, though.

Just then, Claire approached the table. Everyone turned to look at her, and she instantly tensed up. For a moment it looked like she might turn and run.

"Hello… em… I was just wondering when Remus would be back?"

The alarm on their faces was so pronounced it made Claire flinch. Everyone was thinking the same thing – had he told her he was a werewolf? It seemed as though he had. No one answered her for fear of saying the wrong thing.

"Sorry, I just wondered when he would be back," she repeated herself, her voice a bit more firm. It was clear that she was becoming galled by their silence.

"Um…" Sirius replied, "He is back."

He figured it was an answer that gave nothing away. He didn't say _back from the Shrieking Shack where he'd been a werewolf a few hours ago_. All eyes were on Claire, awaiting her response.

"Already? Where is he then?"

"Sleeping," James replied. "Up too late reading last night. Practically had to drag him up the stairs and force him to go to bed."

She stared at them, her distraught countenance making them all look away for a moment.

"But he said..." she trailed off, realising he lied to her.

"Said what?" Sirius asked.

"He said he had an appointment with a healer in Edinburgh for his allergies. He said he'd be gone overnight."

They all breathed a visible sigh of relief and relaxed their tense postures. She didn't know the truth about Remus' furry little problem and they had managed not to give it away.

"Yeah, he did," James said, confidence filling his voice. "His parents brought him back late last night instead. Last minute decision."

But it was too late. Claire had already determined that something was amiss by their initial confused reactions. She'd have been in denial not to have figured out that he had told her a story. Her big brown eyes showed the hurt and embarrassment as she nodded quickly, and said, "Thank you."

After she hurried away, James muttered, "I think Remus is going to have some explaining to do when she catches up to him."

"Good save, though," Peter said. "Just remember to tell Remus what you told her."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Defence against the Dark Arts was first that day, and Annabelle didn't foresee any problems since she and Sirius had been doing their best and hadn't drawn the professor's attention recently. But when she saw how tired Sirius and the others were, she started to feel nervous.

She stood outside the door with Sirius, waiting until class was about to start to go inside. They wanted to spend the least amount of time in there as possible.

"Try to stay awake," she told him.

"I will," he replied, his eyelids looking heavy already. He gave her hand a squeeze. "Don't worry."

They entered the room and went their separate ways. Annabelle noticed Peter had his head down on the desk. She nudged him as she passed, and he looked up with foggy eyes, then shook his head and put it back down on his arms. As she sat down, she glanced at James, who sat right behind her. He looked like a zombie. His eyes were threatening to close and when he caught her glance, he shifted in his seat, scratching the back of head and leaning on his elbow. She saw that Sirius was resting his head in his hand as well, gazing out the window. Lily looked over at her anxiously and Annabelle had a bad feeling as she turned around in her seat.

"All right class, settle down," Professor Jaeger said. He took attendance and when he got to Remus, he asked, "Does anyone know the whereabouts of Mr. Lupin?"

"He has the flu," Sirius called out, not taking his eyes off the window.

"Why thank you, Mr. Black. Would you be so kind as to take notes for him?" Jaeger asked, an almost exaggerated friendliness in his voice.

Sirius turned his eyes from the window to glare at the man. "Sure, no problem," he muttered, then went back to his window-gazing.

"You can't take notes if you're not paying attention."

"I'll pay attention when you start teaching."

Jaeger pursed his lips but said no more. Instead he introduced the day's lesson.

"Class, tell me what you know about Dementors. Ah, yes, the lovely Miss Roux."

Esmeralda smiled at the compliment and answered, "They're the Azkaban prison guards."

"Indeed. What else do we know about them? Miss Henderson?"

"They're ten feet tall and they have no true loyalties."

"Well done. Miss Ross?"

"They will suck all the happy memories out of you, leaving you reduced to nothing but sorrow and misery."

Sirius knew all of this already, but was writing it down anyway since he wasn't looking for trouble. He was so drowsy, but he knew how much Jaeger would love to catch him sleeping, so he fought it as best as he could.

"Excellent. Now class, I'd like to discuss the nature and behaviour of the Dementor in a bit more depth." He went on to lecture for most of the class, even throwing in some of his own personal stories about harrowing encounters with Dementors. Annabelle thought she heard James snoring lightly, but then she heard him clear his throat so she figured he woke up. About ten minutes before class was over, he said, "Now class, I'd like you to copy the notes off the board. This information will be on your exam next week." He tapped the chalkboard with his wand and it filled with writing. Many groans were heard as the students bent to the task of copying.

Jaeger made sure to walk around the room, starting on the side where Annabelle sat. He paused when he got to her, but she kept to the task at hand and he moved on. She heard a small commotion near where Peter was sitting and only assumed the professor had woken him up. She kept writing, and didn't stop until she heard Jaeger's voice again.

"Mr. Black! Wake up!" he said sternly as he hovered next to Sirius' desk.

Sirius jumped slightly and rubbed his bleary eyes with his thumb and forefinger, but sat up and began copying again. Jaeger wasn't through with him though.

"I ask you to take notes for an ill student, and this is what you do? How utterly selfish and irresponsible of you."

Sirius looked down at his parchment, his jaw clenched and his eyes narrowed. Lily, who was right in front of him, tried to quell the situation. "Remus can use my notes, sir. It's not a problem."

She thought it would help take the attention off Sirius since the whole point was for the absent student to have notes to look at, but it only made it worse.

"Thank you Miss Evans, but that won't be necessary," he replied as he slowly strolled to the front of the classroom. "You see, I asked Mr. Black to do a simple, mundane task. Copy the notes. Now why, pray tell, does it seem like some of you still require nap time, as though this is nursery school?"

Nobody answered, and Annabelle's heart was pounding. She couldn't stand that his new target seemed to be Sirius. Why didn't he just stick to her as his target? She had been getting used his rude remarks.

"Well, Mr. Black? Do you have an answer for yourself? Shall I roll out a nap mat for you so you can have a kip on the floor? Shall I give you a bottle of milk and sing you a lullaby? Shall I change your nappy first?"

Annabelle couldn't take it anymore. She couldn't sit by while he humiliated the person she loved most.

"Leave him alone!" she cried out. She was trembling, fearful of how much further he was going to take things. "What you're saying has nothing to do with taking notes!"

"Ah, Miss O'Neill, the original napper. Maybe you'd like to join him on the nap mat, yes? Would that make class more… interesting for you? Hmmm?"

Sirius looked over at her, and saw that she had turned back around in her desk, her arms crossed over herself and her head turned away from the class.

"Merlin, you are sick," said James to the professor.

"What was that, Mr. Potter?" Professor Jaeger responded. "I couldn't hear you over the sound of Miss O'Neill's whinging."

"Nothing could make this class interesting!" she spat back, her voice shaky. This time she didn't take her eyes off him.

"Maybe you will become more interested during your detention with me Saturday afternoon when you will be cleaning out the textbook cupboard. See you here at half past one, Miss O'Neill."

Saturday was the trip to Hogsmeade. Lily's birthday. She would have to miss it.

"Why are you punishing her?" Sirius exclaimed. "She wasn't the one sleeping! Give me the detention!"

" _That will be enough out of you!_ " Jaeger commanded.

Just then the bell rang, but Sirius didn't move. He wanted to say more. He wanted to do something, like curse him. Lily gathered her things and stood up. When she saw Sirius glaring at the professor with a look of pure contempt in his eyes, she said, "Don't say anything else. You will only makes things worse for her."

Annabelle had made her way over to him by then, James right behind her. She bent down in front of him, breaking his stare-off with the professor and put a hand on his arm.

"Don't give him the satisfaction of responding. Let's just go."

He stared at her for a moment, then nodded and gathered his belongings. They exited the classroom without looking back.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Remus wandered down into the common room, just in time to get the story. He was still in bad shape, dark bags under his bloodshot eyes, but he was going to do his best to make it to Transfiguration.

"I'm sorry," he said to Sirius. "I wish he hadn't asked anyone to take notes for me. I could have read up on Dementors myself."

"Don't be sorry," Sirius replied. "It's not your fault he's a prick."

"Yeah, the git was just using your absence as an excuse to start with Sirius," said James, carefully choosing his words in case anyone was listening.

"But Annabelle ends up paying the price," Sirius said. "Always."

Everyone grew quiet, not understanding what the man had against her, or why he wouldn't give Sirius and James detentions as well. Comparatively, they'd said worse things than Annabelle had.

"He doesn't like me for some reason," she said.

"Maybe we should tell Professor McGonagall," suggested Lily. "She won't tolerate him singling out one student all the time."

"No," Annabelle said. "If we tell her, then he will tell her what Sirius and James said to him two weeks ago." She also didn't want Jaeger telling McGonagall about what he witnessed in the library between her and Sirius.

"I can't speak for James, but I don't care if she finds out what I said," replied Sirius.

"Well, I do," Annabelle replied. "I'll do the detention. What's the worst that can happen?"

It was a loaded question, and they all fell silent again. Sirius was beside himself with anger. It had taken every ounce of self-control that he possessed not to hex the man. The idea of Annabelle doing a detention alone with him while everyone else was in Hogsmeade was disconcerting to say the least.

"I'm going to stay behind on Saturday," he said.

"You don't have to do that," Annabelle replied, feeling awful that the plans for Lily's birthday were falling apart. "I'll be fine. Really."

Sirius didn't say any more, but he meant what he said. He wouldn't be going to Hogsmeade, and there was no use discussing it any further, since his mind was made up.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

After classes were over for the day, Remus had a prefect's meeting. Annabelle had gone with Lily to the library and Peter was off playing chess with Chauncey Bates, the best chess player in Slytherin house. Alice was napping her depression away, Johnny B. had disappeared somewhere, and James, Sirius, Caradoc, and Fairfax were in Fairfax's room trying to charm a small black and white telly he'd brought from home so they could watch football. The conflict with Jaeger had made them temporarily forget the encounter with Claire at breakfast, so Remus was blindsided as he headed back to Gryffindor tower after the meeting.

He started up the stairs to the common room, deep in thought. When he reached the last flight of stairs before the portrait hole, he looked up and saw Claire sitting there, waiting for him. His heart warmed at the sight of her, then followed the feeling of shame he'd been experiencing so often. He forced a smile, but she didn't smile back.

When he reached her, he asked, "Is something wrong?"

She swallowed hard and stood up. She was two steps above him so she was looking down on him when she said, "Is there something you want to tell me?"

His stomach flipped. Had she figured out his secret? Of course, it shouldn't shock him if she had. Severus Snape had figured it out, certainly Claire had the capacity to do the same.

"I don't know what you are referring to," Remus said, not wanting to play a mind game. He wished she would just spit it out.

"Your trip to Edinburgh for your allergies. You told me you were going overnight."

"I did. I got back around lunch time."

At his words, her face furrowed in grief.

"What is it? Tell me, please," he said as he took a step toward her and touched her arm.

She recoiled from him, and replied, "You are lying to me."

Again, he wondered if she'd figured it out. His heart was pounding in his chest as he responded, "Lying about what? Just tell me what you are upset about!"

"I asked your friends this morning what time you'd be returning. They were confused by my question, and they didn't seem to know anything about a doctor's appointment in Edinburgh until I mentioned it. Then they told me your parents brought you back last night. And now you are telling me you came back today?"

His brow knitted as he tried to stay calm. He didn't see any way out of this. It was the moment he'd been dreading; the moment he'd have to break up with her. It was not how he'd imagined it taking place.

"I'm sorry, Claire," he replied, unsure of how to proceed. "I… just think…" He stopped and closed his eyes for a moment, then looked at her. She deserved an explanation, but he was so unprepared.

"Why would you lie about something like that? Just to avoid seeing a lousy production of _Hamlet_? Or is it something more?" she asked, tears in her eyes. The sight of her tears brought him to tears as well, as he quickly wiped his eyes on back of his hand and took a deep breath.

"I just don't think it's going to work out between us," he replied, his words firing off before he had a chance to think. He couldn't look at her.

"I had a feeling this was coming," she said, turning to the banister and holding onto it for security. "But I don't understand why, except that maybe I came on too strong in my letter… I'm sorry, I just thought you felt the same…."

"No," he replied. "That wasn't it."

He couldn't tell her that he did feel the same; that she had seamlessly filled the cracks in his heart and that he'd allowed himself to hope for once in his life that he could be loved despite his condition. But reality has a way of creeping up on a person, cruelly tearing away at dreams, and he knew without a doubt that it would be unwise to tell her he was a werewolf. He'd be a fool to think she'd find him loveable after she found out something that hideous about him. If only he'd listened to his head instead of his heart from the beginning, neither one of them would be any worse for the wear, and he wouldn't have to hurt her.

"I've been feeling this way for a while now. I just don't think you and I have a future together."

"But why?" she asked softly. "Was it something I did or didn't do?"

He steeled himself and said flatly, "It's me. I'm just not ready for a serious relationship. I didn't realise that until now."

She put a hand on her stomach and choked back a sob, but her tears spilled over and she slid past him on the stairs, gripping the handrail as she made her way down and away from him. She was too heartbroken to speak.

He turned around, his face pinched with remorse and said, "I didn't mean to hurt you." He winced at how artificial it sounded, even though it was true.

She turned back around and looked at him with her wet eyes, chuckling ruefully as she spoke. "To think I was falling in love with you."

His breath caught. They were the most unexpectedly beautiful words he'd ever heard, and the most painful. The very blood of him ached at the sound of them.

"I'm sorry, Claire… for everything."

She stopped crying for a moment, and gazed into his eyes. There was still a gentleness about her, despite what he'd just done.

"Well… for what it's worth, I'm not."

With that, she turned and jogged down the rest of the stairs and disappeared from view. All he could hear was an occasional breathy sob as the sound of her footsteps got farther and farther away. He was suddenly overwhelmed with despair as it clawed at his insides, his mind flooded with all that he could never be or have, and how he'd been a completely selfish fool to lead Claire on, only to hurt her in the end. He ran up the rest of the stairs and wove his way through the upper, vacant part of the castle until he found his way to the dark room with the fireplace they'd used to get to London. There, he sat down on the sheet covered sofa, buried his head in his hands, and wept.

* * *


	7. Less Than Perfect

 

_.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-._

_"To believe that you must hide all the parts of you that are broken, out of fear that someone else is incapable of loving what is less than perfect,_

_is to believe that sunlight is incapable of entering a broken window and illuminating a dark room."_

_— Marc Hack_

_.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-._

Lily and Annabelle were walking back from the library when Claire breezed past them, doing a poor job of trying to look fine. Her cheeks were red and damp with tears.

"Claire!" Lily called out to her, but she didn't stop.

"Claire! Wait!" Annabelle echoed as they followed after her.

She stopped, hugging herself as she closed her eyes and began shaking with sobs again. She was in such a state that Lily and Annabelle instantly felt their own tears threatening, and they didn't even know what had happened.

"What is it?" Annabelle asked, putting an arm around her. "Tell us what's wrong."

Lily stood in front of her, bending slightly so she could look her in the eyes, and touched her arm. "Will you tell us what happened?"

Claire took a deep breath in an attempt to suppress her crying, and said, "Remus just broke up with me."

The incident at breakfast came rushing back to them and they both flinched inwardly, regretting that they hadn't warned Remus sooner. They hoped they weren't responsible.

"He's confused, Claire," Lily said. "But he cares about you, that's a fact."

"She's right," added Annabelle. "Honestly, it's not you."

Claire broke away from them, unable to stomach their vapid platitudes. Her mind was reeling. Remus had seemed like a different person than the one she met that bright fall day in the courtyard. She had instantly felt attracted to him then, not only because of his scruffy hair and his gentle eyes, but because of his wit and his kind heart. It didn't take long to see the depths of his kindness when he spoke of his friends, his family, and his take on the world in general. There was such goodness, such compassion in his words. He had integrity, and when he smiled at her it was like Christmas. He'd lit up her heart so unexpectedly, and she had found herself thinking about him all the time.

It was difficult in the beginning because they were both so reserved. She didn't feel comfortable seeking him out, especially when his best mates were a rather intimidating group of Gryffindor's finest athletes and intellects, a year above her no less. She'd been delighted when he showed a sincere interest in her, and they began spending more and more time together. He told her she was special to him, that she was important, and when they kissed, she believed him.

Now, she was confused, shocked even that it could turn out this way. And he didn't even tell her why, _why_ had he changed his mind about her? How embarrassing and foul a revelation he must have had about her, so egregious, that he couldn't even speak the words. She wanted to curl up in the dark and stay there until the world went away.

Lily turned to Annabelle. "You go after her, try to calm her down, and I'll see if I can find Remus and get to the bottom of this."

Annabelle nodded, wondering how she could calm Claire down when she couldn't offer her anything insightful. She certainly couldn't tell Claire what she suspected was the truth behind him breaking up with her. Remus had expressed his trepidation to her over getting close with Claire in the beginning of the relationship. He'd said that nothing could ever come of it, but he would just try to be friends with her instead, because friendship with Claire was better than nothing at all. It hadn't worked out that way though, and Annabelle knew he was falling for her. They all knew, but they didn't try to stop him because he really liked her. And he deserved to be happy.

While Annabelle went after Claire, Lily took off toward Gryffindor tower. She had to find Remus. He wasn't like a lot of boys that could just brush off girls whom they had been obsessed with five minutes before. He had a conscience so strong that it would never allow him to toy with someone's feelings then disregard them so callously. He would be hurting as well at the moment, maybe even more deeply than Claire.

When she got to the common room, there was no sign of him. Scrawny Norvel Tugwood, another Gryffindor prefect, was sitting on the sofa next to Lorelei. They'd been dating since the previous school year, and he looked dwarfed by her as they snuggled up together.

"Norvel," Lily said to him. They both turned to her, sneers on their faces like they didn't appreciate her interrupting them. She didn't give a fig about their cuddling though, and asked, "Have you seen Remus?"

"He was at the prefect's meeting, but I haven't seen him since," he responded. He always sounded like he had a cold for some reason, even though he didn't.

"Would you go see if he's upstairs, please?"

He gave an exasperated sigh, and dramatically stormed off to the boys' staircase. Lorelei glowered at Lily, but Lily was used to that look from Lorelei so she let it roll off her back.

Norvel returned a moment later and said, "He's not up there. Now if it's quite all right, I'd appreciate it if you'd let me enjoy my downtime. Being a prefect doesn't mean I don't deserve a life of my own."

"No one said it did," Lily muttered as she left the common room, trying to think of where Remus could have gone. He couldn't have gone to the library, since they would have passed him on the way, unless he took a different route. Then again, she figured he would want to be alone. She didn't know all the castle's secret rooms and passages like the boys did, and she didn't think alerting them to the situation was the best idea just yet, so she went to the one room she did know. The room with the fireplace.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Annabelle fell in step with Claire as they headed toward Ravenclaw tower. Claire didn't want to talk about it, that much Annabelle knew. But she couldn't let her go on thinking Remus was an insensitive wanker, or that Claire herself was somehow to blame.

"Please, Claire, can we talk for minute before you go back to your dorm?"

"What is there to talk about? He doesn't want to be with me anymore."

"We told you, it's not you," Annabelle said quietly, wishing she knew the words to convince her.

"Isn't that what everyone says when they dump someone? 'It's not you, it's me.' But it must be me, or else he wouldn't have ended it."

Claire had a point. It did sound awful… and false.

"No, it's not just a line this time," Annabelle tried to explain. "You know him. He's not a shallow person!"

"I sent him a letter over the holiday," Claire said. "I told him I'd talked about him to my parents. Maybe it was too soon. Maybe I scared him."

"Remus wouldn't be scared because of that. He just has some… issues to work through."

_More empty words_ , Claire thought. _He has issues, it's not you it's me…_

"Then why couldn't he just talk to me about these issues?"

Annabelle took a deep breath. "I don't know."

Claire began to walk faster and Annabelle quickened her pace to keep up with her. They walked in silence until they reached the stairs that led to Ravenclaw Tower.

"Stop, please! I really need to you to know that he isn't an arsehole. Please, Claire, just sit down and talk for a minute?"

Claire stopped and begrudgingly turned around. She looked at Annabelle's pleading face, then nodded. The girls sat down on the steps, and Claire wiped her eyes in vain. The tears wouldn't stop.

"I know I just have to accept it, but just it hurts so much," Claire said as she cried. "I knew something was strange between us recently, but I didn't want to believe it could be over already."

"Listen to me, Claire. Remus adores you. He fancied you well before that day in the courtyard. But he doesn't want to burden you with his problems."

"What are these problems?"

"It's not for me to say," Annabelle replied, and Claire put her face in her hands. "But he really cares so much that he just wants to protect you."

"Is he in some kind of trouble? With the Ministry perhaps?"

Annabelle couldn't help but chuckle at the idea of Remus the criminal. "Remus? No. He's done nothing illegal."

"Is it family problems?"

"I'm sorry, but I can't tell you. He has to protect himself, too."

"Protect himself from me? What could I possibly do to harm him?"

"If you knew what he was dealing with you'd understand what I mean." At least Annabelle thought she would understand. Seeing the girl's heartache, it seemed impossible that Claire would hold his lycanthropy against him.

"You're scaring me. Is he sick?"

"I really can't say any more about it. It's not my place."

All the questioning was unsettling to Annabelle. She was afraid she might accidentally clue her in to the real problem if they continued down the path the conversation had taken. It would feel so cathartic just to blurt out, _He's a bloody werewolf, Claire. Your boyfriend is a werewolf. Now go find him and tell him that you still love him._

"It hurts so much that he'd rather send me away than talk to me about whatever it is."

"At the very least, I hope you can find some comfort in knowing it was nothing you did or didn't do. He cares about you, Claire. He really does."

Claire fell silent except for the sound of her sniffling. Annabelle didn't know what else to say. Perhaps there was nothing more to be said. Claire had just lost someone she cared about. It wasn't meant to be easy.

Tears filled Claire's eyes again. There was a pause, then she said softly, "I'm going to miss him."

Annabelle noticed she was fiddling with a silver bracelet on her wrist. It was a delicate bangle, engraved with a tiny vine of ivy and flowers that went around it.

"Your bracelet is pretty," she said.

"He gave it to me for Christmas," Claire replied. "Tonight will be the first night I take it off."

Annabelle put an arm around her. She knew how crushed Claire was feeling; she'd felt it herself when Sirius had dumped her in December. That had all been a misunderstanding, but at the time she didn't know that. This was a misunderstanding as well, but Remus wouldn't allow the truth to come to light, not when there was so much depending on keeping it hidden. And not when he had convinced himself that she would change her mind about him if she knew the truth.

"I'm going to head up to the tower," she said as she wiped her eyes and stood up.

"All right," Annabelle replied. "You know where to find me if you want to talk."

"Thank you, Annabelle, but what else is there to say?"

She turned and walked up the stairs to Ravenclaw tower. Annabelle heard her knock and answer the riddle, then she was gone.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

With the tip of her wand lit, Lily entered the large, cold room with the vaulted ceilings and the massive stone fireplace. She saw him instantly among the sea of sheet-covered furniture, his body racked with sorrow.

"Remus?" she asked cautiously, wanting to alert him to her presence. At the sound of her voice he immediately tried to collect himself, wiping his eyes and sitting up straighter. She approached him and when she saw his anguished expression, her heart swelled with empathy. He hadn't wanted to break up with Claire. She sat down next to him and put her hand on his.

"Tell me what happened," she said.

His brows furrowed as he bit the inside of his bottom lip, willing himself to hold it together. But he was just so bereft, not only because he lost the girl, but because he would never have a relationship like that again. He was painfully aware that his whole life would be a struggle, thanks to his father who made sure to drive that point home on the rare occasions that he got a bit lazy or stepped out of line. He just wanted Remus to advocate for himself and do his best, but his lectures made Remus fear the future. Finding steady work, gaining trust just to lose it again, longing for a love that he would never be fit to receive, always finding himself alone… the darkness and uncertainty of the road ahead was devastating.

"I didn't ask for any of this," he said, his voice shaky as it threatened to crack. "I was only four. I didn't do anything wrong."

"Of course you didn't," she replied, putting her arm round his hunched shoulders and swallowing past the lump forming in her throat.

"But I will never escape it. I will be paying for it until I die."

"You may never escape it, but you don't have to pay for it. She might understand… if you tell her the truth."

They sat in silence for a moment, Remus trying to stem the flow of tears that kept spilling from him. Lily took her arm from around him and placed her hand back over his.

"I can't tell her the truth. I just can't. What if… what if she reacts badly to the news… and threatens to tell people?"

"We'd stop her, in the most humane way possible. There are more of us than her."

Remus smiled in spite of himself. "Annabelle said something like that last fall."

He wouldn't actually entertain the idea, though, and he grew silent again. After a pause, he said, "I can't believe I dumped her. You should have seen her face. She was so… sad."

"I did see her face," Lily replied. "How do you think I knew to look for you? Annie and I passed her on the way back from the library."

"Did she say anything?"

"Just that you ended it. Annie's talking to her right now."

Remus felt a twinge of comfort knowing that Annabelle was with Claire. He knew she would never give away the truth, not without his permission. He hoped she could make Claire see it was for the best, in a better way than he had.

"Why didn't anyone tell me what happened at breakfast?" he asked in a hurt tone.

Lily felt ashamed. "At the time, we were just so relieved that we hadn't accidentally revealed your secret that we didn't think how the rest would play out. Then everything happened with Jaeger and I guess it just slipped our minds. I am _so_ sorry for that."

"I suppose it doesn't matter, really. I've been planning on ending it with her for weeks now. I reckon there wasn't any good way to do it."

Lily was having a hard time accepting his decision to end things with Claire. It just wasn't fair that he should be denied a human connection because of something completely out of his control. Claire was so nice, there was no better word to describe her. Lily felt sure that Claire would prove herself trustworthy and accepting if he'd give her a chance.

"I'm just wondering why you are so convinced this is the best decision," she said. "She's a nice person, Remus. You have really good taste."

Remus chuckled. "Why thank you, Lily."

"No, I mean it. You wouldn't have dated her if you thought she had a spiteful streak in her or if you thought she was a judgemental old crone. It's not who you are. Is it so hard to believe she might accept that you are sometimes a werewolf and still love you for everything else that you are? Everyone who knows you does, so why shouldn't Claire?"

He started to get choked up again, and wiped his eyes as he took a deep breath. "Even if by some chance she was okay with it, werewolves don't have it easy. What kind of future would we have? And what if someday I maimed or… killed her by accident? I can't burden Claire with a monster like me."

"If I ever hear you call yourself a monster again, I am going to maim you, and it won't be an accident," Lily replied. "You, Remus Lupin, are the sweetest, wisest lad I know. And to be perfectly honest, your being a werewolf wouldn't put me off dating you, if you weren't head over heels, disgustingly in love with Claire Shaw."

"And if you weren't besotted with James Potter."

Lily grinned. "Well, we can't help whom we love now can we?"

"He's a good one, Lil. He really is."

"Yeah... I know. And so you know, it wouldn't bother me if he was werewolf either. Though, he'd probably grow tired of me coddling him every full moon and dump me."

"No, he wouldn't. He'd love it if you coddled him."

Lily laughed. "All I'm saying is that you really are a catch, Remus. Don't think we all haven't seen the girls making eyes at you. And you can't predict what the future holds as far as careers, but if by chance you do have a struggle there, it won't be for want of motivation. You are the hardest worker I know."

"Besides yourself."

"Ah, yes, well I can't let you have all the academic glory, now can I?"

Remus smiled, and stared into the dark fireplace. Then he sighed heavily. "She said she was falling in love with me."

"From the way she was crying, I believe that."

The thought of Claire crying was bad enough, but knowing he was the cause made him feel sick. "I had no right to put her through any of this, no right at all."

"You have a right to be happy. You _deserve_ to be happy," Lily said firmly. "And so does Claire. You make Claire happy, don't you see that? I don't think anything would change that. And crikey, Claire isn't bloody perfect, either. There must be _something_ wrong with her!"

"If you figure it out, let me know."

Unbeknownst to Lily and Remus, Annabelle had come to find them after her talk with Claire. She stepped into the doorway of the room.

"She's really bloody shy, for one," Annabelle offered. They both startled at the sound of her voice and she giggled. "For once I am giving the fright instead of receiving it."

At that moment, Sirius sneaked up behind her and poked her in the sides. She shrieked like a Mandrake.

"Shhhh!" he said, laughing as he pulled her into the room, James right behind him. "Let's not let the whole castle know we're here!"

Remus didn't need to ask how they'd found him. The Map….

"We were wondering where you'd all gone off to," James said. He sat down on the sofa next to Remus. "How come we weren't invited to the party?"

"The party's over," Remus said. He didn't want to spend another minute wallowing in self pity. He had to move on.

"So, it's over with Claire?" Annabelle asked, hoping Claire had got the story twisted somehow. "As in, really truly over?"

"No, I don't believe that," Lily said.

"Yes, it is," Remus replied.

Sirius and James were at a loss for words. They knew his struggle, and they also knew he'd never want Claire to know the truth. Even if she seemed trustworthy. He was just so ashamed of his affliction that he'd rather go without her than tell her about it.

"You're quite the heartbreaker, so you are," Annabelle said. "Why can't you just let her love you?"

Remus put his head in his hands. He didn't want to talk about it anymore. "There's just too much at stake, Annie."

They all fell quiet. He would not make a snap decision. He was practical and used to protecting his secret. They wouldn't push him any more.

"Well, think it over," Lily suggested, "and whatever you decide to do from here, you know we will support you."

They were all in agreement about that. By then, it was time for dinner, and they decided to head to the Great Hall. That was the moment Johnny B. stepped out of the fireplace. They all stared at him in shock as he looked back at them with wide eyes.

"What are you all doing here?" he finally asked. Then he saw Remus. "What happened?"

Remus looked down, not wanting to rehash it. He looked to Lily, who said, "It's over with Claire. For now, anyway."

"What? Why?"

"Do I need to spell it out for you?" Remus asked, getting angry.

"No…. really? Because once a month you go all furry?"

"I guess that's one way of looking at it," Remus replied.

"C'mon, Remus," Johnny B. said. "I know it's not fun for you, but she might think it's really sexy. Why don't you just tell her?"

Remus laughed humourlessly at the suggestion that anyone could find his turning into a werewolf sexy, of all things. He knew Johnny B. was just being his typical, optimistic self, but he was tired of defending his decision and just wanted to go to his dorm room. He wasn't hungry. He was exhausted. Annabelle sensed his frustration and changed the subject.

"I think the bigger question right now is where are you coming from?" Annabelle asked Johnny B.

His expression turned guilty and he looked down at the floor, reminding Annabelle of a little boy that was caught with his hand in the biscuit jar.

"Johnny B…." she said, knowing full well that he'd been to see Matthew in London, alone.

"What's the big deal?" Johnny B. asked.

"You know it's not safe to travel to London alone," Lily scolded.

"I only met him for an hour in Leicester Square. It isn't that far from the Leaky Cauldron."

"Still," James said. "You shouldn't have gone alone."

Johnny B. nodded his head ruefully. "Right, but I don't have much choice do I? I can't drag you lot along with me every time. It's just easier if I go alone."

He walked past them and out the door, then headed down the stairs. The rest of them followed, not sure what to say to persuade him that it wasn't safe.

"There was report of a murder in France," Sirius informed him. "They think it was Voldemort. I saw it in the Daily Prophet yesterday."

"That means he's getting closer, if he isn't already here," Annabelle added. "You shouldn't be going off alone!"

"You all sound like my mum," Johnny B. said. "But here's the thing. You're not going to stop me, so save your breath."

It was the first time Johnny B. had ever been flippant with them. They were all taken aback.

"Just ask someone to go with you next time!" Lily exclaimed. "Is that so bloody difficult?"

"No offence, but three's a crowd, Lily," he replied.

"Meaning?" she asked.

He stopped walking for a moment.

"Meaning, how am I supposed to get to know him if there's always other people with me? And what's Matthew going to think when I always bring someone along? It's a bit awkward, don't you think? It's like having a chaperone or something."

He had a point. Dates were for two people, not two people plus a mate. Or several mates. Still, it made Annabelle uneasy. Matthew had no idea what danger was lurking for Johnny B. as a wizard alone among muggles. There was also the fear that Johnny B. would have the impulse to tell Matthew about his magical abilities. Who would be there to talk him out of it? Matthew would be frightened by such a claim. He'd think Johnny B. was off his trolley. Annabelle couldn't bear to imagine a scene like that playing out, and how Johnny B. would handle it.

"Fine," Annabelle said. "But you could at least tell us when you are going and when to expect you back. What if something happened to you and no one knew you'd gone?"

"Okay, okay! I will tell you next time I go. All right?"

They had no choice but to agree to it, really. He was going to do what he wanted, whether they liked it or not.

"All right," Annabelle replied. Johnny B. looked hurt by their reprimands, and Annabelle knew he just wanted their approval of the situation. She couldn't give it though. She cared about him too much.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

After dinner, the girls retreated to their room for a bit before their apparition lesson at half seven. They were shocked to find Phyllis Meadowes, Septima's other roommate, sitting on the bed that normally belonged to Dominica.

"What are you doing here?" Lily asked.

"I was switched in here!" the girl replied in a sing-song voice. "When Dominica comes back, she will be in my old room." Apparently the house elves made quick work of Dominica's space, transporting her remaining belongings to the other sixth-year girls' room and moving Phyllis in with Lily, Alice, Annabelle, and Lorelei.

"Your room only had four people, though. Why did you have to move?" Lily had hoped that they would move Dominica out and not replace her. After all, it was only fair. They'd been a room of five from the beginning, while Septima, Gloria, Opal, and Phyllis lived in relative luxury in their spacious room of four.

Phyllis frowned a little and said, "I asked to be moved."

Phyllis was sort of immature for a sixteen-year-old. She still slept with a plush Pygmy Puff and had already hung pictures of kittens and baby owls on the wall above her new bed. She never swore, often wore her hair in bunches with big bows on each side, and she was perpetually cheerful, well, most of the time anyway. Septima Scroggie had been her best friend until she started chumming around with Dominica. Then she washed her hands of poor Phyllis. She'd been keeping to herself a lot, but Annabelle could only imagine she was glad to get out of sharing a room with Septima now that they were no longer friends.

"Well, I'd say welcome to the mentally stable dorm room, but we still have Lorelei, so…" Lily said.

"Have you heard from Dorcas at all?" Alice asked her.

Dorcas was Phyllis' twenty-year-old sister. She was also an Auror and on the same mission as Frank. Peter used to call her "Dorky Dorcas" until she'd had enough and hexed him into a wall, knocking him out cold. He never called her Dorky Dorcas again.

"No, not lately," she chirped. "I don't expect to hear from her until they get back. Why? Has Frank been allowed to owl you?"

"No. He hasn't." At the mention of Frank, Alice collapsed on her bed and closed her eyes. Not only was her guilt getting the better of her, but the threat of the dark wizard Voldemort she assumed he was tracking was becoming more real. Frank hadn't been allowed to tell anyone what the mission was about, and she was starting fear for his safety.

"Why don't you come with us to the Great Hall?" Annabelle asked her. Even though Alice knew how to apparate, Annabelle didn't like to think of her there alone, shaming herself all night.

"No, I think I'll stay here. Go without me."

"You can't keep napping the day away," Lily warned her. "It isn't healthy."

"At the moment, I don't rightly care."

Annabelle and Lily looked at each other with apprehension, but decided to let her be.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Just before half past eight o'clock, Annabelle and Lily were finishing up with their apparition lesson. Lily had said she wanted to go read some more, but it was the Friday night before her birthday. Annabelle managed to convince her that spending all night on school work was completely mental, especially since that was all she ever did anymore. She was hoping Lily would lighten up a little for her birthday weekend, but she was stressed out and remote, not really acting like a birthday girl should.

"Can I ask you something, Lily?"

"Sure."

"Well… you've been acting rather… determined lately, as far as your studies are concerned-"

"I've always been determined."

"Yes… But you've been extra determined lately…." Annabelle was trying to choose her words wisely. Lily had been edgy, and she didn't want her to take her concern for criticism. "You seem a bit obsessive really…"

She braced herself for Lily's response, but Lily was too tired to get upset. "I am just trying to do my best. I want to pass all my N.E.W.T.s next year and I'd also like to get a good internship in the fall, maybe at an apothecary in Diagon Alley or with Professor Slughorn."

"Really? That's why you've been working yourself like a goblin? Don't you know you're a shoe-in for Slughorn's internship and you don't have to torment yourself in order to pass N.E.W.T.s?"

"Torment myself?" Lily laughed derisively. "And people say I am the dramatic one. I am just thinking of the future. It's not far off."

"Fine. You're right. We all need to be a bit more focused, I reckon." But Annabelle still felt like she was missing something. Lily was wasn't giving her the full story.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

James and Sirius were on their way to meet the girls in the Great Hall in the hopes that they might want to do something, anything really, besides go to bed early. As they were heading down the corridor, a broom cupboard door flung open and out stumbled Evan Rosier and his fellow Slytherin, Teagan Travers.

James and Sirius were highly disappointed in Teagan's choice of paramour, considering she came from a mostly decent pureblood family instead of a bigoted, arrogant one. Her cousin, Gavin Travers, had been the Gryffindor Seeker before he finished school the previous year, and her little brother Brogan was sorted into Gryffindor in September. In fact, most of the Travers family had been sorted into Gryffindor, except for a few psychotic anomalies. And while Teagan was never friendly with any of the Gryffindors, she didn't seem to fit in with the dark arts crowd either. She looked embarrassed to be caught, but Evan just sneered at them.

"What are you two gawking at?" he demanded as Teagan ran off toward the dungeons.

James and Sirius kept walking, but James couldn't resist getting a dig in.

"Just surprised that any girl would let you touch her. Knob rot like yours is highly contagious."

"Your girlfriend should know," Evan retorted. "She's the one who gave it to me."

It should have ended there. They were even. But there was too much tension between the lot of them, too much history to let it slide. Before Sirius could stop him, James had already drawn his wand and blasted Evan into the wall.

"You want to say that to me again?" James replied evenly.

Evan laughed defiantly and said, "Touchy subject, Potter? Didn't anyone ever teach you to never trust a ginger? Sexy devils they are! She was worth it though."

"Ferrumus!" James shouted and Evan's head snapped back as though he'd been punched with an iron fist, splitting his upper lip open in the process.

Evan winced in pain and touched his hand to his mouth, then looked at the blood there. James' wand was shaking in his hand. He had two options; annihilate the scumbag or run before he did something he'd regret. Sirius also had his wand drawn, just waiting for Evan to make a move for his own. Since Evan was cornered, he stayed still, rolling his eyes like they were wasting his time.

"Let's disarm him for now," Sirius said in an attempt to keep James calm. "We can finish the job tonight. There's too many prefects and professors about at this time."

James nodded and Sirius summoned Evan's wand. He planned to throw it outside into the snow so Evan could go hunt for it. James hesitated momentarily, glaring at the Slytherin Keeper with his wand still aimed at his face. Then he and Sirius turned to go. Evan stood up and brushed himself off, allowing the distance between them to grow as they walked away, but like Sirius and James, he also had poor impulse control.

"Make sure you deliver my _wand_ straight to O'Neill, all right Black? She's been gagging for it. Crying out in her sleep and all that."

If they'd heard him making these comments to anyone else, about anyone else, they would have just laughed at how ridiculous and stupid he sounded. But he was hitting a nerve by making it personal, and even though they rationally knew that was his motive; to get them going, emotions seemed to get the better of them and all good judgement went straight out the window.

Sirius turned back and ploughed into him, sending himself and Evan to the floor. He'd learned from the master how to mess someone's face up, and the darkness that had been pounded into him since he was a child exploded from his fist as it landed like a Bludger across Evan Rosier's face. Evan tried to shove Sirius off of him, but Sirius punched him in the rib cage and Evan momentarily lost the power to fight back. Now James was the worried one, and he got down next to him attempting to break the spell of rage that seemed to possess his best friend.

"Let's go, Sirius. We'll get him later. I think I hear someone coming."

"I've had enough of their taunts," Sirius replied through gritted teeth as he landed another punch across Evan's face. "Enough of them trying to tear me down!"

Next thing they knew, Amycus Carrow had arrived, no doubt having been notified of the situation by Teagan. He had his wand pointed at them. "Let him go, you filthy disgraces to the wizarding race."

At the words, Sirius half-expected to see his father standing there. There was a charged pause, then a duel erupted with curses flying and fists being thrown. They were evenly matched, and at one point it seemed like no one could possibly win. Finally, Sirius managed to send Amycus flying to the floor where he hit his head and momentarily became disoriented. Sirius decided it was payback time.

"This is for the Bludger you sent into our Seeker's back," he growled, and kicked him in the stomach so hard that Amycus stopped moving. Sirius froze as he looked down at the still figure and wondered in horror if he'd gone too far. That was the moment Amycus sprang at him, toppling him over to the floor and gripping his neck with such force that Sirius couldn't breathe.

Amycus wasn't letting up and he felt himself losing consciousness. He thought he was going to die. James pried himself free of the head lock Evan had him in and immediately stupefied Amycus, causing him to go limp. Sirius rolled away from him, rubbing his neck and trying to catch his breath. James turned back and leg-locked Evan then dragged Sirius up from the floor by the arm. They bolted toward the stairs. At the landing, they came face to face with Professor McGonagall.

"Stop right there, lads," she said as they were about to descend the stairs.

"But Professor, we're meant to be somewhere right now," James replied, trying to sound innocent.

"It can wait until after you visit Madam Pomfrey and explain to me why you are covered in injuries."

James and Sirius glanced at each other. Their battle wounds were prominent and they realised they weren't going to get out of this one so easily. She started up the stairs towards them and was about to speak again when Amycus and Evan came running onto the scene, stopping abruptly in their tracks when they saw her. From their similar injuries she could only deduce one thing.

"Doing battle in the corridors again, I see?" she asked.

All four boys remained silent.

"Well? What do you have to say for yourselves?" she demanded.

All at once the boys began talking, pointing fingers, and blaming each other.

" _Silence_!" McGonagall shouted in a way she usually didn't. "That will be quite enough! I am at my _wit's end_ with the constant hostility and violence between the lot of you!"

All four boys hung their heads. McGonagall looked like she might explode she was so angry. She wasn't going to dismiss this and James knew his parents would go through the roof if they found out. Sirius on the other hand was thinking of how Amycus Carrow would likely have killed him if James hadn't been able to stop him. It was as though if the dark side couldn't have him, they'd settle for destroying him instead.

"Fifty points from both your houses, and there will be no Hogsmeade for you this weekend. You will be serving detention for the entire afternoon. Curfew will begin at seven o'clock sharp for you and that will last until I think you've all learned your lesson. I am going to write to your guardians and let them know that this behaviour will _not be tolerated_. Now I want you to come down these stairs so I might escort you to the hospital wing."

The boys scowled, but didn't follow her orders. None wanted to be the first to admit they needed treatment.

" _Move_ , I said!" McGonagall snapped, and they hurried toward her.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

As Madam Pomfrey treated the boys, Professor McGonagall stayed close by. She planned to see that they got back to their dorms without another curse being thrown, or another fist. As the boys lay on their hospital beds, they were deep in thought. James didn't know how he would explain the situation to Lily. She would be hurt that he had got himself detention on her birthday and would want to know why. He couldn't tell her the disgusting remarks Evan Rosier had said about her. He couldn't tell her how it was his own fault for throwing the first insult. She thought he had changed.

And his parents… his parents that thought he hung the moon itself. They were used to letters home by now; this wasn't the first time he'd been in trouble. But it was the first time he'd been caught in something so violent, and he knew McGonagall wouldn't sugar coat it when she relayed to them the bloody nature of the battle. He had hurt his parents, as well as Lily, and he was ashamed of it.

Meanwhile, Sirius' thoughts were wandering into the past. He had been avoiding those dark detours as best as he could, but after something like this, an instance where the rage had overtaken him so profoundly that he wasn't sure if he, Sirius, existed outside of it, he couldn't help but indulge in the masochistic compulsion to compare himself to his father and to beat himself up again internally, to ensure he was good and punished for making a potentially lethal mistake.

He also came to the sobering conclusion that turning his back on his family's dark creed made him fair game for people like Evan Rosier, Amycus Carrow, and the whole class of pureblood supremacists. To them, he was expendable; a brazen defilement of the traditions and convictions they held onto for dear life. He'd always be defending himself against them in some way or another, always at their mercy it seemed. And they were only becoming more volatile, more blood-thirsty and insane.

His heart thudded heavily in his chest as the danger looming on the horizon hit home. If the Aurors didn't catch this Voldemort scumbag, they would all be slaves to the likes of Amycus Carrow and Evan Rosier. Their twisted kind would do away with anyone unwilling to comply.

In fact, it seemed like they'd already begun.

 


	8. What Goes Around, Comes Around

Apparition lessons were long over by the time the boys left the hospital wing, so it didn't matter that Professor McGonagall personally escorted Sirius and James to Gryffindor Tower. The girls wouldn't have waited around for them all evening anyway. She'd called for Professor Slughorn to retrieve his own hooligans, and let him know that he was to keep a close eye on the two Slytherins from then on as she would be doing with her two Gryffindors.

She lectured James and Sirius all the way back to the tower on the importance of self-control and not letting others coax them into behaving in an undignified, savage manner. They had heard similar speeches from her and countless other faculty members before, so they were only half listening. She needn't have wasted her breath, because they knew what had transpired with the two Slytherin boys was nothing to be proud of, nor had they derived any glory from it. Maybe that was what separated them from their younger, more mischievous selves. Now, the trouble they were getting into didn't feel like a game. It felt ugly and ominous.

Annabelle had managed to convince Lily to put the books down for a bit, and they were sitting at a table playing a card game. Since they were both raised as muggles, they had a variety of choices in card games besides the few charmed ones favoured by the wizarding community. They had decided to play War, because despite its name, it was a rather fast moving, fun game without any unforeseen explosions like in Exploding Snap. They smiled when they saw the boys approaching.

"Where have you been? We waited for you," Lily said.

"Long story," James replied quietly.

Sirius came up behind Annabelle, giving her shoulders a squeeze as he leaned over and said in her ear, "Can I get you to myself for a little bit?"

"Sure you can. Just let us finish this round," she answered, her eyes on her winning card pile.

"Okay," he said. She could barely hear him and glanced his way. He was already heading over to a bench by the wall. When he sat down he leaned forward with his elbows on his knees and lowered his head, pushing his hands up into his hair. He looked troubled. Sort of like he did that day in London when his world had fallen apart. Annabelle's stomach dropped.

"Here, James. Take over for me, please?" she requested as she got up. James nodded and she made her way over to Sirius.

"Shall we go for walk?" she asked, trying to sound cheerful. He looked exhausted, no doubt from his sleepless night doing Merlin knew what with James and Peter.

"I'm not supposed to leave Gryffindor Tower. McGonagall's orders."

She didn't want to waste time questioning him right then. "I have a simple solution to that obstacle. Be right back."

When she returned, she had her Grandfather's invisibility cloak discreetly rolled up and tucked under her arm.

"Let's go," she said, and took his hand.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Lily also noticed James was looking downcast. His cheeks were flushed and his face was stoic. It was an infrequent occurrence for him to be tense over anything, so she sensed it immediately.

"Is something wrong?"

He didn't answer straight away, but met her eyes, then closed his for a moment before responding. "I won't be able to go to Hogsmeade with you tomorrow. I'm sorry, Lily. Sirius and I got ourselves a detention."

The hurt was evident on her face as she asked wearily, "What did you do now?"

"Got in a fight with Rosier and Carrow. It was a big one. McGonagall caught us and made us go to Madam Pomfrey. My parents are going to be thrilled."

"Why do you keep indulging those fools? Can't you see they aren't worth your attention? Merlin, you could have been terribly hurt!"

"You're right. And I know that, but they were saying rotten things, and then before I knew it, we were really fighting. I think Carrow would have killed Sirius if I didn't stop him."

Lily's brow knitted in distress. She wasn't sure what to make of it. She knew James could be irreverent and cocky, but he wasn't a thug. He'd changed so much for the better since she first met him all those years ago, or so she'd thought. He wasn't meant to be brawling with dark wizards.

"I should have kept my mouth shut," James continued. "If I hadn't made a remark to Rosier, none of it would have happened. He just started saying sick things and I don't know… I blanked out for a bit. I just wanted to shut him up. So… it's my fault I can't go to Hogsmeade with you on your birthday."

She looked at him and instead of the anger she expected to feel, she felt a softness toward him. She wasn't sure why, because he'd yet again done something rash and stupid. And it did hurt that now three of her friends would be doing detention all afternoon on her birthday.

Yet he looked so forlorn, so fragile… it wasn't like him. She knew he felt awful, and getting upset with him would be redundant, since he was clearly already angry with himself.

"Oh, James, cheer up," she said softly, reaching across the table for his hands. "Just don't get involved with them again. I can't bear to think of what might happen."

He looked guiltily at her and placed his hands on top of hers, giving them a strong squeeze. "I'm so sorry."

"I know you are. We can celebrate my birthday when your detention is over. All right?"

He nodded glumly. "All right."

"Come on, it's not the end of the world. In fact, I may just skip Hogsmeade altogether and go to the library or something. Get some work done."

James stared at her, his mouth agape. "Please tell me you aren't going to spend your birthday in the library."

"What's the big deal? People work on their birthdays all the time. What makes students any different?"

"The difference, Lily love, is that you don't _have_ to work on your birthday. You can enjoy your day freely with no consequences."

She shook her head and looked toward the windows. "I just have to… I need to…" she trailed off, not sure he would understand her need to prove herself to her sister. In fact, she knew he wouldn't. He'd tell her that Petunia could sod off and to forget about her. But it wasn't that easy.

"Let's change the subject," she said. "How about we play another round of War, and whoever loses has to do something the other wants them to do. _Within reason_."

James smiled slightly, wishing she hadn't added the "within reason" bit. But he went along with it, and much to his disappointment, Lily won.

"Yes!" she exclaimed gleefully. "Now you must do what I say."

"Please, nothing boring," he murmured, envisioning carrying her books for a week, or something equally mundane. Not that he wouldn't carry her books if she asked. He'd do anything for her.

"I want a kiss for every one of my seventeen years. Right here, in front of everyone."

His face brightened significantly. "Now you're talking," he said. She was keeping him on his toes, that was for sure.

She got up and he took her hand, pulling her into his lap. He took her face in his hands and smiled at her, and she smiled back as his lips met hers. They lost count along the way.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Once Sirius and Annabelle reached their secret tower, they looked around to make sure no one was near and pulled back the cloak. A swish of her wand later, the crack in the wall appeared and they squeezed inside. She made sure to put the charm back should anyone discover the entrance while they were inside, and then they ascended the winding staircase together. The room was cold as usual, and Annabelle pulled the quilt they'd previously brought there up over their shoulders. They brought their knees to their chests for added warmth, and she took his hand again.

"Spill it."

Sirius rubbed his face then stared at the wall across from them. He shrugged. He didn't know how to say it. He didn't know how to say he was no better than his father when it came to violence, or that Amycus Carrow tried to kill him.

"Go on," she encouraged. "Whatever it is, you know you can tell me."

He took a deep breath and just let it out. "James and I got into a duel with Evan Rosier and Amycus Carrow. We didn't meet you in the Great Hall because McGonagall caught us as we were trying to get away. I've never seen her so angry. We were in the hospital wing. All of us."

Annabelle's heart leapt into her throat. She instantly put her hands on his cheeks, checking for any marks. "What? Why? What started it?"

"We saw Rosier with Teagan Travers, Gavin's cousin. James… made a comment. Some nasty words were exchanged and it escalated from there. Then Carrow showed up. Needless to say, we have detention tomorrow, and our curfew has been moved to seven o'clock."

Annabelle shuddered. She wouldn't deny that Amycus Carrow and Evan Rosier scared her, maybe even more than daft Malachi Malfoy had. Evan had screamed "Die Mudblood" at her during the same Quidditch match that Amycus had sent her flying off her broom. They were both completely insane.

"I wish you'd ignore their stupid remarks. They want to get you and James going."

"It isn't easy to ignore them."

"But you must. What if they killed-" she stopped herself, not wanting to say her fear out loud.

Sirius rubbed his eyes with his thumb and forefinger, then stared ahead at the wall again. "I might have killed one of them, Annabelle."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean I couldn't stop, it was like…like a tap had been turned on and all this anger kept pouring from me. It was like I'd become my father."

Now she understood his weariness. She knew that the last thing he wanted to be was anything like Orion Black, and of course he was going to punish himself for it. Punishment had been all he had known for most of his life. It was the answer to everything.

"You have a right to be angry," she said. "You have a right to be bloody well infuriated. That doesn't mean you're like your father. "

"I thought I killed Carrow. I froze… horrified at what I'd done… then he tried to strangle me. He was going to kill me, Annie. If not for James stupefying him, he would've done it."

Annabelle got up and wandered over to the window. There was nothing but darkness outside, and all she could see were visions of Amycus Carrow strangling Sirius. Her heart felt like it was lodged in her throat. If anything happened to him… she couldn't bear to think of it.

"Stay away from him," she said, her voice shaky. "You are not like them."

"But aren't I? Aren't I exactly like them?"

She turned to look at him. "NO. You just said that you were horrified by what you thought you'd done. That alone makes you worlds apart from them." She went back to him and knelt down beside him. "Your father, Amycus; they don't stop. They don't feel bad when they go too far. _You do_. And you would never hurt the people you love, nor would you hurt innocent children like your father did!"

She was right about that. He would die before he allowed himself to inflict pain on anyone he cared about. Besides, his father didn't even have the ability to love.

"He could have killed you with that Bludger, Annie. He was too close, he hit it too hard. I just can't stand that he got away with it."

"And what if he'd killed you, today? You don't have anything to prove to scum like that. You are already better than them, don't you see?"

As her words sank in, he felt like he'd been given absolution, and his shame began to dissipate some. But the apprehension over what the future held didn't.

"These pureblood loons… you know… the ones like my family, the ones that hate muggles and mixed blood wizards…. They want us dead; you know that right?"

Once upon a time she'd have thought he was paranoid. She'd have thought he was mental. But after hearing about the rising death toll Voldemort and his followers were leaving in their wake, she knew to believe him.

"Promise me you'll stay away from them. Please, Sirius?"

Sirius didn't respond. His shoulders were hunched as he played with the sleeve of his shirt, avoiding eye contact with her. _Another one who refuses to keep himself out of harm's way_ , she thought, _just like Johnny B_. She should have known that separating from his parents wouldn't be enough. Sirius had been oppressed for so long, and he was still angry about that. He still had a powerful need to vindicate himself.

She crawled between his knees and rested her head against his chest. His heart was beating fast.

"Please, Sirius. Don't go near them anymore," she begged. "No more pranks… no more duels. Nothing good can come of fighting with them. Nothing."

"I'll do my best to stay away from them," he replied, even though he wasn't sure they'd stay away from him. He hugged her close, wishing he could keep her there in the tower, next to his heart forever where she'd be safe. Safe from Professor Jaeger, from dark wizards everywhere… safe from the evil rising in their world.

"You must be exhausted," she said as she slipped her arms around him. "What were you doing all night anyway? Not looking for those horrible boys I hope."

"No, nothing like that. Just working on the map," he lied. He hated the lying, even though it was harmless.

"I hope you didn't have too much fun without Remus."

The corner of Sirius' mouth turned up in a grin, but she didn't see it because her eyes were closed. "No, we didn't."

After few peaceful, still moments, she said, "We should go. You're knackered and McGonagall might check up on you."

She made a move to leave, but he gently tugged her arm. He hadn't been alone with her since the party in London. "Let's stay a little longer… please?"

She ran the tips of her fingers across his forehead and down his cheek. He looked so tired, like his eyelids carried weights, but she didn't want to leave him yet. She wished she could protect him from the brutish purebloods who felt it was their job to punish him, but that would be impossible if he kept trying to prove himself against them. She wished she could erase the pain from his storm cloud eyes.

"All right, but Professor Mc…," she trailed off as his mouth met hers and she drifted away with him. They stayed there, wrapped in the quilt and each other's arms until the cold chased them back to Gryffindor tower.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

The next morning, Annabelle woke up early and sneaked down the stairs to the common room to help James inflate a bunch of balloons for Lily. He was still in his pyjamas and his hair was sticking up all over the place, even more than usual.

"That's a great look for you, Captain," Annabelle teased.

"Don't be jealous, O'Neill. Just because you can't pull it off."

"Ouch. That's harsh. Look at me crying."

James chuckled and got started on the balloons. They made quick work of them using the Inflatus charm, and after fifteen minutes, they had one hundred multi-coloured balloons all over the place.

"Here, take a picture of her when she sees them," James said, handing her a fancy camera. It was the cutting edge of wizarding technology, similar to the modern instant cameras the muggles used, only Annabelle knew that the photo it would produce would be a bit different from the muggle camera's stationary images.

Annabelle laughed. "You must be crazy. I value my life too much than to snap a picture of Lily when she's just woke up. She will murder me, and rightly so."

"I've seen her in the morning before, Annie. Remember? You all slept in our room?"

"Of course," Annabelle replied. "But a picture is forever, and even though you might not laugh at it, if it fell into the wrong hands she'd never let me live it down."

"Come on, just this once? Please?"

Annabelle sighed and took the camera. "Promise me you'll have red roses at my funeral?"

James scratched the back of his head and smiled sheepishly. "Thank you. I owe you one."

Together, with the help of the Levitation spell, they moved the balloons en masse up the winding stairwell, James helping as much as he could without actually setting foot on the charmed steps. Annabelle followed the balloons until they were all inside their dorm room, surrounding Lily's bed. Then she sat on her own bed and waited amidst the colours and endured the sound of Lorelei's snoring.

She looked over at Phyllis, all snuggled up with her Pygmy Puff, and felt relief that it wasn't Dominica in the bed. She would be back in a matter of days, and it was going to be hard enough seeing her daily without the added stress of sharing a room with her. Dumbledore made the right call by moving her out, and Dominica would probably be relieved as well. Hopefully she and Septima had learnt their lessons and wouldn't use their new living arrangement as an opportunity to plot and scheme against her and Sirius again.

Alice shifted under her covers and opened her eyes. She sat up and surveyed the over-abundance of balloons floating round the room.

"Why didn't you wake me?" she whispered. "I said I would help."

"I didn't want to accidentally wake Lily. It didn't take long."

"I see you have James' camera. I am guessing you have a death wish?"

"No, but he really wants to see her reaction, so I am putting my life on the line. Should we wake her?"

Before Alice could answer, Phyllis woke up and squealed in delight, "Balloons! So many balloons!"

Lily stirred and turned over, then blinked her eyes open. Annabelle and Alice glanced at each other, then chanted "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" at the same time. Lily sat up and looked around at the balloons, a smile slowly forming on her face as Annabelle clicked the camera. She caught the photograph that popped out from the slot in front. Lily's smile faded as she looked at Annabelle.

"Did you just take my picture?" she asked in a low voice.

"Em… maybe?"

They locked eyes for a moment, Lily's narrowed and Annabelle's widened, then Lily leapt from the bed. Annabelle rolled away from her and off the other side of her own bed. The two girls stood facing each other, poised for a chase with only the bed between them.

"Give me that picture, Annie. Now!"

"But, Lil, he wants to see your reaction!"

"Annie, this is your last chance to do the wise thing. Give me that picture."

Lily held out her hand, but Annabelle didn't budge. Lily lunged across the bed causing balloons to fly around them, swiping for the picture, but Annabelle dodged her and ran around behind the stove. For a moment, they played tag around it, Annabelle giggling and Lily trying very hard not to. Then Lily caught her by the sleeve.

"Stop it, Lil! You'll break the camera!" Annabelle wrenched herself free and tossed the picture to Alice who jumped to her feet on her bed. Phyllis was smiling and bouncing up and down like she was watching a Quidditch match.

"You look really lovely in the picture, Lil!" Alice exclaimed. "Truly! You have nothing to be ashamed of!"

Lily jumped onto the bed and Alice tossed the picture back to Annabelle, who had quickly set the expensive camera on her bedside table. She caught the photo, but Lily tackled her, restraining her on the bed and trying to grab it from her hand. Annabelle raised her arms above her head and was switching the picture back and forth between her hands, but she was laughing so hard that she lost the strength to keep it up and let Lily grab it.

"Merlin, you're a lunatic," Annabelle said, still laughing as Lily sat down on her own bed and analysed the picture. "A right fecking wagon, you are. I wouldn't have given it to him without your approval."

"I don't believe you," Lily said. "But I guess it's not the worst picture ever."

"Oh please. You are too self-conscious. He's seen you in the morning before, remember? At least let him see it. He doesn't have to keep it if you don't want him to."

Lily looked at the picture and pursed her lips in thought. Finally, she said, "Eh, I don't care if he keeps it. Go ahead and give it to him."

"All that fuss for nothing, see?" Annabelle replied. She took the picture from her, then picked up the camera and waded through the balloons to the door. Just as she was leaving, Lorelei got out of bed and pushed past her.

"Happy fucking birthday. Thanks for waking me," she snarled as she headed down the stairs to the loo. Annabelle scrunched her nose up in annoyance and then they all burst out laughing.

When Annabelle entered the common room, James was waiting, all dressed and ready for the day, his hair only slightly smoother.

"Well, you're alive," he said. "That's a good sign."

"Barely. But she said it was all right so here you go."

He looked at the picture and fought the urge to smile like a dope. His face showed a mixture of pride and love, and Annabelle was happy Lily decided to give him the picture.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Soon, morning was over. Lily had insisted on getting her work done since she knew they wouldn't let her do it later. She didn't really feel like going to Hogsmeade since James, Annabelle, and Sirius wouldn't be there, and Alice and Remus made for depressing company lately. Even Johnny B. seemed distant, and she could only guess it was because he'd rather be sneaking off to London to see Matthew. They sat at the table in the Great Hall eating the best cheese toasties that side of the Atlantic, a nervous tension in the air. Annabelle couldn't remember what time she was supposed to report to the Dark Arts classroom for her detention.

"I think he said one o'clock," she said.

"He said half one," Sirius corrected her.

"No, I am quite sure he said one."

"Sirius is right," Lily said. "He said half one."

"I think I should go now, just in case," Annabelle replied. If they were wrong and she showed up late, it would only anger the man more.

"Here, take this," Sirius said as he held out half of the two-way mirror he and James shared. He wanted to hear if Jaeger said anything out of line to her.

"I told you no," Annabelle whispered as she pushed his hand away. "If he catches me with that, then what?"

Sirius reluctantly shoved the mirror into his pocket. "Right, well, James and I should probably head up to McGonagall's office."

James tossed his napkin onto the table and pulled Lily close, whispering something in her ear. She nodded and he kissed her, then he gave a tight hug. Annabelle felt bad again that they all received detentions on her birthday, and she knew James was feeling guilty about it still.

"Have fun in Hogsmeade, Lil," Annabelle said. "We'll celebrate later, I promise."

She gave her friend a quick peck on the cheek and got up with Sirius and James. They headed out into the entrance hall and up the Grand Staircase.

"This is where we part," she said, trying to sound nonchalant, even though deep down her stomach was turning at the thought of facing Jaeger alone.

Sirius looked at her gloomily, not wanting her to go. He felt powerless against the professor and wished she'd just take the mirror.

"Let us walk you there, at the very least," he offered.

"It's all right, Sirius. I'll be fine. It's just a detention, and you can't afford to be late to Professor McGonagall."

He nodded and after a kiss goodbye, she went on her way, disappearing round a corner. Sirius and James turned and ambled off to McGonagall's office.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Annabelle stopped outside the door of the Defence against the Dark Arts classroom, and tried to calm herself down. She used the deep breathing technique McGonagall had taught her to employ before Quidditch matches, and it began to help some. She didn't know why Jaeger scared her so, and she reminded herself that if she did what she was told, then there would be no more trouble. Steeling herself with one more deep breath, she turned into the classroom, ready to get it over with.

She hadn't expected to see Florence Parkinson, a seventh-year Slytherin, standing at the front of the room next to Professor Jaeger. Their backs were to her as they looked at something on his desk. She was about to make her presence known by coughing when Professor Jaeger's hand slipped down over Florence's long dark hair, stopping briefly on her bum. Annabelle gasped, and his hand flew off the girl as quickly as it hand landed there. For a moment, Annabelle wasn't sure if it happened at all.

"Ah, Miss O'Neill," Jaeger said as he looked over his shoulder, his deep voice sounding light-hearted. "You're rather early. Couldn't wait to clean out the textbook cupboard, I take it?"

Annabelle just stood there, not wanting to get any closer to him. Florence shot her a smug look.

"Miss Parkinson, thank you for showing me your work. Keep it up and you will be at the top of the class. Now you'd better get going. Wouldn't want you to miss out on Hogsmeade like Miss O'Neill will be doing."

Florence smiled at the teacher and sashayed towards the door. "Good day, Eric! See you in class!" she called, and Annabelle remembered how he'd told them all the first day that if they got on his good side then he'd let them call him Eric. After what she just witnessed, she was quite content to stay on his bad side.

"Come along, Miss O'Neill. The day is a-wasting."

She walked up to the front of the room and waited as he shuffled a few papers around on his desk. Then he approached her, put his arm around her, and began to steer her towards the textbook cupboard in the far corner of the room.

She wasn't sure why he felt the need to put his arm around her, but she felt ill because of it and was tempted to shrug it off. If he touched her arse like he had Florence's, she might go mad. Thankfully, he took his arm off of her and opened the cupboard door. It was a huge bloody mess.

"Here is the list of titles. I'd like you to sort them by year, and each year should be alphabetised. Then I'd like you to label each section." He handed her some labels and a quill, then held out his hand for her wand. "No magic allowed, Miss O'Neill. I certainly hope this will teach you to control your tongue from here on out."

Annabelle had to control her tongue right then as she gave him her wand. It was still absurd to her that she was the one serving detention for her sharp tongue after the things Sirius and James had said to him. Not that she wanted them to have detention with Jaeger, in fact she was rather touched at how Sirius had stood up for her and how James defended Sirius, but even so, it didn't make sense.

Professor Jaeger stood there for a moment glaring at her as she got to work. She wondered why he didn't just leave. Did he think she was going to burn all the books or try to escape? It was unnerving and she glanced at him momentarily to see what he was doing. He was watching her, his lip curled in disgust.

"Professor Jaeger, are you here?" rang out McGonagall's familiar voice. Professor Jaeger stepped out of the cupboard. Annabelle leaned towards the door to listen.

"If you don't mind, I'd like you to give this one some work to do. Please don't think you have to stay all afternoon. Whenever you are through in here, send him to Mr. Filch."

"I don't mind at all, Professor," Jaeger replied, sounding like an arse kisser. A slight thrill rose in Annabelle at the thought of some company in the face of the oppression she was feeling. She hoped it was Sirius.

"Thank you," McGonagall replied, then spoke to the student. "As for you, there are to be no shenanigans. I will see you at four o'clock for your wand."

A moment later, the tall, lanky figure of Evan Rosier appeared in the cupboard _. Shite,_ she thought. _Of all the plonkers to deal with, it had to be this one_. Professor McGonagall must not have known she was there or else she wouldn't have put him in detention with her. Although she'd prefer someone else's company, she still found herself relieved that she wouldn't be alone with Jaeger.

"Miss O'Neill, please explain the procedure to Mr. Rosier," he said, then left her there with the sneering Slytherin. Annabelle explained how they were categorising by year then organising the books alphabetically.

"I've already started the first-year section, so if you want, you can do the second-years."

Evan didn't respond, but started sorting the second year books. Surprisingly, it was quite peaceful, just the two of them not speaking, Jaeger having vanished from her presence. Peaceful, that is, until Evan tossed a book at her, knocking over her carefully sorted pile.

"Why'd you have to throw it?" she asked.

"It belongs in your pile," he said.

"I know, but you didn't have to throw it."

"Stop your whinging and get to work. Oh wait, you Gryffindors can't help the whinging," he replied, then continued in a high-pitched whine, " _Professor McGonagall, Professor Dumbledore, the mean old Slytherin knocked my books over!_ "

"And you Slytherins can't help but start trouble," she muttered.

"Riiiight, it's the Slytherins starting the trouble. Yep. You're not biased or anything."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Meaning, we didn't cause our own bench to collapse in the Great Hall, did we now?"

"You've done plenty of other rotten things. Stop playing the martyr. What goes around comes around."

Evan glared at her, and she almost thought she'd hurt his feelings. If he had feelings to hurt.

"Eh, fuck off," he said.

"No, you fuck off," she replied.

"Your boyfriend's a dicksplash."

Annabelle couldn't help but laugh at his juvenile word choice. "And your girlfriend must be desperate."

"You have an answer for everything, don't ya Leprechaun?"

"Leprechaun? Isn't wee Teagan of Irish descent? Do you call her the same?"

"She's only half _Oirish_."

"Sure, it's her better half," Annabelle replied. She was becoming flustered at the inane banter. "You know what? How about you shut your giant reeking hole of a gob?"

"Or what? You'll sick your dicksplash boyfriend on me? I'm shaking in my shoes."

Annabelle felt herself descending into a valley called Pettiness as she joined in with the name-calling.

"Langer."

But name-calling was Evan Rosier's reason for being.

"Leprechaun."

Annabelle decided that nothing was going to shut him up unless she just stopped engaging him. So she swallowed her indignation and got back to work. Apparently all he wanted was the last word, because he said no more. Oddly enough, she was no longer afraid of him. He was all talk, an immature tosser who liked to push people's buttons. His mate, Amycus Carrow, was a different story, and she was thankful that if she had to get stuck with one of the two pigs, that it was this one.

After about two hours of work, they were almost finished. They had worked in relative silence, with the occasional visit from Jaeger checking their progress and Annabelle's incessant sneezing from the dust in the room. After their petty exchange, Evan became subdued and didn't talk to her again until they reached the seventh-year books. Forced to work closely on the same year's texts, they had no choice but to speak.

"I'll take _Advanced Dark Arts_ , and you take _Defensive Spells, Book Seven_ ," she said.

"Yes, Master," he replied.

Annabelle rolled her eyes and said, "Are you always such a child?"

"Takes one to know one."

"And I have my answer."

Evan chuckled arrogantly. "I wasn't a child when I had your Captain in a headlock yesterday, my fist in his face. Knocked his specs straight off his head."

"Am I supposed to be impressed? You act like you didn't get the stuffing _clattered_ out of you as well."

Evan opened his mouth to respond when Jaeger entered the cupboard. He was holding a broom. "I see you are almost finished. Excellent."

He walked past the shelves, surveying each one with a keen eye, running his fingers over the labels to make sure everything was correct. Then he eyed the two detainees.

"Right, Mr. Rosier, I'm going to escort you to Mr. Filch while Miss O'Neill finishes up in here. Miss O'Neill, when you are finished with the seventh-year texts, please sweep up. Do not leave until I can assess your work."

Annabelle glanced at Evan, and she thought she detected a flash of pity in his eyes. She found herself wishing he could stay, not because she enjoyed his company; in fact, she found him twisted and annoying, but because she felt his presence provided her some sort of protection from the man who looked at her like she was nothing more than a Cornish Pixie in need of proper extermination. The man she'd also seen touching another student's arse just two hours prior. Jaeger wouldn't do anything dodgy in front of another student, even if the other student hated her guts.

Once they left, she worked as fast as she could, a sudden rush of adrenaline compelling her to get the job done so that she could leave straightaway when the professor returned. She had a moment's regret that she didn't take the mirror from Sirius, because she wanted to see how close he was to being finished with his detention. If he was done, she could tell him to meet her there, preventing Jaeger from trying anything underhanded. She had a hunch that as much as the man enjoyed picking on Sirius, he wouldn't want to mess him about when no witnesses were present. Sirius had already shown Jaeger how bold and reckless he could be.

Alas, she'd refused the mirror, so she slammed the rest of the _Advanced Dark Arts_ books onto the shelf, then finished Evan's pile, stacking them as swiftly as she could. There was one more set of books scattered about the floor, _When Defences Fail,_ and she moved them as fast as her arms could go.

Suddenly, she felt a hand on her shoulder. In her typical fashion, she shrieked.

"Relax, Miss O'Neill," Jaeger said, unnerved by the girl's reaction. "I only wanted to speak to you… to get a few things straight."

She felt her heart pounding as he squatted down in front of her. She was on her knees, frozen, books in her hands.

"You may continue working. Just make sure you are listening. Am I understood?"

"Yes, sir," she replied as she put another book on the shelf.

"I don't take pleasure in ruining my students' Saturday afternoons. I'd like to think that my students don't take pleasure in ruining my classes-"

"I didn't ruin your class. You were-"

"Don't interrupt, Miss O'Neill. It's basic etiquette… something you seem to lack."

His eyes were fixed on hers as though he was fighting the urge to curse her, and she darted her eyes down toward the books strewn between them.

"Look at me."

She blinked several times, her eyes looking everywhere but at him before finally meeting his harsh stare.

"Now, you must learn to keep your mouth closed in my class," he said in a softer voice, as he reached a hand out toward her hair, stopping just short of touching it, then pulling it back hesitantly. "And in general, if you comprehend my meaning."

She began to shake as she replied, her voice barely a whisper, "I'm going to tell Professor Dumbledore that you are touching students inappropriately."

"No, Miss O'Neill. You are not."

She narrowed her eyes at him, feeling every muscle in her body constricting as though preparing to flee.

"I'm going to."

He reached out and grabbed her face with one hand, squeezing her cheeks so tightly that her mouth was forced open. He brought his own mouth dangerously close to hers and said, "No. You won't. And here is why."

She swatted his hand away and got up to run, but stopped in her tracks when he said, "I'll have the lot of you expelled. That's a promise. Mr. Black, Mr. Potter – they will be the first to go."

She turned around and said, "Professor Dumbledore won't expel them for what they said to you once he knows what you are."

"And _what am I_ , Miss O'Neill?" he barked as he stood up and slowly stepped towards her, his hands behind his back and eyes ablaze with hatred. "You claim you saw me touching a student. As far as Miss Parkinson and I are concerned, you are making it up, since you couldn't have seen something that didn't happen." He stopped in front of her and continued, "On the other hand, I know a tower… its entrance hidden by a spell. A special, secret place for two young lovebirds to share books, a warm quilt, and Merlin knows what else…."

Annabelle stiffened as the truth of his words came crashing down on her. He'd been in there, inside her secret tower that she'd kept to herself for years. Had he been following them? Or was it by chance that he saw them? She was bewildered as to why he was keeping tabs on her, and it made her stomach flip with fear.

"Oh yes, I saw you. Along with your shameless display in the library, and your impertinence and sleeping in my class, the addition of Mr. Black and Mr. Potter's outbursts will truly be the icing on the massive, pathetic cake. Yes, Miss O'Neill. I saw you."

Annabelle swallowed hard, not convinced that they'd get expelled for hanging about in an abandoned tower or snogging in the library.

"I'll take my chances."

"Miss Parkinson will not confirm your accusation. She's my assistant, nothing more, and you might just have an overly active imagination. But if you want to tell tales to the headmaster, go ahead…." He turned away, taking a few steps then stopping. He looked at her with a smile creeping across his mouth and continued, "And I will tell him a tale of eight little Gryffindors… passing through Knockturn Alley upon a Saturday night… using the floo at The Headless Hound to return to Hogwarts. And unlike you, I have several eye-witnesses that saw you and your whole motley band of delinquent friends doing something very naughty indeed. You played right into my hands, Miss O'Neill… right into my hands."

She realised that Sirius had been spot on in his recognition when he thought he saw Jaeger in the pub that night. It was inconceivable that this professor could have compiled this list of her sins, yet he had.

"What is it you want from me?" she asked. He moved closer and as she stepped backwards she blurted out, "Don't touch me!"

"Don't flatter yourself," he sneered. "I'd touch nothing tainted by the Black boy's filthy paws. No, my dear… I only want your _silence_."

He had her where he wanted her. If she told Professor Dumbledore what she saw, she had a strong feeling Florence wouldn't validate her claims, either out of fear or possibly a genuine affection for the beastly man. She'd looked pleased with herself as she left the classroom, calling him "Eric." Annabelle would look like a liar, and Jaeger would look like the hero, painting her and her mates as wicked, defiant reprobates. The thought of Professor McGonagall's disappointment in her if she knew… she felt her eyes well up with tears.

His voice was firm and steady as he issued his warning. "You will keep yourself quiet from now on, in class, and otherwise. If I hear so much as a peep from you, so much as a sniffle, I will make sure that you and your foolish mates have a quick departure from this school, and your absence will be permanent. You will speak of this to no one. _No one_ , including your insufferable lout of a boyfriend. Do we have an understanding?"

Annabelle did her very best to stay focused and think about his threat. She had a feeling that not everyone would get expelled. Lily had a clean record, so the sneaking out would be her only infraction. Same for Alice and Johnny B. But Sirius and James would be finished, she thought, only because their time at Hogwarts was rife with disciplinary issues. And Sirius had told her that Professor McGonagall was angrier than he'd ever seen her after their duel the night before. James could fall back on his parents' fortune, but Sirius would be too proud to accept their support. He'd be penniless and on his own, rejected from the only true home he'd ever had. Besides, Florence was eighteen. If she wanted to flirt with a sleazy professor, that was her prerogative, wasn't it? Who was Annabelle to stop her from degrading herself?

"I'll ask again. _Do we have an understanding_?"

"Yes, sir," Annabelle muttered.

"Speak up!"

"Yes, sir!"

"Very good, Miss O'Neill," he replied, his voice smooth yet menacing. "Once you finish up in here, you may go. Enjoy the rest of your Saturday."

He tossed her wand at her, then stalked out the room, leaving her reeling in a thick cloud of dust and his musky cologne.


	9. Secrets and Lies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I'm not JKR or Pink Floyd or Led Zeppelin.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

_"Dare to be true; nothing can need a lie. A fault, which needs it most, grows two thereby." ~George Herbert_

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Annabelle had been practising her game face off and on ever since Sirius had indicated to her during the Quidditch season that it needed work. Before her morning shower, she would look in the mirror, imagining someone insulting her or that she received some strange news, and she would practise. Any time something bothered her, or made her nervous she would force herself to be still and not allow her feelings to bubble to the surface. She truly believed she was mastering it, since Jaegar couldn't possibly have fathomed the depths of her distress that afternoon after he'd clutched her face and threatened her not tell what she saw.

In the Great Hall that evening as they sang happy birthday to Lily over the cake that Izzy had so generously baked for her, Annabelle put all her practise to use. The cake was decorated to the max, a giant 17 in the middle of pastel coloured swirls and sweets stuck in the frosting. Annabelle diligently smiled and laughed, posing for pictures and watching Lily open her presents. It was a big deal, really; Lily was the first birthday of the year, and the first to turn seventeen, excluding Fairfax who would be eighteen soon.

Even though Annabelle was confident she had her friends fooled, inside, her psyche was cracking into a million little fissures as she tried to make sense of what had happened. No one could know of Jaeger's extortion. No one could know that the professor had a penchant for his students' backsides. No one could know how he threatened her and grabbed her painfully by the face. Especially not Sirius, and with good reason. Sirius, for all his sensitivity and chivalry, also tended to be a loose cannon, often reacting before thinking of the possible aftermath. In a situation like this one, Professor Jaeger wouldn't know what hit him, but Sirius would end up paying for it. Of all the people she needed to convince with her game face, he was the most important, because if he found out, well, Annabelle didn't want to think about how their lives would never be the same. And it would be all her fault.

What she didn't know about game faces, was that Sirius was an expert at them, and being so talented at them himself made it easier to detect a novice like Annabelle attempting to pull one off. Upon first glance at her that afternoon, he sensed something was wrong. She hadn't said much about her detention except that she'd spent hours in a cupboard with Evan Rosier, then she laughed at how mental it sounded, Annabelle O'Neill and Evan Rosier in a cupboard together. Sirius didn't laugh, only because Evan Rosier was a boil on the face of humanity and he didn't want him near his girlfriend. Ever. Under any circumstance. She said that Professor Jaeger kept to himself most of the time, and let her go as soon as she was finished. But she was tense, wooden almost, her smile seemed forced and overdone, and he couldn't rid himself of the nagging feeling that she was keeping something from him. Something was amiss, but he didn't let on that he knew. He hoped she would tell him after the birthday festivities died down, and if she wouldn't, he would have to employ some investigative skills. Or he could always just corner the professor and hex the true story out of him.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

That evening, Lorelei stomped into the dorm room, her usual way of entering a space, and announced, "Lily, you have a visitor outside the common room."

Lily looked at her curiously. "Who is it?"

"He asked me not to tell."

Lily glanced at Annabelle and Alice.

"Is it Severus?" Alice asked.

Lorelei ignored the question and sat down on her bed. She began writing in her journal.

"It must be," said Annabelle.

"Great," replied Lily. "Lorelei, was James in the common room?"

"Didn't see him."

Lily rushed off to the stairs, hoping it could be over with quickly. He wasn't making it easy for her to keep her distance, especially since deep down inside, she sort of missed him. Or the _old_ him, rather. The him that didn't hang around with people that would like to do her in for being muggleborn.

"Hello, Lily," he said as she stepped out onto the landing and closed the portrait behind her.

"Hello, Sev," she replied. She crossed her arms over her chest and stared down at the floor.

"I wanted to say happy birthday… and to give you this." He held out a package wrapped in yesterday's newspaper.

"Oh, I couldn't," she said, the guilt cascading over her for reasons she couldn't quite grasp. He was the one who changed. He was the one who preferred the company of evil wizards.

"Please, take it. It's not much, but it's useful."

She opened the package and found a pair of red knit gloves.

"They're charmed to stay warm on the inside, so your hands won't get cold, no matter how long you're outside. My mum knitted them."

The corners of her mouth turned up in a gentle smile as she looked at the simple gift. "Thank you. They're lovely, Sev. And tell your mum I said thank you as well."

"You're welcome. I'm sure you want to get back to your friends now… so… good night, Lily."

"Right, well, good night then."

He turned to go but she caught him by the arm. "Thank you as well for your assistance… with the potion."

"You already thanked me. And I'll say it again, any time. I hope it helped."

She nodded, then turned toward the portrait and whispered the password. When it opened, she stepped inside without a look back, a strange, sad ache in her heart.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

The next day was Sunday and the boys were lying about their dorm room listening to James' collection of muggle records on an enchanted turntable. The girls were off taking baking lessons from Izzy the house-elf, mainly in an attempt to get Alice out of the dormitory for something besides classes. It had been arranged by Professor McGonagall as a Gryffindor House activity and much to the girls' indignation, the boys had refused to join them. Contrary to Lily and Annabelle's accusation, it was not because they thought baking was meant for girls only, but because they didn't see the point, having been raised with house elves who did all the cooking for them. And also because that was what bakeries were for.

As the song "Dogs" off Pink Floyd's latest album ironically titled "Animals" filled the air, the three Animagi and the Werewolf lay on their backs in their beds, listening to the music.

"This shite would sound much better if we were plastered," said Peter.

"Don't get any ideas," countered Remus. "No one wants to witness your inability to handle liquor again."

"Shhh," said James, whose eyes were closed as his head bobbed to the music. "I'm trying to listen to the lyrics."

The lyrics meant nothing to Sirius, that is, until the end of the song. Suddenly the words began to sting as the lead singer talked about being born into a house of pain, fitted with collar and chain like a dog…. He became uncomfortable as the song continued. It was as though the ominous ending was written specifically about him.

"Right, well," James said, as the eerie resemblance to Sirius and his former home life became too awkward to listen to, "this song is a bloody buzzkill." With that, he switched the record to something a bit less depressing. "Here ya go, Padfoot, a song named after you. 'Black Dog,' by Zepp."

"Why are all the songs about dogs?" whined Peter. "They aren't the only animal. They certainly aren't as smart as say… rats."

"Because no one in their right mind wants to listen to songs about rats, that's why," replied Sirius.

"Wormtail doesn't understand the concept of metaphor," said Remus. "The songs aren't literally about dogs, Pete."

"This one isn't about dogs at all," said James. "It's about _sex_."

"Apparently it's about a 'big-legged woman' with no soul, as well," said Sirius, amused by the dirty lyrics. "But it definitely is a bit more… cheerful."

There was knock on the door, and instead of getting up, James shouted in a bored voice, "WHAT?"

The knock came again, louder and more urgent.

"For fuck's sake, SPEAK!" shouted Sirius.

"Either cast the Imperturbable charm or turn the music down, right now!" hollered Norvel Tugwood through the door. "Not everyone is into that noise!"

"He must have Twonk in the room with him for a little _afternoon delight,"_ James said with a snicker, then yelled to the door, "Should I put on something more romantic for you and your _lover_? Maybe some Judy Collins or the Carpenters?"

"Go fuck yourself, Potter."

The Marauders immediately seized with laughter and James cast the spell. After a few more songs, Remus dozed off, and Peter got bored.

"This is dull," he complained. "I'm going to find a chess match to watch."

Sirius replied as he left, "Because chess is such an exhilarating form of entertainment."

Peter ignored the comment and James shook his head in disappointment. "I don't know about him sometimes."

"Well, looks like Moony is knocked out cold," observed Sirius. "Want to go do something?"

"Like what?" James replied. "And don't say baking with Izzy."

Sirius laughed and said, "Hell no. Something… something I saw the muggles doing at the party in London."

"Besides getting hammered?"

"Yes. Think about it."

James pondered the mystery for a moment then it dawned on him. "You mean…"

Sirius held up a pack of cigarettes that he'd retrieved from his bedside table drawer.

"Where'd you get those?" James asked, dubiously eyeing the pack in Sirius' hand.

"Nicked 'em from the party. They were just sitting there on a table so, I figured why not? The muggles seemed keen on it. So… do you want to try it?"

James had never thought about smoking before. It seemed like more and more people were doing it, and the muggles at the party acted like it was the best thing ever. He reckoned it couldn't hurt to try it, just to see what all the fuss was about. Besides, he always had a hard time saying no to Sirius.

"Sure, why not?" James said with a casual shrug. "Don't tell the girls though. Their heads will explode."

"There's nothing to tell," he replied. "We're just trying it. No big deal."

"Should we wake Moony?" James asked.

Sirius looked over at the sleeping wizard and replied, "That depends. Do you think he'll try to talk us out of it?"

"I would try to talk you out of it, if I thought you'd listen," Remus replied, his eyes deceivingly closed.

"So that means you're not coming with us?" James asked.

"As much as I love the idea of sucking smoke and tar into my lungs," Remus replied, "I think I'll have a nap instead."

"Can't stay in bed forever, mate," James said, knowing he just wanted to mope about Claire.

"Can't a man sleep without his mates blowing it out of proportion?" Remus replied. "It's just a nap."

"Suit yourself," James said.

As Sirius put on his trainers and bundled up in his coat and scarf, he pushed Annabelle's potential reaction to his smoking out of his mind for the time being, determined not only to see what was so great about it, but also, and more importantly to him, to defy his parents, since now he could do so without fear of repercussions. It thrilled him deep down inside that they couldn't stop him or punish him for it. He didn't care if it was disgusting and dirty. Just knowing his father would practically have an aneurysm over it compelled him to do it. And as much as it shamed him to hide what they were about to do from Annabelle, he knew she'd try to stop him and she'd probably succeed. Besides, one cigarette was nothing.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

In the kitchens, Lily, Alice, and Annabelle were joined by several first years including Zelda, Twyla, a handful of other underclassmen, Phyllis, and the only two sixth-year boys; Johnny B. and Caradoc. Fairfax was off with Posey Palmer again, so Caradoc had nothing better to do, and Johnny B. didn't feel like watching footy on the charmed telly all day because he said it made him miss Matthew.

Annabelle hadn't cooked much with magic since she'd had a muggle housekeeper that did all the work for her, and Lily knew how to bake a cake, but using magic to do so was a relatively new skillset for her as well.

Alice, on the other hand, knew what she was doing since her magical mum had raised her to know the ins and outs of the magical kitchen from a young age. She normally would have wowed the others with her ability, but that day she just wasn't feeling up to it. Frank's mission was supposed to be over in another week and she couldn't fight the dread growing in the pit of her stomach. And all because of one hapless moment of drunken selfishness.

"Alice," Annabelle said, snapping her fingers front of her friend's face. Alice had been eating a spoonful of batter as she stared into space. "Save some for your cake."

"It's not safe to eat raw eggs," Zelda advised. "You can get quite sick."

Alice just shrugged and licked the spoon again.

"Do you think the boys will eat these?" Lily asked of her fairy cakes with burnt bottoms. "Because I'm not sure I want to."

"We could always set them out in the common room," suggested Annabelle. "Let people help themselves."

"They're going to need to help themselves to an anti-vomit potion after they eat mine," said Johnny B. whose frosting was more like soup.

"I thought they were going to be the pudding at dinner tonight," said Caradoc.

"Oh, please, no," replied Lily. "I will not own up to these fairy cakes and no one here had better tell that I made them."

"Does Miss Alice require Izzy's assistance?" the young elf asked Alice who wasn't making much progress.

"Yes, please," Alice said, and sat down in a slump on a kitchen stool. Izzy took over for her, finishing up her sponge cake.

"You are worrying for nothing," Johnny B. said to her. "He's not going to dump you."

"You don't know that," said Alice.

"No, not for certain, but it's not like you meant to do it. You were thinking of him when it happened for Merlin's sake!"

"That does put it in a different light," encouraged Lily. "When you think about it. It's not as though you wanted to be kissing Dennis. You wanted to be kissing Frank."

Alice knew they meant well, but she didn't think it would make Frank feel much better. She still kissed someone else, no matter who she was thinking of at the time. And it didn't excuse it, in fact, it only demonstrated her weakness. Frank would never trust her again, she was sure of it.

"Ta-da!" exclaimed Phyllis, beaming proudly at her multi-tiered, rainbow-covered monstrosity.

"It looks like a unicorn shat all over that cake," snickered Caradoc.

Johnny B. snorted with laughter. "Phyllis, that is fucking hideous."

"No it's not. It's pretty!" Twyla cheered.

Phyllis' usual smile was replaced with a massive pout.

"Don't be offended," Johnny B. said to her, realising he'd hurt the sensitive girl's feelings. "We're just taking the piss. In fact, if I ever get married, I'll hire you to make the cake, and I want it to look just like that one, all right love?"

Easily placated, she smiled and nodded enthusiastically, completely missing Johnny B. turning to Annabelle and shoving a finger down his throat.

"It's not nicer than mine," replied Caradoc, whose Toffee Bakewell Tarts looked like a proper pastry chef had made them. "I think I've found my calling."

"Don't set mine next to Caradoc's especially," Lily pleaded with Izzy. "In fact, let's just dispose of mine before anyone accidentally ingests one."

"Mine don't look too bad, do they Izzy?" Annabelle asked of her Hazelnut biscuits.

Izzy made an expression of pity, but said, "Oh, indeed, Lady Annabelle, they look perfect."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

When Sirius and James arrived at the courtyard, no one was there, much to their relief, considering they didn't want an audience of experienced smokers watching them the first time they tried to smoke a fag. They wanted to look cool doing it, not like novices.

They sat down inside one of the archways and with the tips of their wands, they lit the cigarettes. Striving to be as cool as possible, they simultaneously took drags as they stared off moodily into the distance. Instantly, they began choking, then laughing, then choking some more.

"It tastes like someone started a fire in my mouth," croaked James.

"I feel like I ate a burnt shoe," Sirius replied.

They were determined to get the hang of it and tried again. Sirius wasn't about to give up after one unsuccessful drag. After several more tries, they finally managed to stop coughing. It was getting easier, even though the taste was hard to get used to.

Soon, two seventh-years wandered out into the courtyard and sat down near them. One was Hufflepuff Hestia Jones, an extremely tall, lean, but strong girl, who in addition to the Amazonian size of her, was quite gorgeous with her long tousled hair. The other was her friend Matilda Goodwin, not quite as tall or strong, with mousy hair, fringe that fell into her eyes, and black cat-eye glasses.

"Potter, Black," Hestia greeted the Gryffindors.

"Jones, Goodwin," the boys chorused back.

Hestia eyed the boys suspiciously. "Haven't seen you two out here before."

"We usually come out later in the day," replied Sirius, not wanting the obviously experienced smoker to know what beginners they were.

"It's a nasty habit," she said as she squinted out at the bleak February landscape. "But, I'm bloody hooked. I figure I'll quit one of these days."

"Eh, you can't believe everything you read," offered Matilda. "I mean, if I panicked every time someone told me something was bad for me, I'd never do anything fun."

Hestia chuckled and blew smoke from her lips. "You're right about that. And there is lots of fun to be had."

The girls laughed knowingly and it was clear that their version of fun might not be the best for their health, warning labels and scientific reports be damned.

Sirius looked at the pack of cigarettes and read the label. "Warning by H.M. Government: Smoking can damage your health."

"Well, that settles it," teased James. "The Queen says it's bad. I reckon I'm quitting."

"I'd say that's all the more reason to do it," replied Sirius, who took another drag and resisted the urge to cough again.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

The boys had rid themselves of their smoky stench by dinnertime and the girls were none the wiser. They hadn't planned on smoking again, but Sirius kept the rest of the pack just in case they changed their minds. It hadn't been fun at first, but after a while he felt independent. Free. Like no one could ever tell him no again.

"What did you do all afternoon?" Annabelle innocently asked Sirius as they sat down at the table.

"Eh, listened to records mostly," he replied. "'Twas quite relaxing. How was your baking class?"

Annabelle chuckled and replied, "Messy. But it was fun. It appears that our Caradoc has a future in the baking industry."

Caradoc's ears turned red, which he compensated for by making a smug face and pretending to shine an imaginary medal on his shirt.

Fairfax teased, "Introducing Chef Dearborn. I always knew he would make something of himself one day!"

"You joke, but wait until you see his work," said Lily.

Just as Caradoc had predicted, the baked goods were served at the Gryffindor table for pudding. Izzy had sent up Lily's fairy cakes despite her protests and Fairfax claimed they were charcoal-flavoured.

Lily pouted and said, "It's easy to judge, but I didn't see you down in the kitchen slaving away."

Fairfax laughed. "Slaving away? You used magic. That takes the 'slaving' out of it, no?"

"Magic or no," offered Johnny B. "It's not as simple as you'd think. It's a bit like potions, really. One wrong measurement and it all goes to crap."

Remus bit into one of Annabelle's hazelnut biscuits, and much to her chagrin, he dropped the biscuit onto his plate and put a hand over his jaw.

"I think I broke a tooth," he said, and turned to Sirius who lit the tip of his wand and inspected the inside of his friend's mouth.

"Nah, looks all right," Sirius assured him. "Probably just loosened a filling."

Annabelle turned to Lily and whispered, "Add baking to the list of things I'm crap at."

Lily laughed. "You and me both," she replied and took one of Caradoc's tarts. Besides the sponge cake Izzy had completed for Alice, his were the only products of the afternoon's labour that didn't look or taste like rubbish.

"These fairy cakes aren't half bad," James encouraged, "if you only eat the tops of them."

Lily smiled. She could always count on James to enhance the truth for her benefit.

"Thank you, James, but you might not want to eat any more of those, if you value your health."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Monday's Potions class was going to be a review for an upcoming exam. The students took their seats and got settled, chatting quietly while Slughorn took attendance and conferenced with a few students about their progress.

Lily had been up half the night revising for the exam that wasn't even until Wednesday, and Annabelle was amazed the girl could keep her head up, let alone concentrate on class. In fact, Annabelle wasn't sure if Lily had slept at all the previous night. It was so bewildering to her that Lily felt the need to abuse herself like that, over a class she excelled in, no less.

"Did you see Lily during the break today?" she whispered to Sirius.

"Not for long. She said she wanted to read over her notes."

"Again? I hoped she was sleeping. She was up all night, fretting over this bloody exam."

"Did you ask her why she's been so obsessed with her marks?"

"Yes, and she didn't tell me the truth. At least I don't think she did."

At Lily and James' work station, James noticed right away that Lily's hands were trembling as she gripped the edges of her potions textbook.

"Lil, are you all right?"

She didn't answer. She had grown pale and her eyes were glassy. She stared down her book, and soon her whole body began to tremble.

"What is it?" James asked in a sharp whisper.

Lily squeezed her eyes shut, and she started shaking her head back and forth. A second later she slapped a hand over her mouth and pushed out of her chair, bounding for the exit. James leapt up from his seat and ran after her.

Annabelle and Sirius exchanged alarmed looks and both hurried out of the room, despite Slughorn's inquiring what was the matter. The others made a move follow, but he stopped them.

"I think enough people have left the room without permission for one class," he bellowed. " _Sit down_."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

"Lily, wait!" James called as Lily jogged up the stairs and out of the dungeons, making a beeline for the nearest exit. Once she was outside, she fell to her knees and vomited into the snow. James dropped down beside her, pulling her auburn locks away from her face. She didn't stop, her whole body heaving as she cried between wretches.

Annabelle and Sirius soon appeared and stood over her for a moment, wondering if she'd come down with something.

"Was she acting sick before class?" Annabelle asked, feeling like she missed some important detail while working in the library.

"Not at all," James replied. "She was reading her Potions book."

"Did she eat anything suspicious?" she asked.

"Not that I know of. She went up to the dorm to get something just before we walked to class, but I don't think she ate anything."

"Merlin, she's not stopping," said Sirius as Lily continued to gag and strain.

"I think we should get Madam Pomfrey," suggested Annabelle.

"NO!" cried Lily in a garbled voice, before heaving again. "DON'T… PLEASE… I'M FINE!"

"No, you aren't fine," said James. "You can't stop vomiting."

"Just… let me… Let… me be…."

Annabelle narrowed her eyes suspiciously and got down next to her. The sudden unremitting need for a body to expel something, no signs of illness or food poisoning… it struck Annabelle as vaguely familiar, like something her drug addict mother would have done.

"Did you take something?" she asked her.

Lily's retching seemed to be subsiding, and she peered at Annabelle guiltily before breaking down into a fit of tears. She didn't need to say a word.

"We need to get you to Madam Pomfrey," said Annabelle. "You need to get it out of your system, whatever the hell it is."

"It's out of my system, Annie. Look at the snow! I'm fine now!"

Annabelle peered at her anxiously as Lily sat back on her heels and breathed in and out steadily. Her sorrowful face was ghostly white and the dark circles under her teary, blood shot eyes made Annabelle think of the Banshees she used to read about in her granddad's books of folklore. A chill went through her, not entirely from the cold winter air.

"I think I'm okay now. Let's just forget this happened, please?"

A rush of worry propelled Annabelle off the ground and she charged off toward the castle. She wanted to see what Lily had done to herself before she had a chance to destroy the evidence. Once inside their dorm room, she immediately set to work looking for whatever Lily might have consumed. It didn't take long to find the culprit.

There inside her bedside table's drawer was a small clear vial with the label "Wideye Potion" written in handwriting Annabelle couldn't quite place. Then it came to her; it was the same handwriting on the majority of bottles in the Potions lab. And everyone knew that the majority of bottles in the Potions lab were labelled by Severus Snape.

First, Annabelle felt relief that it wasn't something more dangerous. The bottle said "Three Doses" but it was two thirds empty. Lily had taken double the dose. But why would she do something so dangerous? And why was Severus Snape brewing controlled substances for her? Annabelle's relief was immediately replaced with contempt for the Slytherin. She knew that James and Sirius would likely murder Snape if they knew he was in anyway involved, so she carefully removed the label and put it inside her robe pocket. Then she stormed back down to the common room.

Sirius was there, leaning against the back of the sofa.

"Did you find anything?"

"Just this," she replied as she held out the almost empty bottle. "I think it's Wideye Potion."

"Looks like it," he said as he held the bottle up to the window for a better look. "Makes sense if she hasn't been sleeping."

"And we all know she could brew it herself," Annabelle replied, feeling a touch guilty hiding the label. She was desperate to tell him, actually, because at that point she didn't care what happened to Snape, but with McGonagall being fed up and Jaeger ready to have them expelled, it was necessary to keep the information quiet. Besides, at the end of the day, for some incomprehensible reason Lily had done this to herself.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Meanwhile, Lily put her face over her hands and cried. James was finding it hard to breathe, and he pulled her close to him as his heart pounded.

"What did you take, Lily?"

She didn't respond and instead was mentally berating herself for not hiding the bottle better.

"You might as well tell me, since Annabelle is going to search your room for it."

"Wideye Potion," she said. "I took too much. I'm just so tired and I thought it would help."

He felt like he should have seen this coming. Her manic behaviour, her all night study sessions... the red, cracked callouses on her writing fingers. Yet he hadn't, and he still wasn't entirely aware of the meaning of it all.

"Are you crying because you're tired?" he asked, grasping for any reason for her outburst.

"No," she replied.

He swallowed hard. "What is it then?"

"It's nothing," she said as she broke away from him and staggered to her feet. She started toward the castle.

"It's not nothing, Lily," he replied as he followed her. "You've been acting strange ever since we got back from break. I'm worried about you."

She stopped and turned to him. "Why do you want to know? So you can brush it off as melodrama? Tell me I'm overreacting then run scared again while you figure things out?"

James was beside himself. "Is that what you think I'm going to do? Run scared?"

"You've done it before."

"That's what this is about? What I did months ago? I thought we were past that!" He paused and roughly ran a hand through his hair, then said in a calmer voice, "I thought you'd forgiven me."

"I did… but it's hard to forget," she said as she wiped her eyes and sat down inside an archway.

James stood a few feet away, unsure how to respond. It couldn't have been about him, because this weird behaviour started after they'd made amends. Their relationship had survived his immaturity and he was sure he was a better person for it.

"I see what you're doing. You're changing the subject…" he said. Lily glared at him, but he continued. "Yep, you're deflecting. Well, I'm going to tell you something. It's not going to work. I'm not saying that you shouldn't be cautious about me. I fucked up. I know I did. But you've been _killing_ yourself the past month, driving yourself insane over your marks. And that's because of me? It's my fault?"

Lily tucked an errant lock of hair behind her ear and turned her gaze towards the icy grounds. She felt her eyes filling with hot tears again. James squatted down in front of her.

"If I'm the problem, then I'll stop asking," he said softly. "But if it's something else, then let me help you. Let me be there for you…. I love you, Lily. Don't you see that?"

She turned her eyes to meet his, and she saw the answer to his question.

"Yes, I do."

He reached out and brushed a tear from her cheek. She sniffled and took a few deep breaths, then reached for his hand. He gave it willingly and sat down beside her. She wrapped her hands around his, and he put his other hand over hers.

"You're freezing. Would you rather talk inside?"

"No. I don't want an audience."

And she told him everything. How Petunia made her feel worthless and damaged. How she rubbed every one of her accomplishments in Lily's face. How she tried to make her feel badly about herself by mocking her friends and disrespecting her at every turn. Lily cried intermittently as she spoke, recalling how they'd been close as children, and how sometimes Lily cursed the magical gift arbitrarily bestowed upon her because it set her apart from her family. It had changed some things for the worse. Finally, she told him how Petunia had brought her intelligence into question. How she'd constantly bragged about her near perfect academic record and declared outright that Lily would never come close to being head girl.

"I'd had enough," she said. "Becoming head girl would be the best payback. Petunia was gutted when she was passed over for head girl. She threw a right tantrum. If I could do it, she would have to eat every one of her nasty words. She'd see I wasn't damaged and she'd have to admit I wasn't just a useless freak of nature."

James rubbed his eyes with his thumb and forefinger and shook his head. Stories about Petunia always aggravated him. Lily's sister was jealous and cruel. But it upset him more that he couldn't convince Lily that it had nothing to do with her, that it was Petunia's issue. Not having a sister or brother himself, he found it hard to understand the intricacies of sibling relationships, and he usually told her to ignore Petunia and not to let her affect her so much. Empty words, he realised just then, since her broken relationship with her sister was far more devastating to Lily than he had previously realised.

"Do you think you're damaged?" he asked her as he watched an owl passing overhead.

She thought about it for a moment while picking anxiously at her fingernails, then replied, "Not when I'm here."

"But at home you do."

"Only when Petunia is there."

"I don't know, Lil. Call me crazy, but if you only feel like shit about yourself when Petunia's around, don't you think Petunia is the one with the problem?"

"What if she's right?"

"Yeah, because that makes sense. Your parents, your friends, your teachers; they're all dead wrong about you. Petunia says you're a no-good freak, it must be true. Why can't you see she wants you to feel bad so she can feel better about herself?"

Lily knew Petunia was jealous, and she knew that she'd been hurt when Lily went off to Hogwarts without her. But words carry power and the onslaught of degradation that followed was overwhelming for a teenaged girl, especially when it came from her big sister.

"I looked up to her as a child. I admired her. It's hurts when your idol turns on you."

"That's why people shouldn't have idols. You have yourself. And you've always had top marks, so it's obvious that you're intelligent. I bet Petunia couldn't pass Potions to save her life, but you could pass all her muggle classes in your sleep."

"That's just it though. I don't fit in at home anymore, because even if I'd stayed home and continued with muggle school, I'd still be different no matter how well I did. And now, all this talk of blood purity and whatnot… I feel like I have to prove myself here as well. It's maddening."

"You don't buy into that blood purity rubbish, do you? Because that's what it is. Rubbish. Besides, what's more purely magical than a witch or a wizard that comes from no magic at all? Magic had to start somehow, with one person showing magical abilities."

James certainly had an interesting way of looking at things. In fact, he was making a lot of sense, and she was beginning to feel like a fool for her extreme behaviour.

"But I think if you continue wearing yourself out," James continued, "it will have the adverse effect of what you are striving for. You will collapse. Or you will be too busy brewing potions to stabilise your mental state to get any work done."

Again, he had a point.

"Yes, well, I reckon I just got carried away. She was just so malicious to me over the holiday, and nothing I do is good enough for her… or right in any way. I can't win."

"Maybe she thinks _she_ will never win, because she can't be like you. No matter how hard she tries, she will never be a witch. So she disparages it. It's simple, Lily, and you mustn't let it get the better of you. You can't win, because there is no competition. You are different people, doing different things with your lives. It's sad that she can't be supportive of you, but it's not your fault."

She looked at him, and she saw him differently then. Something about him was calmer, a bit wiser and more patient… it was like she was seeing a glimpse of the man he would soon become. And gratitude, that elusive yet beautiful blessing, rushed through her being as she realised how stupid she had been. She'd lost sight of what was important. _This_ was important. Her relationships with the people that loved and respected her. Her relationship with herself.

"I love you," she said as tears filled her eyes again. "And I'm sorry I put you through all of this."

"Aww, don't cry," he replied as he wrapped his arms around her and squeezed. "You have nothing to apologise to me for. I was just a bystander to your madness. Just promise me one thing?"

Lily nodded against his chest.

"No more sampling the potions we make in class, all right? You could have done some real damage to yourself."

"Annabelle will probably do some real damage to me. You know how sensitive she is about substance abuse."

"She'll get over it. It was one mistake. Come on, let's get inside before we freeze to death. Then this epiphany would all have been for naught."

They got up and entered the castle, then made their way to Gryffindor tower. Just as they were approaching the portrait, it opened and out stepped Annabelle and Sirius. No one said anything for a moment as Annabelle stared sceptically at Lily. Finally, Annabelle held out her hand, the tiny bottle centred in her palm.

"You took a double dose. Why?"

Lily felt ashamed and looked down at the floor as she answered. "I was extra tired."

"It's not like cough lozenges, Lil. And you, of all people, should know that."

"Come inside," Lily said. "I need to rest."

Annabelle followed Lily to their room where Lily lay down on her bed.

"I wasn't thinking straight. I didn't think one dose could even come close to fighting the exhaustion I was feeling. It was stupid. I know."

"Are you going to stop this madness now? Because I am getting worried enough to tell McGonagall."

"There's no need for that. This was most definitely a wake-up call."

"Why are you doing this to yourself?"

Lily sighed. She didn't want to talk about it all over again, mostly because she was knackered. But she couldn't let Annabelle fret, so Lily gathered what strength she had left and explained about Petunia and her taunts.

"I reckon I just let it rule me. It was wrong. But she has always known how to get the better of me.

Annabelle wasn't surprised that Lily's mania stemmed from her sister's cruelty. Hearing stories about Petunia over the years, it became clear to Annabelle that the girl was a selfish princess who couldn't let Lily have any glory. Yet it was impossible to deny the fact that little else compared to the gift of magic, and that was something Petunia just couldn't get past.

"With sisters like her, who needs enemies?" Annabelle asked.

"Yeah, well… I'm going to do my best to remember who I am when she's around, and not let her goad me into proving myself to her. It doesn't lead to anything good, as we all saw today." Lily closed her eyes and for the first time in weeks, allowed herself to relax and enjoy the silence.

"Severus helped you with this?" Annabelle asked after a moment's hesitation.

Lily sat up, her eyes wide and said, "Why do you ask?"

Annabelle reached into her pocket and pulled out the label. "This is his handwriting."

"He didn't brew the potion. He just unlocked the laboratory and the supply cabinet for me one night. You know Slughorn has that place secured with special charms. He stuck around so I wouldn't be alone down there and put the label on the bottle. That's all."

It still didn't set right with Annabelle. "He should have told you NO. BLOODY. WAY. Merlin, he's a git!" Then another realisation hit her. "That was where you went when you sneaked out that night. You went to the Potions lab with Severus. Don't look so surprised. I'm a light sleeper and I heard you. And it explains why you were gone so long. I honestly thought you had met up with James, not dodgy old Severus."

"Don't tell James. Or Sirius. Or any of them for that matter. Please, Annie? Severus was just being a friend and it wouldn't be fair if-"

"A friend?" Annabelle shook her head in exasperation. "A friend, really? As far as I know, friends don't help friends brew controlled substances, especially when it is meant to be consumed by that very same friend."

Lily rolled her eyes and sighed. "It's not like he told me to take double the dose. That was my own doing. And I am well aware that it was a perilous and rash mistake. But I've learnt my lesson, I promise you that. Now can we please forget this ever happened? I _really_ need a nap."

"Fine. But I am dumping the rest of this out, just in case you get any ideas."

Lily's head was already resting on her pillow, her eyes closed when she replied, "Go ahead, Annie. See? I don't mind at all. I will never take Wideye Potion again."

And with that, she fell asleep. Annabelle went straight to the bathroom and dumped the remaining potion down the drain. The last Lily had reported, she had told Severus off after his involvement with Elsinore's plot against Sirius. Annabelle would never understand Lily's connection to him, or why she couldn't just cut him loose for good. All she could think was maybe Lily felt sorry for him. It also wasn't prudent for her to be socialising with him, considering every one of his mates had it in for muggleborns.

She had an inclination to find Severus Snape and make sure he knew Lily's sudden illness in class was the result of his "help." Yet she would have to do it at a later time, since lunch was about to start and the boys would be waiting in the common room. And if they found out, well, Annabelle wasn't going to think about that, because it wasn't going to happen. It just couldn't happen. With that, Annabelle resumed her game face and went down the stairs to where Sirius and James were waiting.


	10. Smoke Signals

 

 

 

**_****_**.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.** _ ** ** _ **

_Flamma fumo est proxima. (Flame follows smoke.)  
_

**_**.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.** _ **

**_Dearest cousin Sirius,_ **

**_I know it's been a very long time since we've spoken, I'm rather ashamed to admit. Please know that my silence was only to protect you. I saw Uncle Alphard in Diagon Alley and he informed me that you had left home, and that your parents had forbid your return. You know Uncle, he didn't give too many details, but I understood. I know he isn't the most sociable fellow, but you may want to drop him a note. He's been in poor health, and as usual, he wouldn't elaborate on that either._ **

**_I suppose I should get to my point, which is now that you and I are both "outlaws," I'd like to correspond with you and catch up on everything I've missed. Wouldn't it be lovely if we could get together and I could introduce you to Nymphadora? It would mean so much to me if she had a connection to my family as well as Ted's. Maybe we can come up with our own Black Family motto for the exiled members like us. I was thinking something like_ ** **"** **_Prend Moi Tel Que Je Suis." (That's "Take Me as I Am," in case your French is rusty.)_ **

**_I hope you are well, and that you aren't second-guessing yourself. I was afraid at first, but trust me, everything happens for a reason and it will all be okay, you'll see._ **

**_Please, don't hesitate to reply. I've missed you._ **

**_Yours truly,_ **

**_Andromeda_ **

"That's incredibly sweet of her," said Annabelle as she folded the letter Sirius received that morning and slipped it inside the envelope. They were in the back of an empty classroom, Sirius laying prone upon a table, his hands clasped behind his head, and Annabelle sitting on its edge. They were just down the hall from the Defence against the Dark Arts room, killing time until they had to face Jaeger.

"Yes, well, statistically speaking, we couldn't all be lunatics," replied Sirius. "A few had to break the mould."

"You never mentioned you spoke French. I thought Purebloods were forced to learn Latin."

Sirius gave a little chuckle and said, "We are. I only know basic French, but I had to take Latin from the time I could speak. It's not something to brag about really, since most purebloods know it. And that is precisely why I don't like to admit I can speak it. Didn't you have to take Latin in your muggle school?"

"I took a year of it as some experimental language thing the headmaster decided to try. All I remember really are the words for girl, boy, summer, and love."

"Those are the only ones worth knowing, yeah?"

"I reckon that's true." Annabelle grinned and looked over at him. His eyes were closed and the corners of his mouth were turned up in the hint of a smile. She felt like she should acknowledge what was said about his uncle, even if he didn't talk about him often and the two didn't seem to be particularly close. Sirius had only mentioned that he was also a misfit and that he'd got along with him, and in the Black Family that usually meant the person in question was a decent human being.

"Sorry to hear your uncle is ill," she said cautiously.

"Me too. He's always been a bit sickly, even when he was a child, which is why the family puts up with his eccentricities. They figure he's a bit touched in the head as well. Personally, I think it's all just an act; his way of surviving that insane asylum known as the Black family."

"Are you going to write back to your cousin?"

"Sure, why not? Can't hurt now. In fact, I've already come up with a new motto for us exiles I'd like to share with her."

"Do tell."

"Ne conjugare nobiscum."

"That sounds right sexy," Annabelle said as she moved her eyebrows up and down. "I recognise that it's Latin, but you're going to have to translate."

Sirius smiled and replied, "Don't fuck with us."

"Interesting… and fitting," she approved. "But not as sexy as it sounds. Say something nice… for me? Please?"

Sirius sighed and thought about it. Then he grinned. "Apudne te vel me? Which basically means, 'Your place or mine?'"

"Haha. Very funny."

Sirius chuckled again, then grew quiet for a moment as he thought of something else to say.

"All right, you might like this one better," he said as he sat up and scooted in next to her, gently taking her hand. "Nunc scio quid sit amor."

"I got the _love_ part, but not the rest."

He kissed her softly on the hand, then translated. "Now I know what love is."

Annabelle blushed, fighting the urge to grin. "That's more like it. And that could be your new family motto as well."

"Indeed, it could."

Just as he leaned in to kiss her again, on the lips this time, Caradoc and Johnny B. strolled into the room.

"So this is where you've been hiding," Johnny B. said as he and Caradoc sat down on either side of them. "What are you doing in here?"

Sirius shook his head and rolled his eyes. "Isn't it obvious, mate? Or do I have to explain everything to you?"

Johnny B. covered his ears and replied, "Please don't."

Annabelle nudged Sirius in the arm and said to Johnny B., "He's _joking_. He was teaching me a bit of Latin, that's all."

"I know some Latin," Caradoc piped up proudly. "Veni, vidi, flati."

Sirius instantly put his hands over his face and began cracking up. "No, please, say you didn't."

"Go on then, tell us what it means," Annabelle replied as Sirius and Caradoc's spasmodic laughter grew. "Although I'm not sure I want to know."

Caradoc took a breath to steady himself and said, "It just means: 'I came, I saw, I farted.'" Then he instantly contorted into another fit of hysterics along with the other two boys.

Annabelle gave a tight-lipped smile and replied, "Lovely. Unfortunately, children, I think it's time for class. Or _fortunately_ depending on how one interprets your statement, Doc."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Amazingly, Jaeger barely acknowledged Annabelle's existence in class that day. He didn't even look her way except during attendance. He ignored Sirius, too, but Sirius knew not to get used to it. In fact, the professor's complete disregard for the two of them only made him more suspicious of what took place during Annabelle's detention. He'd tried to get it out of her the night before, but she'd repeatedly assured him that the detention was as it should have been, tedious and uneventful, and that Evan Rosier was annoying, but nothing she couldn't handle.

The next day was Wednesday, the day of Dominica and Septima's impending return. The rumour was that they arrived after breakfast, taking some time to get settled while the others were in class. Annabelle didn't see them until Potions, since she was working in the library doing her least favourite task; spraying for doxies. She'd not been looking forward to their return, and had discussed with Lily and Alice how they would be civil to them, but nothing more.

Sirius met Annabelle at the library and they walked to class together. When they arrived at their shared work table, they went over a few things that would be on the test. Their conversation was put on hold when the class started humming with chatter, and all eyes turned towards the two girls that entered the room. Septima Scroggie's expression was one of desperation; she appeared awkward and ashamed as she scuttled to her seat. She sat down next to her roommate and lab partner, Gloria Henderson, who seemed put off by her return. Dominica Dávila on the other hand had a grimace plastered across her face as she sauntered through the classroom. It bordered on smug, but Annabelle detected a defensiveness in it as well. She was sending a message that told the rest of them not to try her, because she wasn't going to cower. She slammed herself down in her seat next to an uncharacteristically nervous Edmund Kittle, being very careful not to make eye contact with anyone.

Sirius smirked a little and shook his head. Dominica had some nerve acting affronted, as though she didn't deserve every single look of fear or loathing she received. Professor Slughorn cleared his throat loudly and it was enough to redirect the class's attention back to him.

"Please put everything away except your quills," he told them as he handed out the parchments. "These exams have been charmed with the Deceptus spell, so don't even think about copying from someone else. The practical part of the exam will be on Friday- you will be asked to brew one potion from the list I handed out to you on Monday. As always, good luck."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

That afternoon, Sirius and Annabelle decided to get some fresh air. They walked hand in hand out to the Quidditch pitch dragging their brooms alongside them. The air was cold and the grounds still icy, but the sun was trying to peek through the clouds, giving the false impression that spring would soon arrive. Sirius always got the Quidditch itch around February and normally James would have gone with him, but he was off with Lily, and besides, he hadn't spent much time alone with Annabelle lately and he was starting to feel like something was strange between them. Whatever it was, he hoped some time together would make it right again.

"Shall we race?" he asked as he mounted his broom and ascended several feet off the ground.

Annabelle looked at him like he was crazy as she climbed onto her own broom.

"I'm teasing," he said. "Let's just toss the Quaffle back and forth. It's good for building upper body strength."

Sirius went to the storage facility and came back with a Quaffle. Off they went, flying fast and high, tossing it at a close distance at first, and eventually increasing the distance between them. Annabelle was at ease on the pitch, such a change from September she noted to herself. She only missed it twice, and both times were due to her lack of attention. She was too busy admiring him, his hair tousling about in the wind, his smile practically an invitation to stare in awe of his charisma and grace. The Quaffle wasn't nearly as beguiling as the wizard whose company she was keeping at the moment.

Eventually, after an hour of playing catch and then generally mucking about, they sat down in the stands to rest. Sirius put his arm around her and she rested her head in the curve of his neck.

"I wish winter would hurry up and leave already," he said. The dismal sky was a mottled shade of off-white and grey, but every now and then the clouds would break, and the pitch, the stands, and the forest in the distance would fleetingly glow with the golden light. The wind was picking up causing their eyes to water and their cheeks to burn red. Annabelle shivered, but didn't want to go back inside just yet. Despite the cold, she was glad to be away from the castle proper, away from Jaeger, with the only sounds coming from some crows overhead and the wind whipping about the flags surrounding the stands. She closed her eyes and nuzzled her nose under his chin, trying to get the feeling back in it.

"Merlin, Annabelle, your nose feels like an ice cube. Let's go inside before you freeze."

"No," she said a bit desperately. "Not yet. Unless you're cold yourself, because in that case-"

"I'm not. Cold that is. Okay, I'm a little cold, but if you don't want to go back yet, we don't have to. We can go sit in the changing room… get out of the wind at least."

"All right. That sounds good."

The changing room was chilly, but they were safe from the icy wind and they sat down side by side on a wooden bench. As Sirius unravelled his scarf, he looked down at his favourite trainers and brushed some dirt off them. It didn't seem to make much difference.

"Think it's time for a new pair?" Annabelle asked.

"Nah. They're just in need of a good cleaning. Nothing a few charms and a rag can't fix."

"Is there a reason you're so attached to that particular pair?"

"Why yes, there is actually. You see, these are my lucky trainers."

"Oh really? How so?"

"For starters, I had them on when we beat Slytherin."

"That wasn't luck, darling. That was pure skill on your part. It was luck for me."

Sirius smiled. "It was most definitely skill for you as well, and you know it."

"Fine, fine, it was skill. But go on. What else?"

"I was wearing them the day we got detention for talking in Potions."

"Getting a detention was lucky?"

"At the time I didn't think so. But looking back, serving that detention was a game changer for me since it was the day I questioned everything I thought I knew about you."

"Hmm, what shoes was I wearing that day? Because that was the day I realised you weren't the git I thought you were."

"Ah, see? It wasn't your shoes, but these trainers. They're lucky for you too. Now I really can't replace them or all that luck will be gone."

Annabelle rested her head on his shoulder and looked down at the worn shoes. "You don't need those trainers to get lucky with me," she said. "In fact, I think I prefer you barefoot."

Sirius looked at her for a moment then said, "I could easily be barefoot right now, and bare other things as well. In fact, so could you…"

He leaned in and kissed her on the cheek, then trailed his lips down to her jawline and her neck as he unfastened her winter coat.

"Sirius, if you think I'm getting starkers in this freezing cold changing room you must have taken one too many Bludgers to the head."

Sirius pretended to be offended. "I'll have you know I've never taken a Bludger to the head. At least not in an official game."

Annabelle winced at the thought. "How did it happen then?"

"During a practice once. It was an accident, but it hurt like hell. Now enough trying to change the subject. We don't need to be starkers to do _this_ ," he said as he kissed her again and ran his hands up under her jumper.

Annabelle gasped. "Bloody hell, your hands are freezing!"

"Sorry," he said with a grin as he pulled them out. "Just trying to warm them up, is all."

"You didn't have to stop, you know. I was just making an observation."

"Well, in that case…"

He pushed his hands back up under her shirt and around to her back, pulling her close. Their lips met, and Annabelle put her hands under Sirius' shirt as well, the cold of her fingertips giving way to the heat of his skin. It was the perfect place to hide from the world, assuming Jaeger hadn't followed them there as well, and the cold didn't seem to matter so much when she was wrapped in Sirius' arms. They stayed there in the small, quiet room until the darkening sky and plummeting temperatures drove them back to the castle and straight to the fireplace in the Gryffindor common room.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

"I feel kind of sorry for her," Lily said during dinner that evening, as she looked towards Dominica where she sat alone. Annabelle was bit offended, since Dominica had gone out of her way to cause harm to two of Lily's friends, but when she looked to the end of the table to where she sat alone, she felt a surge of pity for the misguided girl as well. She was hunched over her plate, her earlier attempt at bravado gone, having been replaced with what looked like bitterness, and, well, Annabelle couldn't be sure, but possibly regret.

"I don't feel one bit sorry for her," replied Sirius.

"Me neither," said Caradoc.

"Not even a little?" asked Lily. "I mean, look at her. Even Septima is disassociating herself from her. It's pathetic, really."

"It truly is," said Johnny B., who couldn't stomach the thought of someone being pushed aside, even if she had made a massive, hurtful mistake.

Sirius eyed them in disbelief. "You're joking, yeah? We are talking about the same person?"

"I'm not saying I'm ready to forgive her," Lily replied in her own defence. "I'm just acknowledging the sad situation she's put herself in, all right?"

"Maybe if she apologised…" Annabelle said as she glanced at Dominica again.

Sirius stared at Annabelle like she had two heads and demanded, "Is there something wrong with my ears or are you three completely barking?"

Annabelle shrugged. "She just looks so miserable and lonesome."

James sighed in aggravation. "She made her bed, let her lie in it," he said. "If you all go inviting her back in, you will regret it."

"Right. Learn your lesson already," added Peter. "She's already shown you what a traitor she is."

"Well, I don't reckon she'd be willing to apologise anyhow," replied Annabelle.

"That's probably true," agreed Lily.

"She'd have to grovel," said Alice. "And you know that will never happen."

"Even that wouldn't work for me," replied Sirius. "Now can we stop talking about her? I'm losing my appetite."

Deep down Annabelle knew better than to attempt a reconciliation with Dominica. Not only would it be foolish, but it was more than just a catty game to Sirius. The whole charade had transpired because of his parents' request for Elsinore and Malachi to destroy any semblance of happiness Sirius might have attained for himself in the hopes that he would be left with no choice but to acquiesce to their ideology. If Sirius didn't want to resolve things with Dominica, then she didn't either, because unlike the sullen witch at the end of the table, loyalty meant something to Annabelle.

"Sure. Let's change the subject," she said.

"So… how about those Holyhead Harpies?" Fairfax offered.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Before bed that evening, Sirius and James decided to sneak out to the courtyard again for a smoke. The girls had gone to their dorm room to change into their pyjamas so the coast was clear. They told each other they would most certainly quit after they finished the pack. Sirius thought it would be a waste to throw them away, and James wholeheartedly agreed. Besides, James was already won over by the cool aspect and had plans to blow some psychedelic smoke rings, and Sirius couldn't get enough of the sheer thrill of freely doing something forbidden by his parents. While the nicotine hadn't got a hold on them yet, the rebel factor was addicting.

When they got outside there were several other students there, mostly sixth and seventh years, standing around in the dim torchlight and puffing away like smoke stacks. Sirius and James made themselves comfortable inside an archway and lit up. They were pleased that they didn't cough, despite the initial dry tickle and burning sensation in their throats.

Edgar Bones, a seventh-year Hufflepuff Chaser, strolled over with Hestia Jones, who was apparently a courtyard regular, and said, "So, how do you think Madam Hooch would feel about her players taking part in such an unwholesome convention?"

"Yeah, it doesn't really coincide with her "healthy players win games" kick," chimed in Hestia with a throaty chuckle as she tapped the ash off her fag. "She'd have a conniption if she knew you lads were smoking."

James winced at the thought of the lecture they'd receive if Madam Hooch found out and said, "Let's not go there."

"It's not like she could kick us off the team for it," grumbled Sirius. He was getting irritated at the way the students who smoked seemed to disapprove of their own choice to do so. First, there was Hestia complaining the day before about what a nasty habit it was, and now, Edgar, adding his hypocritical opinion.

"You think?" asked Edgar.

"Why should she care what we do in our free time?" Sirius snapped. "It's not like she's out there flying round the pitch with us. We train ourselves." He took a drag and blew the smoke out like a pro. "Besides," he continued. "No one is forcing anyone to be out here. If you're going to do it, own it."

"True, true," Edgar conceded.

"Watch this," James said and proceeded to blow his first elaborate smoke ring.

Sirius grinned. "Nice one."

Soon, Remus and Peter appeared in the courtyard.

" _Shit! Prefect!"_ multiple students called out, and the majority of them vanished their cigarettes and swiftly took themselves back inside the castle.

"Hey, prefect," Sirius said. "Want to try it?"

"Not really. I was just doing rounds, and Pete was bored to so he decided to come along. Are you almost finished out here?"

"Wait, what about me?" asked Peter. "I might want to try it."

Sirius pulled another cigarette out of the pack and handed it to him. "All right, have a go."

James lit it for him and Peter puffed away on the cigarette, but didn't inhale once.

"You're doing it wrong, ya plonker," reprimanded James. "You have to breathe it in!"

Peter did as he was told and instantly began choking, much to his friends' amusement.

"That's... not fun," Peter croaked as his three friends continued to laugh. "It's just... foul... like really foul."

"All right, enough," scolded Remus as he went back into prefect-mode. "Let's go before the girls make a surprise appearance and bear witness to your self-destructive behaviour. Unless you want them to destroy you before the cancer-sticks do."

Remus was right to be wary; the drama that would ensue should the girls catch them would likely be massive. Sirius and James stood up and vanished the remainder of their cigarettes. They made their way to Gryffindor tower, hoping the girls wouldn't be in the common room just then since they were sure to smell the smoke on them. As they were about to say the password, the portrait opened and Dominica stepped out. She ran straight into James.

At first she looked startled, but quickly replaced any sign of intimidation with a sneer.

"Oooh, I felt something poking into me," she said with a honeyed tone as she sidled up to him. "Was that your wand in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?"

James pulled his wand out of his pocket and gave it twirl. "It was my wand. I'm not happy to see you."

Peter snickered and Sirius glowered at her while Remus said the password. In an attempt to appear nonplussed, Dominica chuckled a bit too loudly. The boys ignored her and entered the common room, leaving her to frown and descend the stairs to wherever she was going, alone.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

The next day, Defence against the Dark Arts was a practical class wherein students were to practise several spells non-verbally. First Jaeger demonstrated the best techniques, then for the majority of class they practised on various objects suited to the spells. He didn't come near Annabelle once, and she kept her eyes trained on the task at hand. She had a glimmer of hope that maybe what had happened during detention was actually a blessing in disguise. They were at a stalemate after all. They both had damning secrets on the other, so maybe if they both just pretended that nothing happened, the rest of the year would be peaceful and stress-free.

She thought too soon.

"Too good to practise your non-verbal freezing spell on that cup of water?" Jaeger asked so loudly that the whole class instinctively turned to see who was on the receiving end of his booming voice.

Annabelle felt her heart sink into her stomach.

"You could say that," replied Sirius as he picked up the cup and banged it a couple times on his desk to show he'd already frozen it, "considering I mastered the non-verbal freezing spell over a year ago."

Jaeger grinned condescendingly, and said, "Maybe _you_ should teach the class, Mr. Black. You seem to know everything already."

Annabelle wanted to say something to defend him, but she couldn't. If she did, Jaeger would tell Dumbledore what he knew and her account of the bum-touching would go invalidated. She was powerless. James anxiously met her eyes and she gave him a pleading look, as if to say _do something_ , even though she knew James couldn't do anything to stop the ensuing conflict except join it himself.

"With all due respect, sir," James said, "we haven't really learnt anything new or relevant since you've been here. Unless your life story is going to be on the N.E.W.T."

"Is that so, Mr. Potter? Well if you don't like the curriculum, you can always be proactive and supplement your education. The library is full of books on the subject."

James gave the slightest eye-roll and replied, "Isn't that what you get paid for? I shouldn't have to teach myself," then added under his breath so only his neighbours could hear, "even though I'd do a better job of it."

Jaeger ignored the remark and turned his attention back to Sirius, who had now assumed his usual defensive position of crossing his arms over his chest, leaning back in his chair, and staring out the window.

"I suggest you practise, Mr. Black. You never know when you might require one of these spells."

Sirius squinted his eyes in annoyed confusion. "Was that a threat? Because it sounded like a threat."

"I don't make threats, Mr. Black."

The meaning behind his menacing response was not lost on the rest of class as several students gasped, ooo'ed, or in the case of Evan Rosier and a few of his mates, laughed out loud.

Sirius wasn't about to play scared though. "Good, because I'd hate having to defend myself by _freezing_ you."

The majority of the class burst out laughing, and before Jaeger could kick him out, he gathered his books and left of his own accord. Jaeger didn't stop him, nor did he stop James when he followed in solidarity. Annabelle wanted so badly to follow them, and she would have if it had been any other class, but then again it wouldn't have happened in any other class. No other teacher treated students so cruelly, especially not one as bright as Sirius. She hoped beyond hope that Sirius wouldn't think she was turning a blind eye to what happened. If only she could tell him what occurred on Saturday without the fear of him confronting the professor. If only.

James caught up with Sirius and the two boys went to their dorm room where they lit up another cigarette. There had been twenty cigarettes in the pack, but one was already gone when Sirius nicked it. They'd already smoked two each, and one for Peter. So along with the two they were smoking, they were down to twelve.

"Do you think we'll be addicted before we reach the end of the pack?" James asked.

"Nah," replied Sirius. "It's not like hard drugs. Some people never get addicted."

James wasn't so sure about that, but Sirius was tense as hell after his latest battle with Jaeger, so he didn't argue with him.

"We should hex the shite of out him," suggested James before taking another drag. "At night, from under the cloak."

Sirius had already considered that. "If he found out it was us, we'd be done. Not that I care, but…" he trailed off, not wanting to give voice to his fears.

"But what?" James prodded.

"I feel like he wants me to get expelled. So then he'd have a clear path to hurt Annabelle."

"If that was the case, he would have had you expelled by now, or at least tried already. For some reason, he's not keen on punishing you, or me for that matter. I bet we could say whatever we wanted in there and walk out every day, and he still wouldn't do anything to us."

"True, but why?"

James looked at Sirius like the answer should be obvious. "He's a _fucking coward_ , that's why. He doesn't want to be alone with us for detention because he's afraid of what might happen."

Sirius nodded and exhaled a cloud of smoke. "Yeah, he is. He's a fucking coward. And at least he hasn't bothered Annabelle lately, for whatever reason."

"Right. He hasn't," James replied. "Maybe he's just working his random way through the class and someone else will be his target next week."

"Huh. Maybe," Sirius said, but he had a distinct feeling that wasn't the case.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

"Annie, I know I've asked you a million times," Sirius said as they walked to lunch that day. "But did you leave something out about your detention with Jaeger?"

"No, of course not," she replied. "Why don't you believe me?"

Sirius became stoic and looked away from her. He wasn't sure if he was reading too much into it, but something stung in her words the way they do when someone is blatantly lying. But she had no reason to lie to him.

"Am I just being paranoid?" he asked her, hoping the answer was yes so he could stop obsessing over it.

"Yes, you are," she replied, looking ahead instead of making eye contact. She couldn't look him in the eyes and lie at the same time. "Now you don't have to ask me anymore."

"Right. I won't," he replied, despite being even more convinced she was hiding something. Something in her body language… and her inability to meet his eyes.

"Um… Sirius?"

"Yes?"

"I'm sorry I didn't follow you out of the classroom… I just… I-"

"No, Annie. I would have been upset if you did. You'd only have given him more ammunition. Besides, he's a bloody moron. I left because I knew he'd be throwing me out before long. Figured I'd beat him to the punch."

"Okay," she said sadly.

"Look at me," he said as he stopped walking. "You just stay under his radar, if that's even possible, and don't worry about me. Deal?"

"How can I not worry about you?"

"There is nothing to worry about. He can't do anything to me, all right?"

Annabelle nodded, but she couldn't muster her game face for all the galleons in Gringotts at that moment.

"Come here," he said and pulled her into a warm embrace. "Don't let him get to you. He's just a loser with a massive ego and something to prove. He's probably got a microscopic di-"

" _Sirius,"_ she said, abruptly pulling back to look at him and shuddering as she spoke. "I really don't want to hear about his… private parts."

He laughed quietly. "All right, fair enough. Just forget about him, okay?"

"Okay, I'll try," she replied and rested her head on his shoulder, squeezing him extra tightly.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

After lunch was History of Magic, then they went their separate ways; Lily, Annabelle, and Johnny B. to Divination, and the others to Ancient Runes. Dominica was already in the Divination classroom, parked in front of some Tarot cards and scowling at the wall. She wasn't trying to hide how miserable she was.

Again, Lily, Annabelle, and Johnny B. felt sorry for her. Johnny B. kept darting his eyes over to her, his emotions getting the better of him with every glance. After one more peek at the sullen girl, he said, "Oh sod it. I'm going to try to talk some sense into her."

"Wait," Lily whispered. "Just wait. See if she decides to make the first move."

They all glanced over at her again, and she darted her eyes to meet theirs. _Go fuck yourselves,_ she mouthed to them before looking away again.

"Yikes," Johnny B. said. "I think we're going to be waiting a long time."

Lily and Annabelle couldn't help but giggle under their breath, even though they both would have liked to see the result of Johnny B.'s attempt to bring back the old Dominica. It was sad for them too, because she had been their friend as well, once upon a time.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

That Friday, Annabelle was shelving library books when Severus Snape, Evan Rosier, Teagan Travers, and Damon Wilkes sat down at a nearby study table. Evan and Damon were cackling raucously at something, but Severus and Teagan remained subdued as they bent their heads over their parchments. Annabelle felt disgust when she looked at Severus, and was tempted to approach him right there and tell him what a git she thought he was, but Damon Wilkes had a haunting look to him; perhaps it was his heavy-lidded eyes with the dark circles paired with the malevolent glare he always wore that made her want to run the other way, and she really didn't want to get into a name-calling session with Evan Rosier again, so she kept her distance.

They didn't notice her, and it wasn't until she rounded the end of the bookshelf, passing behind Evan's chair, that they acknowledged her existence by snickering at her. Actually, Severus and Teagan remained silent. It was the other two acting like prats, and Annabelle decided to walk away. Engaging with them would have been akin to arguing with five-year-olds.

Ten minutes later, while she was returning misplaced books to their proper locations in the Potions section, she came face to face with Severus. He came round the end of the aisle where she was standing and his muscles immediately tensed as he stopped and peered down his nose at her.

"You look like you're sniffing a fart," she informed him. "I think it's that pompous sneer you're wearing."

"Maybe I'm smelling _you_ ," he drawled as he made his way past her.

Annabelle grinned and clapped her hands slowly. "Well done, Severus. You've not only obtained a high quality education while at Hogwarts but you've also acquired a sense of humour. Sort of."

"And you've clearly been spending too much time with crude, unevolved Quidditch players. Unfortunately for you, I didn't come to the library to chat. Now bugger off."

"Excuse me?" she replied as she stepped towards him. "You're telling _me_ to bugger off? I've got some news for you; I WORK HERE." He continued scanning the bookshelf as though she wasn't even there, which only irked her more. It was how he'd regarded her from the beginning; like she didn't matter, like she was someone to be brushed aside. "Maybe _you_ should _bugger off_. I mean, don't you have some dangerous potions to be brewing for your mates?"

He glimpsed her out of the corner of his eye. "To what are you referring?"

"Oh, you mean it wasn't you that helped my friend break into the Potions Lab in the wee hours of the morning to brew a controlled substance for herself, a potion she had no business making in the first place, let alone consuming?"

"Wideye potion isn't _dangerous_ , so stop with the melodrama. You're giving me indigestion."

"It's dangerous when you overdose."

He met her eyes. "What are you talking about? I labelled the bottle, so there is no reason Lily would have accidentally taken too much."

"There was a reason all right. You see, it wasn't an accident. She did it _on purpose._ Were you too busy burying your nose in Slughorn's arse to see her running out of the classroom the other day?"

"That was-"

"That was because she became violently ill from double-dosing on _Wideye Potion_."

"But she's fine now, isn't she?"

"Sure she is. Luckily, she vomited it all up before it could have done more lasting damage."

Snape looked down at the ground, his countenance stricken for the briefest of moments with the shame he was feeling. He said nothing, but turned back toward the bookshelf. Annabelle pressed on.

"She's been in an awful state lately, and when she came to you asking you to help her do something that is utterly unlawful, not to mention potentially lethal, you should have said _no_. What, you couldn't turn down a chance to have her all to your greedy self for an hour?"

"Shut up, O'Neill. I didn't tell her to take double the dose," he said as he started to walk away, but Annabelle followed.

"You're right, and she takes full responsibility for that daft move. But that's not the bloody point! Didn't it worry you as to why she was asking for such a thing? Didn't you feel the slightest bit of alarm that a bright, intelligent girl wanted a substance like that? Wideye Potion isn't meant to be taken as a casual pick-me-up, or did that escape your memory when she was in need of your assistance? Hmm?"

"Maybe we have a different definition of friendship. I saw someone in need. I helped."

"I suspect we do have a different definition, because if she had come to me and asked me to help her _drug herself_ , I'd have said no, and then I would have tried getting to the root of the problem so she could solve it in a healthy, rational way. You are the type of friend that says _yes_ , no questions asked, whatever you want no matter how insane the request, and that is exactly the type of friend that no one needs. So, next time you want to _help_ her, stay the hell away from her and come find me or _James_."

He felt his skin prickle at the mention of James Potter. "Are you quite finished? Because your blathering is cutting into my study time."

"You know, it's not even so much what you did, but that you can't admit that it was wrong. We all make mistakes, myself included. But admitting them clearly comes easier for some of us than others. So have fun patting yourself on the back for helping Lily to harm herself. Jackass."

With that, Annabelle stormed away, leaving Severus to his thoughts.

"Hag," he replied half-heartedly, but it was too late. She was gone.

Severus knew deep down that she was right, and he hated it. What had he done to the only true friend he ever had? Had he really been so desperate to be close to her again that he'd ignored the cause of her suffering and put her in harm's way? He had been an enabler. The horror of the possibility that she could've taken even more, or that she might not have vomited and it absorbed into her bloodstream… he knew the effect of a stimulant of that nature on the heart… it was meant to bring people back from near death, for Merlin's sake, and all because he selfishly wanted to be near her, for her to look at him like she used to; like he was special to her and had something to offer her that no one else could… if only for a short while. And of course, James sodding Potter had run after her, saving the day as usual.

He felt as though the floor could crack wide open and swallow him, and he wouldn't care. He pressed his forehead into the sharp edge of the wooden shelf, and gritted his teeth.

_"_ _Fuck,"_ he muttered to himself. _"_ You fucking _idiot_."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Valentine's Day was fast approaching, and a week later, little red hearts and cupids floated throughout the Great Hall. Every now and then, one of the cupids would take flight, zooming through the air sending a glittery trail of pink and gold in its wake. Caradoc kept trying to bat away the one that kept buzzing his ear, but it always flitted just out of reach.

"Get away from me ya little shit!" he blustered.

"The god of _love_ is not a little shit," said Johnny B. "A nuisance perhaps, but not a shit. Show some respect."

"Actually," Remus chimed in, "I think he can be a bit of a shit."

"Yeah, me too," added Fairfax. "Down with love! Kill the little shit!"

"Things not going well with Posey?" Lily asked him.

"Eh, I reckon things are all right. I just felt left out of all the whinging."

"I'm goin' to spray him with Doxycide if he doesn't fuck off," grumbled Caradoc, who wasn't one to get all sappy over love, at least not yet in his young life.

Soon, the owls flew in overhead, dropping the morning's post. Alice was the only one of their group to receive a letter. It was from Frank, the first in over a month, indicating that his mission was over and he was back on British soil. Instead of the giddy excitement she would normally feel, her heart plummeted and a lump rose in her throat. Everyone at the table grew quiet, suddenly becoming very interested in the contents of their plates and stealing surreptitious glances at each other instead of engaging in their usual banter.

Alice opened the letter, took a deep breath, and read silently to herself.

**_Dearest Alice,_ **

**_I don't even know where to begin. I've missed you so… there aren't even words. So much has happened and I can honestly say that I've seen some things that I wish I could erase from my mind's eye, things that if I wasn't in the Auror program, I'd chose to have my memory modified. At times, the only thing to ease the unrest would be to imagine you, your laughter, your head resting against my heart…. You were always with me, even though you must have felt I was a million miles away._ **

**_I'll be in and out of the office all week, and off for a practical exam in the highlands, but I will be in to see you the following weekend, which a little bird told me is your next Hogsmeade excursion. I am counting the hours until I see you again._ **

**_All my love,_ **

**_Frank_ **

She folded the letter, then said, "Excuse me." She left the table and strode toward the exit, lest she burst into tears in front of everyone. How something as simple as a letter, a beautiful expression of love and devotion, could make her feel so worthless and ashamed was, sadly, not a mystery to her. She thought she could make it back to the dorms before she lost control, but she had barely made it into the entrance hall, which felt like it was spinning all around her as tears forced their way out. A moment later, she felt the warmth of her friends' arms encircling her, and she cried as Lily and Annabelle led her up the stairs.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Jaeger struck again during that morning's Defence class when he targeted Sirius over the fact that he had finished his exam quickly, within minutes of receiving it actually. The cocky professor accused him of making light of the subject matter and having an over-inflated ego. Then he warned Sirius not to "try him."

"Or else?" Sirius had asked. He was getting tired of the hostile exchanges, not because Jaeger could make him feel bad about himself, (no one would do that again, not ever, he told himself) but because it was just such of waste of energy and time. He had better things to do than indulge a maniac.

"'Or else' is an overused expression of provocation," Jaeger replied. "Surely, you of all people can do better than that."

Annabelle's stomach clenched as the tension in the air grew thick, and again, she wanted so badly to speak up in Sirius' defence, but Jaeger had her right where he wanted her. She would have to witness the endless public humiliation of her favourite person, and unless she wanted him, James, and possibly herself to be expelled, she would have to endure it and remain silent.

As usual, James jumped into the fray. He snorted with laughter and Jaeger asked, "Did I miss a joke, Mr. Potter?"

"I don't know how you could have missed it since you _are_ the joke."

Jaeger was about to set his wrath on James when Remus decided he'd had enough.

"Can we please just get back to the subject matter?" he demanded.

"Yes, please," said Lily, "No one is benefiting from this conversation."

"Agreed," said Johnny B. dully as he looked down at his desk. "This is a waste of time."

Sensing a backlash, Jaeger appeared ready to throw a right fit. Mercifully, Professor Dumbledore entered the room at that moment and silently stood in the back for the remaining ten minutes of class. He'd been known to do that on occasion, especially with the newer teachers just to observe how they were doing and see if they required any assistance. Annabelle wondered if there was more to the old wizard's visit than just a passing observation, since it had occurred at exactly the right time. Or wrong time, if he'd heard Sirius and James sassing off to the professor. Regardless of his reasons, Jaeger was forced to be a professional again and get back to the task at hand.

Again, when class ended, Sirius stormed out of the room, not waiting for anyone. He was confused as to why a teacher would want to repeatedly punish him for his abilities. Sirius didn't mind being the centre of attention when it was related to Quidditch, but when it came to someone consistently trying to humiliate him, it was galling. He didn't know how much more he could withstand of the man's taunts and insults without losing his temper.

Annabelle intended to follow after Sirius, but had another thought and turned back toward the empty classroom.

"I forgot to ask him something about the assignment," she said to Lily and Alice. "Please, go see if Sirius is all right."

"Don't go back in there, Annabelle," Lily said in a tired voice. "You will only make things worse."

"I'll just be a moment; don't wait for me," she replied and returned to the classroom. Thankfully, Jaeger was alone.

"Why are you pestering Sirius?" she asked out right.

If Jaeger was surprised by her inquiry, he didn't show it. Instead, he feigned indignation. "I am just doing my job, Miss O'Neill, which includes keeping students on task."

"Sirius had already completed the task when you criticised him today. He finished quickly because he's intelligent, not because he was taking it lightly. When you mark his exam, you'll see for yourself."

"Let's get something straight. I am in charge here. Not you or any of your friends. I don't have to explain myself to you, nor do I have to tolerate your irreverence."

"Does that mean you're going to tell on us?"

"No. It means I am reminding you that your one and only task is to remain silent. That includes after class when you feel the urge to come to your lover boy's defence."

"You're just going to keep tormenting him then? No concrete reason… except you don't like him and because you have the upper hand?"

"Ahh, precisely. You are finally getting the picture."

"How does it serve you to degrade him? He's one of the smartest students in the class!"

"There's a simple answer to that question. Because it hurts _you."_

Annabelle couldn't control the look of revulsion that came over her face. "You're just tormenting him to hurt me?"

"That's correct."

"Why? Tell me why! What is it about me that angers you so?"

"It's killing you isn't it? I hate to disappoint you, but you'll get no answer to that question, not just yet anyway. I like to keep people in suspense for as long as I can… see how long before they crack."

"You're an evil, twisted tyrant."

"Oh, Miss O'Neill, granddaughter of a great _hero,_ " he sneered. "So young, so naïve. You think you know evil… how preposterous! You know _nothing,_ which is rather tragic considering your grandfather thought himself the judge and jury of all wrongdoing in the universe. Now get out of my sight before I decide to report you to the headmaster."

Annabelle turned and fled the room, her heart pounding so hard she thought it might fly right out of her chest. Anger, fear, and confusion collided inside of her, stirring up a tempest of rage. He was hurting Sirius because he wanted to hurt _her_. And she had to endure it. She had to allow it to continue because what could she do? He had far more damning knowledge of her comings and goings than she did of his. She ran out the nearest exit and onto the grounds, threw herself against the castle wall and screamed her frustration into the cold stones. Eventually she turned and slid down into a seated position. She stared into the distance, trying to catch her breath and to quell the flood of tears that threatened to drown her.

 


	11. Hearts Afire

The next trip to Hogsmeade wasn't until the coming Saturday, and since Valentine's Day fell on a Tuesday, there wasn't much to be done except exchange chocolates and cards with silly love poems in them. Lily and Annabelle enjoyed the attention the boys showered on them nonetheless, but Alice wasn't quite as happy with the attention she received. The biggest bouquet of roses any of them had ever seen arrived that morning from Frank, which only made her cry again and dread her approaching "date" with him that weekend.

Johnny B. received a Valentine as well, a letter from Matthew which was sent via Lily's mum that he refused to let the girls read because it was so heartfelt and personal. He planned to meet Matthew in London on Friday night, and made sure Annabelle knew about his plans so she wouldn't worry.

Surprisingly, Professor Jaeger left Sirius alone in class on Valentine's Day and the following Thursday as well. He and James had come up with a slew of insults in case the arrogant professor became abusive with them again, but they didn't get to use any of them. He seemed rather restrained and downcast, and Caradoc joked that it was because his inflatable girlfriend must have popped, completely destroying his Valentine's Day plans. Annabelle wondered if it had something to do with Dumbledore coming into the room the previous week.

Friday morning, Annabelle woke up before dawn, and try as she might, she just couldn't fall back to sleep. The anxiety over Jaeger's threats was getting to her. She decided to rise for the day despite it still being dark out, and went downstairs to the common room to read, lest her page turning disturb Lorelei and all hell broke loose. Forget about tickling sleeping dragons. Accidentally waking a sleeping Lorelei was a far more dangerous prospect.

Annabelle made herself comfortable, but couldn't focus on her book. Her mind was racing. A log popped in the dying fire causing her to startle, and she could feel her heart pounding in her throat. A few moments later Fairfax came downstairs and went to the window. When he turned around, he noticed Annabelle on the sofa.

"What are you doing up at this hour?" he asked, squatting in front of the fireplace to warm his hands over the coals. The castle was always colder in the morning, especially in the winter.

"Couldn't sleep anymore," she replied. She noticed he was dressed as though he was going to a Quidditch practice. "What are you doing up at this hour?"

"About to do the Grand Staircase. Was thinking of going for a run first, but I think I see snowflakes."

"What do you mean 'do the staircase'?"

"I jog to the top and back ten times, five mornings a week. Sometimes I do fifteen if I'm feeling particularly well rested."

"You were going to run outside, then come inside and run some more? That's dedication. Or possibly insanity." It also explained why he was so fit.

"Just because my Hogwarts Quidditch career is over, doesn't mean I can let myself go. Care to join me? You'll thank me for it when James starts dragging you out for practices soon."

It sounded like torture to Annabelle. "I don't think I'll make it two flights, to be honest, so you may want to go without me."

"Excuses excuses. You know what they say, no pain no gain."

"Whoever says that is an eejit."

"Right, well, I'll see you at breakfast then, where I will be able to eat as much fried bread as I want because my body will burn it up straightaway."

Annabelle gave in and closed her book. "Fine, fine, I'll come along. Just let me change. But don't count on this becoming a thing. I usually like to be asleep at this ungodly hour."

"You are going to feel so good afterwards that you'll want to make it a daily thing. You'll see."

Upon arriving in the entrance hall, he made her do some stretching. Then they started up the stairs, Fairfax immediately gaining a flight's advantage on Annabelle.

"Slow down, Speed Demon!" she called to him. "You're making me look bad!"

Fairfax chuckled and jogged in place at the landing he was on to wait for her. "Then you need to move faster. But since I can't stand to hear you whine, I'll slow down for you. For now anyway."

"You're so kind."

After four and a half "laps" of the entire staircase, Annabelle was wiped out and she sat down on a step to recover. Fairfax, who had not been able to slow down for very long, had already done seven laps when she decided to quit.

"You're done, I take it?" he asked as he leaned against the railing.

"Done," she panted, her lungs burning. "I can't believe you're not."

"I've been doing this for years," he replied. "It takes time to build up your endurance, but if you keep at it, you'll get there."

"Good to know, but I'm done for today," Annabelle said as she tried to catch her breath. "Or forever, even. That was bloody painful."

"All right, O'Neill. But I expect you to jog back to the tower. Keep your heart rate up a little bit longer. And stretch when you get back or you won't be able to walk tomorrow."

Annabelle hauled herself off the step and said, "Fine. Hopefully you won't find me collapsed in a corridor on your way back."

As Fairfax started up the stairs again, she jogged until she was out of view and then slowed to a walk, a feeble, shaky one at that. It took her longer than usual, but she made it back to the dormitory without her legs giving out. She showered and got dressed, glancing longingly at her bed and envying her still sleeping roommates, wishing she could just crawl under the covers and sleep all day. But she couldn't cut class so she went back down to the common room. Fairfax arrived just as she was parking herself in a chair by the newly tended fire. He had a beads of sweat lacing his light blond hairline, but he was barely winded.

"How'd you do, champ?" Annabelle asked.

"Sixteen laps. A new record," he replied as he headed towards the staircase.

"Well done, you nutcase."

Fairfax laughed. "I may be nuts, but you can bounce a sickle off these abs!"

"Show off!" she called after him, hearing his laugh echoing in the stairwell.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

That morning, Sirius and James also got up a bit early, and after their morning routines they went straight outside to have a smoke. They were down to four cigarettes, and weren't sure how they felt about the prospect of quitting.

"I guess our smoking days are numbered," James said, a hint of disappointment in his voice.

"That they are," replied Sirius. "Unless we bought another pack in Hogsmeade tomorrow."

"Where do they sell them in Hogsmeade?"

"Hestia Jones said they sell them at The Hog's Head. Maybe we'll have to pass by."

"What about Lily and Annabelle?" James asked. He was sort of on the fence about keeping it up. Even though it seemed quite cool and he'd even begun to enjoy the sensation of it, the prospect of letting Lily down (again) was nagging at him in the back of his mind.

"Hmm." Sirius considered the thought. "Maybe we can give Edgar or Hestia some money to pick some up for us."

"That might work," James replied.

Sirius wasn't thinking of Annabelle, but of his parents, as the thrill of getting away with something illicit rippled through him again. It was similar to the feeling he got when they were twelve and were placing dung bombs in Filch's office or when they charmed Opal Ross's hair to stand up on end for an entire week, only this was better because no one was getting hurt by it except for Sirius' parents. Hurt wouldn't be the word if they found out, and the way people gossiped, he was positive they would soon hear about it, if they hadn't already. He could almost see his mother going all red in the face while his father smashed some ugly, overpriced object in a blind rage, knowing that Sirius was still out there defying them and smearing their precious name in the dirt, and that they couldn't do a damn thing to stop him, because he'd never darken the doorway of Twelve Grimmauld Place again. It almost made him laugh out loud.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Just after Fairfax went upstairs, Remus came downstairs and sat down on the sofa with a copy of the Daily Prophet. He was an early riser, despite his late night reading sessions. Annabelle thought he'd make a good dad someday, that was, if he'd ever let anyone love him. He'd be the one to wait up for his kids, making sure they didn't miss curfew, only to wake up early the next morning and see to it that everyone was taken care of and on track for the day. In addition to his suitable sleep habits, he also was laid back enough to tolerate and find humour in minor shenanigans (as evidenced by his choice of friends.) She could see him only losing his temper over the big stuff, and he'd be wise enough to know what the big stuff was. His kids would absolutely adore him.

"Good morning," he said to her as he started flipping through the paper.

"Good morning," she replied. "Any exciting headlines?"

"More like horrifying," he replied, looking perplexed as he focused on an article. "Two families found slain in Belgium. Voldemort suspected."

Annabelle swallowed hard and looked towards the fire. None of them knew what to think of Voldemort, because he didn't seem real to them. In the castle, they were so protected from the outside world and the only time they heard anything about the deranged wizard was when someone got hold of a newspaper and actually read the short, glossed-over stories about his activity. It was like hearing stories about a Chimaera; he just couldn't be real, yet he was.

"Where are your roommates?" she asked, not wanting to talk about death just then.

"Peter is still sleeping."

"And Sirius and James?"

He hesitated, then said, "You don't want to know the answer to that question."

"Why don't I?" Annabelle replied, already thinking the worst. Had they gone after those Slytherin knob heads again? Or sneaked off in the night and got themselves caught?

Remus didn't take his eyes off the paper when he said, "You will have to ask them."

"Is it that bad?"

Remus chuckled a little. "The answer to that may vary, depending on whom you ask."

She figured that his laughter was a good sign. He wouldn't be laughing if it was something terrible, nor would he be sitting there, casually flipping through the Prophet.

"I can only ask them if you tell me where they are."

Remus opened his mouth, paused, and then closed it again. As much as he considered smoking a foul habit, he wasn't about to rat his mates out either, loyalty being his number one reason, of course, but escaping the inevitable berating for tattling to one of the girls being the second.

"I don't know exactly, but they're around the castle somewhere."

"I see I won't be getting any answers from you."

Remus sighed softly and grinned as he turned the page. "Oh, look here, there's going to be a Celestina Warbeck concert in Glasgow."

Annabelle wrinkled her nose. "Please, don't tell me you're keen on _her_." She stuck her finger down her throat to emphasise her distaste for her.

"Merlin, no. Just thought I'd mention it in case you were interested."

"You mean in case you wanted to change the subject."

"That too."

Before she could question him anymore and before he could deter her by reading off more insignificant news items, Sirius and James came through the portrait hole, cracking up over something. As soon as they saw Annabelle and Remus, they stopped laughing. Not even a second later, Lily and Alice came down the stairs. James felt his stomach lurch slightly.

Annabelle eyed the boys narrowly. "Where were you?"

"Outside," said Sirius as he sat down on the arm of her chair and James sat down on the sofa with Lily. "We just wanted to see what the weather was like today."

"Thinking of playing a friendly match of Quidditch later, if it's not too cold," James lied quickly.

That explained Remus' reluctance to tell her, Annabelle thought. Playing Quidditch in February sounded only slightly more enticing than a detention with Professor Jaeger.

"Did I hear someone say Quidditch? I'm in," announced Fairfax as he appeared from the stairs with Caradoc trailing behind. "Annabelle should be ready to play too after her training session this morning."

"I'm in as well," said Caradoc before following Fairfax through the portrait hole.

Sirius looked at Annabelle. "Did you run the stairs with him this morning?"

"I was down here reading because I couldn't sleep and he persuaded me to join him. It was bloody awful. Thought my legs had turned to jelly."

"You ran up the Grand Staircase fifteen times?" James asked in disbelief.

"Me? Nooo. I barely made it four times. Why do I smell cigarette smoke?"

Annabelle sniffed the air and peered at Sirius who assumed an oblivious expression. She stood up and pulled his head to her nose.

"What are you doing Annie?" he said, laughing despite the panicky feeling rising in his chest.

"You smell like smoke," she replied.

Lily inhaled James' sweatshirt and said, "It's coming from you as well. Were there people smoking outside this early?"

"Yeah, there's a bunch of them out there. They're mad for it," James replied, inwardly cursing himself for sitting next to her. Both boys had been so concerned with creating a reason for being outside so early, that they forgot about the stench they carried with them. "No thought for anyone else's well-being."

"How can they endure sitting in a cloud of their own smoke?" Annabelle asked as she sat back down. "Don't they realise they stink afterwards?"

Sirius laughed sharply and replied, "I reckon they're just used to it."

Annabelle shrugged. She'd never understand how smokers could willingly be around something that smelled so bad, especially when they didn't have to be.

"There's a Celestina Warbeck concert in Glasgow," Remus said, again using the famous songstress to steer the conversation away from his mates' newfound hobby. "Don't get too excited, James."

James pretended to be giddy and said in screechy voice, "Celestine Warbeck? For real? Oh my god I've been waiting my whole life for this! I am so in! Yes! YES!"

"Give it a rest, mate," said Peter as he made his way over to the empty chair by the fire. "She's not that bad. Actually, I wouldn't mind seeing her."

"If you say so, Gramps," replied James. "Maybe you can have her autograph your left bum cheek."

"Maybe I'll have her autograph my _right_ one," Peter shot back.

Annabelle laughed at the inane banter along with everyone else, and Sirius could tell she was pacified by their excuse. For once he was thankful that she hadn't tried to kiss him. They could lie about the smoke on their clothes and hair, but a kiss would reveal everything. Yet, why did he feel like he had to lie about it? It was 1977 for crying out loud. Smoking was _the thing_. He'd even seen Dumbledore's brother doing it outside The Hog's Head a few times and he could have sworn he smelled it coming from the faculty lounge once or twice. All the muggle musicians did it. But he had a feeling Annabelle would be disappointed in him, even though he wasn't doing it to hurt her. His intentions were good, he told himself. Pissing off his parents was a noble cause. But still, maybe he'd see how James felt about telling the girls the truth. They probably wouldn't react as badly as he anticipated. After all, it was just some stupid cigarettes, nothing more.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

The next day, Alice gathered her courage and stepped into the Three Broomsticks where she'd be meeting Frank in a matter of minutes. Lily, Annabelle, and Johnny B. waited with her while the others stepped out for a bit.

"I feel like I'm going to be sick," Alice said as she twisted her scarf in her hands.

"Take some deep breaths," said Johnny B. "It's going to be fine."

"He's right, Alice," agreed Lily as she put a gentle hand over Alice's clenched one in an attempt to get her to stop destroying her scarf. "People have been forgiven for much worse."

Alice's eyes welled up with tears and she wiped them away with the scarf.

"Try to be calm," Annabelle said. "He'll be alarmed if he sees you in a state."

"You know, Alice, maybe this is a mistake. Maybe you shouldn't tell him," Johnny B. cautiously suggested. "It meant absolutely nothing to you, so does he really need to know about it?"

"I'd want to know if he did the same," Alice replied.

"Are you sure about that? Even if it meant nothing to him and he'd never do it again?"

Alice thought about it. "Yes, I think so. We should be one hundred percent honest with each other, shouldn't we? Isn't that part of being in a relationship?"

"I suppose," Johnny B. replied half-heartedly. He didn't want to see Frank get needlessly hurt.

Alice breathed in and out slowly in an attempt to calm herself. A moment later, Caradoc popped over and said, "He's coming. Just saw him on the street."

"Well then, good luck," Johnny B. said to Alice.

Lily and Annabelle gave Alice a squeeze and one last sympathetic look, then moved to the bar with Johnny B. and Caradoc. As the bell on the door to The Three Broomsticks jangled, a tall, slim wizard with light brown hair and a kind smile stepped inside. Frank Longbottom's face looked drawn and pale, but there was hope in his eyes. After a quick search of the crowd, he made his way to where he spotted Alice. She got up and threw herself straight into his open arms.

"I can't watch this," Lily said.

"Neither can I," Annabelle replied. "Let's go."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Before Frank arrived, Sirius and James had been sitting outside on a bench with Remus and Peter, waiting for Edgar Bones. He was due back any minute with the pack of cigarettes that they'd given him money to buy for them. They didn't dare go to The Hog's Head themselves considering that Lily and Annabelle could come out of The Three Broomsticks at any time, and they were growing restless waiting for him.

"What the hell is taking him so long?" James asked.

Sirius shook his head in frustration and squinted down the street, hoping to see Edgar appear.

"If he hands them over to you in front of Lily and Annabelle, I will die laughing," said Peter.

"Wouldn't expect anything less of you, Pete," retorted Sirius.

Remus chuckled and said, "That would be a rather unfortunate way for them to discover your new hobby."

James and Sirius glared at him, and he said, "Don't get mad at me. You should have told Bones you were hiding your habit from your girlfriends."

"Why _didn't_ we do that?" James admonished himself as he kicked a stone across the pavement.

"Pride," replied Peter. "You didn't want Bones to know you're afraid of your girlfriends' reactions."

"Afraid, huh?" Sirius asked with an expression that hid his indignation. "You think we're afraid of Annabelle and Lily?"

"I think they _own_ you," Peter sneered back.

Sirius made a move to smack him on the head but James got between them.

"Relax," he said. "Wormtail's just jealous. You know, Pete, if you'd stop being such a pig-ignorant prick around girls, you might actually have a girlfriend yourself. Then you wouldn't have to rank on your mates."

"Riiight," Peter replied. "I'm so jealous that I don't have a couple of birds acting as my conscience. You figured me out, Prongs. Well done."

"You always have to stir the pot," Remus observed of Peter. "Why is that?"

"I'm not stirring the pot," he replied. "I'm just speaking the truth."

Not long ago, James would have let Peter's words affect him, but he was learning not to take the bait. "Okay, Pete. They own us. Feel better now?"

"Yes."

"Good."

Sirius grimaced and stared off down the street. "Moron," he muttered, but Peter didn't say anymore.

When they saw Frank Longbottom making his way towards them, their first thought was that since Edgar hadn't come back yet, their chances of getting caught with cigarettes had just increased exponentially, since Lily and Annabelle would be joining them soon. Their second thought was that Frank was about to get a shitty welcome home present from Alice.

"We're so caught," James said.

Remus didn't approve of his mates' new smoking habit, but he didn't want them to row with the girls either. "When they come out, take them away from here. I'll stay and wait for Edgar to return from the Hog's Head," he offered.

"Are you sure?" Sirius asked.

"Sure, why not?" Remus replied. "He shouldn't be much longer anyway."

"I'm not sitting around in the cold any longer," Peter declared. "I'll catch you later."

He rose from the bench and went inside The Three Broomsticks.

"Nosy plonker," Remus said after the door was closed. "He'll have the full report on Alice and Frank later, I'm sure of it."

Frank reached the pub a moment later, and after some friendly small talk, he went inside. A few moments later, the door opened again and out stepped Lily and Annabelle, worry creasing their faces.

"Want to go for a walk?" James asked Lily.

"Just say where," she replied as he took her hand. "See you later, Annie."

"See you," Annabelle called after her. As the couple strolled off down the street, she looked to Sirius and Remus and asked, "Well, what's the plan?"

"I'm just going to stay here for a bit," Remus informed her, "in case things don't go well with Frank. Alice may need an escort back to the castle."

"Good thinking," replied Annabelle. "Maybe we should wait here as well."

"Remus will find us if anything goes wrong, won't you mate?" Sirius asked.

"Course. Go on, I'll see you in a bit."

"Thank you, Remus," said Annabelle as Sirius pulled her in the opposite direction of The Hog's Head.

"Come on, there's a new shop up the road you might be interested in."

Annabelle almost stumbled from being dragged. "What's the hurry?"

Sirius stopped briefly to make sure she was okay, and said, "Sorry, I just want you to myself for a bit."

"And you can have me to yourself," she replied as she slipped her arms around his waist. "No need to drag me down the pavement."

He slipped his arms around her, and she pulled his face to hers and kissed him. Suddenly, he lost focus on his mission- to put as much distance between himself and Edgar Bones as possible. As the kiss deepened, he pulled her closer, not even conscious that people were beginning to stare at their display.

" _Someone_ will be needing a shower later," Matilda Goodwin heckled Sirius from where she sat on the stoop of a shop, a lit fag bobbing up and down on her lip as she snickered at her own joke. Sirius narrowed his eyes at her, but didn't respond, choosing to get Annabelle away before Matilda could clue her in.

"Do you know her?" Annabelle asked as he practically pushed her into the book shop, Tomes and Scrolls.

"Um, not really. I've seen her about though. Strange one, she is."

"I'll say. She acted so familiar, and rude."

"I told you, she's strange."

Annabelle shrugged and chalked it up to the girl having socialisation issues. She must have had, considering she was making crude jokes to strangers on the street.

"What happened to the new shop you wanted me to see?"

"I thought you'd want to get out of the cold for a bit, that's all."

"You thought correctly," she replied as she browsed the shelves of books. The shop was one of the oldest in Hogsmeade, its bookcases carved from mahogany centuries before with mountains of books stacked haphazardly upon crooked shelves. Candles were perched on walls and tables throughout the shop, owing their presence to the few small windows that emitted just enough light to see the dust particles floating like aimless ghosts. Annabelle inhaled the scent of burning wax mingled with the smell of the printed pages surrounding them. They were in the section titled _Mystics,_ and most of the texts were ancient.

Sirius sneezed.

"Bless you."

"Thank you," he replied, running a finger along the spines of the books.

"So, Padfoot, what are we reading today?"

He laughed at the mention of the name and shook his head.

"What's the matter?" she taunted him. "That's your nickname, isn't it?"

"It just sounds so wildly out of place hearing it from a person I was just snogging, that's all."

"Still not going to tell me what it means?"

"Not yet, but soon."

Annabelle sighed and said, "Just thought I'd try."

"Pick a book," he said. "We can sit in the back room and read to each other."

"That's it? _You,_ Sirius Black, only want to sit down and read with me?" she asked, eyeing him sceptically.

He actually wanted to hide from Edgar, and the back room of a bookshop was the one place he'd be safe from the Hufflepuff Chaser. Not that Edgar was illiterate, on the contrary, he was near the top of his class, but he was also a complete extrovert. He was more likely to be found in the centre of a large gregarious group of people than Tomes and Scrolls, since it wasn't exactly a hotbed of social activity. Of course, Sirius knew what Annabelle was hinting at, so he played along.

"Miss O'Neill, are you insinuating that I am anything less than a gentleman?"

"On the contrary, Mr. Black, I think you are a perfect gentleman, even when you're trying to charm the knickers off me."

Sirius smiled sheepishly as he poked at some books that weren't shoved in properly. "I'll prove it to you. I can sit and read with you and not attempt to charm you in any way."

"We'll see," Annabelle replied. She scanned the shelves and pulled down a book of poetry by an ancient mystic called Rumi. "This looks interesting. Shall we?"

Sirius motioned graciously with his arms towards the back room. "After you, my darling."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Approximately three minutes after Sirius and Annabelle left The Three Broomsticks, Edgar Bones came wandering up the street, a few of his teammates with him. They headed for the door to the pub, but Remus called Edgar aside.

"Bones," he said, standing up. "The cigarettes?"

"Oh, right. Where's Black and Potter?"

"They got tired of waiting for you. Since I wasn't going anywhere I told them I'd meet you here."

"Right," Edgar said again as he fished the pack out of his pocket. "Here ya go."

He started towards the door but Remus stopped him again.

"Wait. This pack is opened and already short one fag. You nicked one?"

"Yeah… um… I'd run out and was waiting for my mate to pay me back some money he owed me so I could buy some for myself. By the time my mate showed up and I bought myself a pack, I'd already opened their pack and smoked one."

"Nice. Why didn't you keep the opened pack and give them your sealed one?"

"Look, I'll replace it," he said, pulling a cigarette out of his own freshly opened pack and stuffing it into the empty space in the pack Remus held. "Happy now?"

"Ecstatic," he replied, then muttered under his breath as Edgar went inside the pub, _"Chainsmoking crook."_

He wasn't sure why he was so eager for his friends to get their money's worth out of a pack of cancer sticks, but it was their money, and cigarettes were expensive. He sat back down on the bench, choosing to remain there just in case Alice came out. There were red and pink hearts splattering the shop windows- vomitus remnants of the Valentine's Day he wanted to forget. He'd seen Claire walking with a Ravenclaw named Silas Dunkley in the halls that day. They weren't holding hands and were probably just mates, but he still felt jealous. Silas was most likely normal after all, as in he didn't turn into a clawing, teeth-gnashing beast once a month.

Remus hadn't run into Claire on the last Hogsmeade trip, much to his relief. The wound of losing her was much fresher then, but weeks later it still wasn't healed. He almost stayed behind this time round since he didn't think he'd be so lucky as to not see her a second time.

And he was right.

He glimpsed her first, but when she caught his eye, she broke away from her two girlfriends and made her way towards him, while her friends continued into a shop. He felt his insides seize with panic. He had no desire to _feel_ at the moment and had no clue what she could possibly want from him.

"Hello," she said, her shy smile making his chest constrict.

"Hello, Claire, how've you been?"

"I'm doing all right. You?"

"Same."

An awkward silence passed between them. Inside his head, Remus begged her to go away. When she wasn't around, he could tell himself he was good, likeable, and worthy of a decent life, but when she appeared, he was reminded of why he couldn't be with her, and his veneer of dignity cracked to pieces. Suddenly he felt inferior, unlovable, and monstrous.

Claire finally broke the silence. "Listen, I just wanted to say hello. It feels so silly to ignore you when I see you. It makes sense to be friendly with you, since we go to the same school and everything."

Remus forced a smile and replied, "It does feel silly. Thank you, for breaking the ice, so to speak."

Claire nodded, her smile fading. She hesitated a moment, as though she wanted to say more, but all she said was, "I'll see you around, then. Have a nice afternoon."

"You too."

He watched her hurry over to the shop her friends had entered. It had been a jarring encounter. His initial grief over losing her had transformed into bitterness, and it came bubbling to the surface as he watched he scarper off. He actually felt angry at her for speaking to him. It was as though she was flaunting the fact that she could always move on to someone new, for she had nothing to hide. Someone like Silas Dunkley, perhaps. Then he reminded himself that she deserved to be happy. He _wanted_ her to be happy and to move on.

If only he could do the same.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Lily and James wandered down the high street hand in hand, browsing the shop windows and occasionally stepping inside to get warm. James kept looking over his shoulder, hoping desperately to avoid running into any of his new courtyard mates.

"Is there something bothering you?" Lily asked him as they exited Spintwitches sports shop. "You're rather jittery today."

"Too much coffee this morning."

"I was meaning to ask you, when did you switch to coffee?"

"Yesterday. And I didn't exactly switch. I still like tea, just not every morning."

It was true, he hadn't done away with tea altogether. He'd just thought coffee seemed more grown up, more edgy. It was bitter and dark, like the rock music he listened to, and even though James had no desire to be as bitter and dark as the musicians behind the music, it was fun pretending every now and then. The taste of the coffee initially made him shudder. It was powerful and what he imagined drinking water from a dirty ashtray might taste like, but with the addition of some cream and sugar, okay, a lot of cream and sugar, it was growing on him. But it wasn't the reason he was jittery.

"I wish I liked coffee," Lily mused. "It's so sophisticated. But no matter how sweet I make it I just can't get used to it. You want to head over to the bookshop and see if they have any new arrivals?"

"Sounds good to me."

James was happy to go anywhere she wanted, as long as it wasn't The Hog's Head. As they walked, they kept stealing little side glances at each other, then looking away bashfully. Sometimes it felt like they were just getting to know each other, like they were on a perpetual first date, and he liked it. Each day brought some new knowledge of her, and each day he fell a little more in love with her. He had a feeling that he'd always feel this way with her to some degree, simultaneously awkward and eager and wonderful. And in love.

Music was playing from a charmed speaker attached to an upper window of Dominic Maestro's music shop as they passed by. It was a syrupy, banal love song called "Lay Down your Wand" by a new artist, a young witch named Destiny Adorabella. Rumour was she'd gone to Hogwarts for a couple years before dropping out to pursue her singing career, which didn't take off until she'd have been finished with school anyway. James usually made a huge show out of fake vomiting when subjected to that kind of music, but instead he felt compelled to pull Lily close, slipping one hand around her to her back, and holding her hand close to his heart with the other. So many times he wanted to hold her, or to kiss her, but there were always people about and he couldn't get over the awkwardness of it, so he usually resisted his impulses. But the song, her hair catching the light snowflakes that had begun to fall, and her hand sliding up the nape of his neck into his hair caused his self-consciousness to fade away. He kissed her lightly on the lips and their softness made his insides flip.

"May I have this dance?" he whispered.

Lily grinned and replied, "Right here? Are you sure?"

"I'm with my favourite person, and there's a super sappy love song playing in the background. I can't think of anything more appropriate than to dance with you, right here."

As they began to move to the music, Lily wondered where this romantic James had sprouted from and if he'd be staying for a while. Merlin, how her stomach fluttered when he looked at her like that, his hazel eyes intent upon her. She tried to memorise the moment - how his lips brushed against her temple, the way his fingers covered hers, and the itchy wool of his coat against her palm as he turned her slowly, hearing only the song and the soft, occasional shuffle of their shoes in the thin layer of snow on the pavement. She forgot to notice the other people on the street as he twirled her around once making her laugh out loud. Eventually, they headed in the direction of the book shop, both aware that shopping for books would come secondary to kissing in the back room.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

"He calls himself the Dark Lord," Frank Longbottom said as he squeezed his girlfriend's hand. They'd been reunited for ten minutes and Alice still hadn't found the courage to tell him what she did. Instead, she'd asked about his mission. The Ministry had apparently been trying to cover up the magnitude of Voldemort's ascent in an attempt to prevent mass hysteria. The price, of course, was that the public was in the dark, somewhat unaware that Voldemort was anything more than a radically conservative, polarising political figure, vying for the Minister of Magic's office. Many people refused to believe he was connected to the murders being reported in the Prophet because they approved of his pro-wizard stance and didn't want to withdraw their loyalties. Frank and his fellow Aurors had made a pact to try to get the word out as discreetly as possible. Once it got round, enough people would start demanding answers and the Ministry would have to openly acknowledge what was really happening.

"He's not just after muggles," Frank continued, "but muggleborns and mixed bloods as well. He has his followers doing his bidding for him, which makes it easy for him carry out his plans if they're spread out." Frank stopped talking when he noticed Alice wasn't looking at him as he spoke. "Alice, are you listening to me?"

"Yes, I'm just upset to hear this news. The papers, you know they don't paint the complete picture."

Frank's brows furrowed as he studied her face, trying to figure her out. "There's something else, Alice. Are you all right? Have you discovered his followers at Hogwarts? Because if you have, you must-"

"No, no, nothing like that," she said. "I'm just trying to wrap my mind around the circumstances."

"I've known you long enough to know when something is bothering you. You barely kissed me when I walked in and you seem so preoccupied. Something is wrong."

Alice could barely breathe. "I just… I… oh Merlin. I need to tell you something, Frank." She pulled a letter out of her coat pocket and placed it on the table between them. "I wrote this letter, in case I didn't have the courage to tell you, or in case you didn't let me finish what I have to say. But I am going to try to explain, because you have been so courageous and honourable... And I've been so bloody weak," she said as her eyes filled with tears.

Frank's face softened, the gentleness of his expression unbearable. "What is it darling? Just tell me."

"Well, we went to a party a few weeks ago… You remember Annabelle's friend we met in London - Matthew?" Frank nodded and she went on. "He invited us. Anyway, we drank too much."

"Alice…" he intoned, as though she was going to confess to getting involved in some mischievous antics, something immature but essentially harmless.

She took a breath to steady her nerves, and continued. "I was just missing you so much, and Lily and Annabelle were off with James and Sirius… I hadn't seen or heard from you in so long and … and I was rather miserable…"

She paused and swallowed, the lump in her throat growing larger as tears streamed silently down her cheeks. She felt so feeble and ridiculous.

"There was a lad there who looked so much like you, he even had your mannerisms… he was sad as well, and it just happened, it happened before I could think straight."

Frank stiffened as he sat up straighter. "What happened?

Alice sniffled and wiped her eyes on the back of her hand. Then she looked at him and said, "I kissed him."

Frank didn't reply. He became still, confusion and shock having replaced the hope that was in his eyes earlier.

"It meant _nothing_." She was adamant. "It just felt so much like having you there with me! Of course he wasn't you, and he was nothing like you really, because you're you and nobody can take your place. I- I just-"

Frank narrowed his eyes in disbelief. "You were kissing some bloke behind my back while I was on a mission to capture Lord Voldemort?"

"But it meant _nothing_. I swear! I don't even know him!"

"Then WHY?"

"I told you! He just reminded me so much of you… and I missed you so much… and I wasn't thinking clearly. It was just a short, foolish, unplanned decision, and I regretted it as soon as it happened! I promise you Frank, it was only you I was thinking of, only you!"

"Do you know what I was doing while you were snogging your lad? Do you have ANY IDEA?!"

"Shhh! The whole pub doesn't need a free show, Frank."

Frank paused for a moment and attempted to get control over his emotions. Then he looked her in the eyes, and said in a much quieter, but firm voice, "This wizard is no joke, Alice. He and his followers are extremely efficient at their work, and they look to him like he's a god. They do unspeakable things to their victims, it's devastating to see… He has followers _everywhere_ , and they are leaving a trail of torture and death wherever they go! Don't you see? He's been gathering strength for years, and the death toll is rising! He won't stop until he gets his way, until he's in charge and everyone who doesn't fit his description of a pureblood witch or wizard is dead, and _we can't catch him_ , Alice. We can't catch him!"

Alice began to sob as she spoke. "I didn't know. How could I have known?"

"There is a lot I am not permitted to tell you, but I will say this. He is much more dangerous and powerful than the ministry is letting on. We believe he's got followers in Brit…" He stopped abruptly and put a hand over his mouth.

"Britain?"

"Look, I've said too much already. I just didn't expect… _this._ " He leaned back in his chair and rubbed his temples. "Of all the things in the world, this was the last thing I expected to come home to. Finding out my girlfriend was dallying about with a strange lad while I was off hunting a madman…"

"I wasn't 'dallying about.' It wasn't like that."

"Alice, do you know how much I missed you? How much I _love_ you? Do you even love _me_?"

"Yes, I do, I love you so much," she said and began to reach for his hands again, but stopped herself. "I'm so sorry."

"I don't know how to react to this. How am I supposed to react to this?"

She wanted to tell him to forgive her. But she didn't know if she deserved it.

"Just know I would take it back if I could. It was pointless. An absurd, selfish mistake."

Frank looked down at the table instead of at her. "I don't know what to say. I missed you, so much, but I didn't kiss anyone else while we were apart. I'm really surprised… disappointed… I'm not sure what the word is I'm looking for. I just wasn't expecting this."

She pulled her scarf from the back of her chair and wiped her tear-streaked cheeks with it. "I am never going to forgive myself for doing this to you. And I don't expect you to forgive me either. You deserve someone stronger, someone who doesn't flake out so easily, someone _better."_

She got up then, threw her coat on, and began to make her way through the crowd.

"Alice!" Frank whispered sharply. "Wait! Come back!"

But she didn't turn back. And rather than cause a royal scene by chasing after her when he wasn't even sure what he wanted to say, he decided to sit down and try to wrap his mind around her confession. Clarity didn't come, though, and he buried his head in his hands.

Johnny B. spotted Alice just as she was exiting, and he grabbed his coat and followed, but when he saw that Remus was there, he turned back to the bar. A moment later, he was standing at Frank's table with a sympathetic heart and two butterbeers, ready to listen.

"Sorry they're not fire whiskeys," he said to the stricken wizard, "but you know Madam Rosmerta. She insists on following the letter of the law. She's a right buzzkill if you ask me."

Frank looked up wearily and said, "Cheers."

Johnny B. sat down across from him. "Welcome back."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

In the moments it took Alice to pass from the table to the door, she was aware of no other sound but that of her own voice resounding in her head, administering a verbal lashing to herself that would make Lorelei proud. She felt like the human equivalent of the sludge on the bottom of the thestrals' feeding troughs. Frank and his colleagues were so heroic, risking their lives for her and the whole world, really, and how did she repay him? By randomly kissing some boy she didn't even know. She told herself what a selfish excuse for a girlfriend she was and how she'd probably go down in history as the girl who cheated on Frank Longbottom while he was on a harrowing, valiant mission to stop the Dark Lord. Before she knew it, she was outside, half walking and half jogging down the road in the direction of the castle, the cold stinging her raw, wet cheeks.

"Alice," she heard a voice call from behind her. And before she could answer, Remus had her by the arm and asked, "It didn't go well?"

Alice's face screwed up in sorrow. "No. It didn't."

"I'm so sorry," he said, and enfolded her in his arms, hugging her as she wept.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Sirius had forgot all about Edgar for the time being, and Alice and Frank too, as he and Annabelle sat across from each other in the back room of the book shop. Filled to the ceiling with dull Arithmancy books, flickering candles, and a few cushiony armchairs upholstered in claret-red velvet, the one large window made it the brightest room in the shop, and the best for reading. Since it was known amongst the locals that the Hogwarts students were in the village that day, the avid, quiet-loving readers kept their distance and Sirius and Annabelle had the room to themselves.

Sirius had been reading a poem from the book Annabelle picked about how lovers don't magically find each other one day, because they're within each other before they even meet. When he finished, he closed the book and looked at Annabelle.

"That's pretty deep."

Annabelle chuckled. "It is."

"You know, you look lonely in that chair all by yourself," he said with a crooked smile.

"Maybe I am. Are you lonely in your chair?"

"A bit."

"Then I'll make room for you in my chair," she said, scooting over and patting the cushioned space beside her. "Come sit with me."

"I thought you'd never ask."

He got up from his chair and squished in beside her, pulling her legs up and over his lap for more room. "That's much better. In fact, I think this Rumi chap requires people to sit like this when reading his poems."

"Does he now?"

"Indeed, he does. It's written in the introduction that you must be smooshed up against someone you love while reading his works, especially the love poems. Didn't you see it?"

"No, I didn't. But I rather enjoy being smooshed up against you, so I'll take your word for it."

They were silent for a moment as they regarded each other almost shyly, not knowing how to articulate their feelings, but wanting to say so much.

"It's your turn to read one," Sirius said eventually.

Annabelle forced her eyes to look away from him and opened the book. She skimmed ahead, then turned a few pages, and finally settling on one, she began to read. It was about knowing someone completely, being familiar with his or her voice, scent, the way the person walks and how his or her lips part in anticipation of a kiss. As she read, Sirius became aware of that familiar, lovely ache in his heart again, and it led him to a decision. He would tell Annabelle about the smoking, and if she wanted him to stop, he would.

Annabelle finished reading and closed the book again.

"I think we need to buy this book," Sirius said.

"We definitely should."

Again, they gazed at each other, longing in their eyes, and as he leaned in to meet her lips she put her hands on his cheeks, her fingers brushing over his ears and down his neck. They kissed gently at first, but it wasn't long until they were grasping at each other, hands tangling in hair and sliding under shirts, causing the book to fall to the floor.

"Let's throw everyone out… lock the door," Sirius whispered against her lips.

"If only," she sighed in response, her hand finding its way inside the back of his trousers.

They almost didn't hear the throat clearing in the doorway behind them. When they peeked over the back of the chair, they saw the shopkeeper's assistant, waving a finger back and forth in rebuke before disappearing again. The pair began to laugh, and Sirius bent to pick up the fallen book.

"This time, I think it was you trying to charm the pants off of _me_ ," he said.

"Are you sure about that?"

"Don't deny it, Annie. Your ploy would have worked too, if we were somewhere more private."

Even though they were clearly both responsible for their passionate interlude, Annabelle played along.

"I reckon I couldn't help myself," she replied. That much was true.

It seemed to be a thing with them, Sirius thought, this not being able to control their impulses in the most inconvenient of places. Maybe it was because there wasn't really a convenient place to snog each other's brains out, at least not for long. Every place he could think of involved sneaking around and the possibility of getting caught. He yearned for the day when they were free to come and go as they pleased, and not living under anyone else's rules, or roof, but their own. Then they could be alone together to do whatever they pleased, all day if they wanted to, and no one could scold them for it. They had just over a year to wait for their liberation from the confines of school life, but it felt like it was centuries away.

"We should probably head back to The Three Broomsticks," Annabelle suggested. "I feel like we should check on Alice."

"Right, of course. Alice. Let's get going."

They got up from the chair and put on their coats and scarves. Then he took her hand. As they passed down an aisle toward the front of the shop, they were unaware that Lily and James had entered the shop as well, and had stopped in another aisle to snog like there was no tomorrow. Of course, the shop assistant caught them before they could make it to the back room, so they let go of each other and began browsing the shelves. As soon as he was gone, they flew into each other's arms again, and in their desperation, James smacked his head on the edge of a shelf.

"Ouch." James rubbed the back of his head.

"Oh, I'm sorry!" Lily reached up and touched the spot, giggling in spite of herself. "Got a little carried away there."

"I like it when you get carried away. You should do it more often."

"Even if it means I almost knock you out in the process?"

James affected an aloof, comically cool stance and said in an exaggerated drawl, "Well, baby, you _are_ a knock-out."

Laughter burst from Lily, and she threw a hand over her mouth to block the sound. James forgot to breathe as her whole face lit up in response to his joke.

"You are such a dork," she teased.

"Takes one to know one."

Before she could respond, he pulled her back to him and kissed her again, gently this time. She felt her whole body tingle; his lips were perfection, and when he broke the connection, she felt light-headed. She gazed into his eyes, and was taken off guard by their sudden intensity.

"I love you, Lily, I really do."

Heat crept into her cheeks as one corner of her mouth turned into a bashful half-smile.

"I love you, too, James. I really do."

"Really?"

"Really."

"Really really?" he asked, his sober expression of a moment ago giving way to an impish grin.

"Really really really. But, right now, we _really_ have to see if Alice is okay."

He pouted slightly. "Really?"

"Merlin! What am I going to do with you?" She pulled him forward by the lapels of his coat to get him moving, even though she wouldn't mind staying there and kissing him all afternoon.

Out on the street, Sirius and Annabelle walked slowly towards The Three Broomsticks. Sirius could see that Remus was no longer out front, which most likely meant that Edgar finally showed up with the cigarettes. He decided that telling Annabelle about his smoking could wait, since they'd had such a lovely afternoon and he didn't want to spoil it.

Lily and James had exited the shop just after Sirius and Annabelle. When they saw their friends several feet ahead of them, James indicated with hand gestures that he wanted to sneak up on them. Lily went along with it, and when they heard James yell "BOO!" and felt hands on their shoulders, Sirius jumped a little and Annabelle shrieked like Voldemort himself was behind her.

"It's not nice to use someone's affliction for your entertainment," Annabelle chastised them, but laughed along with them despite herself.

"Sorry, it was just too tempting to resist," Lily replied.

"Where have I heard that before," Annabelle muttered, grinning at Sirius.

"Don't look at me," he replied with mock innocence. "I would never do such a heartless, immature thing."

"Who are you kidding? You're the poster child for heartless and immature," James retorted, earning himself a jovial headlock from his best friend.

"You're one to talk, mate," Sirius joked as he ground his knuckles into James' head.

James could barely respond, he was laughing so hard. "Let me go, you git!"

"Not the correct response, Prongs. Try again!" Sirius commanded, the mention of James' nickname causing Annabelle and Lily to exchange amused glances.

"Okay, I surrender! I'm as heartless and immature as you are!"

"Much better. That's all you had to say." Sirius let him go with a playful shove.

When they stepped inside the Three Broomsticks, they noticed Frank sitting by the window, his head in his hands, and Johnny B. across from him. Remus, Peter, Caradoc, and Fairfax were gone. So was Alice.

"This doesn't look good," Lily said as they approached the table.

Johnny B. looked sad and discreetly shook his head at them, indicating that things were indeed not good.

"Where's Alice?" Annabelle asked.

"Last I saw her she was heading toward the castle with Remus," Johnny B. replied.

Lily and Annabelle exchanged looks that communicated the same thing; they wanted to go back to the castle to talk to her. They both felt compelled to glare at Frank with disdain, but grief clouded his eyes, his suffering evident. For a moment they felt a hint of the overwhelming shame Alice must be feeling, and chose to leave him in peace instead.

"We'll see you back at the castle," Lily said to James and Sirius. Once the girls were gone, the boys turned back towards Frank, unsure if he would welcome their concern or be aggravated by it. It was altogether awkward and they suddenly wished they'd slinked out of the pub with the girls.

"Are you all right, mate?" James asked.

Frank rubbed his eyes with his thumb and forefinger and exhaled slowly. "I'm ace. How are you lads these days?"

"Doing all right," replied Sirius casually. "We're doing all right."

James finally sat down at the table as Sirius followed suit.

"Did you break up with Alice?" James blurted out, his eyes focused upon the young Auror. "Not that I could fault you for it, but she'll be crushed if you did." He didn't like getting involved in other people's relationship drama, but he didn't think it right to walk away when the guy was clearly in pain either.

"No… not exactly," Frank replied, "but I think I may have been a bit harsh, and she got upset and left."

"Are you going to break up with her?" Sirius asked, not really knowing what else to say.

"I don't know. I have to think… figure things out."

"She didn't know what she was doing," James said. "Really. Her mind was on you and-."

"Imagine you were gone for a month," Frank interrupted as he turned to look at him, "seeing things your mind would never dream of conjuring, being chased by the very savages you were chasing, and the only thing keeping you sane being the thought of your girlfriend, _the love of your life_ , waiting for you to get back in one piece. You clutch her photo in your hand at night while trying to banish the images of the day from your head, the crimson staining everything, the still faces. The smell of death is not something I will ever get used to…."

His voice grew faint, cutting the description short after seeing the looks on their faces. He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, then opened them wide and continued speaking, unable to make eye contact with them.

"Imagine that the thought of her was the only thing to bring you a modicum of comfort as you fought your way to sleep at night, just to wake up and relive it again in a few days' time, when you'd discover the remains of some other family, or the freshly dead body of a young boy or girl. These followers, 'Death Eaters' they call themselves, they knew we were there, and they were sending us messages in the most diabolical manner. Are you with me still?"

James and Sirius nodded, their eyes wide and mouths slightly agape, and Johnny B. folded his arms on the table, putting his head down on top of them. It was the second time he had listened to Frank describe the horrors he'd faced, and it was just as awful as the first time. Frank continued.

"Finally, you get to see her again, in the flesh, and she's alive and safe, utterly untouched by all this madness… Your first impulse is to take her away somewhere, anywhere you think she might be safe, a place where she'd never have to understand. Then she tells you what she did while you were gone. That she missed _you_ so much that she kissed _someone else_ , put her lips on another man's lips, a stranger even. Now, tell me truly, how would you feel?"

James and Sirius swapped looks of discomfort. They knew Frank was focused on the betrayal, but all they could think about was the nightmare he'd just described pertaining to Voldemort.

"Alice didn't know what you were going through," Sirius said, his stomach in knots. "None of us did."

"What did you all think we were doing out there?" Frank asked, trying to remain collected. "Going on a month-long picnic abroad?"

"Frank, you have to understand," James levelled with him, "we don't hear much about it at Hogwarts. The news reports leave out loads of information. Alice didn't know… not that that excuses her actions, but she'd be sorry no matter what."

"And like I said," Johnny B. added. "She only did it because he was so much like _you_. She missed you that much! It's kind of sweet when you look at it that way." Frank glared at Johnny B., but he persisted. "Really, think about it. Her heart was breaking for you, alcohol clouding her senses, and she latched on to the one person in the room that practically screamed _Frank Longbottom_. I mean, you know I feel for you, but just because she wasn't out there seeing dead people doesn't mean she wasn't hurting too."

Frank clenched his fists in frustration and hit them against the table. "I know she was hurting, but… this is my _job!_ I have to go on missions! Am I to worry about her falling into someone else's arms every time I go to work?"

"I think this is a conversation you should be having with Alice," Sirius mumbled, still trying to wrap his mind around the experience Frank described.

"I tried, but she ran out. I don't want to lose her, but I'm just… shocked, I suppose."

"I get where you're coming from," said Sirius. "I don't think it'd be easy to forgive something like that."

"Yeah, it's a tough one," agreed James. "I can see Alice's side, but I see yours as well."

"I need time to think. I would have liked to talk with her more, but she was so upset, and I was so angry…."

"Give it a few days," Johnny B. said. "Maybe you can try again."

"Right. I should be going now," Frank replied as he stood up and put his coat on. He slipped Alice's unopened letter into his pocket and shook the boys' hands. "It was good to see you again. Please, whatever you do, don't say where you heard this information. Not that it won't get out eventually, but I think I got a bit carried away and-"

"Our lips are sealed," assured James. "It's good to have you back safe." He almost added "and sound" but cut himself off, because after what Frank had been through on his mission, he wasn't sure if "sound" was quite accurate at the moment. If it distressed James to hear about it, he could only imagine the trauma Frank was experiencing from bearing witness to such atrocities.

When he was gone, Sirius said, "This Voldemort's even worse than we thought."

"He told me it wasn't just muggles that they found dead," Johnny B. informed them. "There were muggleborn and mixed-blood witches and wizards too. He's pure evil. And he's sending a message."

"What does he want?" James asked. "For anyone that's not a pureblood witch or wizard to be killed? Just… _exterminated_?"

"According to Frank," Johnny B. began, "he would prefer to permanently separate them from purebloods, then enslave them for free labour, but eventually, after torturing them and experimenting on them with the darkest of dark magic, yeah, that's his intention. He's gaining followers all over."

Sirius felt sick. It was beyond anything that they'd previously realised. He thought of Annabelle, a mixed-blood witch from a notoriously pro-muggle family, Lily, Peter, Johnny B., Caradoc, Fairfax… all of them either mixed-blood or muggleborn. Now they were targets. His friends, his only family, really, and this beast wanted them all dead. If the Aurors couldn't stop him, how would this ever end? If the people with specialised training and experience in tracking felons and lunatics of all sorts couldn't capture him and end his reign of hatred and terror, then who in the world could?

Suddenly, he had his first proper urge for a cigarette.


	12. Mere Mortals

 

 

"I don't think we should tell them," James said. He was sitting on the edge of his bed, tossing the pack of cigarettes in the air and catching it again. It was Sunday afternoon and Lily and Annabelle were in the library helping Zelda and Twyla with their Charms assignment, while Alice holed up in her room, hiding from the world beneath the comfort of her duvet. James lay back on his bed and tossed the pack again, but missed as it landed on the floor behind his headboard. Pointing his wand into the small gap behind his bed, he said, " _Accio cigarettes,"_ and the pack flew back into his hand.

"They're going to find out eventually, don't you think?" Sirius pointed out. "Wouldn't it be better if they heard it from us?"

"Sure, but it's not like a couple of cigarettes a day is a big deal. I mean, do we tell them every time we scratch our bollocks or how often we wan-"

Remus cut him off before he could finish his sentence. "You used to smoke a couple of cigarettes a week. Now you smoke a couple a day. Don't you see what's happening?"

"Oh please, Moony," James replied. "We are not addicted. We could stop any time."

"You know what you sound like?" Remus asked. When the boys refused to answer he answered for them. "An addict."

"He's got a point," agreed Peter. "Addicts always say they're not addicts. That's a known fact."

James rolled his eyes and retorted, "And annoying nags always say they're not annoying nags. But that doesn't change the fact that they are."

"All this talk about being an addict is just making me want to smoke a fag," said Sirius with a cocky chuckle. James laughed as well, and to prove that no one could stop them, they departed to the courtyard.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

The following Monday morning, Annabelle dragged herself out of bed before dawn. Fairfax had encouraged her to keep up the morning stair runs, with the promise she would soon find herself feeling not only physically stronger, but more relaxed as well. She knew he was only trying to help her find a natural remedy to her anxiety, but what he didn't know was that the source of her anxiety was a real person and he wasn't going away.

Jaeger had glared at her across the Great Hall the night before with such malice in his eyes she felt her chest tighten with the beginnings of panic. Had he mistakenly thought she was responsible for Dumbledore's visit to his classroom? Did he think she reported him? What if he was planning to tell on her and her friends? She wasn't sure how much more of his taunts she could tolerate, but she had to try, for Sirius' sake. So she ran, because Fairfax promised it would make her feel better.

In the common room that evening, she wasn't feeling sociable, so she focused on her assignments instead. But all she could think about was Jaeger. She was tired, worried, and feeling defeated, even though he'd stayed true to his word so far. But it was unsettling to know that he might be taking advantage of female students and getting away with it. In addition, she still didn't know why he was so antagonistic with her. It made her sick to think that he hated her for being Annabelle - that something about her mere existence brought out such venom in him.

Sirius, who was next to her at the table, kept glancing at her, and she knew he was trying to work out what was bothering her. She so longed to tell him the truth; what a relief it would be to just tell him! But Jaeger had the upper hand, so she'd have to try when she could to separate herself from the situation, to not dwell on it. She had to find a way to not let it control her.

A little while later, Sirius leaned in and whispered, "Want to go for a walk? To the tower perhaps?"

Annabelle stiffened. She wasn't prepared for that question, but now that he'd brought it up, she realised that it would be rather stupid to go their secret tower with Jaeger knowing of its existence. The professor had made a sport out of catching her in transgressions, so it would be a risk going up there when he could be following, maybe even joining them under a disillusionment charm. She bristled at the thought of the creepy professor watching them like a peeping Tom, deriving some sick pleasure from violating their privacy.

Sirius registered her stiff reaction and clarified his suggestion. "We don't have to do anything, Annie. We can just talk… about whatever's bothering you."

She hated lying to him.

"I think I'm coming down with something... better not get too close tonight," she replied, but Sirius had been around her all day and she'd been fine. She could tell from his slightly hurt expression that he wasn't completely convinced. Hurting him was the last thing she wanted to do. No, she had to think of a better excuse, one that would convince Sirius that going to the secret tower was no longer a good idea.

"Really, Sirius. I'm just knackered and achy from all the running I think, but I don't want to take any chances and get you sick as well."

Sirius eyes' narrowed almost imperceptibly at the mention of the staircase runs. "Maybe you should take it easy with the running every morning."

"But it's exercise. What's wrong with that?"

"Nothing, but if you are so tired that it's making you ill, maybe you should slow down. Catch up on sleep instead."

It was a good point, if she was actually feeling ill. But she wasn't. In fact, Fairfax was right. Despite the torture of the actual running up and down a massive staircase several times, she did feel better once it was over, even proud of herself. It was a good way to start the day.

"I'll think about it," she replied to Sirius as she stood up and pushed her chair in. "But for now, I think I should go to bed."

She wanted to kiss his brooding face and erase any fears that might be creeping into his mind at that moment, but she'd just told him that she was coming down with something and didn't want to get close, so a kiss was out of the question. Instead, she gave his hair a tousle, which she instantly regretted because he wasn't a dog for crying out loud, and she could tell he was irritated by it as well.

"I'd kiss you, but you know." She coughed twice to demonstrate her reason.

Sirius gave a small nod. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

She felt terrible leaving him there to turn their conversation over in his head, but hopefully he would shrug it off before long and he'd see in the morning that everything was fine between them. As fine as they could be. All she wanted was for the school year to end. One thing she knew for sure, if Jaeger came back the following year, she'd be dropping Defence against the Dark Arts even if it hurt her future career prospects. She refused to suffer a full year of psychological abuse from that man.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Tuesday's Defence class was cancelled due to a prank. Someone had hidden at least fifty dung bombs around the classroom and charmed them to go off just as Jaeger started lecturing. The entire class stampeded for the door to escape the foul odour, and despite being ordered to wait outside, most of the students dispersed after a while. The rumour was that it was Evan Rosier and his mates' doing, and for the second time in her life Annabelle felt some gratitude toward the ridiculous boy. Apparently, Evan didn't take kindly to Jaeger's sudden interest in flirting with his girlfriend.

The next day, Sirius and Annabelle walked to Potions together, mostly in silence. Both were lost in their own thoughts. Again, Annabelle found herself worrying about the Jaeger situation, and how it was currently affecting her relationship with Sirius. Sirius was thinking about how Annabelle was pushing him away. No matter how many times he asked her if anything was wrong, she'd assure him all was well. Nothing to worry about. But then she'd find some reason to avoid being alone with him, even when he made it clear that he only wanted to talk. Maybe she didn't want to talk, or kiss, or anything anymore. Maybe she was growing tired of him, or was interested in someone else. Her latest excuse was she had to wake up early for her morning stair run with Fairfax.

Sirius knew Fairfax well. He was a decent lad, most of the time. He'd do anything for his mates, and was always in a cheerful, friendly mood. Sirius liked Fairfax despite being his polar opposite. Not only did their looks contrast with each other – Fairfax with his short, flaxen hair and blue eyes, Sirius, with his long dark hair and grey eyes – but their personalities did as well. Fairfax was happy-go-lucky, always ready with a joke or a smile, jumping from relationship to relationship, and Sirius was more subdued and suspicious of people, preferring the company of a trusted few. His feelings for Annabelle could never change on the drop of sickle the way Fairfax's seemed to with his girlfriends. Even their blood statuses couldn't be more opposite. Fairfax was a muggleborn farmboy from the Yorkshire Dales, and Sirius a pureblooded cityboy from London. They were like night and day.

Quidditch was the glue that bound them together. They were teammates and that was all it took to make them friends. No one could hate Fairfax. Even his string of ex-girlfriends had a hard time holding a grudge against him, except for a few. Annabelle and Fairfax had got along from the moment she joined the team, and it didn't bother Sirius in the least. The whole team got on well with each other and that was one of the reasons they were winners. So why did this new development of Fairfax and Annabelle running the stairs together trouble him so much?

He was yanked from his thoughts by a voice calling out from behind them.

"Oy! Black!"

It was Edgar Bones. Sirius heart dropped into his shoes as he turned around. He was with Hestia Jones - _Bones and Jones_ he couldn't help thinking when he saw the two housemates together. He hadn't told Annabelle about the smoking yet, and he'd been doing it more frequently.

"All right, Bones?" he asked, holding his breath as he waited to see what this could possibly be about.

"Can I scav a fag off you?" he asked. "My fuckin' blighter of a roommate took my last one and greedy Hestia here won't share."

Hestia smirked and smacked him in the arm. "Because you never repay me when I've run out. I'm tired of supplying you with fags for free. They're bloody expensive."

Annabelle was perplexed. "Why are you asking Sirius? He doesn't smoke."

Hestia raised her eyebrows as an amused grin spread across her lips.

"Could have fooled me," replied Edgar. He looked to Sirius whose eyes flashed angrily, his lips tight with annoyance. It didn't take Edgar long to realise his mistake. "Oh, shite, sorry mate. Didn't know it was a secret. I think I'll fuck off now."

"Good idea," Sirius said in a low voice.

"Before I go, do you know if Potter has any he could spare?"

Hestia landed a swat across the back of Edgar's head and pulled him away with her down the hall. Annabelle's brows knitted in confusion as she replayed the conversation in her head.

"You've been smoking?"

Sirius avoided her stare. "Only a few times, Annie. It's nothing, really."

"But… why?"

He shrugged and pouted slightly. "I don't reckon you'd understand why."

"Why wouldn't I understand?"

"Listen, it's just cigarettes. I found a pack at that party and decided to see what all the fuss was about. That's all."

"You smoke," she stated, as she walked down the hall a few paces. "Huh. How did I not notice?"

"You didn't notice because I don't do it that often. Like I said, it's nothing."

"If it was nothing, you wouldn't have hidden it from me. Why did you hide it?"

"I reckoned you wouldn't approve, and it wasn't worth upsetting you over a few fags a day."

Annabelle felt like a fool. She wasn't sure what bothered her more, the smoking or his concealing it from her. Turning away from him, she started down the stairs to the dungeon at a much quicker pace than before they'd run into Edgar Bones. She decided it was the hiding it that bothered her more. That he had been doing something that he didn't want her to know about, and he'd successfully kept it from her for how long, she didn't know. She felt even more foolish when she recalled Hestia Jones' perfect, smirking face.

"Annie, wait," Sirius called after her, but she didn't think she could stomach his excuses and she kept walking. When he caught up to her, he grabbed her arm which she promptly pulled away.

"You lied to me," she said.

"No I didn't," he replied. "I just didn't tell you the truth. There's a difference."

Annabelle flinched like she'd been wounded. "The deception is still the same. If you could _not tell me the truth_ about this, then you could be hiding any number of things, really."

She continued walking to class, a few paces ahead of him. He wished he had just told her the truth from the start. When they entered the classroom, Slughorn wasn't pleased.

"Ten points from Gryffindor," he said as they sat down. A few groans were heard and Lily looked back at Annabelle, a question on her face. Annabelle did a quick pantomime of someone puffing away on a fag, then pointed to Sirius. He already had his head resting in his hand as he looked down at his blank parchment in an attempt to shield himself from Annabelle's disdain.

Lily's eyes widened and she whispered to James, "Did you know Sirius was smoking?"

"Uh… I… really?" James blinked several times in shock. It was a terrible performance.

"You did know," Lily pressed on. When James didn't respond, she had another thought. "You too?"

James sighed and scratched his forehead with the end of his quill. "Only a few times. It's nothing."

"But, you know smoking can kill you, don't you?"

"Anything can kill me. This quill could kill me if jabbed into my neck at the right angle."

"Don't make light of it. It's not a joke."

"My head is pounding, Lil," he said, hoping she'd take pity on him and spare him the lecture. "Can we talk about this later?"

Slughorn shot them a look of warning, and when he looked away, Lily whispered, "Fine."

James knew it was an angry "fine," but he might be able to keep the subject from coming up again later if he amped up the sick act.

Meanwhile, Annabelle couldn't let it go. She wrote on a blank piece of parchment then slipped it in front of Sirius.

**_Smoking causes cancer. It's been proven._ **

He dropped his head in frustration, then looked up at the ceiling as if asking for strength. Then he met her eyes. "I don't even smoke a quarter of a pack a day."

"But you smoke every day?"

Slughorn frowned at them and they resumed note-taking. After Sirius thought about it for a moment, he wrote a reply and pushed it in front of her.

**_I will quit when the pack is empty._ **

Annabelle's jaw clenched and she began writing vigorously in response. Sirius swallowed hard as she shoved the note back to him.

**_Give me the pack then, and I'll empty it for you._ **

She watched him grin ever so slightly and before he could write back, she swept the paper back and wrote some more.

**_For the love of Merlin, tell me why you've decided to take up a habit that has the potential to create an addict out of you, not to mention a habit that has been scientifically proven to cause deadly health problems?_ **

She pushed it over to him, and he raised his quill, but she grabbed the paper back again.

**_And don't mess me about._ **

Sirius wrenched the paper away from her so she couldn't grab it again, and wrote his reply. He decided to be honest.

**_The plain and simple truth: BECAUSE I CAN._ **

He showed it to her, but didn't relinquish the paper, since he could see by her galled reaction that she thought he was being petulant. He raised a finger indicating that he wasn't through, and bent to the paper again while Annabelle fumed beside him.

**_My father would've had my head on a platter if he knew I was smoking, that is - after he told me I wasn't man enough to do it in the first place. My mother would have broken my eardrums with her hideous, degrading wails about what a colossal disappointment I was. They can't stop me now. I am doing it because it feels fucking amazing to do whatever I want without their approval or their penalties. They can't stop me, and I am going to finish the bloody pack. Because I can._ **

He slid the note back to her, and pretended to listen to Slughorn's lecture. It was on Carbunculus Serum, an acne fighting potion. It was the one potion every witch and wizard taught themselves as soon as they acquired their first pimple, so it didn't really matter if they paid attention or not. Out of the corner of his eye he could see that Annabelle had raised her quill to write back, but she hesitated. Then, to his surprise, she folded the note and shoved it inside her robe pocket. She didn't say another word to him for the duration of class.

When the bell rang, Annabelle gathered her belongings. Sirius waited, not wanting to leave until he knew her stance on the matter now that he'd explained himself. She glanced at him, and her expression was only faintly reproachful. They walked out of the room together, and once they were out of the dungeons, Annabelle slowed down, letting Lily storm past them, James at her heels. They disappeared around a corner and Annabelle leaned against a wall, hugging her books to herself. Sirius stood in front of her and waited for her to speak first.

Finally, she said, "There's nothing particularly _manly_ about smoking Sirius. Your father was a pig to say that to you."

"I know… I know. It just feels good to spite him."

"I wish you could find a healthier way to spite your parents."

Sirius sighed, the pain of his past unmistakable in his slumped shoulders and faraway look. "It's only a few fags a day, Annie. It's nothing."

Annabelle observed the traces of melancholy in his eyes, evident even on days when nothing was wrong. It hurt her every time she noticed it, and she just couldn't stay mad at him. She reached out and touched his cheek.

"You don't smell like a smoker."

The corners of his mouth turned up slightly and he said, "That's what showers and toothpaste are for."

"Ahh, I see. You've been covering your tracks. Well, no need to trouble yourself anymore, now that the cat's out of the bag."

"Are you angry?"

"No. Not angry. Disappointed, but not angry."

Sirius felt relief, followed by an unwelcome dose of shame that he pushed back into the recesses of his heart before he could question it.

"Thank you… for understanding."

She leaned forward and rested her head against his shoulder as he wrapped an arm round her waist. She couldn't force him to stop or tell him how to deal with his feelings about the life he escaped; the life that almost robbed him of who he was. Even if she found smoking repulsive.

"You'd better kiss me now while I still smell fresh," he said, grinning.

Annabelle smiled. "Ah, yes. That's a good idea."

His lips brushed softly against hers, and after dropping their books to the floor, she put her arms round his neck and pulled him close. Soon, they were kissing like it was last smoke free one they'd ever share again. Annabelle wanted to remember the taste of him for posterity's sake, because she had an inkling he wouldn't be quitting any time in near future.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

"Lily. Lily! Please stop walking for minute," James pleaded.

Lily whipped herself around to face him.

"What possessed you to start smoking?" she demanded. "Oh wait, let me guess. Sirius."

"No, Lily, it's not like that."

"Then whose idea was it?"

James shoved his hands in his pockets and scuffed his right shoe across the stone floor. He couldn't meet her eyes. "It was Sirius's idea," he murmured.

"I knew it," she grumbled. She stormed off again, but he managed to keep up with her.

"But he didn't force me to go with him. I was curious about it too, if I'm being honest."

"Would you have done it if he hadn't suggested it?"

"I can't really say. He was the one who found the pack of cigarettes, not me."

Lily had always known that Sirius had a profound influence over James. It was obvious from the beginning of her relationship with him. Even though James was the Quidditch captain and had no problem bossing Sirius around the pitch or telling Sirius to shut up when he annoyed him, Sirius still held power over him. It never bothered Lily before, because they were best friends, and best friends influence each other all the time. Sirius had never abused his power. But this was ridiculous.

Lily stopped. She could feel herself getting upset, and she took a deep breath before continuing. "You just don't seem like a smoker."

"I'm not really a _smoker_ , Lil. I smoke a few cigarettes a day, not a pack a day or anything like that."

"It doesn't matter. You smoke. Every day. And you know it's bad for you. I don't understand why."

James shrugged. "Like I said, I was curious. And now I kinda like it."

"Great. You like smoking. That means you're hooked."

James started laughing, which made Lily turn to walk away again. He caught her arm and said, "Please, don't walk away."

Lily stopped again, but didn't say anything.

"I'm not hooked, Lil. Really. I mean, do want me to quit? I will if you want me to."

Lily glared at him. "I see what you're doing. You want me to shoulder the blame when Sirius asks why you're quitting."

"No, that's not it-"

"Yes, I believe it is. So please, don't stop on my account. You know it's bad for you. You know I'm not keen on it. But you have to stop because _you_ want to stop. Not for anyone else."

"What if I don't want to stop?"

"Then don't. Keep smoking until you're lungs shrivel up. You and Sirius can be hospitalised together, fighting for oxygen, coughing your last breaths in each others' arms. Merlin! Just when I thought you'd matured some."

James felt like he'd been punched in the gut. "Right. Maybe you should date Frank Longbottom then. He's mature and I heard he's newly single."

"Wow. That was low. I don't even know what to say to that."

James felt his stomach clench with remorse. He didn't know where the remark came from, but after her comment about him maturing, he was feeling embarrassed and torn. On the one hand, he felt guilty for letting her down again. On the other hand, he was miffed. He didn't appreciate being told that he was immature just because he wanted to try something that she wasn't keen on.

"I'm sorry, Lily. I didn't mean it, but I don't think smoking is immature. In fact, adults do it all the time."

"You've completely missed the point. But fine, go smoke if that's what you really want to do. I have assignments to finish."

He didn't stop her as she charged away.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

"Smoking! Of all the bloody things!" Lily blustered as she sat down on her bed, tossing her Potions book to the side. She couldn't focus on school work at the moment. "What are they thinking?"

"They're not thinking, I reckon," said Alice.

"I don't know," said Annabelle. She sat down on her own bed and lay back on her pillow. "But I believe they have their reasons. Sirius said he's doing it to get back at his parents, and that I can understand, even though I think it's pointless now."

"What about James?" Lily demanded. "Why's he doing it? Because his best mate is doing it, that's why."

"Come on, now," replied Annabelle. "I don't think James would do it just because Sirius is doing it. You know he's obsessed with muggle rock bands. Think about it. Coffee, cigarettes. I think he's just having a bit of fun imitating these rock stars, that's all."

Lily wasn't convinced that was all of it, but she didn't want to upset Annabelle by blaming Sirius. Besides, Sirius didn't twist James' arm. He decided to smoke of his own accord.

"I've never kissed a smoker before," said Lily.

"Yes you have," replied Alice. "You just didn't know it."

"Okay, but he was covering it up then," Lily said. "Now, who knows what it will be like. How do we get them to stop?"

Annabelle sat up. "For starters, we can't get on their case about it. They'll just think we're nags."

"True," Lily replied. "So what can we do?"

Annabelle thought about it, then shook her head. "Maybe we should wait and see if they keep it up after their pack runs out. If they do, then we'll think of something."

"Right. We'll just wait and see." Lily echoed as she twisted a lock of hair around her finger. She wasn't sure she liked that plan. As much as she hated the idea of James reeking all the time, the idea of him choosing to put his health at risk worried her more. She supposed she might sound like a hypocrite, since she was the one that took Wideye Potion for the wrong reasons, but James helped her realise that she didn't need it. So why was he doing something equally stupid? Because cigarettes were readily available to the public? Because it was currently the "cool" thing to do? He was too smart for that.

Alice was also resting on her bed. Her eyes were closed, but she wasn't sleeping.

"Frank's great-uncle developed a terrible cough from smoking. Eventually he was coughing up blood. But he was so hooked that he couldn't stop. Eventually, you know… he-"

Lily put her hands over her ears and Annabelle said, "We know it's deadly, Alice. We know."

"I was just trying to add to the conversation," she replied with a huff and flipped over on her bed.

She had been extra sensitive and gloomy, moping about the castle, always on the brink of tears since Hogsmeade. She hadn't heard from Frank again, and she was starting to believe he dumped her. Lily and Annabelle couldn't believe that he wouldn't even inform her of his decision, an encouraged her to write to him, but she had already left him with a letter. It was up to him to respond.

"It's all right, Alice. Merlin, I was just saying we know the effects of smoking. That's all. I mean, what can we do? If we get all naggy about it, they'll just want to do it more."

"What if they try something worse?" Lily asked. "What if they think we don't care and they go off the deep end… start smoking three packs a day and hanging out at the Hog's Head? What if they get bored with cigarettes and move on to something worse?"

"Sirius wouldn't. He knows about my mother," Annabelle replied.

"And James wouldn't do it without Sirius," Lily assured herself, her voice shaky.

"Right. I think we need to stay calm, and wait until they run out. If they're still doing it by next week, then we'll know they haven't quit."

"Then what?"

"We'll figure it out, Lil," was all she come up with, since Annabelle didn't know the answer to that question. All she knew was it was one more thing to worry about. She suddenly felt like running the stairs.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

The next week, Lily and Annabelle had had enough of the boys' habit. They hadn't quit, and the girls couldn't believe they hadn't run out of fags yet. They were convinced they'd procured another pack and were claiming it was the same one from the week before. They also believed that the boys were addicted. Then, Lily had another thought.

"What if they're only smoking because of the people that they meet out there… as in other girls?"

Annabelle was sceptical. "You think they're using smoking as an excuse to chat up girls?"

"You never know. I don't mean they're cheating on us, per se, but maybe they're enjoying the attention of some of their admirers. Who knows?"

Annabelle chuckled. James and Sirius showing off was nothing new, but then she thought about it a bit more. Usually they sought attention through Quidditch, or by being cheeky in class, but they never outright flirted with other girls anymore, at least that Annabelle and Lily were aware of. But what if…

"Hm." The thought perplexed Annabelle. "Not that I care, you know? Flirting doesn't mean they're going to cheat on us." But even as she said it, she started to grow more paranoid.

"We could always surprise them out there," Lily suggested.

"You mean, just pop in on them like we were passing by?"

"Sure. It's not like they own the courtyard. We can go there any time we like."

Annabelle was about to agree, but then another thought occurred to her.

"What if they think we're checking up on them? Do we really want to be so… obvious?"

"What are you suggesting?" Lily asked casually, a glint of deviousness in her eye.

"The invisibility cloak, of course," Annabelle replied.

"Can I just express how thrilled I am that it was you to suggest that and not me?"

"Are you surprised? Because you should know I can be sneaky when there's a good reason to be."

The girls laughed as the same person flashed before their inner eyes - tall and majestic Hestia Jones in all her effortless glory.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

An hour before dinner, James and Sirius ducked out for a smoke. Lily and Annabelle excused themselves to their dorm room to retrieve the cloak.

"What are you two up to?" Alice asked.

"Just a little reconnaissance mission," Lily replied. "Care to join us?" Lily and Annabelle resigned themselves to asking her if she wanted join them just so she wouldn't feel left out, even though they knew she wouldn't budge.

"You are spying on your boyfriends? What for?"

"We just want to see if cigarettes are their real reason for smoking if you catch my drift," said Annabelle.

Alice rolled her eyes and went back to her book. Partly because she thought they were being moronic, but also because she wanted to cover up her own lingering feelings of guilt. She had done the very thing they were worried their boyfriends were doing.

Annabelle draped the cloak over herself and Lily, and they carefully made their way down the stairs and out of the common room, narrowly missing Lorelei on her way in. Once they were in the cloisters, they stood on a ledge that went along the floor, then peeked out into the courtyard. They instantly spotted James and Sirius sitting down inside an archway amidst a group of other students on the far side of the yard. The enormous tell-tale cloud of smoke rising in the air from the group could probably be seen all the way in Ireland. Lily and Annabelle sneaked their way around to the archway where James and Sirius sat.

As expected, Hestia Jones was there, standing before the boys like a statue of Aphrodite. Her body was tall and perfectly proportioned with her gold-tinged hair falling in loose waves around her narrow face. She had one arm crossed in front of her, the other holding a cigarette up to her mouth as she laughed at something someone had just said. She even made smoking look beautiful, something Annabelle thought was impossible.

"I wonder if Hestia Jones has anything to do with their newfound smoking obsession," Lily muttered, finally uttering her fear aloud.

"Me too," replied Annabelle.

Edgar Bones stood next to Hestia, and Matilda Goodwin was squeezed in beside James, Sirius on his otherside. Lily and Annabelle swapped wary looks with each other, then quietly slid down the wall just below the archway, still inside the cloisters. The boys were only a few feet above them, but they were facing out into the courtyard so their voices mingled with the other students. Lily and Annabelle had to strain to hear them.

"So this blighter approaches me in Hogsmeade and asks for a fag," Edgar Bones began. "Sure, I say, and I give him one. So get this- he has the nerve to put it in his pocket to save it for later and then asks me for another!"

The group of smokers laughed while Lily sarcastically mimicked them. Annabelle snorted with real laughter at Lily's exaggerated countenance and the girls momentarily held their breath lest they be discovered. Suddenly, laughing became the only thing their bodies wanted to do, no matter how hard they fought it. It was torment, the writhing inwardly in an effort to contain the sounds that threatened to escape. It almost became too much when Hestia spoke again, and her words silenced them.

"I can't believe you planned to keep your girlfriends in the dark about your smoking," she said, chuckling. "You didn't think you'd actually succeed, did you?"

"If Bones here had kept his gob shut, they'd be none the wiser," replied Sirius.

Annabelle's eyes narrowed as Lily's jaw dropped.

"Yeah, we were doing a fine job of covering our tracks," added James, "Until this clown gave us away."

"Come off it," Edgar moaned. "I apologised like fifty times already. Let me off the bloody hook, will ya?"

"That should depend on whether their girlfriends let them off the hook yet," snickered Matilda. "Did they?"

Silence. Lily and Annabelle looked at each other, brows knitted. Suddenly the group of smokers started laughing again. Lily and Annabelle's brows knitted more deeply. Did they miss something? Was it a joke about them?

"Clearly they don't know if they're off the hook or not, right lads?" Hestia's smoky voice rang out. "They're making you sweat, they are!"

"Typical, innit?" Edgar chimed in, and they all chuckled again.

"No, they aren't," James replied. "They don't care that we're smoking. They were just surprised, that's all."

"Right." It was Sirius this time. "And besides, we don't need their permission. If we want to smoke, we're going to smoke. It's not like they own us."

Hestia burst out laughing again and said, "Please, that's all talk if I ever heard it. But I also think you are more than happy to be owned. We've seen your public displays. Down right pathetic you lads are!"

"You're whipped," teased Matilda, whose laughing turned to coughing then back to laughing again.

More raucous laughter exploded from the Hufflepuffs above. Lily's lips set in a tight scowl and she turned to Annabelle.

"I've had enough. I feel like jumping up and frightening the daylights out of the lot of 'em. Imagine their expressions when they realise we heard them."

Despite the bad feelings the overheard conversation was stirring up in Annabelle, she couldn't help but choke back more laughter at the thought of scaring them all. It was a great idea.

"No, wait," she whispered, on second thought. "I have a better idea."

"What?" Lily mouthed, her eyebrows raised in hope.

Annabelle pulled out her wand.

"Turn round with me. I need to lift the cloak a smidge. Hold on to it."

"Annabelle, you're not going to curse them are you? They'll curse us back before they even know it's us."

"No. Not a curse really. Just trust me on this one."

Lily gulped and slowly turned about, getting to her knees with Annabelle and being careful not to drop the cloak to the ground. As their eyes met the bottom of the archway, all they could see was three bottoms seated in front of them. Lily pretended to stab James in the arse with her wand. Of course this made them want to laugh again. Once the urge subsided, Annabelle carefully slipped the very tip of her wand out from under the cloak, resting it on the inch of stone between James and Matilda's bums. There, she had clear path to her target.

With all her might, she concentrated on the anticipated outcome of the charm, and with a rapid whisper, uttered, " _Flatulus!"_

Suddenly, the most gruesome sound emitted from Hestia's perfect arse and everyone froze. Annabelle was afraid to look at Lily, because she was sure to burst into a fit of laughter if she met her eyes. Lily had her hand over her mouth, her shoulders shaking.

A fraction of a second later, everyone exploded with laughter, which allowed Annabelle and Lily to laugh as well.

"Hestia just floated a powerful air biscuit there, lady and gents," Edgar exclaimed through his crying laughter. "Run while you still fucking can!"

Hestia swatted Edgar on the back of the head. She was laughing, but she'd turned crimson from the neck up. "No, I bloody well didn't! That must have been you, you plonker!"

"That's our cue to leave," announced James as he stood up. "Let's go before she does it again."

More inane laughter.

"We should go," Lily mouthed to Annabelle.

Annabelle nodded, and the two girls shimmied off under the cloak, still hearing Hestia's smoky voice denying the incident.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

"Where did you learn that charm?" Lily asked as she and Annabelle collapsed on their beds.

"Zelda. Little kids are great for tricks like that."

"What charm?" asked Alice.

The girls filled her in on what happened and for the first time since her assumed break-up with Frank, she started laughing. Real, stomach-hurting, hard-to-breathe laughing. It was not lost on any of them, and they relished the moment, hoping there'd be more like it in the days to come.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

The next evening, James and Lily had claimed the sofa in the common room. James' lanky frame took up the entire length of the couch, including where Lily sat with his head in her lap. She was reading for class, and James kept trying to get her attention by peeking under the book. She was torn between giving into him and running her fingers through his soft, crazy hair, or remaining aloof, hoping he'd get the message that the smoking was a problem for her still.

Annabelle and Sirius were lying head to head in front of the fire, not speaking at all. In fact, they hadn't uttered a word to each other since they'd parked themselves there a half hour before. They both held their copies of _To the Lighthouse_ over their heads, reading to themselves for a change.

"What? No show tonight?" Alice asked them from her vantage point in the chair nearest to Sirius.

"Yeah, I was hoping you two would read aloud so I wouldn't have read at all," Peter whined from the chair nearest Annabelle.

"Sorry," Annabelle replied. "Just don't feel like reading aloud."

"Tired from your morning exercise regimen with Coach Fairfax?" asked James.

Sirius stiffened slightly.

"A bit," Annabelle admitted, "but I'm going to keep it up, I think. I'm already up to seven laps now. And I'm not as winded when I'm finished, so I think I'm actually getting stronger."

Sirius turned a page of his book with such force that he almost tore it straight out of the binding.

"Well, I think it's great that you're doing it. Maybe I'll join you one morning," Alice said. Everyone looked at her like she was a different person. "What? Did I say something?"

"No, it's just that you've been nothing a but a blob for weeks," Peter pointed out.

"He means that you haven't been feeling up to activities lately," Lily corrected, then quickly added, "And understandably so. It's nice to have you sort of back."

Alice just shrugged and pulled her knees into her chest, focusing her attention on her book.

"I'm going to have a smoke. You coming, mate?" Sirius announced as he leapt up, startling Annabelle.

"Sure," James nodded without a moment's hesitation. "Let's go."

Lily's jaw clenched, but she didn't protest. Annabelle sat up and watched Sirius as he stormed out of the portrait hole ahead of James. She could tell he was in a mood, but she didn't know why. She hadn't said anything to him about his smoking, because she knew it would only aggravate him more. Especially after Hestia had cackled and tried to convince Sirius that Annabelle did indeed "own him." What a provocative, ridiculous thing to say. It made Annabelle want to cast the Flatulus charm on her a thousand times in one go.

She looked to Lily, and when she saw her own frustration mirrored back at her, she got up from the floor and joined her on the sofa.

"Why does this bother me so much?" Lily asked.

"Because you care about him."

"Why doesn't he stop?"

"I don't know."

Alice decided to call it a night and went upstairs, and without James and Sirius there, and with Remus at a prefect's meeting, Peter decided to excuse himself as well. Soon, Lorelei entered the common room, her boyfriend straggling behind. They were in the midst of full-blown row, Lorelei hollering with all her might.

"No. I will not sit through this racket," Lily said. "Let's go somewhere else until it blows over."

They weren't tired, so instead of disturbing Alice, they decided to sit outside the common room.

"Don't wake Alice when you go upstairs, all right Lorelei?" Annabelle warned her hostile roommate.

"Shut the fuck up, O'Neill."

"Take your own advice," Annabelle muttered as she climbed through the portrait hole, but only Lily heard her.

They sat down on a step, watching as a couple of first years jumped to the sixth floor landing as the stairs shifted. They squealed with delight as they ran up the rest of the way, passing Lily and Annabelle on their way to the common room.

"Ah, the good old days," Lily mused, "when moving staircases were a form of entertainment."

"Now, we entertain ourselves by stalking our boyfriends."

"Speak of the devil."

Sirius and James were coming up the stairs, having finished their smoke, the sounds of their voices preceding them. They were cracking each other up over something as usual, and stopped when they saw Lily and Annabelle, perched like sentinels at the top of the stairs.

"Is there some riddle we have to guess so you'll let us pass?" Sirius asked, his sneering humour not one bit funny to Annabelle.

"Are you comparing us to magical beasts? Like the Sphinx, or trolls perhaps?" Annabelle responded, not missing a beat.

"Lighten up, Annie. It was a joke."

She felt her stomach twist at the tone she could only interpret as irritation. She was a pest to him at the moment. Someone he didn't want around. Words failed her.

Flustered and hurt by his coldness, she got up and pushed past him, jogging down the stairs.

He sighed and went after her. "Wait, Annie, please. I'm sorry." His voice echoed as he followed her down another flight and out of view.

James looked to Lily with a shrug, but she just stared at him.

"What? Say something, Lily."

"Okay. Did you enjoy your fag break with Hestia, Goddess of the Chimney?"

"Um, I think you mean Goddess of the Hearth. Hestia was the Greek Goddess of the Hearth and Home."

"A hearth. A fireplace. A chimney. Same thing, really."

"Nooo, it's a bit different." Lily glared and he amended his argument. "But I can see you are rather ticked off with me still. So, fine. Chimney it is."

"It makes sense, doesn't it?" Her words were pointed, but she remained calm. "She smokes like a chimney, so it's a fitting name for her."

James laughed and sat down beside her. "Please don't tell me you think I smoke to be around Hestia Jones."

Lily remained still, but her eyes flashed as she stared straight ahead. "I have to admit. The thought did cross my mind."

Again, James laughed, but it was weaker that time. "Lil. You can't be serious."

She turned her eyes to meet his. It was clear that she was serious.

"Okay," James stammered. "Well then. I'll have you know, that as nice and cool as Hestia Jones really is, and I know you'd think so as well if you got to know her, I'm not smoking because of her. Why would you think that?"

Lily wasn't sure if he was trying to make her feel better or if he really didn't know why she would think such a thing.

"Do you really have to ask?"

James looked confused. "Just tell me what the deal with Hestia is, okay? Why do you think I'd be out there for her when I have you?"

"She's a bloody Greek Goddess for starters!" Lily exclaimed, her cheeks turning bright pink.

"And you're not?" James asked. Lily rolled her eyes. "I'm not being patronising, all right? I mean it. You take my breath away. And I'm kind of insulted that you thought I was out there chatting up Hestia Jones, who is a mere mortal compared to you."

"Then why? When is it going to end? We are all mere mortals, James, which means smoking can kill you. Not to mention you smell disgusting right now. Do you like smelling that way all the time?"

James sighed. "I'll go shower. Will that make you happy?"

"No."

"Then what will?"

"Quit smoking already!" Lily stood up and turned toward the portrait. "Just quit… before you _can't_ quit."

She said the password and slipped inside, not waiting for a response.

"But, I think I'm already addicted," he mumbled as he pulled his sleeves down over his hands. He sat out there a few minutes more, hanging his head with remorse before retreating to his room for the night.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

"Annabelle, please! I'm sorry I made the Sphinx comment. Just stop and listen to me!"

Annabelle and Sirius had turned down the third floor corridor. The torches were dim, and there were no students about since the floor consisted mainly of classrooms locked up for the evening.

"Shh," Annabelle cautioned him. "Filch might hear us."

Sirius looked at her and felt a throb of pain course through him. Even though she'd stopped walking, he could feel the distance between them growing.

"Something feels wrong between us," he said. "It's felt that way for a while now… Since your detention, I think."

"Not this again," she groaned. "I told you nothing bad happened. All right? Maybe it's this smoking thing. I know I said it's your choice, but I can't lie and act like I enjoy the stench that's all over your skin. I can't say I don't fear for your health."

His eyes grew cold. "As you said, not this again."

"Fine, I won't talk about it anymore. Except to ask you one more question."

Sirius resisted the urge to walk away. "What is it?"

"Are you hooked? On the fags I mean. Are you… addicted?"

"Oh please, Annie. Really?" He shook his head and began walking back toward Gryffindor tower. "No. I'm not. I can stop if I want to, all right?"

"Don't you want to?"

He turned to face her. "I want to be accepted for who I am."

"You know I accept you for who you are… _I love you_ for who you are."

He faltered for a moment, her words like a spell over his heart. He shook it off and replied, "But sometimes you might not agree with something I do. Does that mean I should stop, even if I enjoy it?"

"If it puts your health at risk, then yes. It means you should stop. It's common sense, Sirius! What happens when you get addicted?"

Before he could respond, a young girl's voice interrupted them. "Annabelle! Is that you down there?"

Zelda.

"Yes, Zelda, I'm walking toward the stairs now. What is it?"

Zelda met them on the landing and said, "Where have you been? I was looking all over _creation_ for you!"

Sirius gave an impatient eyeroll at the melodrama. "And why are you looking for her, Zelda?"

"McGonagall sent me to fetch her," she replied. Then she looked at Annabelle. "You are to report to Dumbledore's office _immediately_."

Annabelle's eyes almost popped out of head. Had Jaeger told? Was the game over? She started to feel lightheaded.

"D-Di-Did she say what for?"

"No, just to come _right_ away."

Annabelle took a deep breath, ignoring the dubious look on Sirius' face. She thought she might pass out as she stumbled sideways, catching herself on a suit of armour. Sirius was instantly beside her, taking her arm.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"Yes, just knackered. What does McGonagall bloody well want now?"

"You should really quit running the stairs every sodding day if you can't even hold yourself upright by nightfall."

Annabelle would have laughed out loud at his weak attempt to turn the tables on her after he'd just made his point about not stopping something he enjoyed because she didn't agree with it. Yet at the moment, she couldn't focus on anything other than what was waiting for her in Dumbledore's office.

"You don't have to come with me," she said to him, wishing he'd go back to the common room, just in case Jaeger was there. "I'll be fine."

"I'm walking you there, no arguments, please."

Annabelle nodded weakly, and they headed to Dumbledore's office. Once they arrived outside the door, she realised she'd been gripping his hand for dear life.

"Sorry about that," she said.

"I'm worried about you, Annie. About us."

She looked at him, feeling like she failed him. She couldn't beat Professor Jaeger at his own sick game. How could she judge Sirius for smoking when she'd just got him expelled?

"We're okay, aren't we?" he prodded, the pain in his eyes so profound just then that it made her own eyes well with tears.

"Sirius, there's something you need to know," she began, thinking it was best to tell him the truth, since it would be coming out soon enough.

Just then the door opened and Professor McGonagall stepped out. Her face was graver than usual, and she sounded upset when she spoke.

"What in Merlin's name took you so long? Please, come inside. Mr. Black, you may wait out here, or return to the tower. It's your choice, but just so you know, this may take a while."

Annabelle glanced at him, knowing that when all was said and done he'd be devastated over what had happened with Jaeger and gutted that she hadn't told him about it sooner.

"I'll wait," he said.

McGonagall pushed the door open again, and stood back so Annabelle could pass through. Sirius caught a glimpse of someone seated in front of Dumbledore's desk, a woman, he presumed by her small, delicate frame. The woman stood and turned around, and that's when he heard Annabelle gasp like she'd put her hand into a flame.

" _Mam?"_ she cried out, using the word she might have learnt first as a child of Irish descent, before mummy, before mum, before all words, perhaps, had her mother not left her before she could speak. It was a question asked in shock and disbelief, and he realised in that moment that Annabelle as he knew her was temporarily gone, replaced by the child she once was, the child that was abandoned repeatedly by her mother so many years before. By the same mother that was moving toward her, arms opened wide.

"A stór mo chroí!" the woman responded. "You're a sight for sore eyes, so you are!"

They were last words Sirius heard before McGonagall closed the door on him.

 


	13. Heads Above Water

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear readers, if you didn't read my previous story, I will restate it: I don't include the "Contraception Charm" in my stories because the idea of it makes me cringe and shudder for various reasons. Besides, it isn't canon, so I don't feel obligated to utilise it in my writing, nor do I make any apologies for that.
> 
> Regarding this chapter, "muggle" home pregnancy tests were not available until 1978. NO, none of the main characters are or will be pregnant in this story, nor will they even mistakenly think they are. It isn't that kind of story. I promise. ;)
> 
> FYI – In the UK, gilet = vest and HMV = famous record store. Sorry for any typos!

 

 

 

 

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

"Sometimes, I feel the past and the future pressing so hard on either side that there's no room for the present at all."  
― Evelyn Waugh, _Brideshead Revisited_

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

For the second time that evening, Annabelle thought she might faint. This time, Professor McGonagall was the one to steady her. Before she could think straight, Colleen O'Neill had Annabelle wrapped in an embrace. Annabelle couldn't tell what the scent in her mother's hair was, just that it didn't smell entirely bad, to her surprise. Maybe it was patchouli. Her mother had often worn perfumed oils to cover the odours of her various escapades, but for the first time since Annabelle could remember, her mother looked and even sounded rather normal. Her hair was neatly pulled back with a hair slide on the top – the same way Annabelle had hers at the moment. Her clothes appeared clean, and she was neither manic nor sluggish, just emotional.

But the years of pumping her body full of drugs had taken their toll. Her cheeks were sunken, and her teeth had seen better days. One was missing on the bottom, and from the looks of the rest, a few more would be gone in a short time. She had a few more wrinkles than the average 35-year-old, and her cheek bones were sharp as blades from lack of proper nourishment.

"I wasn't sure I'd ever see you again," Colleen said. "You're as tall as me now! I can't believe it!" Her Belfast brogue was still strong, even after many years living among the English. Annabelle briefly wondered if she'd gone back to Belfast to live, having been born and raised there until she was thirteen. The truth was, Colleen O'Neill could have been anywhere in the world, and her own daughter wouldn't have had a clue.

Annabelle didn't raise her arms to hug her mother back. Instead, she went rigid, as it felt rather like a stranger holding her. When Colleen pulled back, Annabelle noticed tears wetting her cheeks. Rather than sympathy, or even anger, Annabelle reeled with confusion.

"What are you doing here?" was all she could squeak out.

"Well, I'm more than happy to tell you, but why don't we have a seat first," her mother replied.

"I'd say that's a good idea," Professor Dumbledore agreed.

Annabelle was relieved that the impromptu meeting had nothing to do with Jaeger, but this wasn't much better, she thought, and turned back toward the door to leave. Professor McGonagall put a firm hand on her shoulder, and whispered in her ear, "Please, Annabelle. Just hear her out. She's made a great effort to be here."

"She's made a great effort to be here?" Annabelle replied, her voice barely a whisper. Anger welled up inside her. " _She's made a great effort to be here?"_ she repeated, much louder that time. She turned to her mother, who was about to sit down. Tears forced their way out as she spoke. "I'm supposed to indulge _her_ whims because she decided to drop in for a visit _?_ Where was she for the last six years of my life? Where, _Colleen_? _Where were you?"_

"Annie, please, just give me a chance. I'm doing much better now. Things have changed."

"Where have I heard that before?"

"Please, dear, have a seat," Professor McGonagall urged, and escorted Annabelle to a chair beside her mother.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

It was over an hour later when the heavy oak door to Dumbledore's office opened and Annabelle stepped out. Sirius noticed that she looked fatigued and pale. Her eyes met his, then looked away.

"Annie," he asked, "Was that your mum?"

Annabelle nodded and hastened towards the stairs. Sirius followed and not until she had put several floors' space between her and Dumbledore's office did she slow down. Sirius put an arm around her and they walked aimlessly for a bit as she filled him in on what happened.

"She says she's better. She says she hasn't been with that ogre of a man for years. She went to prison for drug possession, and claims she got clean while there. She even tried to contact me, but they locked her up in the psych ward after multiple attempts to post letters to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry."

"Prison?" Sirius' eyes widened. "How did she find you?"

"She knows about magic, remember? She's a squib, not a muggle. She knows all about Hogwarts, since everyone probably assumed she'd attend school here one day. Apparently she managed to track down Dumbledore, who still has a soft place in his heart for Darien O'Neill's errant daughter."

"What does she want from you?"

"She claims she doesn't want much. Just a chance to get to know me. The prison social worker found her council housing in Northwest London. He also helped find her work – she's on the cleaning staff for the Underground."

Sirius shuddered at the thought of scouring the filth off the floors and emptying the rubbish bins in the underground stations without a wand. Annabelle noticed his reaction and felt the need to defend her mother.

"It's honest work, Sirius."

"That's true," he said. "Does she want you to visit her?"

"Yes. I'm supposed to see her next Saturday."

"You don't sound too excited."

"Why should I be? Sorry if I can't get excited over the return of a chronic disappointment."

"Do you want me to come with you?"

Annabelle did want him to come with her, but after his declaration in front of his new mates that she didn't own him, his insistence on smoking, and just generally being a stubborn arse, she wasn't sure he really meant his offer.

"No, I think it's best I go alone. She's in a fragile state, and I don't want to overwhelm her."

"You can't go alone."

"She's meeting Dumbledore and me at The Leaky Cauldron. I'll be fine."

Soon, they'd made their way back to Gryffindor tower. Sirius wanted to go outside to smoke a fag, but it was past curfew and he'd have to go inside to get the cloak if he didn't want to get caught. Annabelle wanted to be alone. She needed to process everything that happened that day and being around Sirius wasn't helping.

"I'm going to bed," she told him as her voice cracked, the hurt from earlier bubbling to the surface.

"Are you sure? We can go somewhere if you want. You don't have to be by yourself right now."

"I want to be by myself," she said. "Besides, I know those cigarettes are probably calling your name."

Sirius gave a tight-lipped smile and leaned against the bannister. "Nice, Annabelle. I'm trying to be supportive and that's what I get for it."

Annabelle squinted with indignation. "Ohh, I'm sorry! Would you like a medal of honour instead? Here, l have one in my pocket. Just let me shine it for you." She pretended to shine an invisible medal then held out her empty hand.

Sirius' face burned. After a charged pause, he replied, "I think I want to be alone for a bit as well." He pushed off the bannister and started down the stairs.

"Risking getting caught after curfew for a few fags, eh? Or is it someone else that's calling your name?"

"Good night, Annie," he replied, not looking back as he disappeared from view.

Annabelle felt like screaming at him, but the rage quickly turned to sorrow. No one was around, but she didn't want to be there when Sirius got back. Instead of going to her dorm, she went to the room with the fireplace. The secret tower was no longer an option seeing as Jaeger knew about it. When she arrived at the room, she pulled a sheet off a chair, shook the dust from it and curled up on the sofa. Her thoughts bounced from her mother to Sirius, then back to her mother as she wept until she had no strength left.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Early the next morning, Sirius and James headed outside while Remus and Peter remained sleeping. When they got back to the common room, Lily and Alice were sitting in front of the fire.

"Where is Annabelle?" Lily asked.

"What do you mean?" Sirius replied. "Isn't she with Fairfax?"

"She never came back last night," Alice said in a panicky tone. "We thought she might've been with you."

"I thought she went straight to bed," he replied, then dashed for the boys' stairs, taking them two at a time. His hands were trembling as he searched his trunk for the Marauder's Map, and when he didn't find it, he rummaged through James' trunk where it was buried under the invisibility cloak. Remus and Peter were still asleep as he scanned the map for the most likely places first, locating her in the abandoned room with the fireplace.

"I found her," he said as he stalked through the common room. "Be right back."

His jaw was clenched as he stormed his way through the castle, thinking of her selfishness. He wanted to make her feel bad for scaring them all. Frustration was all he seemed to feel with her lately, and something else he didn't want to acknowledge - fear. She was slipping through his fingers and he didn't know what he could do to stop her.

When he entered the room, he saw her curled up on the sofa, looking innocent in the soft light that peeked through the space in the curtains. His anger instantly dissolved, leaving him with an ache in his heart. Kneeling down next to her, he brushed her hair back and tried to wake her.

"Annie," he said softly as he rubbed her arm. She blinked her eyes open, then jolted upright in alarm.

"I must have fallen asleep!"

Sirius laughed a little as he sat down beside her. "Considering you were sleeping when I got here, I'd say that is a fair assessment."

She rubbed her face with her hands, and then smoothed her hair, tucking it behind her ears. "I feel like I didn't sleep at all. Spent the entire night having nightmares."

"About?"

"My mum. Professor Jaeger. Voldemort. You."

Sirius wasn't sure how he felt about being listed in such questionable company, but he didn't mention it. He'd upset her enough to give her nightmares. Remorse overcame him.

"I'm sorry about last night, Annabelle. So sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you."

She rested her head on his shoulder and took his hand. "I'm sorry as well. You were just trying to be there for me and I was cruel."

He kissed her on the head and replied, "I know you're dealing with a lot right now. I don't want to be another headache for you."

She looked up at him. "You could never be a headache to me. A heartache, for sure. But not a headache."

He lean in and kissed her, but after a moment she pulled back and wrinkled her nose. "You taste like cigarettes," she said, her voice quiet.

Sirius nodded, smiling to cover his embarrassment. "We should go anyway. Lily and Alice are waiting for you. They were worried."

"Fairfax!" Annabelle gasped. "He probably waited for me this morning!"

Sirius squeezed the sheet on the sofa until his knuckles turned white. "He'll get over it," he muttered. "Your roommates were the ones panicking when you weren't there this morning, not Fairfax."

"I didn't expect Fairfax to panic. But I did tell him I'd meet him, and I don't like to stand people up, okay?"

"Fine, Annabelle. You can explain what happened at breakfast."

They held hands on their way back to the common room, but it was more out of habit than anything. The awkwardness between them was growing, and neither knew how to overcome it.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

The following Saturday, Annabelle met her mother at The Leaky Cauldron. She promised Dumbledore to have Annabelle back by four o'clock, and off they went towards the underground. When they stepped out of the station, Annabelle detected the odour of rubbish. It definitely wasn't Hampstead, she noted of the depressing, concrete-laden area. Several blocks later they arrived at Colleen's building. It was the ugliest building Annabelle had ever seen, rising up into the grey sky like a futuristic omen of architecture to come. Graffiti covered the lower portion of the walls, and the balconies above showcased residents' laundry and piles of junk. The words "Golding Tower" greeted them across the entrance in bright red, the only colourful aspect to the monochromatic, geometric eyesore.

As they stepped through the doors, the scent of urine stung Annabelle's nose and she automatically pulled her scarf over her face so she could get a decent breath. Most of the lights had been smashed out inside the lobby, and Annabelle's muscles tensed as a large man moved in the shadows near the lifts – the direction in which her mother was leading her.

"Got any change, ma'am?" he asked as Colleen pushed the up button for the lift. His clothes were filthy and he looked like he hadn't had a proper bath in a year.

"Jaysus, Tommy," Colleen replied. "I gave you what I could two hours ago. I'm no richer now than I was then."

"Sorry, miss. Good day." He nodded politely to Annabelle, then wandered off.

They rode the lift in silence, Annabelle still holding the scarf over her nose. The fluorescent light overhead flickered impatiently as if broadcasting a warning of some kind. When the lift stopped on the 20th floor, Colleen motioned with her head in the direction of the canary yellow corridor, and Annabelle followed. Not until she stepped into Colleen's studio flat did she pull her scarf down. It smelled like coffee and cigarettes, and Annabelle was fleetingly reminded of Sirius and James. They probably wouldn't set foot inside Golding Tower, let alone the small, but neat studio flat belonging to Colleen O'Neill.

"I know it's not much, but it's a start," Colleen said as she locked the multiple dead bolts on the door and took Annabelle's coat. "Have a seat and I'll put the kettle on."

Annabelle sat down on the sagging sofa while Colleen busied herself in the tiny kitchenette, the perfect size for a house elf, but not a human. The décor was sparse; she obviously hadn't been living there for long. The breeze from the open window rattled through the broken blinds and Annabelle shivered. An instant later, Colleen was heaving the metal-framed window shut.

"Sorry, love. Was trying to air out the room for you."

Annabelle's eyes were staring at a large brown stain splattered on the peeling walls, and Colleen's eyes followed her gaze to the spot.

"Haven't had time to paint yet, but one of these days I'll get to it."

Annabelle nodded, but words weren't coming easy to her. None of it felt real. Or was it Hogwarts that was the dream? She wasn't sure anymore as the stark reality of her mother's life surrounded her. Magic never seemed more unreal in this gloomy, desolate place. Her mother looked so fragile standing there in her clothes that hung from her emaciated frame. They were probably the smallest size, yet they still drowned her. Even though Annabelle shouldn't have felt anything other than contempt for the woman that had hurt her time and time again, pity surged within her instead.

"I can fix the walls for you, if you'd like," Annabelle offered, unsure if Colleen would be offended by the mention of magic or not. She had her wand inside her coat pocket, too afraid to go anywhere without it. After seeing the neighbourhood and building, she was glad she had it if for no other reason than to protect herself if the need arose from the strange people lurking in and around the building.

Colleen smiled. "Sure, go on then, Annie. Show us what you can do."

Five minutes later, the flat looked like new. Annabelle hadn't meant to get carried away, but Colleen wasn't stopping her. Even the sofa was transfigured into a newer, cheerier version of itself.

"Well done," Colleen said when the restoration was complete. "Da would be proud of you, so he would."

Annabelle winced inside at the mention of her grandfather. She wasn't sure of her mum's tone. Was it sincere, or was there bitterness there?

"It's no trouble," she murmured in response.

"It's a long time since I've seen magic performed. A long time indeed."

The kettle whistled, and Colleen turned towards the kitchenette. Annabelle felt a bit more comfortable once the peeling paint and the menacing brown stain were removed from the walls. They sipped their tea in relative silence at first, the sound of shouting in the corridor rising in volume, then fading into the distance.

Eventually, Colleen asked about Annabelle's school, and Annabelle returned the effort by asking about Colleen's new job and what she did in her free time. She learned that her mother had been out of prison for only a month, and when she wasn't working, she was going to support group meetings. She claimed she was determined to get her life in order, although Annabelle didn't think that Golding Tower was the place to do it. She wished she could help, but she couldn't touch her own inheritance until she was eighteen, save for the meagre allowance Dumbledore doled out to her every month. Colleen had squandered her comparatively small inheritance years before.

By the end of the visit, Annabelle found herself not wanting to leave. Her mother was telling her stories from her childhood in Belfast, from before she'd taken a wrong turn in life. They were stories of Annabelle's grandparents and other family that had passed or moved on. Annabelle found herself laughing and wishing so desperately that her mother could always be that _normal_ , and hope began creeping into her heart again, no matter how loudly her head screamed in warning.

When it was time to leave, Annabelle told her she could ride the tube alone, since it would take up too much of Colleen's evening to go back with her to Charing Cross Road. But Colleen wouldn't be swayed. She even walked her to the door of The Leaky Cauldron.

"Well my dearie, it's been lovely," her mother said. "I hope to see you again soon. Come any time, providing I'm not at work."

"How will I know if you're at work or not?"

"I don't usually work Saturday afternoons, so-"

"So I'll come back next Saturday."

Colleen smiled, her face looking younger and more alive when she did. "I'll meet you here at the same time then."

A quick hug and wave goodbye later, Annabelle watched her mother walk down the street towards the underground. When Colleen reached the corner, she gave a wave and motioned for Annabelle to get inside. After she disappeared around the corner, Annabelle's heart started to pound and her forehead broke out in a cold sweat.

One question whirred like a siren in her head: _What if she doesn't come back?_

She turned for the door, and stepped inside. Dumbledore was waiting near the fireplace, chatting with some older wizards at their table. At first she wondered why he'd come for her, since she'd proven she was capable of using the Floo Network without him. But the look of relief she detected on his face when he spotted her coming through the door answered her question. He didn't trust Colleen, either.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Sirius had been preoccupied all day over Annabelle's visit with her mum. He offered to go with her several times, but she told him that it was best if she went alone. Her mother might not appreciate extra guests in her flat and Annabelle didn't want to burden her. Still, he knew her mother's resurfacing must be tearing her up inside. He stepped out of the common room around four o'clock to wait for her. She might be tired or upset and want to go straight to her room, but he wanted to see her before she did. He had to know if she was okay.

A few minutes later, she appeared in the foyer below. She noticed Sirius leaning over the bannister and she grinned at him, giving a hesitant wave of her hand. He exhaled in relief – she looked pleased, not angry. He waved back and sat down to wait for her. Maybe her mother truly had changed for the better.

She was still grinning when she appeared on the landing below, and jogged up the rest of the way to meet him. Nestling herself between his knees on the step below him, she twisted around to embrace him. He held her head against his chest and kissed it.

"It went well, I take it?" he inquired.

Annabelle nodded. "She was like a real person. Like she's not even faking it. She's just… better."

Sirius wasn't sure it could be that easy, but he didn't want to discourage her. At least not until he heard more.

"What did you do together?"

"We talked. About school, the family, the stuff she got up to as a child… she even offered me tea and biscuits. Like a real mum. There was no sign of any drugs about, and believe me, I looked for them. She even let me cast some charms in order to help her fix the place up a bit."

"Sounds like a lovely afternoon. Are you going to see her again?" For some reason, he was hoping the answer was no. That this was a one-time thing, and they would go their separate ways for the most part.

"Sure I am," she replied. "Next Saturday, actually."

"Oh."

"What?"

"Nothing. I'm just surprised you're ready to let her back into your life. I thought you'd be a bit more cautious is all."

Annabelle pulled back. "Why should I be cautious? I said she's not with that scumbag anymore, and she's got a real job. And she made me tea. Tea! I don't think she ever did that once in my entire life."

"She made you tea? That's how you know she's changed?"

"I know it sounds crazy to you, but yeah. I don't know why, but it's a big deal to me."

Sirius wanted to believe Colleen had changed, especially since Annabelle was so hopeful. She wanted to believe her mother was the nurturing, stable parent she'd missed out on her whole life. Yet there was a heaviness in his chest as he considered Colleen O'Neill's track record of abandoning her daughter.

"Yes, that is a big deal. I'm happy for you," he replied. She looked at him sideways as though she wasn't sure he meant it. "Really, Annie. I am. My mum never made me tea either. I think I'd have had a stroke if she did."

Annabelle leaned into him again. The smell of smoke was faint, but it was there in the fabric of his shirt. Even so, she hadn't realised how much she missed him until she saw him waiting for her on the landing. She decided to ignore the smell for the time being, choosing instead to enjoy his arms around her.

"Your mum smokes, doesn't she?" he observed.

"Course. She's a recovering drug addict. It's still bad, but at least she can function like a human being while smoking. How did you know?"

"I can smell it on you."

"Now you know how I feel."

Sirius laughed again. "I reckon I set myself up for that one."

"Speaking of which, I need a shower before dinner," she said. "I think I smell worse than you do."

She got up and stepped around him. He didn't follow. He knew she didn't mean it as an insult, just a statement of fact. But it still felt like a slight. He remembered that he'd wanted to ask her what she was about to tell him outside Dumbledore's office, but felt his stomach constrict with nerves and changed his mind. He figured she'd tell him if it was truly important.

"Are you coming in?" she asked.

"I'll be in a bit," he replied, and stood up. "Just going outside to check the perimeter."

"Is that code for have a smoke?"

"Yeah. Bones says it all the time."

"Smoking lingo. How _darling_."

And just like that, the tension was back.

"I'll see you after your shower," he said.

"Fine. See you."

They parted ways without a look back, both feeling injured by the other, and neither daring to hash it out once and for all. Annabelle could accept her mother's smoking, because for her it was a great feat to be satisfied solely by cigarettes. Sirius' smoking was a futile attempt to be rebellious and nothing more.

Sirius on the other hand didn't know why he was being held to such high standards while Annabelle's mother could walk all over her, leave her repeatedly, and still be welcomed back with open arms, all her vices and sins excused in one fell swoop. _What a load of bollocks_ he thought as he lit a fag and sucked the smoke into his lungs. Moments later James was beside him, lighting up as well.

"Annabelle told me my 'fellow smokestack' was out here. I had to laugh. But fuck me if I'm not addicted."

"That's all in your head," Sirius told him. "You've been smoking for a month. You can stop."

"I'm thinking I'm going to. If I can. Not today of course. But soon."

Sirius didn't respond. He didn't care if James no longer wanted to smoke. In fact, more power to him if he decided to quit. Sirius didn't want to quit and so he wouldn't. He identified as a smoker, a lone, half-broken smoker that no longer cared about anyone's approval. He would live for himself, or die trying.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

The following week hurried along, and while relations between Sirius and Annabelle did not improve, they didn't seem to deteriorate either. Maybe, Annabelle thought, it was just a natural dip in their relationship, and they would soon be on an upward slope again. She hoped anyway, because she couldn't bear the thought of it getting any worse. She loved him so much, but he'd been acting so moody, and she didn't want to press him for answers. After all, she didn't _own_ him. So she continued to trudge through the days, the weight of her worries multiplying. In order to cope, she continually deluded herself that everything was fine and that she could handle it all without dragging others into it.

During Thursday's Defence against Dark Arts, it was apparent that a new princess had taken the throne. Dominica had been moved to the front row, next to Annabelle, and was eager to show her appreciation to Jaeger. Annabelle couldn't help but notice the surreptitious glances he sent Dominica's way; his delight when Dominica would look back at him demurely was enough to make Annabelle want to puke. Dominica was playing his game, laughing at his jokes even when they weren't funny, staring wide-eyed when he'd talk of some adventure he'd been on, and smiling with her eyes whenever he'd steal a glimpse of her. It didn't surprise Annabelle, but it disappointed her nonetheless. Any shred of dignity Dominica had left was gone.

Even more galling was how Jaeger's flirtatious demeanour would instantly turn sour when he'd glance at Annabelle. She hadn't uttered a single disrespectful sound, yet if looks could kill, she'd have been long dead already. He still took frequent shots at Sirius, but Sirius seemed to be losing the will to fight back. It pained her to be unable to defend him without risking everything. Annabelle wondered if Jaeger would lose interest in heckling him if Sirius just stopped responding altogether. But knowing Jaeger, he'd probably think up some new, twisted way to get a reaction out of him. Dominica seemed to find it all quite entertaining.

Later that evening, Remus, who had been doing his rounds, came into the common room and walked straight over to Alice.

"Someone is here to see you. He's outside."

Alice was confused at first, but from Remus' expression it didn't take her long to understand.

"Oh my god," she said.

"Close, but not quite. It's Frank, actually."

Peter snickered while everyone else grew quiet. "I'll be right back," she said, then ran up the girls' staircase. When she returned, she headed for the portrait, exchanging nervous glances with Lily and Annabelle before climbing through.

Indeed it was Frank that was waiting for her, looking regal in his black pea coat and his Gryffindor scarf. Alice felt tears warm her eyes as soon as she saw him. She had a strong feeling he was there to officially break up with her, but forced herself to hold it together.

"Do you mind my showing up unannounced?" he asked in a shaky voice. "Because I can leave if you'd prefer… come back another day-"

"No! I don't mind at all. Please, stay."

Frank chewed his lower lip while peeking at Alice, then averted his eyes to the floor.

"Would you like to take a walk?" she asked.

"Sure. That would be lovely."

They ended up in the Great Hall. It was empty, and the torches had been dimmed, but there was enough light that they could sit and talk without interruption. Alice led him to the end of a table in the Gryffindor section – even after-hours she felt compelled to stay true to her house – and they sat on the bench, side by side.

Frank cleared his throat, and without making eye contact, he said, "I'm sorry I haven't been in touch with you. It was a lot to take in – what you told me. And I read your letter… several times. I can't count the times I began writing back to you, but stopped because I was still confused. I figured it would be best to speak with you face-to-face. That speaking with you in person would help me sort it all out."

Alice felt a lump in her throat and she resisted the urge to beg him to forgive her. "Ask me anything."

Finally, he looked at her. "Tell me the truth, Alice. Did you feel something for this other chap?"

"How many times do I have to say it, Frank? No. I don't know the first thing about him. I'd have never given him a second look if he hadn't reminded me of you. You are the one I feel something for."

"Would you have," he began, but stopped and swallowed hard. "Would you have taken it further with him had his girlfriend not been there?"

Alice couldn't believe he even had to ask. "No! Honestly, I didn't have a chance to think that far in advance, but I know when the kiss ended I would have come to my senses."

"How do you know that?" There was pain in his voice.

"Because I know myself," she assured him, placing a hand over his. "There is no way I would have gone any further, whether he had a girlfriend present or not. It was you I was thinking of, and I was drunk, and missing you, and I wanted him to be you so badly. I just wanted you!"

She was crying now, and tears were glistening in his eyes as well.

"You must think I'm such a selfish, two-faced person," she continued. "And sometimes I think you deserve better. While I was moping around a party thinking only of my own loneliness, you were risking your life. But if you decide to break up with me, just know that I love you, and only you. I never wanted anyone else, not for a second. I just dealt with your being gone in the worst possible way."

"It could have been much worse," he said slowly.

Hope sparked in her eyes. "But it wasn't."

"My job is ridiculously hard right now," he said with a sigh. "So much of it I'm not even supposed to talk about, so I don't expect you to understand the intricacies of what I deal with on a daily basis. You'll understand yourself soon enough, unless I can change your mind about becoming an Auror. But you have to know, I'm not absent for months at a time because I don't care about you. It kills me to leave you."

"I know, and I'm so sorry. If I could go back, I would never have been so foolish. I'm a fool. A selfish fool."

"Alice Prewett, that will be enough," he replied, suddenly stern. "You are not a fool, nor have you ever been one. I can't stand to hear you say such things about yourself."

"But I hurt you."

"Yes, you did. But I believe you when you say you were only thinking of me. And I believe you are sorry."

"You do?"

"I didn't at first, but after your letter and now, talking to you about it, I do. Not that I want you to do it again the next time you miss me," he said with a chuckle. "But I don't want to lose you. That much I know for sure."

Tears spilled down her cheeks as she replied, "Next time I miss you, I will most assuredly keep my lips to myself. You have my word."

"You look tired," he said, reaching out and brushing his hand against her cheek. "Do you want to go back to the tower now?"

She put her hand over his, holding it to her face. "No, not yet."

"I missed you so much, Alice," he breathed as he pressed his forehead to hers. "These past weeks have been awful."

"I love you, Frank. Only you."

He smiled. "I love you, too. Don't forget it."

When their lips finally met, all the wrongs seemed to right themselves, and her heart blissfully found peace once again.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

"This week flew by, didn't it?" Annabelle asked Fairfax and Johnny B. the following morning. It was Friday, the last weekend of February and Fairfax's birthday. Johnny B. had decided to join them for their stair run.

"Eh. Don't know if I agree with that," Fairfax replied.

Fairfax wasn't acting like himself that morning. His proud posture sagged slightly, and he had a glazed look in his eyes, not fitting of a young man turning eighteen.

"Are you okay, Fax?" Annabelle inquired.

"Sure, I'm brilliant."

Johnny B. seemed down as well. He wasn't acknowledging Fairfax's strange demeanour, which made Annabelle think he already knew what the problem was. They reached the stairs, and Fairfax began running without a word. Johnny B. shrugged and began as well.

After seven times up and down the staircase, Annabelle was too tired to continue. She sat on the bottom step and waited. When the boys were done they sat down next to her.

"Merlin," Johnny B. groaned. "I only did nine laps. I'm so out of shape."

"You could've fooled me," Annabelle said, envious of his endurance.

"Look how he's panting. He's a right blob if you ask me," teased Fairfax, who, as usual, was barely winded.

"Sod off, mate. I think I did well for someone who hasn't exercised in months."

"How many laps did you do?" Fairfax asked Annabelle.

"Seven. You?"

"Ten."

"Not your usual Olympian feat. Are you sick?"

"No. Just don't want to tire myself out for later. It's not often old Aberforth takes a night off at The Hog's Head, but when he does, it's worth sneaking out for."

"I'll pass," she muttered. Despite his explanation, he still seemed distant, as if weighed down by something. Annabelle continued the inquisition. "Did you break up with Posey?"

Fairfax snorted with laughter, but there was bitterness in it. "Not quite."

Johnny B. shifted uneasily, and again he seemed to know something that Annabelle did not.

"Uh-oh. _She_ broke up with _you_?"

"Not sure, but it looks like it."

"What do you mean it looks like it?"

Fairfax sighed and hung his head, rubbing his hand over his short blond hair. "It's complicated."

"You can trust me, you know. Tell me what happened."

He stood up and leaned against the bannister opposite Annabelle. Crossing his arms over his chest, his pensive, blue eyes pierced her as he hesitated. She knew he was wondering if he should confide in her or not.

Suddenly he blinked, then said, "She thinks she's pregnant."

Annabelle's eyes widened, her breath catching in her throat. "Fairfax…"

"She's not sure though, but if she is, it's mine. I know she wasn't with anyone else."

Annabelle let it sink in for moment. Here was Fairfax, the one who gave out charmed condoms like a health clinic. He was level-headed, and, well, he was supposed to know better.

"But how? Those condoms are charmed not to break! Did you use a muggle one? I… I don't understand."

He just stared at her, waiting for the realisation to hit. She looked at Johnny B., whose blank expression matched Fairfax's. Suddenly, she turned back to Fairfax. Her eyes went from wide and fearful, to narrowed and knowing. Fairfax braced himself.

"You didn't use one."

Fairfax lowered his eyes.

"What in the bloody hell were you thinking? You fucking moron!"

"Annie," Johnny B. began in an attempt to stop her, then hung his head in resignation.

Fairfax squeezed his eyes shut as Annabelle stood up, one hand on her hip, the other on her forehead.

"I wasn't thinking," he said.

"No, clearly you weren't! Great, Fax. Congratulations! I hope a baby is the least of your concerns, going round without protection."

"It was just the one time."

Her jaw dropped at his stupidity. "But was it just the one time for Posey? I'm not saying I know the first thing about her sexual habits prior to you, but I do know that it only takes one time to do a myriad of damage!"

Fairfax exhaled heavily and looked up to the rafters. His eyes were brimming with tears. Annabelle felt a sudden pang of regret for preaching to him, since he was obviously dealing with some heavy stuff at the moment. And he already knew the information she was rattling off, which was why it frustrated her that he would be so careless.

"I'm sorry for lecturing," she said, climbing down from her moral high-horse and sitting on the step again. "I'm just shocked, and worried about you now." She closed her eyes and tried to breathe deeply. Just what she needed, one more thing to worry about. It was like the icing on top of one massive, oozing, festering cake.

Fairfax sat down next to her, resting his arms on his knees. "She won't speak to me. I told her I'd go with her to the medi-witch's office next Wednesday, but she won't have it. Her sister is going with her instead."

"Why doesn't she want you there?"

Johnny B. made a disapproving sound, but still said nothing.

"I didn't react to the news in the most mature fashion, I reckon," Fairfax confessed. "She's right to be upset. But I apologised over and over. I want to be there for all of it, if she turns out to be… But I can't lie and say I'm not terrified. I don't know how this will change things, and I don't know the first thing about babies. I don't even have an apprenticeship lined up yet, let alone a job. I've been going over it in my mind since she told me yesterday, kicking myself for being so bloody careless. I think I might've thrown my life away."

Annabelle put an arm around him and gave his back a gentle rub. "Isn't there some magic test she could take? One with fast results so you don't have to torture yourself like this?"

Johnny B. answered for him. "Not one that doesn't involve a copious amount of frog's urine among a host of other ingredients. And it takes days to get results. They've already looked into it."

Annabelle shook her head in dismay. They were quiet for a minute, no one knowing how to put a positive spin on it. Annabelle decided to try though, since Fairfax had always been so kind to her.

"Well, I suppose if she turns out to be pregnant, you'll have to take it day-by-day. Your life isn't over. It's just a ship changing its course. And we're all here for you, no matter what the results."

"Thanks, Annie," he replied. The desolation in his eyes made it seem like a stranger had taken his place, he was so unlike himself. "Now if only Posey would let me be there for her."

"I imagine she'll come round once she's had time to absorb the news. It must be quite the shock to her system, as well."

"I hope you're right," he replied. "By the way, I haven't told the others yet, except for Johnny here and Doc. I plan to, but I was waiting to see if there's anything to tell first."

"Don't worry. Your secret's safe with me."

Annabelle gave him a squeeze around the shoulders. At that moment, James and Sirius sauntered into the entrance hall.

"I thought you were supposed to be running, ya lazy slugs," James said in an amused voice. They had their coats on, so it was easy to guess where they'd been.

"Good point. What _are_ you doing?" Sirius echoed, not quite as amused as he eyed Annabelle with her arm around Fairfax.

"Just recovering from our demanding run," Fairfax replied as he stood up again. "What were you two doing? Having a fag break?"

Fairfax had no hidden agenda. His question was not laced with sarcasm, nor was he out to criticise anyone. But Sirius scowled, and retorted, "And what if we were?"

Fairfax raised his eyebrows and shrugged. "To each his own, mate."

Johnny B. sensed the tension and attempted to guide them all into safer territory. "Is it cold outside?"

James pulled a face. "Scotland in February. What do you think?"

Annabelle knew Sirius was bothered by something, and she stared at him, but he wouldn't meet her eyes. She moved towards him, but he turned abruptly and headed back down the corridor in the direction of Gryffindor tower.

"I'll see you lot at breakfast," he said without looking back.

James shifted his weight from one foot to the other, but he tried to play off the awkwardness caused by Sirius' sudden departure.

"Are you coming?" he asked the rest of them, as though Sirius leaving was an invitation to follow, even though they all knew it wasn't.

"Sure," Johnny B. replied. "Might as well. Someone has to wake Doc or he'll sleep til midday."

As they walked back to the tower, Fairfax and James strode ahead, hashing out national Quidditch scores. Johnny B. shoulder bumped Annabelle, and she sighed.

"I don't know what Sirius' problem is, all right?"

"I'm more concerned about you," he replied.

"Is this about my mother? Because there is nothing to worry about there, either."

"Right. Good to know."

Annabelle didn't know why she was being so stroppy. But then again, Sirius' attitude problem and the stress of her mother returning, along with all the other trials of the year so far didn't quite elicit feelings of peace and tranquillity.

"I'm sorry," she offered. "I'm just in a really foul mood today. Trying to keep my head above water, really."

"You don't have to do it alone, Annie."

"I know. And thank you."

But she did. There was no other way.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Sirius paced his dorm room that evening, hands shoved into his pockets. Remus was buried under his covers, too sickly as the full moon approached to be up for any shenanigans. Peter had heard Sirius mention sneaking out of the castle, and had conveniently slipped away to play chess with the Ravenclaws. Ever since Frank had shed light on Voldemort's threat to humanity, he was terrified to leave the castle except on the nights Remus transformed, because he felt much safer in his rat form than his human one. But that was far as he would go. He even said he was done going to Hogsmeade until Voldemort was captured.

"Should we ask Lily and Annabelle to join us?" James ventured.

"Nah. All they'll do is nag us about smoking. Besides, Annabelle said she wanted to catch up on sleep and I doubt Lily will go without her."

"You're right. I'm just so used to having them along. But we can go without them."

"Of course we can," Sirius snapped. "As far as I know, there is no law against going out without your girlfriend."

James laughed. "You're correct. There isn't. So where are we going? Moore's? The Hog's Head?"

"Moore's is a drag, and so is The Hog's Head, now that I think about it."

James grinned. "London it is, then."

They donned their coolest muggle clothing, which consisted mainly of blue jeans and rather boring wide-collared shirts since they didn't get out much to muggle shops. James slipped on a suede patchwork gilet that his mother had given him for Christmas.

"Look at that," he said as he admired himself in a mirror. "Jaeger doesn't hold a candle to me."

Sirius laughed as he put on a shearling-lined denim jacket that he'd bought in Camden Town for four quid the previous summer. The fact that it was used didn't bother him; it only made the jacket look cooler.

"Sorry to disappoint you, mate, but Jaeger doesn't even hold a candle to Filch," he replied.

"True. Even Snivellus looks better, and that's saying something."

"Not sure I'd go that far," Sirius said as he stuffed their pack of cigarettes into his pocket. "Let's get going. If we hurry we can get there before HMV closes."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Around two in the morning, there was a knock on the door of the girls' dorm room. Annabelle, being the lightest sleeper of the group heard it first. She grabbed her wand and went to the door, whispering, "Who is it?"

"Mary McDonald. Umm, can you come out here?"

Annabelle relaxed a bit and stepped out of the room. "What's wrong?"

"Fairfax wants to-" she paused to hiccup, "talk to you."

"At this time? What are you all doing up?"

Mary's eyes closed halfway and she slurred, "Just come."

Lily appeared in the doorway then, her hair sticking up all over the place.

Mary laughed. "Your hair is mad."

"What's going on?" Lily asked, ignoring Mary's observation, but smoothing her hair down nevertheless.

"I have no bloody idea," Annabelle replied as she started down the stairs. Lily followed behind her, and Mary slowly brought up the back, holding the wall for support as she carefully took each step.

Annabelle was surprised to see Fairfax alone, leaning against the back of the sofa.

"What the-" Annabelle began.

"Don't ask. Just get dressed and come. You too, Lily."

Annabelle crossed her arms and glared. "No bleeding way."

"Annie, trust me."

"No bleeding way."

Fairfax tightened his lips and rolled his eyes toward the ceiling. Annabelle sensed it wasn't a prank, since Fairfax had his serious face on again.

"Just tell us what's going on," Lily droned tiredly.

"All right, fine. Doc, Johnny B., and I were in The Hog's Head with a few others celebrating my new, legal age with me. James and Sirius came in, wasted out of their brains. They're there now with Caradoc and Johnny B. and we can't get them to leave."

Annabelle looked to Lily, because her own response would have involved a lot of swearing.

"Why not get Remus and Peter to help you?" Lily asked.

"Remus is… you know… sick, and even if Peter was willing to come, you know he wouldn't be much help."

"I suppose we should get dressed," Lily said to Annabelle. "And try not to wake Lorelei."

Fifteen minutes later, after dodging Peeves, navigating a secret tunnel, and walking the empty streets of Hogsmeade in the chilly night, they reached the Hog's Head. Mary had stayed behind, considering she was too drunk to walk a straight line.

As they entered the murky, smoke-filled pub, they saw the boys at the middle of the bar. Sirius had his head down on his arms, and James was facing the crowd that consisted mostly of sixth and seventh-year Quidditch players and their groupies. He had a goofy smile on his face as he listened to something Caradoc was whispering in his ear. Johnny B. was on the other side of Sirius. He had his back to the bar, but he looked annoyed and bored. Fairfax led the way through the throng.

James saw them coming first due to his positioning and his smiled faded fast. Lily stepped around a few seventh-years and held out her hand to him. He eyed her warily.

"Come on, James. I'm not here to fight. I just want to help you back to the castle."

She waited until he was by her side, then slipped her arm around his waist to help steady him.

"I'm sorry, Lil," he croaked miserably.

"Why are you apologising?"

"I guess I jus feel like I should."

"You didn't do anything to me."

James stumbled a little and she held onto him. Johnny B. hopped up to help and took his other side.

"Thank you," Lily said to him.

"Not a problem," Johnny B. replied. "Would've left an hour ago if it wasn't for these plonkers."

"No Matthew tonight?" Lily asked.

"Tomorrow," he said with a small grin. "Were heading back!" he called over his shoulder to Fairfax who nodded in response.

James pressed his mouth to Lily's temple as they stepped out of the pub. "You mus think imma pathetic 'scuse for a boyfriend."

"Actually, I don't think that at all. Course, I prefer you when you are sober. And smoke-free. And I admit you do drive me crazy… but in a good way."

"A good way?"

Her cheeks burned, despite the cold. "Yes, now let's just focus on getting back to the tower, shall we?"

"We shall. And I am offishhh-ally done with smoking."

Lily and Johnny B. both laughed. "Sure you are."

"No, I mean it Lil. I don wanna do it anymore. I mean it. You were right. It's not me."

"Don't get my hopes up all right? You can decide tomorrow if you're done."

"Fine. Tomorrow then. You'll see."

Back inside, Annabelle sat down on the stool Johnny B. had left empty. Sirius had his head down, his forehead pressed into his folded arms so that she could only see a portion of his face. She leaned in and put a hand on his shoulder, giving it a timid pat.

"Sirius?"

He startled awake and looked around with groggy eyes, finally meeting hers. "Annie? What are you doing here?"

"Fairfax said you were here. He said you didn't want to leave."

"That _liar_."

Annabelle didn't know how to respond. He was still quite drunk, and she thought it would be fruitless to rationalise with him at the moment.

"Let's go. It's late."

He nodded in agreement, and Annabelle slid off her stool, bending to pick up his jacket that had fallen onto the floor. Sirius stepped down and almost fell on her. She caught him by the waist on her way back up, and Fairfax, who had been standing no less than two feet away quickly lent Annabelle a hand.

"Let us help you, mate," Fairfax said as Caradoc also tried to steady him, but Sirius was having none of it. He violently shook them off, gripping the seat-back of the bar stool for support.

"You're going to help me," he seethed at Fairfax, "then you're going to help yourself to my girlfriend, yeah?"

"Sirius!" Annabelle chided, but Fairfax got in his face.

"Shut your mouth," Fairfax warned, "before you say something you'll regret."

Sirius didn't flinch. "Stop tryin to get into Annie's knickers or _you're_ going to regret it.

"Sirius, stop talking like that!" Annabelle snapped, trying to steer him away. "You don't know what you're saying!" She knew he'd regret his words in the morning, especially when Fairfax finally told him about Posey.

She couldn't get Sirius to budge, though. The boys were so close to each other their noses were almost touching. Annabelle wrenched Sirius by the arm again, throwing him off balance so that he had to fall against her. Fairfax's eyes flashed with fury. Apparently being accused of taking up with his mate's girlfriend didn't set well with him.

"Come with me, please," Annabelle urged him. "It's late."

"Sure, sure. Let's go," Sirius humoured her. A second later he turned around and lunged at Fairfax. The two boys toppled to the floor and Sirius got one solid punch to Fairfax's cheek before Fairfax took advantage of Sirius' impaired motor skills and clocked him in the jaw. The crowd cheered and hooted while Caradoc acted as quickly as he could. He wasn't exactly sober either, but he threw himself between the boys and acted as a barrier while Fairfax got to his feet and Annabelle helped Sirius off the floor.

"Sirius, you're in no shape to be fighting now," Caradoc warned him, his hand still outstretched in case Sirius decided to attack again. "Get him outta here Annie. We'll be along when you're farther ahead."

Annabelle took Sirius' arm and looped it around her neck. She put her other arm around his torso, stopping to steady him, then headed for the door. Arctic air blasted their faces as they stepped into the night, Annabelle holding Sirius upright with both arms then as he stumbled along.

"Thas what you were going to tell me before," Sirius said when Annabelle stopped to help him get his jacket on. He was wincing in pain every so often. "When you said you needed to tell me something. You and Fairfax, yeah? I don blame you for wanting him over me."

"Merlin, Sirius. Not even close. I was just going to say that… that you don't need to prove anything to your parents." Even though she meant it, it wasn't what she'd been about to say that night. But since it was her mother in Dumbledore's office and not Jaeger, as she'd originally expected, she was back to keeping her secret. "What on earth makes you think Fairfax is anything more than a friend to me?"

"It jus makes sense. He's dignified and wholesome and I'm a reeking disgrace."

Annabelle didn't know if she could get him back to the castle on her own, and she felt like crying. He was so weak at the moment that if she let go of him, she thought for sure that he'd just crumple to the ground like a marionette. She needed help, but the only ones who could help her were Fairfax and Caradoc.

"You reek of smoke, that's true. But you aren't even close to a disgrace. You're just drunk."

"No I mean I'm a disgrace. When I'm sober too."

Annabelle didn't know any other passages but the one that started at the Green Banshee from which they'd come. _Please let it still be open_ she thought as they staggered down the lamp-lit high street. It was empty, save for an occasional drunk making his or her way home from the pub. Annabelle was becoming fatigued, and propped Sirius up inside the doorway of Madam Puddifoot's, which had been closed for hours. She had to rest.

"No, Sirius," she said, leaning into him so he wouldn't slide to the ground. "You're not a disgrace. You're the love of my life, for crying out loud, so don't talk like that about yourself!"

Sirius grimaced. "Don't say things you don't mean."

"I do mean it, sweetheart. Now, listen. You are really drunk right now and we have to get back to the castle. Put all of this out of your mind for the time being, and I promise you, we can discuss it in the morning with clear heads."

"Stay with me, Annie."

"I'm not going to leave you."

"No, I mean… when we get back… in my bed. Please."

"I don't think that's a good idea. The others-"

"Just to sleep. I'll pull the bed curtains. Please."

"We'll see when we get there. All right?"

Sirius nodded faintly and his face took on the hopeless look that she hated, because it reminded her of how she'd almost lost him to his demons in December after spending the day in London.

"Sirius, I swear to you, there is nothing illicit going on between Fairfax and me. You have my word."

His sad eyes looked dark in the shadows and she knew in his drunken state he was just going to dwell on his suspicions, making himself sadder.

"Let's go, love, please? I'm absolutely freezing out here."

It was true, she was freezing, but she also knew he would try harder to move if he was aware of her suffering. Steadily they continued on, making it to Green Banshee in time to use the passage back to Hogwarts. All through the tunnel, they stopped and started, Sirius almost falling asleep on his feet, his arms wrapped around her shoulders as she ushered him onwards.

They made it back to the common room with little trouble, except for a run-in with Nearly Headless Nick that almost made Annabelle scream. The Fat Lady was none too pleased, complaining that she hated the nights Aberforth took off work because she never got a full night's rest.

Once inside, Annabelle steered Sirius to the sofa, but James and Lily were passed out on it.

"Wake up," Annabelle hissed. "Unless you want the house elves to see you there."

James rolled off the edge of the sofa onto the floor without waking. Lily whispered, "In a few minutes," then curled up and went back to sleep.

Annabelle had no choice but to guide Sirius to the boys' dormitory and ascend the winding staircase with him, since he would have lain down and slept on the steps if she'd left him to his own devices.

"I need the loo," he said, as he heaved open the door to the boys' bathroom. Annabelle waited in the doorway as he clung to the wall, staggering round a corner to the urinals. A moment later, he inched his way back to her.

She took his arm to put it over her shoulder, but he winced in pain and withdrew it. "Not that arm, Annie."

"What's the matter with your arm?"

"Nothing. I might've hit it on something."

She took his other arm and supported him the rest of the way, stopping at his door.

"Please come with me," he said as he leaned against the door frame, his eyes already closing. Despite his disgusting state, she felt a pulling in her chest, urging her to stay with him.

"Just to sleep," she clarified.

"Course Annie. There's people in the room. I'm not a pervert."

She choked with laughter, not wanting to wake Remus since he needed his rest. She helped Sirius to his bed, taking off his jacket as he kicked off his own shoes. Then she removed her own coat and shoes and got under the covers with him, pulling the curtains around the bed before lying down.

"I'm sorry I stink," he said a bit too loudly.

"Shhh," she whispered. "It's all right. I stink as well after being in the pub."

He smiled, and she snuggled up against him, carefully placing his hurt arm over her.

"How's your face feeling?" she asked.

"Fine," he replied. "Fairfax can't fight worth a sickle when he's drunk."

The pride of these boys was endless, even when wasted.

"Annie, I'm sorry I'm such a lunatic."

Annabelle tried not to laugh again. "You're not a lunatic."

"I just don't know what I'm doing anymore," he mumbled, his eyes half shut. "I'm so angry inside. I want them to pay, but nothing I do matters to them."

It was no surprise that his family still haunted him. Her heart hurt to hear him speak the words, but at the same time, she was thrilled he voiced his feelings instead of keeping them bottled up.

"Maybe not, but it matters to me. You're free of them, Sirius. Why do you keep the shackles on? You're still living for them, but you don't have to. It's like when a caged animal gets loose, but doesn't run to freedom because it's only known captivity. You think smoking and doing other careless things will liberate you, but you're already free. Can't you see that? Just live for yourself and stop looking back."

His eyes were closed and she wasn't sure if he was awake any more, but then the corner of his mouth turned up slightly and he said, "Are you saying I'm an animal?"

She ran her fingers over his brow and whispered, "No, but sometimes I think because they treated you like one, worse actually, that you forget what a remarkable human you are."

His breathing slowed to a drowsy rhythm, and as he drifted off, he murmured, "I don't want to lose you."

She squeezed him tightly, wanting to erase any doubt in his mind regarding her feelings for him. She wasn't sure if he'd remember their conversation in the morning, but she would tell him again if he didn't. She would tell him as many times as he needed for it to sink in.

"You won't, Padfoot, I promise."

He smiled softly at her use of his nickname, and within seconds, he was asleep.

 


	14. Revelations

Annabelle woke up to the sound of feet shuffling about the room. Sirius was still asleep, beads of sweat dappling his forehead, which was strange because the room was chilly. She peeked through the curtains and saw Peter leaving. Remus was still in bed, and James' bed was empty.

She turned back to Sirius, checking his watch for the time. It was nearly nine o'clock. She had to move if she was going to be on time to meet her mother again. It was difficult to leave him, though. He'd had a rough night and she wanted to make sure he was better before taking off for the day.

She lay back down and smoothed his hair. His eyes blinked open and when it registered that she was there, his face brightened.

"Hello," he whispered.

Annabelle grinned and slipped her hand round his waist. "Hello."

"Let's stay here all day."

"I have to meet my mum, remember?"

"Let me come with you." His voice was scratchy from sleep. She'd missed his early morning voice.

"You are in no state to join me today." She wiped his forehead with the sleeve of her shirt. "Why are you so sweaty?"

He closed his eyes again. "Don't know, but I feel like shite. I was a mess last night, wasn't I?"

"You were."

"I punched Fairfax?"

"You did."

He rubbed his eyes with the heels of his palms. "Bloody hell. I was hoping I dreamt it."

"Do you remember anything else? Like our walk back to the castle? James falling off the sofa? Our conversation?"

Sirius cringed and lowered his eyes. "Let's just say my memory of last night is not as faulty as you might think."

Annabelle relaxed, grateful that he remembered what she'd told him.

"Fairfax said you were drunk when you showed up at The Hog's Head. Where had you been?"

"London. Sorry we didn't invite you."

"I don't mind," she replied, tempted to add _I don't own you,_ but she didn't think right then was the time for dropping passive-aggressive bombshells about her eavesdropping on him and his smoking buddies. "But being drunk in London when Voldemort's followers are about-"

"We can't just stop living, Annie. Then he wins."

He squeezed his eyes shut again and became still for a moment.

"Are you going to be sick?" Annabelle asked.

He shook his head and exhaled. "I don't think so."

Annabelle put a hand on his forehead. "You have a fever."

Her words were an alarm causing him to open his eyes and sit up. He unbuttoned his shirt and pulled his left arm out of the sleeve. Taped across the middle of his upper arm was a large, square bandage.

"Shite, I was supposed to take this off last night."

Annabelle wrinkled her nose as she watched him pull the tape off. "I'm afraid to ask what's under there. What happened?"

"No need to ask. You're going to see for yourself in a moment."

She put her hand over her mouth as he peeled away the gauze. "Oh my god," she gasped.

Sirius examined his arm, then he shifted on the bed so Annabelle could get a better view. "It's a Celtic lion. The lion for Gryffindor, of course, and the Celtic part because of you."

Annabelle was speechless at first. There, starting a few inches below his shoulder, was the profile of a lion's head, its black mane radiating out in jagged tribal lines and swirls.

"And look, I charmed it," he said as he grabbed his wand. When he tapped it, the lion opened his mouth, giving the impression of a ferocious roar. Sirius' shoulders fell when she didn't say anything. "You hate it, don't you?"

"No, I don't." She couldn't take her eyes off it. "I love it, actually."

Sirius perked up. "Really?"

"Merlin, Sirius, it's bloody gorgeous, but did it hurt terribly to get it?"

"It was brutal. James said he could do a numbing spell, but I felt like if I was getting a tattoo, I was going to have the whole experience, not use magic to cheat the pain."

Annabelle winced as she considered whether she would use a numbing spell if she was ever in the market for a tattoo, which she didn't think she would be. Most likely, she thought, she would do whatever she could to avoid the pain.

"You did this for yourself, then? Not to prove something?"

"Of course it was for myself. I always wanted to get one. Wasn't planning on getting it last night, but we were so drunk that I said what the hell, it was as good a time as any. The chap that did it calls himself Chopper." He snorted with laughter at the name.

"He didn't care that you're underage?"

"I told him I was eighteen and he didn't question it. Don't worry, Annie. He was a professional."

"A charmed tattoo of a lion," she said as she examined it up close. "It suits you."

Sirius grinned. "I'm glad you think so. Chopper said a fever and some nausea is normal right after, but I have to watch for infection. I should probably go clean it."

"Did James get one?"

"He thought about it, but his parents would lose it if he did so he decided to wait."

Annabelle wondered if that was the real reason James decided to forgo a tattoo, but she was proud of James for not blindly following Sirius. They may have been best mates, but they were different in many ways and neither should feel compelled to be someone he's not, just to please the other.

"I hate to leave when you aren't feeling well," she said, taking his hand.

"It'll be rough," he replied with a smirk, "but I reckon I'll manage."

"But what if it gets infected?"

Sirius sighed. "If I'd known you were going to worry about it, I wouldn't have mentioned it to you."

"All right, just… make sure you go to Madam Pomfrey if you feel any worse. And get loads of rest."

"Stop worrying, Annie. I'll be fine."

"All right, all right." She moved to get up, but he caught her by the arm and she turned back to him.

"Thank you," he said. "For last night. And I'm sorry for thinking you and Fairfax had something going on. I feel like an idiot."

A blush rose in her cheeks. "No thanks necessary, and apology accepted. Though, you may want to have chat with Fairfax later."

"I will, definitely. Listen, Annie, I know things have been off between you and me, but I'm going to do what it takes to make it better. Whatever I can do to change things back to the way they were, I'll do it."

Annabelle felt guilty that he was taking it upon himself to fix their problems. Sure, his smoking was a bit of a disappointment, but he was mostly blameless. She wondered if she could get away with telling him about Jaeger's threat. If he could hear about it without flying off the handle and retaliating.

"Sirius, I love you. That hasn't changed in the least."

He placed his hand against her neck, and as he ran his thumb over her jawline, he said, "You want me to be open. Well, I want the same from you. You can talk to me about anything. _Everything._ Let me be there for you."

Upon hearing such heartfelt words, she found herself about to let the entire truth slip out. How good it would feel to just tell him everything! _I caught Jaeger touching a student inappropriately. Turns out he was spying on us and if I don't keep his secret, he will tell Dumbledore all the rules we broke, and all the times you cheeked him in class. Dumbledore will never trust us again, and you will quite possibly be expelled._ _Oh, and he grabbed my face, and told me he was harassing you to torment me._

On second thought, maybe telling him was not the best idea just then.

To stop herself from confessing, she pressed her lips to his. With his shirt half off like that she couldn't resist planting a trail of kisses down the slope of his neck to his shoulder. He ran his fingers through her hair as she slid her hands around to his back, his skin smooth and warm.

"Annie," he groaned, "what are you doing to me?"

Just as he reached to pull the curtain shut again, someone else groaned – Remus was waking up. Annabelle froze, and Sirius coughed back the urge to laugh. She'd forgot Remus was there, but she was glad he'd made his presence known. Otherwise, he might have got more than he bargained for upon awakening.

She whispered to Sirius, "I'd better go. I'll see you when I get back."

"Be ready to continue where we left off."

"Only if you're feeling better." She leaned in and kissed him one more time, then reminded him, "Make sure you rest."

She was gone before Remus opened his eyes.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

The second visit with Colleen was much like the first. Colleen met her at the Leaky Cauldron and they took the tube to Ladbroke Grove. Visible from the moment they stepped out of the station, Golding Tower ruled the wasteland around it like a savage dictator daring someone to tear it down as it swallowed its inhabitants one by one.

As they passed under the awning of the front entrance, a beer bottle shattered onto the pavement from above, narrowly missing Annabelle. Of course, Tommy the beggar was inside by the lift, asking for change. Annabelle wished she could give him something, but all she had was some sickles and a galleon in her coat pocket.

"This is all I've got, Tommy," Colleen said to him as she dropped some coins into his outstretched hand. "You're bleeding me dry."

Colleen didn't make a lot of money, but she gave what she could to the man. It appeared that when she was sober, her heart wasn't all that different from her father's.

Once inside the flat, they talked over tea and biscuits, avoiding anything too heavy. Annabelle didn't want to upset her by asking about anything related to her drug abuse, even though she was bursting with questions. They were the questions she'd carried with her for years- questions such as, _Why did you start doing drugs? How could you move away without telling me? Do you even love me?_

Instead, Annabelle talked about her teachers, her favourite subjects, and her friends while Colleen listened, asking questions now and then, and nodding and laughing graciously when Annabelle told a funny story.

"Ah, Annie, you have a good head on your shoulders. Didn't get it from me."

Annabelle looked down at her mug and smiled weakly. "Thank you."

There was an awkward silence, and Annabelle hopped up from the sofa and brought her empty mug to the kitchen sink. There were a few dishes there that needed washing, and she was tempted to use magic on them, but felt it might be rude if she did, so she turned on the tap and began washing them the muggle way.

Colleen approached her and said, "No, Annie. You're my guest."

"And I'm your daughter. I should be expected to do the washing up sometimes."

"If you lived here, but-"

"But nothing. There's only a few things, so please let me wash them."

"Sure, you must be mad, a sixteen-year-old clamouring to wash the dishes, but go on then. Enjoy yourself."

Annabelle giggled, happy to have won. Colleen stepped over to the window and opened it a crack. She lit a cigarette and took a drag as she looked out over West London. Annabelle finished the dishes and dried her hands on the dish towel that hung neatly from the handle on the oven. Then she kneeled on the sofa, looking out over the city alongside her bleary-eyed mother.

"For my sixteenth birthday," Colleen began. "Mam let me attend a taping of _Val Parnell's Sunday Night at the London Palladium._ "

Annabelle bit down on her smile in an effort to contain her delight. She loved that her mother was telling her another story from the past.

"I was so bloody excited. Mam curled my hair with giant rollers the night before, and I put on a new dress she'd bought for me at Selfridges. It twirled into the perfect circle when I spun round, I'll never forget it. Delighted with myself, so I was. I had such a good time that night. Course my friend Brenda had sneaked a flask of her father's whiskey inside her pocketbook, and I thought nothing of it except that it tasted like shite."

She stopped talking to take another drag on her cigarette, blew the smoke away from Annabelle, and continued. "Didn't notice how drunk I was when Da met me at the underground station. Jesus, Mary, and Joseph he had some lungs on him when he was angry. At the time I didn't understand what all the fuss was about, and I told him as much, but I think I understand better now. They sent me to London to enjoy a show, not to go against them. It was like a slap in the face to them, it was… And it only got worse from there."

Annabelle didn't know why her mother told her that particular story, nor did she know how to respond to it. All she knew was her delight was gone, replaced by a twisting in her stomach.

"I'm glad you had my father to guide you, Annie. Sometimes, I wonder if he thought he failed me in some way. As a kid, I felt he had. But now I realise that I was the one who failed him. And my mother. I failed them both so many times and in so many ways that it seemed failing was all I was good for. And then I failed you."

Colleen's voice cracked and she held her arm across her eyes, the cigarette still gripped between her bony, trembling fingers.

"They loved you anyway," Annabelle replied.

Colleen nodded and sniffled, stubbing out her cigarette in the ashtray that sat on the window sill. Annabelle wanted to hug her, but Colleen was so tense and skittish that she thought she might scare the poor woman if she touched her.

"And, I know you've had a lot of problems-"

"Of my own making."

Annabelle's throat felt tight as she replied, "That may be true, but you've struggled nonetheless, and it took me a while to accept it, but I know you didn't mean to hurt anyone. I know addiction is a sickness."

"I'm trying to get better, Annie, but it's a constant battle. I'm not going to lie. There are days that I don't think I'll make it without using. Some days I'm living minute to minute. The support group helps, but god if it isn't excruciating most of the time."

It was hard for Annabelle not to spew trite one-liners like _I believe in you_ and _Just be strong,_ but she really didn't know what else to say. Annabelle wasn't an addict, therefore she couldn't advise her mother on how to stop being one without sounding ignorant and smug. But she had to say something.

"I wish there was something I could do to make it easier for you."

"You're the reason I'm set on staying clean," her mother replied. "I don't want to fail you again."

At that, she gave her mother the hug she'd been holding in. Colleen stiffened and chuckled at her daughter's enthusiasm, but gave her a quick squeeze and a pat on the back.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to attack you like that," Annabelle said. She pushed her hair behind her ears, and looked around for her coat. "I reckon I should be going."

Colleen glanced at the clock and sucked in her breath. "The old man is going to throw a fit if I don't get you back in time. Let's be on our way."

Again, her mother accompanied her back to The Leaky Cauldron, and again, they agreed to meet the following Saturday.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

When Annabelle returned to the castle that evening, Sirius was waiting for her at the top of the stairs. When she reached him, his breath caught as she flew straight into his arms, drawing his lips apart with her own, pulling him in. A soft sigh escaped her as he squeezed her against him, clutching her back from under her coat.

"This is quite the hello," Sirius said against her mouth. "Not that I'm complaining."

"You told me to be ready to continue where we left off this morning," she replied, rubbing her nose against his. "Besides, I missed you today… and that sexy tattoo of yours."

Sirius laughed as he ran his hands up her back, pulling her closer and kissing her again. He didn't think she'd take his "be ready" request to heart, but the way she was melting into him just then and the warmth of her kisses - he'd never have known there'd been a distance between them if he hadn't lived it. They stopped kissing because some second-years were heading up the stairs, already giggling at the amorous pair on the landing. Once they'd passed, Sirius ran his hand up her side, still holding her with his other arm.

"How did it go with your mum today?"

"Great," she replied, her arms draped round his shoulders, fingers lacing through the thick hair at the nape of his neck. "She told me some pretty heavy stuff. I was surprised, but I'm glad she was brave enough to talk to me about it."

"And she's still doing well?"

"Seems to be. We drank tea again, and she was sober."

"Good to hear."

"How are you feeling?" she asked, closing her eyes as he brushed his lips against her cheekbone. "Still queasy?"

"Eh. The nausea comes and goes. I think the fever's gone though."

She kissed his neck above his shirt collar, and his skin tingled at the sensation.

"You smell like cigarette smoke," he teased.

"Can't help it. You know my mum smokes."

"Yes, but you're supposed to notice that I _don't_ smell like smoke."

Annabelle pulled back to look at him. "So... you showered? Well done! I'm so proud of you!"

Sirius laughed. "Of course I showered, after you left this morning."

She was sceptical. "I can't believe you haven't smoked since I left."

"Come, sit down," he said, leading her to the steps. When they were seated, he took the cigarette pack out of his pocket and handed it to her.

"I quit."

She looked at him in disbelief. "Uh… em… _Really_?"

"Really."

"You know I want you to quit, but you're not doing it because I pestered you or anything, right? Because if that's the case, you'll only resent me for-"

"No. It wasn't that," he stopped her, putting a hand on her knee. "Besides, you didn't pester me that much. Anyway, I thought about what you said last night. And I wasn't smoking for myself, I was doing it to hurt people who have already erased me from their lives. What was I thinking? They don't even have it in them to be _hurt_."

He paused, and she put her hand over his, giving it a gentle squeeze. He steadied himself, and continued. "Of course, I did find it entertaining for a while, like pretending to be a rock star or some beatnik poet, but it's not fun anymore. I feel kind of sleazy when I do it now, like the barflies at The Hog's Head who light one fag after another, dying every minute in a cloud of their own smoke."

"Are you sure about this?"

"Sure, I'm sure. James quit as well. He told me this morning he wasn't going to be checking the perimeter with me anymore. So I went out alone for one last fag, and that was that."

Annabelle fought the urge to cheer. Even though he'd listened to her and considered her words, she knew that his best friend quitting was likely the tipping point that led him to give it up for good. Lily would be pleased that James had been the one to influence Sirius for once, instead of the other way around.

Annabelle looked down at the pack in her hand and asked, "So, what shall we do with these?"

Sirius produced his wand from inside his sock. "How about… target practice?"

They both grinned, and Sirius motioned for her to toss the pack into the air as he took aim. She did as instructed, flinging it high above their heads. One heartfelt _"Evanesco!"_ later, the pack vanished, never to be seen again.

Just then, the portrait opened and Johnny B. stepped out. He was dressed in his most fashionable muggle attire, his shocks of black hair sculpted and glossy.

Annabelle whistled and said, "Going somewhere, hot stuff?"

"Jeez, Johnny B., you're making the rest of us lads look bad," teased Sirius.

Despite their remarks, Johnny B. remained collected. "When you got it, you flaunt it," he said as he straightened his shirt collar. "Besides, when your boyfriend looks like Matthew, you have to step up your game a bit."

Annabelle's eyes widened. "Did I hear you correctly? _Boyfriend?_ "

Johnny B. nodded, his coolness giving way to a bashful grin. "Yes, you did. I'm officially off the market."

"Congratulations!" Annabelle squealed as she jumped up to hug him. "Merlin, I'm happy for you, and Matthew as well. Hearts are breaking all over the world tonight!"

"Yeah, congrats, mate," Sirius said. "Now don't muck it up by telling him you're a wizard."

"I may be in love, but I'm not stupid," Johnny B. retorted. "I'll tell him someday, once I see where this is going."

"Good idea," said Annabelle. "What time will you be back, so we don't have to worry Voldemort got you?"

"Late," he replied, his eyebrows moving up and down. "Don't wait up."

Annabelle's heart sank. "Well, now I have to wait up."

"Annie, you drive me crazy. Fine. I'll be back no later than half past midnight. Sound good, mummy?"

She smiled and replied in her most motherly affectation, "Yes, dear. Now remember to be a proper gentleman. And give Matthew my love."

"Will do," he replied and set off towards the fireplace.

Sirius stood up and pulled Annabelle into his arms again. He had to meet Remus in the Shrieking Shack along with James and Peter later, and was glad he could use the after-effects of his tattoo as an excuse for why he couldn't spend the entire evening with her. He wanted to, though, more than anything else, but he had a prior commitment to the Marauders that Annabelle would one day understand.

"Want to sneak away for a bit?" he asked, pressing his forehead against hers. He figured they might as well take full advantage of the time they did have.

Annabelle loved when he looked at her like that – with such urgency in his eyes. His love felt so palpable, and the world around them seemed to fade away. But where could they go? The secret tower was out of the question, and she couldn't exactly tell him the reason.

"Sure, but I want to shower as well. It's no fun being the only one that smells like smoke." Plus, it would give her time to think of a story about the tower and why it was no longer an option.

"I understand, truly."

They gazed at each other for a moment, then kissed again, not wanting to part. It had been a long few weeks and they missed each other. Eventually, they tore themselves apart and headed inside the common room.

After Annabelle showered and got ready, she grabbed her invisibility cloak and tucked it under her arm. Phyllis was the only one in the room. She was sitting on her bed with her legs crossed, a stuffed kitten in her lap and one of Lorelei's trashy romance novels in hand.

"Be careful, Lorelei will chew your head off if she catches you with that," Annabelle warned.

Phyllis raised her eyebrows and replied, "I'm not afraid of her."

Annabelle was impressed. "Good for you. Oh, and please, if you see Lily and Alice, tell them I'll be back in a bit."

"I will," Phyllis replied, and went back to her reading.

Sirius was waiting for her in the common room with the folded Marauder's map in hand. They headed out the portrait hole to the landing and Annabelle felt her insides warm as he kissed her again.

"I hate to tell you this," she whispered. "I think some kids discovered the secret tower. I thought I saw them coming from there the other day."

Lying to him made her feel sick, but she hoped her shaky voice didn't betray her.

"You're joking. How did they figure it out?"

"Maybe we forgot to charm the entrance last time we were there?"

"I could've sworn we did. Merlin, that's a let-down."

"Well, we could always slum it in a broom cupboard… or maybe take our chances in the hidden chamber," she suggested, sliding a hand into the back pocket of his jeans. She had to distract him from analysing the secret tower situation any further, or from thinking she was rejecting him again. And she really wanted to touch his bum.

A wide grin spread across his handsome face. "There's an idea."

"Let's go or I might have to rip this shirt off you right here," she breathed into his ear.

Sirius smiled. "It's the tattoo, isn't it?"

"It's you. Every part of you."

Wasting no more time, he took her hand and led her away.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

On Tuesday, Annabelle sat in Defence against the Dark Arts, scratching her quill across a corner of her parchment, and waiting for Jaeger to begin class. Despite the professor's experience in defence, no one felt like they were learning much. He mainly just talked and threw notes on the board for them to copy, as though he didn't really care about teaching as a profession. Annabelle would have thought he was in it solely for the money if professors actually made a decent wage, but since they didn't, she could only assume he took the job because Dumbledore trusted him enough not to question his techniques, allowing him to skate by on a minimal amount of effort. It was easy money, for him anyway. And he got to flirt with young women, even copping a feel when he found a receptive one. Annabelle bristled, her loathing for the man growing every time she had to attend his "class."

Whatever the case, they all felt ill-prepared to defend themselves against an advanced threat. Caradoc had told them all the night before that he was going to speak up about it, and sure enough, he raised his hand.

Jaeger regarded him with irritation. "A question, Mr. Dearborn?"

"Actually, yeah. You see, I thought this class was more hands-on. Like we're supposed to practise this stuff instead of just hearing and reading about it."

"Ahhh. What you're saying, Mr. Dearborn, is that you wouldn't be able to translate what you've learned in this class to a real life situation?"

"Um…sure. That's what I'm saying."

"I have news for you, Mr. Dearborn. I learned everything I know, _not_ inside a classroom, but from getting out there and into the fray. You will too."

Sirius couldn't believe the man's twisted logic. "So what's the bloody point of being here if we're not meant to learn anything until our lives are on the line?" he asked in earnest.

Jaeger flashed his patented smirk. Annabelle had witnessed it enough times to know that it was his way of disarming someone. It might make the person feel stupid, therefore he or she may not want to argue with him any further. It was a trick that never worked with Sirius.

Before Jaeger could respond, though, Phyllis piped up in her babyish voice, "I agree. What's the point if we aren't going to practise? Not to offend, but I have rather a large amount of school work I could be doing right now."

Jaeger's face turned red and sensing a tantrum, Alice tried to be the voice of reason. She seemed aware that the guy lived for ego-stroking. "What we're saying, sir, is that we'd like to take advantage of your expertise. Someone with so much familiarity in the field could really help us to hone our skills."

Jaeger smirked again, but at the ceiling that time. "All right, since I see that the majority of you have a hard time learning from the experience of another, we can do a practical lesson. What would you like to practise?"

Sirius huffed in exasperation. "Are you for real? How about _you_ decide the lesson, _Professor._ Or do we have to teach the class as well?"

"Really," James remarked. "Why are you here?"

Jaeger's smirk faded to a grimace, but he maintained his arrogant posture. "Fine. We'll start with a basic lesson. Because I'm not sure if some of you could handle anything too complex, am I right ladies?"

He flashed his pearly whites to the front row, and was rewarded with giggles and nodding heads. Except for Annabelle, who found it hard to look at him without feeling ill.

Sirius and James exchanged impish grins across the room, communicating the same thing: _This is going to be good._ They were confident they could handle anything Jaeger threw their way, and awaited the topic of the lesson like two hawks about to swoop in for the kill.

"Hypnotism," Jaeger bellowed, swinging his arms out with a flourish.

Sirius' face went slack, his mouth open slightly. James started giggling uncontrollably, putting his head down on his desk and yanking on the back of Annabelle's chair in response. Annabelle felt herself being jerked back and forth, and had to swallow her own laughter.

"Is something humorous?" Jaeger inquired.

James popped his head back up. "Not really. It just sounds a bit… easy. Even muggles can do it."

"And it's a bloody waste of time," Sirius added. "I highly doubt Voldemort's henchmen are going to attempt to hypnotise their victims when there are powerful curses available."

"Death Eaters, you mean," Jaeger corrected. "Voldemort's henchmen are called _Death Eaters._ You should probably know that much if you plan to get into the ring with them."

"I don't plan to, but I'd like to be prepared if I have to, and hypnotism isn't going to do it."

"It's a _beginning_ , Mr. Black, does that make sense? Mind control is the basis for many advanced spells, such as the Imperius Curse, for example. One should know how these curses build upon each other to fully understand how to employ them when necessary."

Sirius rolled his eyes at the professor's weak reasoning, but didn't argue any further. It was a lost cause as far as he was concerned and he knew they would just have to teach themselves if they were ever going to be truly prepared to take on dark wizards.

"Since you're so sceptical, Mr. Black, and in such want of a practical lesson, why don't you come up here and be my subject? For demonstration purposes, of course."

Annabelle's head shot up and she looked from Jaeger to Sirius. Sirius glanced back at her, and she shook her head, willing him to say no. Jaeger was shrewd, and she reckoned he'd already calculated a plan to humiliate Sirius. Jaeger must have known, presumably from experience that pride was often the downfall of a teenaged boy. Sirius wouldn't back down even though he should, and Jaeger took full advantage of that stubbornness.

Sirius pushed his chair back; the scraping sound uncharacteristically loud in the tense silence that ensued. The entire class was poised on the edge of their seats, either hoping for a good show, or dreading one. Annabelle glanced at Lily, whose countenance reflected everything Annabelle was feeling. This was bad. Very bad. James leaned forward in his seat, resting his chin in his hand, watching the scene unfold without revealing his thoughts on the matter. Annabelle wanted to put a stop to it, but what could she do? She'd end up getting kicked out, and they would carry on with the experiment anyway.

"Good to see you're willing to sacrifice yourself for your fellow students, Mr. Black," Jaeger said. There was laughter in his voice, as though Sirius himself was a joke.

Sirius blinked slowly, shooting the professor a dry, tight-lipped smirk that indicated he should get on with it.

"Your sense of humour's run out for the day I see," Jaeger quipped. "All right, let's get started."

The professor pulled his desk chair round to the front, and indicated to Esmeralda to grab a surplus chair from the corner and place it by Sirius. She did as directed, grinning all the while.

"Have a seat, Mr. Black."

Sirius sat down, and raised his eyebrows impatiently. He wanted Jaeger to know he was bored. Jaeger pulled an antique pendant on a golden chain from a desk drawer and sat down opposite Sirius. There was about two feet between them, and by the way Sirius was leaning back in his chair, Annabelle could tell it was too close for comfort.

"Watch the pendent."

Sirius snorted with laughter, as did several other students including James.

"Your derision makes me think you're afraid," Jaeger said. "Just relax, and trust me."

Sirius pulled in his lips in an attempt to stop laughing. He just wanted to get the farce over with so he could go on with his life. He was almost embarrassed for Jaeger- that he considered this an acceptable lesson for sixth-years.

"Again," Jaeger continued in a soothing voice. "Watch the pendant, and as you do, I want you to concentrate. Clear your mind of everything else but the pendent. Imagine an open safe, and put all your worries, distractions, and any other intrusive thoughts into the safe. Then lock it up tight and push it aside. It is just you and the pendant. Back and forth… back and forth."

Sirius' eyes ticked side to side, watching the pendent. Jaeger repeated himself several times and eventually Sirius' tight-lipped smirk started to relax and his eyes began to take on a glazed look. Annabelle felt her heart lurch in her chest. It was working.

"I'd like you to close your eyes, Mr. Black. Close your eyes, and follow the sound of my voice." Sirius did as he was told. Jaeger stopped swinging the pendant and held it out to Dominica who quietly retrieved it from him. Annabelle sneaked a peek about the room again. Lily had her forehead in her hand, looking down at her parchment. Remus and Johnny B. had pained looks on their faces, Caradoc, a disbelieving gape, and Alice's expression showed a combination of curiosity and disgust. Even Severus was watching with a cynical sneer.

"Now, I want you to imagine yourself on a beach, the warm breeze tickling your skin, the sound of the waves rolling to shore, the sand sparkling in the bright sunlight… You feel weightless, like you might float into the sky and drift lazily along with the fluffy white clouds… You are in a state of total peace and relaxation.

Annabelle's heart beat wildly. She watched in horror as Sirius' shoulders slumped. His head nodded slightly as though in a trance, and Jaeger went on. "You are mesmerised by my voice. Every word that I utter is taking you faster into a deep, peaceful daydream. The deeper you go, the deeper you want to go…"

It was too much to take. Annabelle gave a pleading look to James, hoping that he would speak up, or that anyone would for that matter. They were probably all thinking that she would be the one to stop it, and wondering why she hadn't yet. James gave the faintest shake of his head, which confused and angered Annabelle. She turned forward in her seat, holding her fists over her mouth as she watched her boyfriend participate in his own degradation.

"Feel your body relaxing, starting from deep inside the core of your being… and extending like a ripple radiating out from your essence. Your shoulders… to the tips of your fingers… to the tips of your toes… and up your neck… to the top of your head… you are hearing only my voice as you and breathe in… and out… in… and out… you are following my voice deeper..."

Jaeger wagged his eyebrows to the class and gave a thumbs up. _Arrogant prick,_ Annabelle thought.

"Mr. Black, you are open to my suggestions and will trust that what I ask of you will bring you no harm. You are safe… and open… and completely trusting of my voice. I'd like you to nod your head in affirmation."

Sirius nodded. Annabelle's muscles were taut as rope as she waited for the punchline, the thing that would ultimately humiliate Sirius. If only his foolish pride hadn't gotten in the way, he could have saved himself from all this nonsense.

"Clap your hands once."

Sirius clapped.

"Clap your hands twice."

Sirius clapped twice. The class was rapt with attention, some clearly not sure if they believed what they were seeing, but fascinated just the same.

"Bend over and touch your toes."

Sirius bent over and touched his toes. Jaeger smiled and winked at the class.

"Now, Mr. Black, will you please stand up?"

Sirius eased himself out of his chair. Jaeger stood as well.

"I'm going to ask you to do something that's safe… and innocent…You are in not in any danger… only peace surrounds you."

Gulping painfully, Annabelle slid further down in her chair. It was about to happen.

"Please, Mr. Black, I'd like to ask that you get down on your hands and knees, and when you do, I ask that you become a dog, barking, wagging your tail, sniffing the ground, and panting with your tongue out."

Annabelle stopped breathing as her eyes widened. Some kids snickered and others watched with bated breath to see their very popular classmate make an unprecedented arse out of himself. She began to push her chair back, but James grabbed her shoulder. She turned to him in horror, and he shook his head again.

"Don't," he urged her.

Sirius started to bend over, and Jaeger watched, an evil glint in his eyes and his upper lip curled in a snarl. Sirius' fingers closed in on the floor in what seemed like slow motion.

Just as Annabelle was about to scream for him to stop, Sirius popped back up again.

"You can add _sucker_ to your credentials, _professor_ ," he sneered, "but at least I know I'm safe if Voldemort tries to hypnotise me."

The class burst out into riotous laughter and applause. Sirius casually slipped his hands into his pockets and sauntered towards his seat. Annabelle felt like she'd just run ten laps of the stairs she was so fatigued from the whole experience. James leaned in and said, "Told you."

Jaeger waited with a stony face for the class to settle. Annabelle glanced at Sirius as he sat down, and he flashed her a hint of a smile.

 _You're amazing,_ she mouthed to him.

Sirius fought the grin that was forcing its way across his lips. Caradoc got up and patted his back and Lily turned round and gave his forearm a congratulatory squeeze. The class was still in an uproar, mainly because Jaeger wasn't stopping them. He was too busy pondering where he went wrong. Paper aeroplanes started flying, Evan Rosier hopped on his chair and shook his hips in a little dance before hopping down again, and Amycus Carrow let out a burp that sounded like it came from a hippogriff, not a human. It was chaos, and all Annabelle could think was that Jaeger deserved it. His jaw was set and his nostrils flared as he stood with his arms crossed over himself, watching his class fall to pieces.

"That will be _enough_!" he thundered, and it earned the class's attention, but not their respect. Just when it seemed everyone had settled down, Peter let out tremendous snore, which only incited more laughter. Alice reached across the aisle and shoved him. He woke up with a jolt, causing his chair to tip over. More laughter ensued.

"I said _enough,_ you _imbeciles_!" Jaeger charged down an aisle, glaring at the students around him. They instantly quieted down. Severus Snape flinched every time the man yelled, like he was afraid Jaeger would lash out with a fist or something equally violent.

Jaeger turned his attention to Sirius. "You think you resisted me? You think you have the wherewithal to withstand mind control?"

Sirius narrowed his eyes. "Pretty sure I just proved it to you, actually."

"HA! You did no such thing. You purposely sabotaged the lesson. That is not resisting mind control. It's being an arrogant little _shit_."

Sirius chuckled. "Call it whatever you want. But the fact remains, you couldn't hypnotise me."

"You failed, _sir_ ," James chimed in, "and now your pride is wounded."

In a blind rage, Jaeger swiped the book and parchments off Sirius' desk. Sirius instinctively jumped up and stepped toward Jaeger, who had taken a step back in fear. Annabelle and James were instantly on their feet.

"You want to hit me? Come on," Sirius taunted, but Remus and Caradoc were already pulling him back, away from the seething professor. "Fuckwit!" he exclaimed, settling for name-calling since his mates were preventing him from pummelling the man. The boys got him to the door and shoved him into the corridor. They didn't come back. As usual, James walked out in solidarity. Annabelle attempted to follow, but Jaeger shot her a malicious, threatening look. He had her where he wanted her, and she sat back down.

"Copy the notes off the board," Jaeger growled to the remaining students before disappearing into the textbook cupboard for the remainder of class.

When the bell rang, Annabelle noticed that Dominica didn't move from her seat. She was twisting a lock of dark hair around her finger, watching the door to the cupboard.

"Why aren't you leaving?" Annabelle asked, not caring that they weren't speaking to each other anymore.

Dominica met her stare, and there was a lifelessness in the young witch's face, like she'd given up somehow.

"Why do you care, slag?"

Annabelle cocked her head. "How creative," she tutted.

As she stalked away, she expected Dominica to respond with another weak insult, but she didn't. Pausing at the door to look back at the wretched girl, Annabelle felt compelled to march back in and drag her out of the room, and then slap some sense into her. But the desire to escape the wickedness of the man who was biding his time in the textbook cupboard was far more compelling, and when she saw the door opening, she fled to the stairs. About halfway up, she stopped, her legs shaking. She decided to go back, just to see if her suspicions were warranted. Maybe Jaeger had a thing with Florence Parkinson, but that didn't mean he was stupid enough to involve himself with another student, especially when he'd been caught once already.

Treading on tip toes, she inched her way to the door. She could hear Jaeger's deep voice, and she pressed her back against the wall to listen, but couldn't decipher a word of their conversation. Carefully, with her breath held, she peeked round the door frame. Dominica was still seated at her desk, hunched forward with her hands folded in her lap. She was smiling, sort of. Jaeger was squatting next to her, gazing up at her as he spoke in a hushed tone. It was odd, but harmless enough, Annabelle thought, and her muscles relaxed a bit. She was about to turn away when she froze, rooted to the spot where she stood, as Jaeger ran his hand from the crown of Dominica's head all the way to her tail bone. He kept his hand there while he chatted on, about what, Annabelle still couldn't make out. Slowly, he began to rub circles into the small of Dominica's back, and the urge to vomit welled up in Annabelle's throat. She turned and ran.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: For Sirius' tattoo, google Celtic tribal lion tattoo and take your pick. Please review!


	15. Not Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FYI readers: There's a reference to the Sex Pistols in this chapter. If you've never heard of them, they were an English punk band from the 70's. Johnny Rotten was one of their members.

The following morning, Fairfax ran eighteen laps of the stairs. He wouldn't have stopped there, but Johnny B. finally got in front of him, blocking him from ascending once more, and Annabelle took his arm and pulled him away. He sunk down against the wall, panting for breath, his cheeks a splotchy red.

"Running yourself to death isn't going to fix anything," Johnny B. said, sitting down next to him.

"No, it isn't," agreed Annabelle. She sat down on his other side and linked her arm through his. "You're just going to end up hurting yourself."

Fairfax's breathing began to slow. "I need a crystal ball. One that actually works. This waiting is killing me."

"Seeing you like this is killing us," Johnny B. replied. "You need to get a grip. If she's pregnant, then yeah, that's major, but it's not the end of the world."

Annabelle nodded. "And you'll know by the end of the day. No use getting worked up just yet." Her own words felt false to her, considering she was in no place to warn anyone against premature worry.

At breakfast, Fairfax barely touched his food. Considering he'd just run himself ragged on an empty stomach, he should have been ravenous, devouring at least two platefuls. All he had was a few bites of toast, the rest of which he picked at in silence.

"Everything all right?" James asked him.

"Sure. Just knackered."

Caradoc shifted nervously, but kept his eyes focused on his meal. Annabelle looked toward the end of the table and noticed Posey wasn't there. She must have gone home the night before. One of her friends, Karen Saxon, met Annabelle's eyes, but quickly looked away in disgust. It was clear that Posey's friends were blaming Fairfax, when the last time Annabelle checked it took two to make a baby. Then again, Fairfax did say his initial reaction wasn't the most sensitive, but he was scared as well, and he apologised. And from what Annabelle knew of Fairfax, he meant it.

After classes were over for the day, they convened in the common room to get some school work done. Fairfax was at the window, looking out at the barren grounds. Posey hadn't returned yet. Annabelle, Caradoc, and Johnny B. kept exchanging apprehensive glances and looking toward the portrait hole every time it opened. It was almost four, and she had told Fairfax she'd be back by three. Eventually Fairfax left the window, whispered something in Caradoc's ear, and went upstairs.

It was dinnertime when Posey returned. Karen Saxon tapped Fairfax on the shoulder and motioned for him to come with her. His face drained of colour as he got up and followed. A moment later, Karen came back alone and sat down at her end of the table.

Dinner ended, and Fairfax still hadn't returned to the Great Hall. There was no sign of him when the students spilled into the corridors. His mates had settled in the common room again, Annabelle at a study table with Sirius, Alice, and Caradoc. Around half seven, Fairfax entered the common room, his eyes bloodshot, and he went straight to his room. Johnny B. and Caradoc quietly rose from their seats and followed. Annabelle was left to wonder.

Inside her head, she had been begging the universe to give Fairfax a break. He looked upset when he'd passed through to the stairs, and she couldn't help but think he'd got the news he'd been dreading. Five minutes later, Caradoc appeared on the bottom step. She met his eyes, and he gave a subtle smile and a quick thumbs up. Then he disappeared back up the stairs. Her body sagged in her chair as she closed her eyes for a moment, basking in sweet relief.

Sirius looked up from his reading. "Finished?" he asked her, referring to her mountain of school work spread out before her, most of it untouched due to her inability to focus on anything other than the outcome of Posey's appointment.

She sighed. "No, but I could use a break from this History of Magic assignment."

"Want to work on Potions instead?"

"Em, not really."

Sirius dropped his quill on the table and raised his arms above his head in a stretch.

"What about Charms?" he asked.

She wrinkled her nose and shook her head.

As he closed his text book, he looked at her from the corner of his eye. "Wanna snog?"

Annabelle smiled. "Hmmm, let me think about it _yes_."

"You two make me sick," Alice muttered.

"I'll remember that the next time you're wearing the face off Frank in The Three Broomsticks," Annabelle replied, closing her book and standing up with Sirius.

Alice nodded. "Fair enough. Don't get caught after curfew."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

March came in like a lamb, and so did Remus' seventeenth birthday. As modest as he was, a big celebration that involved leaving the castle was not what he wanted. James and Sirius tried to convince him to sneak out, but he felt they'd already taken enough risks that semester. Instead, the four friends stayed up late, passing round a bottle of fire whiskey they'd nicked from Filch's office, playing cards, and working on the map. Remus was feeling more like himself again, and was back to focusing on the long road ahead.

Fairfax's future was looking much less stressful ever since Posey's test showed that he wasn't going to be a daddy after all. Apparently her cycle was irregular and the healer gave her a potion that should put everything on track. They had been very lucky, since neither was ready to be a parent. It wasn't all good news though. Posey broke up with Fairfax right after she told him what the healer had said, which explained his bloodshot eyes. He told Annabelle that he thought maybe he loved her, and that going through something so profound had made him grow up a little. A week later, though, he was "in love" with a seventh-year Hufflepuff named Nancy Wintermore. Alice told him he was mental, but he just laughed.

The future of the wizarding world, on the other hand, was looking grim as news broke that Death Eaters had tortured a muggle-born in Newcastle. Voldemort was indeed carrying out his plans on his home soil, and Jaeger still didn't seem to care if his students learned how to defend themselves or not.

Sirius didn't see the point in showing up for the class anymore. Annabelle's anxiety on the mornings they had Jaeger was intense, and Sirius hated watching her fret and force herself into the classroom. But the rest of the week she seemed fine, happy even, and he wanted to believe that she would tell him if something was wrong. He reckoned it was just the same loathing and discomfort they all felt in Jaeger's presence that was causing her distress.

"You want to skive off?" he asked before entering the classroom that day. It had been a couple weeks since the hypnotism incident, and Jaeger had been treating Sirius like he didn't exist. He'd taken to skipping Sirius' name in the roll call, refusing to hand back his assignments, and when exam time came, Lily had to pass him her parchment and ask for another, since Jaeger would always leave their row one exam short. Sirius would stare out the window for the duration of class, never doing anything to call attention to himself. He knew that was what Jaeger wanted, so he refused to give the git the satisfaction.

"I'd love to, but what if he reports us?" Annabelle replied. Not going to class would only add to the list of transgressions Jaeger was compiling against them.

"He hasn't reported us yet. And who cares if he does? You have an almost spotless record, and I honestly don't care if they punish me."

There was so much Sirius didn't know, and hiding the ugly reality of the situation was growing more difficult and painful for Annabelle. Dominica passed them and entered the room, not acknowledging either of them. Annabelle stared down at the floor, unable to look at her.

Sometimes, thinking about Dominica kept her up at night. The girl's former vivacious, funny personality had been snuffed out, replaced by a desolation and bitterness that Annabelle never saw coming. It seemed like the Dominica she knew was entirely gone, and because of everything that happened between them, Annabelle had no way of finding her again. And now a monster had taken an interest in both of them, for what Annabelle could only assume were entirely different but equally malevolent reasons.

"I can't skive off," she said to Sirius. "You know he's waiting for me to mess up so he can have me for another detention."

Sirius dropped his head, eyes closed for a moment, then looked at her again. "I'm sorry. You're right. It's been so long since he's bothered you that I almost forgot he has something against you."

"Come, let's go before we're late," Annabelle urged him, tugging him by the hand toward the door.

Sirius followed, and settled in for another class of being invisible.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

On Saturdays, Annabelle still reeked of smoke, because she'd kept up the Saturday visits with her mother. Dumbledore had no problem with it, since Colleen was proving herself to be serious about her recovery. Annabelle suspected he felt an obligation to his deceased friend to encourage the mother-daughter reunion. Darien O'Neill would have been moved by the change of events, so Dumbledore didn't stand in the way. Finally, after Annabelle's fourth visit, Colleen agreed to let Annabelle bring a friend. Just one, because too many guests would be overwhelming. Colleen said she wanted to meet this boy whom Annabelle constantly spoke of.

"He's your boyfriend, isn't he?" she asked on Annabelle's last visit.

"He is," Annabelle confirmed. She'd felt strange admitting it, since she wasn't used to talking about relationships with her. It hurt a little, because she would have loved to have a close mother-daughter bond, but that took years to build, and Colleen had only been back in Annabelle's life for a month.

"I hope you're being wise about it."

"Course, I am. And so is he."

"Well, I'd like to meet him."

Sirius dressed respectably, wanting to make a good first impression on the woman. He thought it ironic that he should be trying to impress a person that had caused so much pain to someone he loved, but Annabelle had convinced him that Colleen O'Neill had made a complete turnaround and was a new woman. If that was the case, she deserved another chance.

Because Sirius was coming with her, Colleen didn't meet them at The Leaky Cauldron. Annabelle had been to Golding Tower enough times to know how to get there on her own. On the ride to Ladbroke Grove, Sirius and Annabelle snuggled together joking and laughing quietly, stealing the occasional kiss. Sirius could see that her mother coming back sober, and making a real effort, was having a profound effect on Annabelle. That afternoon on the tube was the most relaxed he'd seen her in months, and that made him happy.

When they exited the station, she pointed to the tower, and Sirius stopped in his tracks, his face frozen in disbelief. Annabelle pulled at his arm, so he followed, mentally adding Golding Tower to the list of places he would never want to live.

When they reached the footpath to the entrance, Annabelle cautioned, "We should make a run for the door. There's a plonker several floors up who gets his kicks tossing beer bottles over the balcony. Nearly cut my head open once."

Sirius couldn't help it – he laughed in a sort of incredulous, horrified way. Annabelle started laughing as well, even though it wasn't funny, because who knew what the criminal would drop next?

"Should I get my wand out?" he asked.

"I think we can make it without a wand if we leg it."

"All right come on," he said, taking her hand bolting for the door. Just as they made it under the awning, a bottle shattered behind them.

"What in the _fuck_?" Sirius sputtered, ready to throw some curses at the perpetrator.

"I told you so."

Annabelle led the way to the lift, and this time she had a one pound coin to give to Tommy the beggar. When she turned to Sirius, he had his scarf over his nose. Annabelle giggled.

"You look like me on my first visit to Golding Tower."

"If I'd known this was where you were going every Saturday, I'd have followed you under the invisibility cloak."

Annabelle rolled her eyes, but smiled. When they arrived at Colleen's flat, Annabelle knocked, and soon Colleen was standing before them looking cheerful.

"And is this the lad I've been hearing all about?" she asked as she took their coats.

Annabelle grinned, not realising how excited she would feel about introducing her boyfriend to her mother. It was something she never in a million years thought would happen.

"Yes, this is Sirius and he's only super," she replied, clutching his arm and bouncing on her tiptoes.

"Pleased to meet you," Sirius said as he reached out his hand.

"It's wonderful to put a face to a name," Colleen went on, giving his hand a squeeze. "Annie talks about you quite a bit."

Sirius gave a self-deprecating laugh, and averted his eyes to Annabelle. She was still smiling as she gazed at her mother. He wasn't sure why, but something about the hope in Annabelle's eyes made his heart hurt a little. But he was chuffed that Colleen didn't seem puzzled by his first name. Then again, being a squib meant she had likely grown up hearing names not so different from his tossed about, considering her wizarding roots. Even her father's name was Latin, and not exactly common among muggles.

They sat down on the sofa while Colleen prepared the tea. The flat was tidy and was slowly developing a cosiness to it. Annabelle thought that if she ever had to live in Golding Tower, this was the flat she'd choose. It didn't hurt that her mother was there, and her heart bloomed every time she saw her. It was quite a change from the initial meeting, where Annabelle wanted to run and scream, but things change. People change, she told herself, and Colleen had changed for the better.

"Nice work," Sirius whispered as he looked around, admiring Annabelle's transfiguration skills.

"Thank you," she replied. She was proud that he noticed.

Colleen and Sirius got along well, even though they both seemed nervous with each other. Colleen mentioned that she was meeting some co-workers later for dinner, and Annabelle was glad to hear it. She was getting out, making friends, and enjoying life again as a sober person.

They left early, because Colleen said she needed to get ready and Annabelle didn't want to make her mother late.

"It was lovely to meet you, Sirius," Colleen said.

"Likewise, ma'am."

"Am I old enough to be a ma'am, now? Please, call me Colleen."

Sirius smiled. "All right. Colleen it is."

Annabelle gave her mother a kiss on the cheek and another overzealous hug. Colleen hugged her back almost as fiercely.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

The first hint of spring arrived the following week. The weather went from Arctic, to just plain cold. Some students thought it was an invitation to shed their winter clothes, and Johnny B. was no exception. He and Annabelle went for a walk down to the thawing lake one afternoon to get some fresh air. Not only did he forgo his coat, but he was wearing a short-sleeved 'Gryffindors Do It Better' T-shirt that barely covered his waist.

"Did you buy that shirt in a child size on purpose?" Annabelle asked as they sat down on a bench near the icy lake. She was bundled up from top to bottom.

"Very funny. And no, it must have shrunk."

"Or you grew, genius."

Johnny B. stuck his tongue out at her and said, "Either way, I like it, so I'm wearing it. I'm thinking of cutting off the sleeves and telling people I'm in the Sex Pistols. I already have the right name for it."

Annabelle laughed. "Great idea, Johnny Rotten. Just don't wear it front of Matthew."

"You know I wouldn't be caught dead in a shrunken shirt with Matthew."

"I'm not talking about its size. It's what's printed on it."

Johnny B. looked down at the shirt, the crisscrossed broomsticks with a golden snitch in the middle staring back at him. "Oh. Yeah. Right."

"When do you plan on telling him the truth?"

Johnny B. sighed and stretched his legs out, crossing them at the ankles. "I don't know, but soon. I think he'd understand, don't you?"

"I hope so."

"You know him, Annie. He's too sweet for his own good. He's not going to burn me at the stake or anything."

"No, but he might think you're crazy and never speak to you again."

"That's where you lot come in," he replied with a glint in his eyes.

"What?"

"What are the odds of us all being crazy?"

"I'm not telling him."

"No, but you can confirm it for me. Help me put on a little magic show or something. Make him see that it's true, and that it's not scary. I can't hide it forever, and I'm not going to pull a Remus and dump him just to avoid telling him the truth."

"Speaking of Remus, there's Claire."

Johnny B. followed Annabelle's gaze to where Claire had just sat down on some rocks, quite a ways over from them. They watched her as she hunched over and began writing in what might have been a journal.

"Look at her," Johnny B. said. "All forlorn and heartbroken."

"You think she's still heartbroken? It's been almost two months."

"Maybe not. But I'm sure she still wonders what in the bloody hell happened. Something like that messes with your head."

"Yeah, I still kind of wish he'd just told her the truth. But who knows how she'd have reacted?"

"Well, there's only one way to find out. CLAIRE!"

"What?! You're going to tell her? Are you mad?!"

Claire looked around but didn't see them at first.

" _No_ , Annie. Calm down. Just… go with it. CLAIRE! OVER HERE!

Annabelle couldn't be calm, though, as Claire waved to them, and Johnny B. motioned for her to come over. She looked confused, maybe a bit mistrusting, but she walked towards them anyway, shoving her book and quill into the cloth bag she had slung over her shoulder. Johnny B. scooted over so that she could sit on the other side of him. After exchanging formalities, he got right to the point.

"Annabelle and I are playing a game called, 'What Would You Do If?' Have you ever played it before?"

Claire shook her head. "No, I haven't."

"It's pretty self-explanatory. You ask a question beginning with 'What would you do if,' and everyone has to answer. The more people playing, the more fun it is, so what do you say? Want to play a few rounds?"

Claire gave a little shrug and replied, "All right."

"Great. I'll ask the first few questions, because Annie here comes up with some really crap ones, and I want you to actually enjoy the game."

Annabelle shoved Johnny B. on the arm. As a warning, she also reached behind his arm to where Claire couldn't see and pinched him. He pulled his arm away without so much as a flinch, the ghost of a grin on his lips.

"One more thing, you have to be completely honest or the game is just stupid, yeah?" Claire nodded, and Johnny B. continued. "Ready? Here we go. What would you do if… you found out your best mate had an obsessive habit of eating spiders?"

Annabelle replied first. "Erm... tell her to _stop,_ " she said with a laugh. _"_ Merlin, that's vile."

Claire put a finger to her lips, then answered, "Try to convince her to seek treatment, and help her get through it."

"Aww, that's a real friend," Johnny B. cooed. He turned to Annabelle. "She wouldn't just drop her because of something _weird_."

Annabelle could see the point he was trying to make, but a spider-eating best friend and a werewolf boyfriend really had nothing to do with each other. Johnny B. tried again.

"Okay… what if you found out your boyfriend was cheating on you with, say, ten different girls, or boys in my case?"

"Get out of the relationship fast," Annabelle replied. She was happy that Claire didn't seem put off by the mention of boyfriends, considering Annabelle and Johnny B. were her ex-boyfriend's mates.

"Claire?"

"The same."

"Yeah, me too," Johnny B. agreed. "Except I might hex him too for the hell of it. Okay, last one from me, since I think you get how it's played. What would you do if you found out your boyfriend, who you are so in love with that you can't think straight, is a lycanthrope? You know, a _werewolf_?"

Annabelle held her breath as Johnny B. turned to Claire. "You first," he said to her.

Claire furrowed her brows and replied, "Depends on what kind of werewolf he is. All werewolves aren't bad you know."

"You're right," Johnny B. said, discreetly bumping his knee against Annabelle's. "So yeah, pretend he's a werewolf but hates being one - feels like shite about it. He'd never hurt a fly, let alone a person."

"Then I wouldn't do anything. It wouldn't change how I felt about him."

Johnny B. nodded his head, indicating that he was impressed with her answer. Annabelle was too.

"I agree," she said. "He'd still be the same person I loved, so…"

Johnny B. grinned. "Me, too. Okay, who wants to ask the next question?"

He turned to Annabelle and gave her a wink, and she nudged him with her elbow as she fought the urge to smile. She could tell he was just as giddy inside over what Claire had just inadvertently revealed to them. If only he'd come up with the idea ages before, maybe they could have saved two hearts from breaking.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

"She actually said that?" Lily squeaked as she clutched Annabelle's arms.

"Yes, can you believe it? He dumped her for nothing!"

"We have to tell him!"

Annabelle was about to agree, when Alice got off her bed and approached them where they stood by the stove.

"No," she said, shaking her head. "He doesn't want to be in a relationship."

"Yes, but-" Lily began.

"But, nothing. He didn't only dump her because of how she might react to his lycanthropy. He also doesn't want to be a disappointment to her, or accidentally hurt her someday."

"But he would never-" Annabelle started.

"I know that. We all do. Except Remus doesn't and that's the point. It took him months to get over her, and now he's finally acting like himself again. Do you want to throw him back into turmoil just so he can feel even worse?"

"Maybe if we talk to him," Lily suggested.

"We've all talked to him more times than we can count. His mind is made up."

Lily and Annabelle traded disappointed glances. "Maybe you're right," Lily said. "It just feels unfair to keep this from him. He wanted so badly for her to accept him."

"I really think you will just make it worse by telling him. He doesn't see himself as fit to have a girlfriend. And how do you know for sure she wouldn't flip out if he told her? Because she said so in a game? People don't always react to disturbing news the way they think they would. But if you tell him what she said, I want no part of it. I can't stand to see him so sad again."

Alice grabbed her book bag and left. Annabelle and Lily sat down on their beds, their previous high spirits dampened by Alice's valid warning. No one wanted to see Remus sad again. And dredging up all his self-doubt over a silly game did seem rather cruel.

Lily sighed heavily. "I wish there was a way."

"Me too."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

During dinner, Remus noticed Claire glancing over at him several times throughout the meal. At first he thought he was imagining it, so he ignored it. But every time he looked back to his mates, he saw her face turning toward him in his peripheral vision, and every time he looked at her, she'd turn away. He tried to pay attention to the conversation going on with his friends, something about a curse to make Jaeger's bits and pieces shrink to nothing, but it was no use. Claire was driving him mad and not in a good way. He'd finally had enough and jerked his head up in time to catch her eyes, and she held his gaze for a moment before he broke away. Merlin, she was intimidating the hell out of him.

"Right, well, I'm full," Remus announced, "and I need to get to the library before the reference section closes."

His mates regarded him with suspicious looks.

"It doesn't close for another two hours," James pointed out.

"I have a lot to do," Remus replied, giving a wave and fleeing the penetrating stare of Claire Shaw, whose eyes felt glued to him as he made his exit.

A half hour later, Lily joined him in the reference section. She found him hunched over a book, head in hand.

"What are you reading?" she asked.

He scratched his hand through his hair and sat up straighter. " _Defence Spells for Advanced Threats."_

"Any good?"

"A bit dry, but more educational than class is turning out to be."

Lily smiled and replied, "I reckon anything's more educational than that class."

She took out her parchment and quill from her rucksack, settling herself to do some schoolwork. She felt the itch to tell him what Annabelle told her Claire had said. Everyone else seemed to think Remus was fine, but she sensed the lingering sadness in him, sadness that would probably never completely fade after experiencing a love he didn't think he deserved. Even if he was over Claire, Alice was right; he was still telling himself the lie that he wasn't worthy, that he was dangerous, and that he was a freak-of-nature.

"You left dinner in quite a hurry," she said, ignoring the subtle expression of irritation he shot her way. She was used to seeing him get annoyed at having his reading interrupted.

"I wanted to get some work done." He went back to the book.

"Are you sure there's nothing else going on?"

Remus gave her a frustrated stare. "All right, since you won't let me read until I tell you, Claire wouldn't stop looking at me all through dinner and it was aggravating. There, happy now?"

"But why is that surprising? The girl was in love with you."

He leaned back in his chair and rubbed his face in hands. "Not this again," he moaned.

"But really, why is it odd that she would look at you? I genuinely want to know."

He met her eyes and replied, "Because she's done her best to avoid me since I broke up with her. She only talks to me when it would be rude not to, and she certainly doesn't stare at me during meals. Don't you think it's strange?"

"Hmm. Maybe a bit. Why would she suddenly not be able to tear her eyes away from you?"

"I don't know."

"Do you think you were imagining it?"

"I honestly don't think I was. Do you think I was imagining it?"

"No, of course not. I'm going to keep my eye on her at breakfast. Try to figure out what's going on with her."

"Fine." He began copying a spell from the book.

"Or we can just ask her," Lily suggested.

Remus let his quill fall from his hand and crossed his arms. "Now, Lily. Don't get any ideas. There is no point. Claire and I are over. Ancient history. Why bother questioning her?"

"Maybe she misses you and is hoping you changed your mind."

"Changed my mind about what? I'm still a-" he began then paused. Leaning in, he whispered, "I'm still a werewolf. I can't change my mind about that!" His eyes grew wet and Lily felt her own eyes water in response.

"But you never gave her a chance to make up her own mind. You just decided for her."

Sighing heavily, he slammed the book shut and gathered his belongings. Lily did the same, and when he walked away, she followed him through the library.

"Remus, wait," she pleaded, but he walked faster, slamming the heavy doors open and heading straight for the stairs.

"Would you bloody well hold _still_ for a minute!" she screeched. Remus froze in his tracks. Lily took a few deep breaths, and walked round to face him. "Let's play a little game. It's called 'What Would You Do If?' except I'm adapting it for our purposes and calling it 'What Would You Have Done If?'"

"Sounds naff."

"Well, it's not. It's fun! And you have to answer the questions I ask you honestly, or the game doesn't work."

Remus rolled his eyes and sat down on a step. Lily hesitated, making sure he wasn't psyching her out and planning to make a run for it. When he raised his eyebrows at her impatiently, she sat down next to him.

"All right. First question," she said, trying to keep her voice from shaking. "What would you have done if Claire… had a werewolf for a brother? Would you have broken up with her?"

She figured she would work up to the big question like Annabelle said Johnny B. had done.

"Just because she had a werewolf for a brother doesn't mean she'd want to date one."

"What if she was really progressive in her thinking and had nothing against dating a werewolf? Would you have told her then?"

Remus scratched his head again before wringing his hands. "I don't know. Maybe, but I still wouldn't have continued seeing her."

"Why not?"

"Because she deserves better! We've had this conversation before!" He stood up and started up the stairs. Lily followed.

"No, that doesn't make sense. If she _hypothetically_ has no issue with werewolves, and we all know she wants to be with you- Remus the person- who are you to decide what she deserves? You would deny her something you both clearly want, because you have this misguided notion that being who you are is somehow bad and hurtful to those who love you? We all love you and you haven't hurt us once! Why should Claire be any different?"

Remus steadied himself on the railing, stopping to close his eyes and shake his head. His voice kept cracking as he spoke. "Lily, you said it yourself. This is all hypothetical. Claire doesn't have a werewolf brother, and we have no idea how progressive her views are on the subject. In the end, what does all this matter? Nothing has changed! Why are you bringing it up again?"

"Because I refuse to watch you exile yourself to a solitary life!" she exclaimed, her cheeks turning pink as she continued. "You are lovable and desirable, and deserving of all the happiness that everyone else is. Claire _loved_ you and you loved her! Why can't you just love yourself?"

He stared at her, speechless, his eyes wide. She couldn't take it anymore and charged past him, not wanting him to see her cry. She hadn't expected to get so emotional, but she should have known Remus would be less than receptive to her ideas. Trying to change his mind was like trying to reverse the rotation of the earth. A waste of time and energy.

As her footfalls grew distant, Remus sat back down and buried his head in his hands. He couldn't understand why Lily would do this to him – why she would dredge up all that pain again. He had no idea why Claire kept looking at him during dinner, but there was no point in analysing it. He forced it out of his mind, refusing to succumb to the grief that resided just below the surface of his thoughts. After few moments, he stood up again and steadied himself before climbing the rest of the stairs to Gryffindor Tower. Lily was waiting for him at the portrait.

"I'm sorry," she said, tears in her eyes. "I didn't mean to raise my voice at you."

Remus fought his own tears, and replied, "Thank you, for caring so much. But really, Lily, I'm fine. And I will continue to be fine. Just let me do things my way."

She stepped towards him and hugged him tightly. "I'll try."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

The following Saturday, Sirius accompanied Annabelle to see Colleen again. When they exited the lift on Colleen's floor, a thin young man with a pale face and a long blond ponytail was waiting outside.

"Either of you in the market for some Yellow Sunshines?" he asked in a hushed voice. "Got a whole stash of Blue Cheer, give you the trip of your life. Just name your price."

Sirius and Annabelle didn't know what Yellow Sunshines or Blue Cheer were exactly, but they knew they weren't interested. Sirius took Annabelle by the arm and led her away from the young man, shooting him a disgusted look.

"No thanks," he muttered.

"What? You don't want to join the Explorers Club?" the man asked, following right behind them. "Lifetime membership is cheap. Even got some Banana Split that will make you feel like a fucking unicorn."

Sirius abruptly turned and shoved the man away from them, hard enough that the man stumbled and fell.

"I said we're not interested. Now fuck off."

The man scrambled to his feet and raised his hands. As he stepped backwards towards the lift he said, "Relax, mate, just trying to make a few quid. Won't bother you again."

They waited until he was gone, then continued to Colleen's flat. They found a note taped to her door.

**_My dear Annie,_ **

**_I'm just up at The King's Head with some friends from work. Meet me there. Turn left on Prince Street, walk four blocks, make a right. It's a few doors down._ **

**_Love, Mam_ **

Annabelle's heart leapt a little at the "Love, Mam" bit, but she realised The King's Head sounded like a pub, which didn't seem like the best place for a recovering addict. Sirius lowered his eyes and glanced at her, and Annabelle knew this painted her mother in a very bad light. But, then again, she was with her co-workers, and who was Annabelle to deny her a social life?

"She didn't say she was drinking or doing drugs," Annabelle clarified, just in case Sirius was getting the wrong idea about Colleen.

When he looked at her, his eyes were sympathetic. Annabelle looked away, because there was no need for sympathy. Her mother meant business this time, and The King's Head was probably a family-friendly establishment where people innocently went to have a meal. She was probably just eating.

"You're right," Sirius conceded. "Let's meet her then."

Following Colleen's directions, Sirius and Annabelle walked in silence to The King's Head. Annabelle grew tense, her previous lightness weighted with worry. Sirius squeezed her hand, but he decided to give Colleen the benefit of the doubt. For Annabelle's sake.

When they reached The King's Head, it was obvious to anyone with functioning eyesight that it was not a place where families lunched. Annabelle's anxiety grew wings inside her chest, fluttering in the beginnings of panic. The door was open, and they stepped inside the dark, smoky bar. A layer of filth clouded the one and only window, and the only light came from one dim bulb in the middle of the room, the open door, and the small black and white television flickering away at the end of the bar. The place had a fair amount of people for a dive bar on a Saturday afternoon, and it took Annabelle a moment to spot her mother.

"There she is," Annabelle said as she pointed to the small woman about two-thirds of the way down, seated between two people that Annabelle didn't recognise. She hesitated, her feet not wanting to unstick themselves from the grimy wood floor.

Sirius sensed her hesitation and said, "We can leave if you'd like."

"No," she replied shaking her head as she stared at her mother's back. "No, we can't. She's expecting us."

The man that had been seated on Colleen's left side stood up and walked to the back, presumably to the loo, giving Annabelle a better view.

"Look. She's not drinking anything."

She pulled Sirius along and tapped her mother on the shoulder. Colleen turned around, a strained smile on her face.

"Annie! You made it! I hope you don't mind. I was feeling right suffocated in that flat and felt like getting out. I know you're probably keen on a change of scenery as well."

"No, but if that's what you want-" Annabelle began.

"This is my friend, Deirdre," Colleen said, and the woman next to her shook their hands. Deirdre was bit on the frumpy side, and her hair was scraggly and greasy, sort of like Severus Snape's, only longer. She was also clearly drunk.

"Colleen said she hadn't seen ya in donkey's years!" Deirdre squawked in an accent that was only slightly different from Colleen's, her eyes squinting one at a time so that she looked maniacal.

"Yes, it had been a while," Annabelle replied, her voice barely above a whisper.

Colleen's other friend ambled back over and sat down facing the bar, ignoring Annabelle and Sirius. Colleen pushed on his arm and said, "Say hello to my daughter and her boyfriend."

The man, who was tall and rail thin, barely turned round. "Cheers," he grunted through his robust moustache, then went back to his pint.

"This is Mike Foley, a colleague of mine," Colleen clarified. "He's always anti-social, so don't take it personally."

Annabelle glanced at Sirius, and she wished she'd come by herself. Sirius looked like a fish out of water, and she knew there would be no way to put a positive spin on the situation. She had the inclination to leave, but Colleen got up and moved to the other side of Mike Foley so that Annabelle and Sirius could sit with her. The bartender appeared before them and said, "What can I get for you?"

Neither Sirius nor Annabelle wanted anything. The dingy nature of the pub did not give them much confidence in its cleanliness, but they didn't want to be rude either.

"Would you like something?" Annabelle asked her mother. "A lemonade perhaps?"

"Sure, a lemonade would be lovely."

Colleen barely touched her lemonade. They chatted for a bit, but the conversation was awkward and stilted. Sirius wasn't saying much, but only because Annabelle was doing most of the talking, desperately trying to get the conversation going. Annabelle sensed her mother's discomfort, but didn't understand where it was coming from.

"I'm just going to nip into the loo," Colleen said, and she scurried out of sight.

Sirius put his arm around Annabelle, pulling her close. She rested her head on his shoulder.

"She's acting strange."

"Now, Annie. Don't start reading into things. She's with her friends, and remember, you don't know her all that well. Maybe this is how she acts when she's tired, or maybe she's right miffed that her mates are drunk in front of her daughter. You don't know what she's thinking."

"I wish she would tell me."

"Give her time."

Annabelle nodded, then asked, "Do you regret coming with me?"

"Are you joking? Of course not. I know you can handle yourself, but sorry if I wouldn't want you here without me."

"Honestly, this place is seedy enough that I wouldn't want to be here by myself. Nor do I like the idea of my mother being here, either." She didn't think Colleen's friends seemed like suitable companions, but maybe she was being suspicious for nothing. "I wish I could take her to Hogwarts with me, and let her crash in my room. Sneak her food from the Great Hall to fatten her up a bit. Get her away from all of this."

Sirius kissed her head. "If only. But I doubt she'd agree to that even if it was possible."

Colleen returned just then, rubbing at her nose and sniffling.

"Are you feeling ill?" Annabelle asked.

"I think it's a bit of a cold coming on. Nothing to worry about, Annie." She reached for her daughter's hand and gave it a squeeze.

Annabelle eyed the thin jacket draped over Colleen's chair. "Don't you have a warmer coat?"

"Ah, Annie, I never died of the winter yet," she said with a shaky laugh. "You worry like your grandfather."

_Stop giving the people who love you reasons to worry,_ she was tempted to say.

The bartender appeared in front of them again, and tossed a coaster in front of Colleen. "Your next drink's on the fella at the other end of the bar."

Colleen, Annabelle, and Sirius craned their necks to see the man. He waved to them, but Colleen said she didn't know him. He had a crew cut and his complexion could use some Carbunculus serum, but he looked about Colleen's age and had a nice smile. Colleen blushed and grinned, but pushed the coaster away.

Deirdre made her way over and said, "Goin' to buy some fags. Not keen on the brand they sell here." She staggered out the door.

"You want to walk back to your flat now?" Annabelle asked her mother.

"I'd better wait for Deirdre to come back before I up and leave," she said, lighting a cigarette. "Have you had enough then? Feeling like you'll be on your way?"

Annabelle had the distinct feeling her mother wanted her to go. The truth be told, Annabelle was starting to feel sick from the stale air in the smoke-filled pub. She figured Colleen could tell she was fading, and was just making it easier for her to leave.

"Actually, I'm not feeling all that well," Annabelle replied. "I'd like to get some fresh air."

"You should be on your way then, and take care, Annie."

Annabelle hugged her, feeling Colleen's bones shifting under her hands. "Bye, mum."

Colleen kissed her on the cheek then took Sirius' hand in hers. "It was lovely to see you again. Don't be a stranger."

Sirius smiled and replied, "Likewise, Colleen."

The cold air outside was like heaven to both of them, and while not the freshest since it was laced with the fumes of garbage and car exhaust, it was still a welcomed change from the pub. They had walked a few blocks when Annabelle realised she'd left her scarf hanging on a hook under the bar.

"I need to get it," she said to Sirius, who was reluctant to go back, but followed anyway.

When Annabelle entered the pub again, she noticed the man with the crew cut from the other end of the bar sitting next to her mother. The one who had paid for her next drink. Sirius tried to steer her back outside.

"Forget the scarf Annie. You have others, let's go."

"But, why not just get-"

The bartender approached her mother and the man, placing a pint of something in front of him, and a glass of what looked like red wine in front of Colleen.

Sirius closed his eyes, rubbing them with his fingers before opening them again. Annabelle stood staring, her mouth agape and her brows knitted, her mother unaware that she was there, watching her.

"Is that wine?" Annabelle whispered.

"Looks like it," Sirius answered. "Come on, let's go." He took her hand and gave it a tug, but she resisted, still gaping at her mother.

She took a hesitant step toward the bar. "But, it can't be."

Sirius knew that if Colleen saw them, things might get messy. Colleen had been eager for them to leave, and now he knew why. Besides, Annabelle could see with her own eyes what was going on. She didn't require confirmation. Yet she pressed forward, stepping away from Sirius and back toward her mother.

"Is that wine?" she asked Colleen, her voice at a higher pitch than usual.

Colleen's eyes widened, and she tried to hide the glass behind her arm, but stopped trying when she realised that it was too late.

"Just a wee glass, Annie," she said, trying to calm her daughter's fears.

"But, are you sure you should be drinking at all?"

"Like I said, it's just a wee glass. No harm in it. Now quit your fretting about me, and go and enjoy the rest of your day. I'll be fine, and I'll see you next Saturday if you'd like."

"Okay, see you next Saturday," Annabelle replied, her face still a mix of confusion and hurt. Colleen gave a curt nod to Sirius- a request for him to remove Annabelle from the premises, perhaps - maybe because she was ashamed she'd been caught, or maybe because she wanted to carry on with it and couldn't do so in front of her concerned, trusting daughter. He thought it was likely a mixture of both.

Either way, he didn't acknowledge her gesture. He wanted to get Annabelle out of there anyway; in fact, he'd wanted to get Annabelle out of there as soon as they'd entered the place. He just wanted to get her back to Hogwarts, away from the dank misery that had been the hallmark of the day.

"Annabelle, let's go."

He put his hand on her back and led her out the door. She peeked at her mother over her shoulder one more time before losing sight of her. They left the scarf behind.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: For the inspiration for Golding Tower, google the article: Trellick Tower - Love London Council Housing. That is what I see in my head when I imagine where Colleen lives. The description of what it was like in the 70's is pretty frightening. Also, Yellow Sunshines, Blue Cheer, and Banana Split refer to forms of LSD, which was a popular drug in the 70's.


	16. Avoidance and Denial

Annabelle barely spoke on the way home. She slumped against Sirius on the train and as he held her close, he tried to calm her fears, telling her that maybe Colleen could handle a glass of wine. That wine wasn't the worst thing she could be doing. But then he felt guilty for giving her hope when he really had no idea if Colleen was okay or not.

"Only time will tell," he said.

He pressed his lips to her forehead and she closed her eyes, nodding her head in silence. A despondency had settled in her, and she insisted on going to her room when they got back. She'd thanked him for joining her, and after a prolonged hug and a quick kiss, she was gone for the rest of the evening, not even coming out for dinner. He swore under his breath as he thought of Colleen O'Neill.

The following morning, Annabelle seemed more cheerful. And in complete denial.

Sirius held her hand as they walked to breakfast behind the others. "How are you feeling?"

"Fine," she replied, her eyes trained on the backs of her friends. "Why do you ask?"

"You disappeared for a bit. Haven't seen you since four o'clock yesterday."

"I was knackered, I suppose. Must have needed the sleep."

So he went with it, because there was no point in slandering Colleen's actions to the daughter that refused to see anything but the good in her mother. For all he knew, maybe the woman _could_ handle a glass of wine. Maybe she didn't even drink it. All he knew for sure was that if he made a big deal about it, Annabelle would shut him out.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

On Monday, Annabelle was shelving books on the second floor of the library. At least, that's what she was supposed to be doing. Most of the time, she stood there with her wand in hand, lost in her thoughts, the pile of books barely touched. It was taking much longer than it should have, but she couldn't help it.

_Her mother, the wine. Jaeger, Dominica, his hand. Her mother. The wine. Her mother. Her mother._

"Annabelle?"

Annabelle jumped, her pulse racing as she clutched at her heart. Claire Shaw stood a few feet away, head tilted to the side, her big brown eyes gazing at her.

"Sorry to startle you," Claire offered.

"Was just daydreaming. Can I help you with something?"

"Well, if it's not too much trouble. I'm working on a project for Care of Magical Creatures. We had to pick a magical creature on which to do a presentation."

"I remember doing that project. I did mooncalves. Regretted it when I learned they're famous for their dung."

Claire chuckled, putting a hand over her mouth. She even laughed politely. Annabelle had been raised with manners, but sometimes she felt like a cave dweller around Claire. Just once she'd like to see Claire do a real, out-of-control belly laugh, or snort, or burp, or _something_.

"What creature are you doing?" Annabelle inquired.

"I'm doing werewolves."

Annabelle's eyes widened. "W-werewolves? But they're people, not m-magical creatures. I mean, people are creatures, and werewolves are magical… but… why did you chose werewolves?"

"I was thinking about our conversation the other day- sorry, I mean the game we played. The question about werewolves got me thinking."

Annabelle shrugged, trying to appear indifferent. "About what?"

"Just that since they're _people_ , how does one even know when someone else is a werewolf? Unless you compare their behaviour to a moon chart, of course. Most people wouldn't even suspect someone of being a werewolf, though. They could be all around us, and we wouldn't know it."

Annabelle smirked. "I think if they were all around us you would take notice, since the castle would be pretty empty during a full moon."

"Okay, maybe not _all_ around us. But you could be a werewolf for all I know. I could be one for all you know. Maybe one of your friends is one. Who knows?"

Annabelle tried to act casual but could feel her panic betraying her pathetic game face. Claire obviously had an idea, and had come to test her hypothesis.

"You're right," Annabelle said. "I might be a werewolf."

Claire chuckled again. "No, I know you're not. I was just using you as an example. I saw you with Sirius the evening of the last full moon. You both looked healthy. Werewolves become ill before the full moon."

"Hmm, can't think of anyone I know that gets ill before a full moon," Annabelle lied as she pushed the books further in on the shelves. She scolded herself for not being able to look Claire in the eyes. Merlin, she might as well broadcast it: _You win, Claire. Remus is a werewolf! Now excuse me while I go bang my head against a wall for practically sky-writing it for you._

"But if you did know someone," Claire pressed on, "a friend perhaps, would you want him – or her – to be happy?"

Annabelle squinted one eye at her. "Of course. Why wouldn't I?"

"Because I read that they sometimes struggle with their identity and their relationships with others. They see themselves as damaged and different. Friends can help them to feel validated, and, well, normal."

Annabelle forced herself to meet Claire's eyes, and in a steady voice, asked, "Did you come here for a book? Because it appears you already have all the info you need on the subject."

"Actually, I was hoping you could direct me to some sort of astrological date book, or an almanac perhaps."

"Sure. Almanacs are in the reference section. Why do you need one?"

"The phases of the moon."

"But why? Werewolves transform on full moons. Everyone knows that."

"I'm just curious to know their exact dates. Maybe I'll keep my eyes peeled around the time of the next one, see if anyone is acting strange."

Claire gave an innocent giggle, but Annabelle wasn't buying it.

"That's a bit nosy, don't you think? I'm sure a real werewolf wouldn't appreciate someone stalking him- or her." Every word she uttered felt like a confirmation of what she knew Claire was thinking, yet she didn't know to stop herself. Claire was painting her into a corner.

"Oh, I'm not planning on outing any werewolves," Claire said as she took a step closer to Annabelle. "I would never, ever reveal something like that about another person, especially if the person was harmless, and just trying to live his life."

"Well that's good of you. Because it would be really shitty if you did." Annabelle wished Claire would just go away already. "Not that you'll find any werewolves at Hogwarts."

Claire smiled. "I'll let you get back to what you were doing. Thank you, Annabelle."

"You're welcome."

She watched as Claire rounded the corner, and hoped that Claire meant it when she said she wasn't going to out any werewolves, because there was no denying she'd figured out the real reason Remus had dumped her.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

In Potions, a note in the shape of a bird landed on Lily's desk. Lily opened it slowly so as not to make noise.

**_She knows. About our furry friend. She knows he's…!_ **

Lily turned her head to see Annabelle peering back at her, giving a slight nod of her head. Lily turned back round, her heart pounding, and wrote:

**How do you know she knows?**

The note landed by Annabelle's foot and she bent to pick it up. Sirius glanced over and smiled, shaking his head, but turned his attention back to the professor. Annabelle opened the note and wrote back:

**_She played a bloody mind game with me in the library just now. Asking questions about furry friends in general. I think she was testing her theory by gauging my reaction. I could see it in her eyes._ **

She sent the note back to Lily and watched as she read it. Lily looked back at Annabelle, her face strained with worry.

After class they conferred in the loo on the ground floor. Everyone else had gone to lunch, and after checking all the stalls for unwanted visitors and keeping their voices low, they discussed the matter.

"I don't think we should do anything," Lily said. "She didn't come right out and ask you, and Remus certainly isn't open to dating her again."

"How do you know?"

"I sort of asked. I know, it was wrong, but I didn't tell him what Claire said. He probably just thinks I'm an arse for bringing it up again."

"He's so bloody stubborn. But I just don't like that she figured it out. That sodding game! It's all my fault!"

"No, it's _Johnny B.'s_ fault. But you might have read into the whole conversation. She might not know anything. She could be truly interested in studying them."

"Let's hope so. She did say she would never give someone away, even she found out he was a werewolf."

"Then that's that. We say nothing. She's not a threat."

"Right. We say nothing."

They entered the Great Hall and sat down at their table. Lily noticed that Claire wasn't there. She glanced at Remus. He was laughing and talking… and cheerful. She finally understood where Alice was coming from when she told her and Annabelle to keep their mouths shut. Hopefully Claire would be too shy to test her knowledge on him, especially when she had no real proof. Yet.

"You all right?" James asked her.

"Oh, me? Sure. I'm fine."

She laughed sharply, but when he rubbed her back, she figured she wasn't hiding her anxiety well. James may have driven her crazy at times, but he had a knack for knowing when she needed calming, and his hand on her back provided the anchor she needed at the moment. To think that Remus would never have that steadying presence… it made her sad all over again, and she reached up and pulled James' cheek to her mouth, kissing him softly.

He looked into her eyes, a gentle smile forming on his lips.

"Thank you," he said.

"No, thank you."

He leaned in and kissed her, and neither seemed to care that a bread roll had hit James in the head, or that Caradoc was making puking noises.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Late that evening, after most of the students had gone to bed, Sirius sat on the sofa with Annabelle curled up next to him, her head in his lap. He read the entire literature assignment to her while she gazed into the fire. She wanted to take a turn, but couldn't bring herself to lift her head. Her mind kept wandering and she'd mentally scold herself- since he was doing all the work she could at least pay attention. Finally, he closed the book and set it down next to him, then ran his hands through her hair, gently smoothing it back from her face.

"Still awake?" he asked.

She rolled onto her back and looked up at him. "Barely."

He continued the smoothing motion with his hands, and she felt guilty, because she didn't want to move even though he looked tired. His hands on her head felt so good and she didn't want to be alone, not just yet. All that was waiting for her was a cold bed, Lorelei's snores, and bad dreams.

"Close your eyes," he whispered.

"I should get up. You need to sleep."

"I'm fine. In fact, I'm going to close my eyes too."

Annabelle felt herself drifting off, but was startled when the portrait slammed. She sat up and watched as Dominica stalked through the room to the stairs.

Sirius glowered. "Probably saw us here and slammed it on purpose."

"Right. Well, I reckon we should go to bed."

Sirius pulled her back to him. "You sure? We could stay a bit longer."

"Yes, I'm sure," she said, but instead of getting up, she nuzzled her face into his neck.

They sat that way for a few more minutes, until she could feel Sirius nodding off into sleep. She sat back and stretched, and he smiled at her with bleary eyes.

"You look well knackered," Annabelle said with a laugh.

"I'm not. Really. Can stay here all night if you like."

She patted him on the knee. "Better not."

She stood up and he followed, wrapping her up in an embrace.

"I'll miss you," he whispered, kissing her temple, then moving to her ear lobe.

"Tell me, Sirius, when are you going to figure out how to reverse the charm on the girls' stairs?"

He laughed. "We've tried, believe me. That's some old, complex magic. We even searched McGonagall's office for the charm. I don't think she has it written down."

"Maybe I can carry you up on my back," she said, only half-teasing.

"You're always welcome in my bed," he said as he squeezed her. "No invitation required. No pesky stairs to worry about."

"It's tempting, but I think I should pass tonight."

She couldn't get around the idea of his roommates being there, even if it was just to sleep. It felt intrusive and disrespectful. And even if he could manage a way to her room, she didn't think Lorelei would be too keen on the idea of a sixth roommate who happened to be male taking up residence in Annabelle's bed.

Sirius took her face in his hands and looked at her with such intensity she almost looked away.

"What, Sirius?"

He took a breath, then hesitated. "Nothing."

His lips touched hers and she wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing him back with everything in her.

"Come along then," he said a moment later, hauling her toward the stairs, her arms still around him. She giggled as her toes dragged along the floor.

When they stopped at the girls' staircase, she let go and turned her back to him, bending and holding her arms out behind her. "Climb on, love. I'm taking you with me."

He laughed, enfolding her in his arms from behind and kissing her neck. She rested her head on his shoulder.

"I bet I could do it," she said. "When I'm not so tired."

"Let's find out some other time, then."

She forced herself to part with him, and after saying their goodnights, she lugged herself up the winding stairs. Unexpectedly, loneliness rolled over her like a boulder. She stopped in the loo, and just when she was about to leave she heard sniffling and a breathy sob. Doing a quick peek under the stalls she discovered where it was coming from.

"Are you all right?" she called out.

There was no answer, but the sniffling stopped.

"Can I help?" she tried again.

After a pause, a voice whimpered, "Leave me alone."

Annabelle felt her heart throb at the sound of Dominica's voice.

"Do you want me to get someone?"

"No. Just leave me the fuck alone!"

Annabelle did as she was told. When she climbed under her covers, she was no longer tired. Her mind decided that it was the perfect time to rehash every bloody issue in her life, and she tossed and turned for hours before she fell into a restless sleep.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

"Come on, Annie, you're going to miss breakfast," Lily said from where she stood over her.

Annabelle rolled over. "What time is it?"

"Half seven."

"Shite. Tell Sirius I'm fine, just tired, and tell Fairfax sorry I missed the stair run. Please."

"Wait, you're not coming?"

"I'm too bloody exhausted," Annabelle moaned.

Lily crossed her arms. "How late were you and Sirius up?"

"Not late. I just couldn't sleep." She pulled her pillow over her head. "Merlin, Lily, I don't want to talk right now. Pleeease."

"Fine. I'll bring you something."

Annabelle turned over and went back to sleep.

"Annabelle, it's time for class." Lily declared after returning from breakfast. "Sirius is worried. Get up."

"What time is it?"

"Almost time for class. You have fifteen minutes to be exact."

Annabelle scrambled out of bed, throwing her clothes on and running a brush through her hair. She pinned it back with a hair slide, grabbed her wand, books and toothbrush, making a stop in the loo first. When she was finished, she shoved her toothbrush into her robes and ran the rest of the way down the stairs, stopping abruptly as she caught up to Lily and Alice. Sirius and James were waiting.

"She's alive!" Alice announced.

Sirius put an arm around her. "You all right?"

"I just couldn't sleep last night."

"How come?"

"My mind was racing."

"Here," he said, handing her some toast wrapped in a napkin.

"You remembered the jam."

For some reason, she felt like crying. Maybe it was because they had Jaeger first that day. Sirius didn't deserve the way the professor treated him. No one did, but especially not this boy who brought her toast with jam, because she'd been too lazy to drag herself to breakfast.

"Of course I did," he replied.

Again, he looked at her like he wanted to say more, but instead gave her shoulder a squeeze as they followed the others to class. She wanted to ask what he was thinking, but she had a feeling it would be about her mother, or possibly Jaeger, and neither topics were up for discussion. He must have figured as much.

"Oi!" Johnny B. called as he caught up with them in the corridor. "Meet me in Hampstead on Saturday after you see your mum. Matthew and I will be at his dad's pub."

"Sure," said Sirius. "Sound good, Annie?"

"Sure. Sounds good."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

On Saturday morning, Sirius was waiting for her in the common room. She hesitated for the briefest of moments before walking over to him and giving him a tight lipped smile and a stiff hug.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"Nothing. It's just that I feel bad that you're wasting your Saturday to hang out in the nastiest place in London. I'm sure there's hundreds of things you'd rather be doing."

"And all of them involve you, so…"

Annabelle looked down, crossing her arms in front of herself.

"Do you want me to stay behind?"

She looked up at him. "No, I just… I don't know if she's going to be there. What if she's at The King's Head again? You can't possibly want to spend another afternoon in that filthy place."

"No, I don't. But you can't honestly think that I would send you off alone after I saw with my own eyes where you're going."

"I'll be fine, Sirius. I'm not some helpless little eejit."

"You mean you're not going to buy some Yellow Sunshines because the man says they'll make you feel like a unicorn?"

Annabelle snorted a laugh. "No, I'm not. Besides, I have a wand and I know how to use it."

"I know you do. But if you go without me, I'm going to be thinking about you all day. So I might as well come along."

"What if she's," Annabelle began, but stopped to sit on the arm of the chair behind her. She looked down and continued in a quiet voice. "What if she's drinking again?"

It was her first mention of Colleen's drinking since the previous Saturday. He had hoped she would talk about it with him, but she didn't, and he chose not to push her. But there she was, finally admitting her fear to him, and he had no answer.

"We'll cross that bridge if we come to it."

Annabelle nodded and Sirius pulled her in for a hug. She uncrossed her arms and slipped them around his waist, her head pressed firmly against his abdomen as she fought the urge to cry again. She lost the battle as her tears forced their way out.

Sirius knelt down in front of her. "I know you. You are thinking the worst. Just relax. Whatever happens, I'll be with you. All right?"

She nodded again and wiped her cheek, but her expression was still pained.

"Annie, don't force me to hypnotise you into a state of tranquillity. I'm rather good at it and you won't be able to resist me."

She smiled and said, "I can't resist you anyway so that's no great feat."

"Then you won't stop me from coming with you today." He uncrossed her arms and held onto her hands, kissing them one at a time. She grinned as he stood up, pulling her up with him. "Now let's get some breakfast. We need our strength to dodge the plonker throwing bottles at us."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Unexpectedly, the plonker upstairs threw two bottles at them instead of his usual one. After they shattered on the pavement behind them, Sirius clenched his jaw and went for his wand, but Annabelle stopped him.

"Don't. It's not worth giving ourselves away over."

"If he actually hits his targets it will be worth it, and then it will be too late. Just let me scare him a little."

"No. She's waiting for us."

Reluctantly, Sirius followed Annabelle into the building. After dropping some coins into Tommy the beggar's hand and dodging a fight that had broken out in the lift, they finally made it to Colleen's flat. Annabelle knocked, but there was no answer. The door creaked open slightly.

Annabelle gasped. "Do you think someone broke in?"

Sirius got his wand out and pushed the door open. He peaked in and called, "Hello? Colleen? Are you here?"

Annabelle pulled her own wand out from inside her coat pocket as they stepped inside. Everything was as it should be. No mess, no evidence of a break-in. Annabelle exhaled.

"Maybe she had to work. Not like she can owl me to let me know."

A clattering sound came from the loo and the door opened. Colleen stepped out, looking tired and as frail as a baby bird.

"Ah, Annie! I didn't hear you come in!"

"You left the door open," Annabelle snapped.

Colleen froze, and blinked a few times. "Did I? How silly of me! I thought I closed it. Good thing you discovered it first."

She laughed nervously, but Annabelle glared at her. Sirius tried to break the tension.

"Lovely day, today. Spring is in the air."

Colleen glanced at him. "Yes, not a day to be trapped inside a flat."

Annabelle continued to glare at Colleen, and Colleen continued to avoid her. She walked to the window and grabbed her cigarettes, fishing one out of the pack with shaky fingers.

"Shall we go for a walk, then?" Sirius asked. "Go get some tea?"

"I can make tea," Colleen said, and headed for the kitchenette.

Sirius stepped toward her, not wanting her to trouble herself. "No, I don't mean for you to do it. I just thought maybe you'd like to get outside for a bit."

"Oh, right. Sure. Does that sound good Annie?"

Annabelle eyed her mother warily. "Sure."

Sirius sent Annabelle a discreet look indicating for her to relax. Annabelle looked away.

When they left the flat, Annabelle watched silently as Colleen locked the door, making sure every bolt was taken care of. Colleen stepped back and pretended not to notice as Annabelle gave the knob a rattle to make sure the door wasn't broken.

"You should button your jacket," Annabelle said. "It's only March."

"All right, dear. Who's the mother here, you or me?"

Sirius knew the answer to that: neither of them. But he didn't dare speak it, since criticising Colleen for her distinct lack of parenting abilities wasn't going to help matters.

"You are," Annabelle replied, smiling a little. It was as though she just needed it confirmed for her, to hear her Colleen claim the role of mother once and for all for everything to be okay.

They walked in silence at first, running to get past the bottle-zone, then slowing down again as their eyes adjusted to the blinding midday sun. Annabelle led the way to a café near the underground station she had noticed on all her visits.

"Annie knows the neighbourhood better than I do," Colleen teased.

Annabelle laughed, and Sirius hoped that the rest of the afternoon could be so easy. But, after about twenty minutes of stiff conversation and Colleen fidgeting nervously with whatever she could get her hands on – a sugar packet, her teaspoon, a hole in the plastic table cloth – Sirius came to the conclusion that Colleen was preoccupied and that he and Annabelle were somehow in her way. He glimpsed Annabelle, her brows pinched with concern as she watched her mother's fingers frantically toy with a corner of a napkin.

"So, Colleen, what else do you have planned for today?" Sirius asked, not only trying to lighten the mood, but also hoping to figure out why Colleen was acting so nervous.

"Oh, me? Nothing much. Deirdre might come round later. Might head out to dinner, that's all."

Annabelle stared at her mother, and Sirius wished he could get inside both their heads. Avoidance must run in the family, he thought. Just as Annabelle opened her mouth to speak, Colleen jumped up from her chair.

"Excuse me for a mo. Just going to the loo," she announced, then flitted off to the back of the café. Annabelle watched her go.

"Maybe it's because I'm here," he said, reaching for any innocent reason why Colleen might be struggling.

"Maybe," Annabelle replied. Before he could stop her, she got up from the table and charged straight to the loo after her mother.

He rested his head in his hand and waited. A few tense minutes later, Annabelle stalked out of the loo and out the door. Sirius got up and followed.

"Annabelle, where are you going?" he called after her.

Annabelle stopped, her face strained with the effort of remaining poised. She stared at the traffic passing in the busy street beside them.

"I knew she was doing something in there," she blurted out. "I had a feeling."

"Doing what?"

"Something. Some drug," Annabelle replied, then mimicked what Colleen had been doing by putting a finger against her nose and sniffing.

Sirius squinted in disgust, but when Annabelle choked out a sob, he grabbed her and held her close, pressing her head against him. He didn't know what to say. But he had his answer as to why Colleen was acting strange.

"How can I help her?" Annabelle asked. "What can I do?"

"I don't know, love. I wish I did."

Colleen stepped out of the café and when she saw them huddled together on the street, she waited in the doorway, Annabelle and Sirius' coats in one hand and a cigarette in the other. Sirius met the woman's eyes but quickly looked away again, unable to stomach her pitiful expression. He kissed Annabelle's head and was inclined to walk to the underground with her, forgoing their coats. But Colleen was still standing there.

"Annie, your mum."

Annabelle turned and when she saw her, she let go of Sirius and walked back over to her. Sirius waited close by.

"I know you think I've failed, and I have," Colleen began.

"Why are you doing this to me?" Annabelle demanded.

"I didn't mean to," she replied. "It's just a minor slip up. It won't happen again. It won't."

Annabelle started crying again and then it was Colleen pulling her into a hug. Sirius looked away, allowing them their moment even though he wanted Colleen to bugger off back to the hole she crawled out of. But he knew it would break Annabelle's heart if she did, and he felt guilty for thinking it.

"How can you be sure?" Annabelle squeaked into her mother's limp hair.

"I flushed it down the toilet. It was the only time, really. I thought I needed it to relax, but I don't. I don't need it."

"You don't have to be nervous around us."

"I know, and I'm not. Staying clean itself is a nerve-racking process, Annie. I don't expect you to understand. But sometimes it's all I can do to put one foot in front of the other without using."

"Maybe if you moved, get out of Golding Tower…"

"It's all I can afford, and besides, drugs are everywhere. Doesn't matter if I live in Hampstead or right here, I know where to get them. It's up to me and I'm not going to do it anymore. I'll show you. You can search my entire flat. Use your wand if you must. You'll see there's nothing there."

Sirius had his back against a wall of a shop, hearing every word spewing from Colleen's mouth. He was growing angry. She had some nerve building Annabelle's trust again. He had been right to be suspicious from the start. Annabelle had blinders on because she so desperately wanted a mother, but Sirius was starting to see what was really happening, and if they weren't careful, it wasn't going to end well. Maybe Dumbledore should know what Colleen was up to. He might not be able to stop Colleen, but he could stop these painful meetings with her.

"Come, put on your coat," Colleen said. "You should be going. I don't think your lad is too happy with me right now."

Annabelle wiped her eyes. "We'll walk you back to your flat."

"No, dear. Be on your way. I'll be fine. I won't let it win, you understand? I won't let it win."

"But you said you're going out tonight with Deirdre and she's clearly an alcoholic. That's not a good idea. You know it's not."

"I'll ring her and cancel. There, done."

"So I'll see you next week?"

"Good thing you reminded me. I don't have next Saturday off."

Annabelle was taken aback. "Really? Why?"

"I told a co-worker I would switch with him this once."

"What day do you have off instead? Sunday? I can come on Sunday."

"It's Thursday, Annie. So two weeks from today and we'll meet again. In the meantime, no worrying. Promise me."

"I can't."

Colleen gripped her arms and said, "I'm the mother, remember? Let me do the worrying and you focus on your schooling."

Sirius had had enough, and stepped towards them, putting a hand on Annabelle's shoulder.

"Let's go," he said.

Colleen handed him his coat and as he put it on, Annabelle stared at her mother. Sirius could see the longing in her eyes, the profound need for her mother not to let her down again. The only difference Sirius could detect between that moment and all the other times Annabelle had told him about, was this time Annabelle felt responsible for Colleen and was more apt to blame herself when it all went to shit again.

"I just want to make sure she gets back safely," Annabelle said to him. "Please?"

"No," Colleen answered for him. "I need to run to the shop and I don't need you trailing after me. Give us a hug." She hugged Annabelle close one more time. "And I will see you in two weeks."

Colleen abruptly let her go and crossed her arms, wandering off down the street in the opposite direction of the underground. Sirius could almost see the fear and grief radiating from Annabelle as she watched her mother go. He waited, and when Colleen turned into a shop, he took Annabelle's hand.

"Do you want to save Hampstead for another day?" he asked. He hoped she would still want to go, since it might help her take her mind off her mother.

"No, I want to see Matthew."

On the train, Annabelle sat forward in her seat, rigid with anxiety. Sirius knew she was analysing the incident, and not coming up with any desirable conclusions. He touched her back but she flinched.

"Annabelle, talk to me."

She leaned back stiffly, absently pulling at her bottom lip. Sirius slipped an arm round her shoulder and took her hand from her mouth, lacing his fingers with hers.

Annabelle stared into the darkened window across from her as she spoke. "She's not better, is she?"

"Not yet."

"But why? Why won't she stop?"

"I don't know." He hated that he couldn't fix the situation for her, but excluding his short-lived smoking habit, addiction wasn't his area of expertise. "Maybe she can't stop."

"Then I have to help her."

"How?"

"Maybe I should go live with her."

He knew she was upset, but the idea still sickened him.

"There is no way in hell you are living with her in that disgusting place."

"Says who?"

"Says Dumbledore when I tell him what's really going on."

She started to cry and he pulled her head to his chest. She held on to his arm as he ran his thumb back and forth over her brow. Soon, they had to change to the Northern line. As they waited for the train, she stared into the black tunnel and sighed.

"I should have known. Why did I fall for it again?"

"Because you wanted to believe her. There is nothing wrong with that."

"Maybe she means it, and she's going to try harder." She turned her head away from him as she said it, and he knew she didn't want him to disagree.

The train pulled in, and by the time they arrived in Hampstead, Annabelle had convinced herself that a few small slip-ups didn't mean her mother was a hopeless case.

"Don't tell Dumbledore," she said to him before they entered The Pear Tree pub. "Just give her a chance to get it right."

He felt Colleen O'Neill had more than her fair share of chances with her daughter, but Annabelle wanted her to have one more. Who was he to stand in her way?

"You made it!" Johnny B. exclaimed as they entered. "How was the voyage? Ridiculously long, yeah?" He winked at them and motioned his head towards Matthew who already had Annabelle in a hug.

Sirius nodded in understanding. "So long. Wish they could move London a bit closer to the Arsenal Boarding School."

Matthew shook Sirius' hand and asked, "So you took the train?"

"Yeah," Sirius replied. "Crashing at my Aunt's house tonight then heading back first thing in the morning." He looked at Johnny B. "You need a place to stay?"

"Staying with Caradoc's family like I _always_ do."

"Right, Caradoc's family lives in London. For some reason I thought they lived in _Manchester_."

Johnny B.'s lips grew tight and Sirius stopped teasing him. When Matthew fell into conversation with Annabelle, Sirius sat down next to Johnny B. and said, "Does Matthew ever question why the one person you know with a strong Manc accent supposedly comes from London?"

"Ha. No. Matthew doesn't question things about my oddball mates anymore."

"You could have picked anyone but Caradoc."

"He's met Doc _once_. Not like he remembers his accent, now drop it, ya nag. How's Annie's mum? Still on the sobriety wagon?"

Sirius wasn't sure how to answer that. "Um, yeah. I guess."

"You guess? What is that supposed to mean? Is she popping pills or what?"

"Not exactly. You might want to have this discussion with Annabelle."

"So she can avoid telling me the truth? I don't think so. Her mum is using, isn't she?"

Matthew nipped behind the bar and Annabelle squeezed in between Johnny B. and Sirius. Sirius moved over a seat for her and Johnny B. gave her hair a tousle.

"So Annie, how's things with your mother?"

"Fine."

Johnny B. shot Sirius a look that said _I told you so_. "So she's really doing it then? Good for her."

"She's going to do it. She just needs encouragement and time."

They were all silent for a minute, and in the awkwardness, Annabelle decided to take a cue from her mother and excused herself to the loo. She didn't want to discuss the matter.

"Colleen is using again, isn't she?" Matthew asked when he was sure she was gone.

"I don't know how much Annie wants me to share," replied Sirius.

Johnny B. sighed and leaned back in his bar chair. "Great. Why'd this woman have to come back before she knew if she could handle herself? Just to torment her daughter?"

Sirius shrugged and shook his head. "Did she ever stick around in the past?" he asked Matthew. "Like, long enough for Annabelle to get attached?"

"I don't remember much, but I do remember once when we were about seven or eight, Annabelle was standing in her doorway with her grandfather, screaming and crying her lungs out as the police took her mother away. My mum sent food over to them later. I didn't know what was going on, though."

"Fucking hell," Johnny B. groaned. "Now I'll have that image glued to my brain for the rest of the day. Why did Dumbledore allow this disaster to walk back into her life?"

"Probably because of his friendship with the family."

"Dumbledore?" Matthew repeated, a smirk on his face.

"Yeah, um, that's our headmaster," Johnny B. stammered. "It's not his real name, just some weird nickname passed down through the generations, you know?"

"Right, we don't even know how it started really," Sirius added, trying not to laugh.

Matthew smiled, shaking his head in disbelief. "You're going to have to break the strict no visitors policy one of these days because I have to see this school. It sounds like a trip."

"Don't say trip in front of Annie," Johnny B. cautioned. "Her mother and all…"

Matthew nodded. "Right, I forgot what else that word means."

"Just try to act cool," Sirius said. "She's had a rough day. Thankfully her mum has to work next weekend. No Colleen for two whole weeks."

"I don't know if that's good or bad," said Matthew. "That's two whole weeks of Colleen not having anyone to answer to."

Sirius narrowed his eyes. "She has to answer to herself. That should be enough."

"All I'm saying," Matthew explained, "is that being left to her own devices hasn't worked out all that well for her in the past."

"Nothing has worked out for her, not rehab, not a loving family, not prison," retorted Sirius. "And Annabelle can't be expected to take care of her. That's really unfair."

"No, of _course_ not, but I just fear that in two weeks things will be much worse than they are today."

Sirius couldn't argue that since he shared the same fear. Annabelle returned, a wooden smiled plastered across her face, and he hoped that he and Matthew were wrong. Not so much for Colleen's sake, but for Annabelle's, because he knew that buried deep inside of her was that little girl, standing in the doorway, crying for her mother.

 


	17. The Belle of Belfast City

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As for the song mentioned later in the chapter - "I'll Tell Me Ma" – if you've never heard it and you're curious, I recommend the Sinéad O'Connor version. It's super cute.

"I'll try it," announced Caradoc as he climbed onto Mary McDonald's back. "Just don't drop me, woman!"

Sirius, James, Peter, and Fairfax watched as Mary and Caradoc attempted to test the notion that if a boy was carried by a girl, the girls' stairs wouldn't reject him and send him sliding.

"You're heavier than you look," Mary grunted. "Get off."

Caradoc climbed down. "Bugger. I was looking forward to being the second male to set foot in the girls' dorm."

Mary was not very big herself, but she was also curious to see if it worked and volunteered to try it. If their experiment was a success, she wouldn't be worried about boys suddenly raiding the girls' dorms, because most girls wouldn't be willing to carry boys on their backs. If they really wanted a co-ed experience that badly, they would just sneak into the boys' dorms.

"You, short kid," she called to a first-year passing through. "What's your name?"

"Brogan Travers."

"Brogan? Get on my back."

"Are you mad?"

"Brogan's afraid he might enjoy the ride if you know what I mean," sneered Peter.

"Shut up, Pettigrew," Mary replied. "Come on kid. We're just testing a theory about the stairs."

"It's all right, mate," James assured him. "Just do it."

Brogan rolled his eyes and climbed onto Mary McDonald's back. Phyllis Meadowes had come round from where she'd been seated near the fire to watch the show.

"Oh be careful, Mary!" she fussed.

"You might want to go backwards, Mare," another seventh-year girl advised. "In case the stairs disappear, you'll land on your bum, not your face."

"Good idea. _Everyone off the stairs!"_ she shouted up in warning in case any unsuspecting female happened to be on them.

She rested her foot on the first step, then waited. Nothing happened. Holding on to the handrail and steadying herself with her other hand against the wall, she hoisted herself up to the second step, Brogan clutching her for dear life. Then the third.

"Merlin's bollocks it's working," Caradoc said in a hushed tone.

Everyone watched in awe as Mary and Brogan disappeared round the first turn.

"Dare I say we beat the system?" James asked.

His answer came in the form of a scream, followed by Mary and Brogan sliding back down and landing in a heap on the floor.

"Shite," Fairfax grumbled. "Well, so much for that theory."

"You idiots actually think no one ever tried that before?" Peter asked.

"Aw, get stuffed, Pete," Caradoc replied.

"No, really. You can't think you are the only ones who thought of trying that in the whole history of Hogwarts."

"Drop it, Pete," James said as the boys headed to their own staircase.

Peter pulled a face. "Yeah, get mad at me for pointing out your ridiculousness."

"You weren't pointing it out when you thought it might work," Sirius replied, then called out, "Thanks Mary!"

"Yeah, cheers, Mary," echoed James.

"No problem," she called back. "Just a broken arse. Don't mind me."

"Where's my thanks?" Brogan Travers piped up from behind them.

"Oh yeah, thanks kid," James replied. "You're a good sport. Just like your cousin."

Brogan beamed, since it wasn't every day the Quidditch captain called him a good sport.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

James' birthday was the coming Saturday. He and his fellow Marauders had planned to do it up big by sneaking out to some music festival in Camden Town where The Clash was performing, until Remus said he wouldn't be joining them. They'd forgot that the full moon was the next night and that Remus would be too sick to trek into London for a wild celebration. James would have to be content with a small, tame gathering in Hogsmeade, since it was time for their monthly trip anyway. There was no way he'd celebrate his birthday without Remus.

Annabelle wasn't feeling up to sneaking out for a drunken celebration either. Even Hogsmeade seemed like an effort. She was sick over her mother, but she refused to let on. If she admitted she was scared that her mother was lost again, everyone would try to advise her and warn her, and Annabelle didn't want to hear it. She wanted to believe her mother when she said the cocaine at the café was just a one-time blip, and that the wine was insignificant. She wanted to look past what others might see as red flags and be understanding of her mother's struggle. Staying clean wasn't supposed to be easy. But she wanted to believe in her mother for once when she said she was going to make it.

"Annie, James is going to be hurt if you miss his birthday," Lily said one evening as they walked back from the library with Sirius and Remus. "We don't have to stay all afternoon, but you should make an appearance."

"Yeah, you're the Seeker," encouraged Remus. "You can't miss your captain's birthday."

"The whole team is going to be there," Sirius added. "You might feel better if you go."

Sirius knew Annabelle had been obsessing over her mother and he'd lost count of how many times she proposed popping down to London just to check on her during the week. Every time, he reminded her that Colleen would be upset if she did, and surprising her would only make her think Annabelle didn't trust her. He hated to push Annabelle if she wasn't feeling up to going to Hogsmeade, but he certainly didn't want to leave her alone in case she got any crazy ideas and decided to go to Golding Tower when the rest of them were gone. Even though her mother said she was working on Saturday, Annabelle might think it natural to let herself in and wait for her.

"I'll think about it," she conceded.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

At breakfast the next morning, James himself decided to pressure her into going.

"If you don't go, I'm going to make you run ten extra laps of the pitch at our first practice," he threatened her.

"Ohhh, please do," she replied. "I could do ten extra laps and still finish before you lazy slugs."

"Right, I forgot you've been training with Coach Fairfax."

Fairfax high-fived Annabelle from across the table.

"If she doesn't want to go, don't force her," Peter said. "Not everyone wants to be a target for Voldemort."

Remus rolled his eyes. "Pete, if Dumbledore thought Voldemort was a threat to the students in Hogsmeade, do you think he'd let us go?"

Peter shrugged. "Dumbledore doesn't know everything, which is precisely why I'm staying behind."

"Whatever you say," James muttered.

"I'm not worried about Voldemort making an appearance in Hogsmeade," clarified Annabelle. "I just don't want be a downer."

"All the more reason for you to get out," Johnny B. said. "Give yourself permission to have some fun."

Annabelle wasn't sure she liked the implication that she was resistant to fun.

"And I'm not going to have fun while thinking of you moping about the castle," Sirius said.

James hung his head. "Well, it was a good idea at the time. So what. Seventeen isn't a big deal. Not really."

Annabelle sighed. If she and Peter didn't go, and Sirius was preoccupied the entire time, his birthday would be a disappointment to him. And she didn't stand a chance against a guilt trip.

"Fine, fine. I'll go."

James perked up. "Yeah? Because no pressure or anything."

"Right, no pressure," Annabelle said sarcastically. "Merlin, you'd think it was a bloody coronation instead of a birthday."

"No coronation necessary. I'm already the king," James replied in a posh voice. Fairfax threw a sausage at him, hitting him between the eyes. "That's treason, Fax. I think a beheading is in order."

Sirius felt like a load had been lifted from his shoulders, but when he saw the apprehension in Annabelle's eyes, his heart sank a little. At least she'd be with them instead of with Colleen, he told himself, even if she wasn't happy about it.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

On their way to Jaeger's class that morning, Sirius hung back and steered Annabelle into an empty classroom.

"What's the matter?" she asked him.

"Nothing. I just wanted to say that I'm glad you're coming with us. I know you're overwhelmed with your mum coming back and everything, but I promise, I'll make sure you have fun."

The corner of her mouth turned up in a smile. "I'm going to hold you to that."

Just as they were about to kiss, they heard an eruption of riotous laughter coming from the corridor. They dashed into the hallway and saw their classmates gathering outside Jaeger's room, doubling over with glee. They made their way through the chaos and peeked in the doorway. There, stuck to Jaeger's chair was a blow up doll with a sign strung round its neck that read: _I'm_ _Mrs. Eric Jaeger. My husband tries to pop me every night with his tiny pecker._

"Oh my god," Annabelle said, her hands flying over her mouth.

Sirius eyes grew wide as James and Caradoc, who had been inside, pushed out of the classroom in hysterics. Sirius burst out laughing as well. Jaeger was blustering about, trying to remove the doll from his chair, but someone had put a permanent sticking charm on it. Lily and Alice followed the boys out of the room and hooked arms with Annabelle, leading her away from the madness.

"The backlash has begun," said Alice. "It was only a matter of time."

Lily choked out a laugh. "You have to admit, it's rather funny."

Lily's laughter made Annabelle laugh, and the two of them started cracking up. Alice smiled, and when she saw James fall to the floor in a fit, his mates all laughing around him, she had to laugh as well.

"Do we know who did it?" Annabelle asked, hoping Sirius had nothing to do with it. Under any other circumstance, she wouldn't have been worried since Sirius and his mates had made a part-time career out of pranking. But if Jaeger found out it was him, it would be one more addition to a growing list.

Lily met James' eyes and mouthed to him, _did you do this?_

He staggered over to her, followed by the others and whispered in her ear, "It was Caradoc and Edmund Kittle."

"Wow, I didn't know Edmund had it in him."

"I know, I'm almost jealous that we didn't come up with it ourselves."

Lily discreetly passed on the information to Annabelle and Alice, and when Sirius approached Annabelle, he said, "You thought it was us, didn't you."

"Can you blame me?"

"No, I can't," he replied with an impish grin. "Merlin, that was a good one. You should see him in there yanking at the doll's arm. He actually popped it, and it's still stuck on the chair!" He crumpled into another fit of laughter, as did his mates. Caradoc had left the scene already, volunteering to notify Dumbledore of the situation like a good little Gryffindor. Soon, Dumbledore arrived and cleared the rest of the students out of the classroom.

"Class will resume after I take care of this unfortunate incident," he announced. He eyed them all with fury, then slammed the door behind him. As soon as the door shut, the students fell to pieces again.

About ten minutes later, a couple of house elves came wheeling down the corridor in a new wooden desk chair. It appeared that the old one had to be vanished, along with Mrs. Jaeger. Dumbledore informed them all that he'd get to the bottom of this, focusing on Sirius, James, Remus, and Peter as he said it since they were the most likely culprits.

"See that? We don't even have to commit the crime," James observed. "We still get credit for it. That's _notoriety_ in case any of you were confused."

"The notorious Marauders," Lily said, referring to the name they used for themselves on their map. "Let's go inside before they have something real to hold against you."

"Right. That's the last thing you need," Annabelle added, the truth of her words lost on them all.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Near the end of class, Sirius had drifted off. His body clearly wanted to distance itself from the irritating sound of Jaeger's voice, and sleep seemed like the perfect escape, considering Jaeger didn't seem to care what he did anymore. Just when he started to dream _– Annabelle, a white room, a fluffy bed, sunlight bursting through the window as she lay beneath him smiling, not a stitch of clothing on either of them, his lips touching the hollow of her throat-_

"If Mr. Black would revive from his nap then we might be able to continue with class," Jaeger intoned.

Sirius opened his eyes at the sound of his name. The majority of the class had one hand raised in the air.

"He's taking a poll," Lily whispered to him. "Just raise your hand."

Sirius raised his hand, rubbing an eye with the other one.

"Do you even know why you are raising your hand, Mr. Black?"

Sirius glared at the man, then smirked, sinking back in his chair. "No. I don't. And to be honest, I don't really care."

Annabelle's mind had been wandering when Jaeger had called out Sirius for napping. She wasn't expecting it. Seeing the man ignore Sirius for weeks was uncomfortable, but she assumed it would continue indefinitely. And it was preferable to the blatant harassment.

"You don't care?" Jaeger demanded. "So when you're snoozing the hours away, and a Death Eater wakes you up, will you care then? Will you hope someone else is there, _awake_ , to protect you?" Jaeger glanced at Annabelle when he said it and she narrowed her eyes at him in response.

Sirius scrunched his face in annoyance. "Excuse me, sir, but what in the bloody hell are you rattling on about? Are you advising me not to sleep until Voldemort is defeated?"

"Being alert… and ready for _action_ … these are all parts of defending yourself against the dark arts."

"Well, I don't see any _action_ going on in _here_ unless you count what you got up to with that blow-up doll earlier."

"Burn!" James coughed, as the class instantly regressed back into hysterics.

"SILENCE!"

It took a moment, but they reluctantly calmed down.

"Mr. Black, you wouldn't know action if you were thrown into the centre of it. Too much of a lump to notice if the world was collapsing around you."

It was completely untrue. Very few students could compete with Sirius in terms of duelling, sensing danger, and overall instincts for finding his way out of trouble. Jaeger's assumptions about Sirius would have been laughable if Jaeger wasn't so foul. Annabelle didn't even realise she did it, but an exasperated huff escaped her.

"Did I say something untrue, Miss O'Neill?"

She shot Jaeger daggers with her eyes – a reminder that she had dirt on him too. But he seemed content knowing he had the upper hand as he shifted his focus to her.

"Well? Did I?" he asked as he slowly made his way over to her. "You were raised in the presence of _greatness_. You of all people should know how important it is to be alert, and prepared for anything. Tragedy can occur to even the best wizards. If you turn your back for a fraction of a second, it can snatch away _everything_ you hold dear. I'm sure the honourable Darien O'Neill would attest to that… _if he was still with us_."

Annabelle's heart thumped wildly in her chest. _Turning her back._ _She was turning her back._ Her grandfather's death, her mother's addiction, it was all muddled into one giant tempest of tragedy in her heart… she was turning her back on Colleen. She was Annabelle's only family left in the world and instead of helping her she was wasting her precious hours in the presence of a degenerate pig. Deep breathing wasn't helping. If he didn't shut up, if he didn't stop the sound emanating from his throat, she knew herself, she would lose control and would inadvertently ruin everything for everyone in the process.

"You'd be wise, Miss O'Neill, to warn Mr. Black about what happens when one becomes too full of his own virtue, since it seems to be a hereditary trait. Who knew the Blacks and O'Neills had something in common?"

Jaeger laughed as though he'd just made a casual joke. Annabelle couldn't take anymore. In a fury, she leapt from her chair, swiping her blank parchments and books into the wall. Grabbing her rucksack, she stormed from the room. Sirius went after her, but the bell rang, and just as Sirius caught sight of her, he lost her again amidst the students spilling into the corridor.

He spun round and charged back to the classroom, ready to take Jaeger on once and for all, but he was met with Lily, Alice, and Peter. They blocked him while Johnny B. and Caradoc gathered his belongings.

"He's fucked with her for the last time," he raged through gritted teeth. "It's going to end, right now."

James bounded through the door and swooped in, putting Sirius in a headlock and dragging him away from the classroom. Sirius twisted and fought, but James was focused and with some support from Remus who brought up the back, and Peter who pretended to help, they managed to get him inside the stairwell where they could block the way.

James let him go with a shove and drew his wand. "Listen, mate. You need take some deep fucking breaths right now. Killing the pig will only land you in prison."

Sirius paced like a madman with his wand in hand. "I'm not going to kill him! I'm just going to maim him!"

"You'll go to prison for that too," Lily warned him. "You think you'd be avenging Annie when all you'd end up doing is crushing her when they arrest you."

"Yeah, get a grip, mate, get a grip," encouraged Caradoc. "The guy is lower than a flobberworm. You shouldn't let him upset you."

Sirius' face was tight with fury but his pacing began to slow down. Johnny B. approached him as one would a large, angry dog – slowly and with a gentle voice.

"Put the wand away, Sirius. Let's sit for moment, think this through."

Sirius sighed deeply and looked at his wand before looking back at his friends.

"Please just let me hex him? Just a small one?" he begged.

Remus chuckled. "That sounds reasonable, but it still requires planning."

Sirius ran a hand through his hair and sat down on a step, resting his arms on his knees. The boys joined him while Lily and Alice went to see if Annabelle was all right.

"Where does he get off talking to her about her grandfather like that?" he asked in shaky voice. "It's like he hates him or something."

"How does anyone hate Darien O'Neill," Caradoc mused. "The man was a bleeding saint, for fuck's sake."

"You have to be a real sicko to hate Darien O'Neill," Peter replied. "And that's what Jaeger is."

"You've got to remain Zen," James preached. "You know, really calm and above it all. I mean, insult him to your heart's content, because that's bloody hilarious, but don't let him throw you off your game, you know what I mean?"

"Yeah," Sirius agreed. "You're right. He's just such a sodding git."

"The truth is he's _literally_ a sheep-shagger," Caradoc declared. "There, I've said it."

They fell into a fit of laughter, and after assigning a few more vulgar descriptors to Jaeger, they felt assured Sirius wouldn't act on his rage. Still laughing and trash-talking the professor, they headed up the stairs.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

When Lily and Alice arrived in the common room, there was no sign of Annabelle. They jogged up the stairs, and she wasn't in their room either.

"Maybe she's in the loo," suggested Lily.

"No one's in the loo," Lorelei rasped as she entered the room. "I was just there. And if you're wise you'll stay out of there for a bit as well."

"Thanks for letting us know," Lily replied, wrinkling her nose in disgust.

"Maybe we just missed her and she's with Sirius," speculated Alice.

"Yeah, maybe," Lily said. "Her coat's gone. Do you think they went for a walk?"

"She's not a toddler," Lorelei sneered. "I'm sure she's fine."

"And I'm sure we didn't ask for your opinion," Alice retorted.

"Whoa, sorry for trying to help. I'll just keep my big gob shut from now on."

Lily and Alice ignored her and headed downstairs. The boys weren't back yet, so they decided to wait. A few minutes later, they came in, all of them looking more relaxed than when the incident took place.

Lily and Sirius looked at each other. "Where's Annabelle?" they asked at the same time.

Sirius' face went slack as the realisation hit him.

"What?" Lily asked. "What's the matter? Where is she?"

"No, she _wouldn't_ ," he muttered as he stalked towards the boys' stairs.

Lily moved to follow but James stopped her. "There's prefects about, Lil. I'll go."

James followed Sirius to their room and when he got there, he saw him digging through his trunk.

"Looking for the map?"

"Yes, where is it?"

"In my beside table drawer."

Sirius slammed his trunk shut and dashed to James' bedside table, grabbing the map from inside. He spread it out on James' bed and tapped it with his wand. "I solemnly swear I am up to no good."

The map came to life, and Sirius bent to it, searching every corner of the castle for her name.

" _I can't believe she'd be so fucking stupid_ ," he muttered under his breath, throwing off his robe and taking a handful of Floo powder from their stash, just in case she made it to London before he reached her. "She's heading toward the fireplace, no doubt to drop in on her mum. She's been worried sick over her."

He grabbed his coat from the hook and bolted back down the stairs.

"I'm confused. I thought her mother was better," James said as he followed.

"She's far from better," Sirius informed him. "In fact, there's an excellent chance she'll be in less than stellar condition when Annabelle gets there, and that's if she's even in her flat and not off at the local having a liquid breakfast with her dodgy mates."

"What's going on, Sirius?" Lily inquired when they reappeared in the common room.

"Ask James," he replied, not stopping to explain. He wanted to catch her before she made it into London.

When he reached the room with the fireplace, he was relieved to find her standing by the window with her coat on, looking out at the grounds through the small gap in the curtains. He didn't want to startle her, but she must have heard him coming because she turned calmly to face him. Her cheeks were red and tear-soaked.

"You weren't going to leave without telling us, were you?" he asked, half angry at the thought and half gutted to see how upset she was.

Annabelle sniffled and wiped her cheeks with the heel of her palm. "I was, actually," she replied in a hoarse voice. "But then I got here and knew it would be a rotten thing to do. Was about to come back downstairs, but I needed a moment."

As he ambled over to her, he said, "I would have followed you, you know."

She smiled. "I see that. You're wearing your coat."

Sirius looked down at his coat and grinned. "Right. I guess I stated the obvious."

"You shouldn't feel obligated to come with me anymore. I know you don't understand why I'm so obsessed with keeping track of her. I know she disgusts you."

"That's not fair, Annabelle. You make me out to be some unfeeling wanker."

"I didn't mean it like that. It's just that I see how you regard her. Like she's a problem that won't go away."

He took a tentative step toward her. "Annie, I-"

"It's all right, I understand. It's true in a way. I always wanted a mother, but certainly not one like her. She was never my ideal, and honestly, I didn't care if I ever saw her again. If she'd just left well enough alone, I wouldn't have had this glimpse into the person she is deep down, past all the hurt and addiction. Colleen the human being. I wouldn't have known that she had a heart at all, and I could have gone about my merry way, always remembering her as this vaguely painful piece of my history, but never feeling too much for her, and never getting bent out of shape over the lack of her."

"But she came back. And now you're attached."

"Yes, and it turns out I like her. I want to keep her," Annabelle said, her words strained an effort not to cry. "But I think the pain of her past is too much for her to bear and I don't think she wants to stay anymore."

She broke down again, and Sirius wrapped her in his arms. He found himself about to make an excuse for Colleen to ease her pain- _maybe she's just had a few minor slips and will be fine –_ but stopped himself because it would only give her false hope.

Instead, he tried to explain himself. "If it seems to you that I'm not all that keen on her, it's because it was hard for me to get used to the idea of someone who abandoned you coming back into your life… getting your hopes up. And I see how she's affecting you. You were happy for a while, but now you're distraught and I just want to fix it. But I don't know how."

Annabelle pulled back to look at him. "You can't fix it."

"Neither can you."

Annabelle looked out the window again. "Is it crazy to think she still could turn herself around and beat this?"

"No, I don't think it's crazy, because who knows? Maybe she will. But with a history like hers, you should probably prepare yourself for the worst. She was beating it, or so we both thought. Which makes it more difficult really."

"Why is it more difficult?"

"Because she got you to care about her this time."

Annabelle sat down on the sofa and hunched forward. Sirius wished Colleen would choose her path already, whichever one it was, because they were in a limbo of sorts and it was keeping Annabelle in turmoil.

"When Jaeger implied all the sick stuff about my grandfather, talking about turning our backs and tragedy occurring, he made me think that if I didn't go see her right away, it would be my fault if she went back to her old ways. It would be my fault if she…" But she couldn't say the word.

Sirius sat down next to her. "First of all, don't get me started on Jaeger, because I'm this close to hexing his bollocks off." Annabelle laughed quietly, and so did he, even though he wasn't joking. "Second of all, no one knows what he has against your grandfather, but it isn't fair for him to take out his aggression on you."

"Or you."

"Yes, but he hasn't done anything to me, really. Sure he tries to embarrass me, but he always ends up looking like an arse. And he never reports me. It's like he enjoys messing me about, and ratting me out would somehow end his fun."

"He definitely seems to enjoy messing you about. But you never know, he might report us someday."

"So what? What he's got? That we were disrespectful to him? I can easily tell Dumbledore all the stuff he pulled to warrant our disrespect. In fact I'm tempted to tell Dumbledore what he pulled with you today. Dumbledore would go berserk if he knew."

Annabelle's stomach was hurting. "No, don't. If you do then it's like Jaeger wins. He'll know he got to us, and we'll probably still end up in detention for a month for being rebellious in his class."

"He can't keep getting away with this either."

Annabelle didn't say anymore for fear of saying too much. The urge to reveal her pact with Jaeger was too powerful. She hated bearing the burden of it alone, especially now that Dominica was involved, which signalled that the professor's lecherous fondness for his students wasn't just a one-time thing. And Dominica's crying in the bathroom… Annabelle couldn't help but wonder.

They sat in silence for a minute, both lost in their own thoughts. Eventually Sirius took her hand and gave it a squeeze.

"If you want to check on your mum, I'll go with you later, after classes are over. If we go now, we'll miss Transfiguration. McGonagall will shit a brick if we're both missing. She'll think I've corrupted you completely and probably have me castrated."

Annabelle burst out laughing. Sirius smiled, relieved to see she still had a sense of humour in spite of all the crap she was dealing with at the moment.

Once her laughter subsided, she replied, "Honestly. You don't have to come with me. I don't want you to feel obligated."

"Please, Annie. No one is supposed to be travelling alone. Do you think you're impervious to Voldemort? Or to the dodgy residents of Golding Tower?"

"No, I don't. But I also don't want you to resent-"

"Stop it. This is something you feel strongly about. I'm in this with you and I'm not going to let you deal with it on your own."

Annabelle squeezed his hand. "Thank you."

"No thanks necessary."

"How about a kiss, then?"

Sirius smiled, and accepted her offer. He leaned in, brushing his fingers down her waist as their lips parted readily against each other's. Annabelle wrapped her arms around his neck and he hugged her close. He may not have been able to fix her problems, but he could be there for her, showing her how much he loved her.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

By three o'clock, classes were over, and James and Lily decided to tag along. After hearing the description of Colleen's residence and local hang-out, in addition to Annabelle's admission that her mother was using again, they figured they would go along for two reasons: moral support, and strength in numbers. Reports of Voldemort's activity had waned in recent days, which most likely meant he was gearing up for something big. No one knew how careful they should be, because he and his Death Eaters seemed to be striking in random places, but they all figured that it couldn't hurt to have two more people and their wands along for the ride.

Only Alice and Remus knew that they were going, and they stayed behind to cover for them should anyone notice they were missing. It wasn't likely that a professor would summon them for something, but it was always a possibility.

Sirius stood with Annabelle against the train doors while Lily and James were across the aisle, James holding onto a handrail and Lily holding onto James. Sirius pressed the back of his head against the window and closed his eyes, trying to remain Zen as James had advised him. But it was no use. He had a strong feeling that Colleen was only going to let Annabelle down again. The woman couldn't even be trusted to lock her own damned door in a crime-infested building, let alone be a sound, loving parent.

Meanwhile, Annabelle was deep in her own thoughts. She was relieved that Sirius hadn't talked her out of paying her mother an unexpected visit. Her grandfather used to tell her that the heart knows things the head only thinks it knows. She feared if she listened to her head and kept her distance, Colleen would melt away with the snow. The guilt of turning her back on Colleen when she had no one else was so powerful, that she wondered how her grandfather survived it all those years.

They exited the underground and as they approached Golding Tower, James' jaw dropped.

"Holy centaurs' balls," he said. "It's worse than I imagined."

"It really is," Lily agreed. "I thought you were exaggerating."

Annabelle sighed. "I wish I was. Ready to run for cover?"

James nodded. "Sure. Let's do it."

They bolted for the entrance of Golding Tower, but oddly enough, no one dropped a bottle. Maybe the plonker had taken a day off as well. Tommy the beggar was passed out by the lifts, and after steering round his outstretched legs, Annabelle pushed the sticky up button with her elbow. When the doors opened, the smell of urine hit them so hard they pulled their scarves and shirt collars over their noses. The floor was wet with yellow. A few floors up and the doors opened again. A short man with a sagging paunch and a goatee got on with them. He stared at each of them with beady bloodshot eyes, a lit joint stuck between his lips and his face expressionless. When the doors opened on Colleen's floor, they stumbled out, gasping for breath. Thankfully the short man stayed inside the lift.

"Your poor mum," Lily said. "This place is a nightmare."

"I know," Annabelle replied. "But it's close to her job and it's all she can afford."

Colleen's door was locked, so Annabelle knocked softly. "Mam, are you in there? It's me."

There was no answer. Annabelle knocked louder, the sound echoing through the cavernous corridor, and when no answer came, Annabelle took out her wand.

"Should I?" she asked.

Sirius shrugged. "I don't know. What if she's sleeping or something?"

"But what if she's passed out or something?"

"Then you'll just drive yourself crazy wondering, so, go for it."

"Yeah, just do it," James agreed. "It's your mum's flat. I don't think that counts as breaking in."

"All right. I will."

After making sure no one was about, she discreetly aimed and said, " _Alohamora."_ The locks clicked open and after checking the corridor one more time for any onlookers, she shoved her wand inside her coat and slipped inside, the others following.

"Mam? Are you here?"

The bed wasn't made and the sink was filled with dishes. Annabelle took her wand out again and tended to the disorder, and while the dishes began washing themselves, she looked inside the bathroom. More mess. A few spells later and it was sparkling.

Besides the mess, there was no evidence of any drug use, no empty liquor bottles, nothing that would indicate anything was wrong.

"Now she'll definitely know you were here," James pointed out.

"Eh. I don't care," Annabelle replied. "I'm going to pop over to The King's Head to see if she's there."

"Are you sure you want to do that?" Sirius asked grimly.

"Yes, I'm sure."

"Don't be surprised if she's… you know."

Annabelle frowned and quietly replied, "I won't be."

On their way to The King's Head, Annabelle tried to convince herself that her mother might not be using. Indeed, she hoped her mother wouldn't be at The King's Head at all, and it would turn out she was food shopping or at a support group meeting.

But her heart sank when she entered the pub and saw Colleen sitting on the jukebox. The man with the crew cut who'd bought her a drink on Sirius and Annabelle's last visit to the pub was stationed between her thighs, his hands planted firmly on her hips. There was a fair amount of people there, some probably stopping by after work, the rest possibly just having woken for the day and beginning their night of excess early.

Annabelle strode over to her mother, the other three giving her some space and taking seats at the end of the bar. It took Colleen a moment to notice someone standing there, and when she finally did, she startled, letting out a short shriek.

"Oh, Annie, you scared the living daylights out of me!" She pushed the man away and hopped down off the jukebox. "Why are you here? Are you all right?"

"Sure," Annabelle replied, hands on her hips and her jaw clenched. "Are _you_ all right?"

"Course, Annie. I'm walking on air, so I am." Colleen flung her head back and did a little spin. "Come, let me introduce you Martin. He runs his own business!"

It was clear as day that Colleen was on something. And while Annabelle wasn't surprised, she still felt betrayed somehow. Something shifted inside of her as she looked at the woman she'd been fine without for most of her life. Better off without, actually. Maybe her grandfather had kept Colleen away after Annabelle was born to protect his young grandchild from the grief that must have cracked him into pieces every time he thought his daughter was going to stay clean and didn't. Or couldn't. How many times had he felt what Annabelle was feeling just then? The split between wanting to hold her and care for her, and the need to let go?

Martin gazed at Annabelle, his eyelids heavy. "Wow, Annabelle, your name is like a bloody symphony to my ears. All pink and red and blue. Almost as amazing as the colour of Colleen's eyes." He pulled Colleen close and kissed her on the neck, but she quickly shoved him off.

"Not in front of the girl, Martin. Come, Annie, pick a song. Something we can dance to."

Annabelle didn't feel like dancing; she felt like screaming, but she joined Colleen by the jukebox since she had a feeling screaming wouldn't do any good. Martin grabbed her mother from behind and Annabelle snapped, "Can you please give us a minute? She told you to bloody well _stop_."

Martin and Colleen stared at her for a moment, then burst out laughing. Annabelle swallowed the urge to cry.

"Sure, sure, I'll just be over here," he said to Colleen and motioned toward the middle of the bar.

When he was gone, Annabelle put an arm around her mother's shoulders to stop her languid, sloppy swaying to the song that was currently playing.

"What are you on?" she seethed through gritted teeth.

"On? On the planet Earth, my darling."

"You know what I mean. What did you take?"

"Nothing that harmful, Annie. Don't worry yourself over it."

"Just tell me what it is."

"Why do you need to know? So you can report me to the police like my father did?"

"No, I'm not reporting anyone to the police. And he only did that to help you."

"Annie, you're shouting. It's making my head swirl."

But Annabelle wasn't shouting. She suddenly felt tired and overwhelmed, like she didn't know how her legs would carry her back to the underground station. She glanced over to the bar where her friends sat and three pairs of eyes looked away from her at the same time. She watched as they pretended to carry on a conversation.

Colleen pointed to a song title and with exaggerated glee exclaimed, "Ah, look! It's the song me own mam used to sing to me. And I sang it to you whenever I came to see you. I'm going to play it!"

Annabelle wasn't sure what song she was talking about. The jukebox had small collection of old folk songs, any number of which Annabelle had heard occasionally. In her memory, they all blurred into one. Until the song began. Colleen grabbed her hands and started dancing around, singing along.

_"_ _I'll tell me ma when I get home, the boys won't leave the girls alone…"_

A memory formed quickly – a record player, the soft Persian rug in her grandfather's study beneath her bare feet as that same song played. Colleen in her mid-twenties lifting her young child into her arms and spinning her round while they both laughed and squealed with delight, the afternoon sun illuminating everything in gold. " _I love you, no matter what anyone tells you._ _Always remember that, Annie. And always believe it, deep in your heart."_

The memory stopped there.

Colleen continued to sing along. _"She is handsome, she is pretty, she's the belle of Belfast City..."_

Annabelle found it hard to swallow as tears filled her eyes. She pulled her mother in and hugged her, hoping that if she held her close enough that Colleen would remember too, remember that she loves Annabelle, and then she'd stop the drugs.

"I love you, mam," Annabelle croaked, her tears wetting her mother's hair.

Colleen pried herself free, a glassy look in her eyes and a huge smile on her face. "I loooove you, too, my little belle of Belfast City," she trilled, closing her eyes and spinning round again.

"No, that's you. That's was what Granny called you."

Colleen stepped toward Annabelle and said in hushed voice like she was a child telling a secret, "That's why I love this song."

Sirius had seen enough. Annabelle was upset, and Colleen was acting suspiciously loopy.

"This is going nowhere," he said to James and Lily. "And it has to end." He walked straight over to Annabelle and her mother. Taking Annabelle's arm, he whispered in her ear, "We should go now."

"Wait," Annabelle replied, watching her mother stagger about. "I'm worried about leaving her like this."

"Come on, Annie. Is this what you want to do? Spend your days hovering over her while she repeatedly lets you down? She's clearly not getting any better, despite your encouragement."

Annabelle still had the nagging sensation that she should do something, but she didn't know what that thing was. There was no helping someone who didn't even think she had a problem.

Sirius pressed on. "Walking away right now is not the same as abandoning her. It's saving yourself."

Annabelle tried to breathe. "I've already lost her, haven't I?"

They both looked at Colleen as she lurched about with a dreamy smile, her head back and her eyes closed. It was painful to witness. Sirius gave Annabelle's head a stroke and put an arm around her shoulder.

"Do you want to tell her you're leaving?" he asked.

"Yes. Not that she'll remember I was here."

Just as they approached her, Martin waltzed back over and helped Colleen into her jacket. Annabelle watched him hand her a tiny vial of even tinier star-shaped pills. Colleen didn't even make an effort to hide them as she struggled to shove them into her pocket.

"You needn't worry," she said. "Even celebrities and geniuses do LSD. It's really not so bad."

Martin decided to educate them. "These dots are top quality. Allegedly some pretty famous musicians use the same dealer as me. I'll sell you some for cheap if you'd like."

"No, Martin," Colleen snapped. "Not Annie. Not my baby."

Her baby? That was a joke if Annabelle had ever heard one. Bitterness crept into her veins, and so did fury as she watched Martin lean in to kiss her mother's neck again. Annabelle wanted Martin to go away. She knew if her grandfather could see this, he would want Martin to go away as well. Far away.

"Martin, we don't want your dots," Annabelle said, her voice eerily steady. "In fact, how about you tie a cinder block to your willy and feck off a bridge?"

Sirius snorted in an effort to contain his laughter, and Colleen gasped.

"Annie, that's no way to speak to people."

"You're worried about my manners? Right now, in this foul place, you're worried about my manners?" She put a hand over her stomach, and her face contorted in pain. "Shite, I'm such a _fool_!"

"Annie, please," Colleen groaned. "Don't get overexcited. Now you've no right talking to my friend like that. You'll like Martin once you get to know him. Come round a week from Saturday and we can all have dinner together. What do you say?"

Annabelle shook her head. She didn't want to eat dinner with Martin.

Sirius leaned in and whispered, "You don't have to say yes."

"What are you telling her about me?" Colleen demanded. "Trying to turn my own daughter against me, aren't ya?"

"Whoa, Colleen," he replied. "You're way off the mark. But you can't honestly blame her if she doesn't fancy another visit."

Colleen ignored him and put her hands on Annabelle's arms. "Please come by, Annie. All right? I'll see you a week from Saturday? Please, let me show you that I'm fine."

Annabelle felt her throat closing up as tears stung her eyes. She knew she should say no. She wanted to say no. But the guilt inflicted by her mother's pleading was fierce.

" _Fine_. But if you're strung out on something when I get there, I won't stay. Do you hear me? I'll turn round and leave _immediately_."

A man who had been sitting at nearby table staggered over to them. He was roughly in his fifties with a narrow face and slicked-back grey hair.

"Turn the volume down there lass, you're making my ears bleed," he slurred to Annabelle, then tumbled into her.

Her knees buckled and she tried to force him off her, but he had his full weight against her. Sirius grabbed him by the back of his collar and sent him skidding into the floor boards.

"What'd you do that for?" Martin asked angrily.

Sirius didn't respond to Martin, but turned to Annabelle and said, "Let's get out of here. There's no point in hanging about."

James and Lily came rushing over after witnessing the scene.

"Is there a problem?" James asked Sirius, but his eyes were focused on the man slowly getting up from the floor.

"Yeah there's a problem, mate," Martin replied, poking James in the chest as he spoke. "That was my cousin this tosser just sent flying to the ground. Richard's a good chap – he's just having a bad trip!"

"Good chap my arse," James spat.

With that, Martin decided to slug James. Sirius responded by slugging Martin, and before Annabelle knew it, a fight broke out, other patrons that had nothing to do with it joining in for the hell of it. She and Lily dodged fists and elbows, shoving and ducking when necessary. A woman gave Lily's hair a sharp pull and she responded by shoving the woman into the jukebox. At one point, Annabelle saw a man on top of Sirius, trying to restrain his arms so he could land a solid punch, but Sirius kept breaking free of his grasp. She scrambled over and charged into the man, sending him rolling off Sirius in time for Sirius to hit the man first.

In the midst of the chaos, Annabelle saw her mother sneak out a back exit with Martin. She tried to go after them, but she was pushed back to the floor. Sirius grabbed Annabelle by the hand and they ran to the front door, stopping so Sirius could climb onto a chair to look for James and Lily.

"Prongs! Over here!"

James shielded Lily as they dashed for the door, the four of them narrowly escaping. They sprinted toward the high street, not slowing down until they were deep inside the Underground.

On the train, they were separated due to the rush hour congestion, which suited Annabelle just fine. She felt like an idiot, and she certainly didn't want any of them to tip toe around her because of what happened. Any hope that her mother could remain clean was gone, replaced by bitterness. It was too much for her to make sense of at the moment; every time she did she wavered between wanting to cry and wanting to punch something. After a while, a numbness managed to take over, allowing her to put it aside for the time being and get back to the castle with no further problems.

She picked at her dinner, but ate very little of it. Sirius kept looking at her, taking inventory of her expressions, counting the smiles against the frowns. She loved him so much and his concern warmed her heart. Yet, in addition to the mixed bag of emotions her mother had stirred up in her, she also felt guilty for exposing Sirius, James, and Lily to the madness. They could have been hurt badly on her account, and all for what? Colleen was a sinking ship. No one could stop her.

After dinner, Sirius and Annabelle went for a walk. They ended up in the Trophy Room on the third floor. They walked slowly, perusing the gleaming displays, then sat down on a bench in a torch-lit corner.

"I know you're driving yourself mad over what happened today," he said. "And I wish you wouldn't."

Annabelle looked down and closed her eyes for a moment before speaking. "I'm just so sorry."

"What for?"

She shrugged. "For a lot of things. For insisting on going there this afternoon. For putting you all in harm's way." She paused and then added in a quiet voice, "For believing in her."

"You needn't apologise for any of that. We chose to go with you because we care about you. As for the rest, she's your mother. You can't be sorry for giving her a chance."

Annabelle brought his arm around her shoulder and cozied up to him. He laced the fingers of his other hand through hers.

"I still have to go next Saturday for this absurd dinner," she said.

"Not if you don't want to. You're allowed to say no to her."

"I know, but I couldn't. She was practically begging. But I doubt it'll be a long visit. I meant it when I said I'd leave if she was on something when I get there. Of course, I don't expect you to keep subjecting yourself to this-"

"I'm coming with you, so save your breath."

Annabelle looked up at him. "I could go alone, you know. You _don't own me._ "

His brows furrowed as he tried to read her. When Annabelle grinned, he narrowed his eyes and grinned back at her.

"I'm afraid to ask," he said.

Annabelle started giggling, and Sirius let out a small chuckle before inquiring, "Did James happen to tell you I said that?"

"No, not James."

"Then who?"

"Let's just say I have my sources."

He tickled her on her side, and she contorted, laughing out loud.

"Tell me," he said.

"Fine! Just stop tickling me!"

He did as she requested. "All right, I've stopped. Now tell me."

"I heard it straight from your lips, in the courtyard, with your Hufflepuff smoking companions."

"Ah! You were eavesdropping, then, you sneak."

"Lily was there as well. We just wanted to see what all the fuss was about."

"Well, I'm sorry you had to hear that. I reckon I was just trying sound tough."

"It's all right," Annabelle said, leaning back into him and wrapping her arms around his waist. "I don't actually own you, so you were correct."

"You own my heart."

Annabelle gazed up at him. His eyes were intent on hers. A surge of affection rushed through her with such force that she thought she might burst. She placed a hand on his chest, his heart beating beneath it.

"And you, mine."

He kept his eyes focused on hers as he stroked her hair. Once their lips met, they melted into each other, and they stayed there until Filch drove them out on his routine walk-through. When they arrived at the portrait, Sirius took her hands in his.

"I know you're torn up over what happened today, but please, do me a favour?"

Annabelle nodded. "Sure."

"Let go of it for now and let yourself sleep. I can't bear to think of you anguishing over this all night long when I can't be there with you."

"I'll try."

After one more embrace, Sirius said the password and they slipped inside the common room, the events of the day still weighing heavily in both their minds. That night, every time Annabelle found herself thinking about her mother, she did her best to honour Sirius' request and would force herself to think of something else – the approaching spring… Quidditch… Sirius himself. Eventually, it worked and she drifted off into a fretful sleep, rife with convoluted dreams involving everyone she cared about, and everyone she feared.

 


	18. Nothing to Fear

The day of James' birthday was still cold, but not freezing, and the sky was mostly sunny. Remus opted to go along despite the approaching full moon and his mates' protests, since it was only Hogsmeade and he could always leave if he got worse. James, Sirius, and Peter thought it was too dangerous for him to be seen acting ill right before the full moon, but he hated to miss out, and no one had the heart to stop him from joining them. Especially since they wanted him there.

The Three Broomsticks was jammed with students who had heard it was James Potter's birthday, and multiple seventh-years had sneaked in firewhisky, stealthily pouring it into the glasses of students who wanted something a bit stronger than butterbeer or gillywater. Annabelle had no desire to drink alcohol, maybe because it reminded her of her mother, and neither did Remus, so they sat at the table by the front window and observed the festivities. He was sweaty and pale, and he'd probably need an escort back to the castle at any moment, so she figured it might as well be her.

A few times during the get-together, Sirius sat down with Annabelle. She knew he was checking up on her, making sure she was all right. And for the most part she was. She talked to a few people that passed through, she kept Remus company, and she had a staring contest with Johnny B. from across the room, which he won easily. He made an exaggeratedly solemn face as he stared at her, which was her undoing in the end, her eyes crinkling shut in a burst of laughter. Eventually, he made his way over and sat down at the table with them. He leaned back in his chair, a sullen look on his face.

"What's the matter with you?" Annabelle asked.

"Eh, nothing. Why do you ask?"

"You look like someone stole your broom. And you hardly touched your hair today."

"It looks like shite, doesn't it?" he groaned with a wrinkled nose.

"I don't think it's possible for your hair to look like shite. It just looks rather… _au natural_."

Johnny B. gave a dramatic sigh and tilted his head back. He closed his eyes and said, "If Matthew was a wizard, he could've been here today."

Annabelle frowned. "True. That would've been perfect."

"The price you pay for dating a muggle," Remus murmured, his head resting in his hand.

"But what's the alternative?" Johnny B. asked. "I don't want to lose him."

"So every time your mates get together you're going to leave him out?" Remus persisted. "You won't be able to bring him anywhere in your world because there'll be magic there. Or in the future if you stay together, what happens when he sees your robes, or you accidentally leave your wand lying about? Or let's say you forget that you're not supposed to use magic to start a fire in the hearth or to do the washing up. What then? You can't possibly hide it forever."

"I don't plan to hide it forever," Johnny B. retorted. "I'm just waiting until the moment is right to tell him the truth."

"Good luck with that," Remus muttered. "Just letting you know - it wasn't easy for my parents. Still isn't, and my mum knows all about magic now." With that, he put his head down on his arms.

Johnny B. narrowed his eyes. "You think I should dump him like you did Claire, don't you?"

Remus raised his head and replied steadily, "No. I think you should do whatever you want. You always do."

"Sorry if I'd rather take a risk than lose the person I love."

Remus glared at him, not missing the implication. "Are you saying I'm a coward?"

"In general? No. Not at all."

"But when it comes to Claire I am, yeah?" When Johnny B. didn't respond, Remus shook his head. "You just don't get it. None of you do." He put his head back down.

Annabelle felt a little stung by that comment, since she did get it, she just didn't like it.

"I understand. And I think you were brave to let her go," she replied, giving his arm a rub. She turned to Johnny B. "And I get how you feel as well. I'd love it Matthew knew what we are and accepted it. But it won't be easy for him to hear the truth, that's for sure."

They sat in silence for a bit before Caradoc shoved his way over, handing Johnny B. a cup.

"Drink it," he ordered him, a mischievous glint in his eyes.

"Are you taking the piss?" Johnny B. asked with a laugh. "I'm not drinking it, whatever it is. I'll get my own, thank you very much."

"Wimp." Caradoc replied, following Johnny B. as he headed to the bar.

Johnny B. turned round to see if Remus and Annabelle wanted anything, but they declined his offer.

"How're you feeling?" Annabelle asked Remus.

"I've been better," he groaned, hugging an arm to his stomach.

"Let's go then, I'll walk back with you."

"I think I can make it a bit longer," he replied. "Go join the others."

"But-"

"But nothing. They haven't even cut the cake yet. I'll let you know when I'm ready to leave."

"Are you sure? Because it's no trouble-"

"I'm sure. Go join the others. I'm just going to rest my head."

"People are going to think you're well hammered," Annabelle teased.

"Better than them thinking the truth."

"Good point. Please, let me know when you're ready."

"I will."

He watched as she walked over to where their friends were gathered, a sharp ache in his chest. Even though they accepted him with open arms, and never judged him for his affliction, he never quite felt like he fit in. It wasn't their doing. They cared about him and he knew that. But once a month he felt like a burden to them, and no matter how normal he was the rest of the time, he was still a werewolf, and they weren't. The more he thought about it, the more he couldn't help but feel hopeless, and alone in the world.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Annabelle stood by uncomfortably, feeling a bit like an outsider as well at that moment, since her friends were a little punch drunk from the firewhisky that they'd mixed with their drinks. Even Lily had some, and while none of them were as bad as Caradoc, they were loopy enough that Annabelle felt awkward being the only sober one among them. It didn't help that Matilda Goodwin kept finding reasons to rub up against Sirius' arm.

"We're having a discussion over who cheated more during the Puddlemere vs. Wimbourne match last week," James explained to her, then gestured toward their former smoking buddies. "These morons are saying Puddlemere."

"It was Puddlemere!" Edgar Bones wailed.

Sirius shook his head. "Lies. It was Wimbourne that did the cheating. _All of it._ "

Matilda Goodwin gave Sirius a playful shove. "You wish! You're a bunch of sore losers."

Lily and Annabelle made eye contact, and Annabelle knew Lily was thinking the same thing. Matilda was flirting with Sirius.

"Who do you think was cheating, Madam Seeker?" Edgar asked, grinning eagerly.

They all looked to Annabelle, expecting her to take a side even though she didn't follow professional Quidditch.

"It was definitely Wimbourne," she stated, agreeing with Sirius and James.

Hestia Jones let out a throaty laugh. "Like hell it was!"

Matilda stared at Annabelle with a tiny sneer on her face. Annabelle wasn't sure how to respond. Matilda was a brat as far as Annabelle was concerned; she still hadn't forgot her crude "shower" joke from the last time they were in Hogsmeade, but sneering back at her would only feed the girl's appetite for pettiness.

She had decided to go back to the table with Remus when Matilda said, "She's only agreeing with them out of loyalty. It's obvious she doesn't know what we're talking about."

Sirius swung his arm round Annabelle's neck, coarsely pulling her cheek to his. "She knows that Wimbourne are cheats and that's all that matters."

Annabelle smiled, lips closed and tight. There was something about Matilda's disregard for her that made Annabelle resentful of the boozed-up witch.

Matilda continued to scrutinise Annabelle. "How come you're not drinking? Are you…you know…"

Lily's eyes widened, no doubt just as amazed as Annabelle by the girl's sheer audacity with a virtual stranger. Annabelle pretended not to understand.

"I'm sorry?"

Matilda responded by miming a pregnant belly with her hand, and Hestia and the boys, excluding Sirius, started laughing.

"Shut up, Goodwin," Sirius said. "Were you raised in a dungeon?"

"She still didn't answer the question," Matilda taunted, a coy grin on her face.

To stifle any rumours before they could begin, Annabelle reached in front of Sirius and grabbed Caradoc's glass out of his hand, taking one massive swallow of whatever he had in there. She instantly regretted it and turned away, pressing her head against Sirius' shoulder as she forced the burning liquid down. Everyone laughed except Lily.

Annabelle knew she should lighten up, but she couldn't. It felt like Matilda was mocking her, and trying to get everyone else to do the same. She wanted to pull Matilda aside and tell her to stop wasting her time trying to make a fool out of her, Sirius was already spoken for, and even if he wasn't, crude smokers weren't exactly his type. But the girl was drunk, and Annabelle had enough experience with drunks to know that rationalising with them was pointless.

Instead, she faced the group and chuckled as she nuzzled her head against Sirius' neck, slipping her arms around him. He responded instantly by lifting her chin with the tips of his fingers so he could kiss her. Annabelle moved her hands to his cheeks, deepening the kiss. Still joined at their mouths, they staggered to the bar and weaved their way over to a nearby corner where they continued wearing the faces off each other. With Sirius' back against the wall and Annabelle pressed tightly against him, he grabbed Annabelle's backside with both hands, giving it a firm squeeze. Annabelle grinned. _Take that, Matilda._

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Across the pub, Remus was fading fast, and he started to think he should have listened when his mates cautioned him against coming along. A tinkling of a bell indicated the door had opened and he turned to see who had arrived. He held his breath as Claire walked in with a few other Ravenclaws. They scanned the room, not noticing the sickly Gryffindor by the window as they made their way past.

It was like she had a sixth sense about when he didn't want to see her, and she'd show up just to spite him. After she'd disappeared into the crowd, he stared at the table, his forehead wrinkled in dismay. Then he put his head back down on his arms since holding it up was becoming a trial.

Five minutes later, the sound of a chair scraping the floor startled him, but he didn't look up. He was trying to have a kip despite all the noise.

"Had too much to drink, then?" a soft voice inquired.

He lifted his head to see Claire seated at the table with him.

"Em, no, not exactly," he replied. He tried to control his trembling. "Feeling a bit under the weather is all. In fact, I'm just leaving now."

He slowly stood up, and a rush of nausea swept over him. Once it passed, he picked up his coat.

"I'll walk with you," Claire offered. "The noise in here is giving me a right headache. I only came here in the first place because my friend Lydia has a thing for Quidditch players."

"Word of James' birthday spread quickly I see," he replied, trying to sound as normal as possible.

"Yes, it did," she said with a laugh. "But loud pubs aren't my thing."

"I know they aren't."

There was an awkward silence, and he swallowed hard as he pressed his arm across his stomach. He didn't want her walking with him when he was so embarrassingly ill, and he tried to think of an excuse that she would accept.

"Y-you needn't walk with me," he said. "I'm really not feeling well today, and I'll just slow you down."

"I don't mind. Just let me get my coat."

Remus clenched his fists. "I can take myself-" he said abruptly, but when Claire startled slightly he continued in a quieter voice. "I can take myself back to the castle."

He put on his coat and stumbled for the door, but as he reached for the door knob, he doubled over in pain.

"That settles it," she said, taking him by the arm and guiding him back to his seat. "You're not going alone. Now stay here for a minute while I get my coat and tell your mates you're leaving."

Remus waited as Claire approached Caradoc - the most wasted of them all. Being as drunk as he was, he didn't have the presence of mind to stop her. Her face was bright and hopeful as she came back over and helped Remus up from his chair.

"Let's go," she said. She slipped her arm through his and they headed out the door.

As they walked, they talked a little, but not much because Remus was too sick to carry on a proper conversation. Claire looked worried, maybe a bit nervous, but he'd told her to go ahead of him and she wouldn't listen so there was nothing he could do for her. The pain coursed through his veins and seeped into every muscle, twisting at the core of his being. He no longer cared who walked with him. He needed to be in bed with no sound or bright light, and away from Claire Shaw. Of all people, she was the one he hoped the most would never see him like that.

"Maybe we should go straight to Madam Pomfrey," Claire suggested. "Your mates won't be back for a bit, and as sick as you are, you shouldn't be alone."

"That's not necessary," he replied. "I need to rest, that's all."

They made it to the castle and Claire walked slowly up to the seventh floor with him. He blurted out the password, not caring if anyone else was in hearing range, and she followed him through the portrait hole. He stopped for a moment, leaning against the wall to rest before trekking up to his dorm room.

"Thank you, Claire. I can make it from here."

"Maybe you can, but I think I'll go with you anyway," she replied. "Just to be sure you get there safely."

He nodded faintly, his breathing laboured. He allowed her to put one hand on his back as she took his arm with her other hand. Carefully, she led him up the stairs.

"I need to stop in the loo. Please, Claire, wait somewhere else."

It was plea for privacy, and she respected his wishes by pulling the door shut behind him and waiting several steps above.

It didn't prevent her from hearing the awful retching noises coming from inside, broken apart by moans and gasps for air. It took everything in her not to run to him, but he didn't want her to hear, so she stayed where she was, her fingers on her temples as she tried to remain calm. Two second-year boys passed her, giving her a strange look and giggling at the presence of the girl inside the boys' staircase, but she ignored them. Rules meant nothing to her at the moment.

When he came out, the skin under his eyes was splotchy and his eyes were bloodshot from the strain of continuous vomiting. He was too ashamed to look at her directly. Taking him by the arm again, they made it to his room where she pulled back his covers for him and guided him down onto the bed. She didn't hesitate to help him out of his coat and shoes before his head dropped onto the pillow. After pulling his blankets over him, she smoothed his hair back from his forehead.

"I'll be right back," she said, and hurried away.

Remus wasn't sure how much time had passed because he was in and out sleep, but she did come back. She had a bowl of warm water and a cloth that she set on his bedside table. She also had a hot water bottle with a purple knit cover over it, and she slipped it under his blanket, placing it against his stomach.

"The heat might help," she said softly. "It's charmed to stay warm."

Then she took the cloth out of the water and rung it out, gently wiping his forehead and cheeks, ending at the corners of his mouth. He gazed at her from under his heavy eyelids, half in awe of her, and half confused by her. Why someone like her would choose to waste her time on him, especially after he'd cruelly dismissed her months ago, puzzled him. He reminded himself that she didn't know the real reason for his illness, so he let her stay, not only because he lacked the strength to make her leave, but because deep down, he wanted her there. As long as she thought it was the flu, it couldn't hurt.

"How does that feel?" she asked him after she put the warm cloth against his neck.

"Good," he rasped, blinking slowly. "You should be a healer."

Claire smiled at his approval and asked, "What else can I do for you? Would you like some tea? Maybe another blanket?"

He put his hand over hers where it held the cloth to his neck. "No. Nothing else. Thank you, Claire."

"You're welcome. You're always welcome. _No matter what_."

Her words awakened the sorrow inside him, and he closed his eyes lest she see the tears forming in them. He'd already embarrassed himself enough with his frailty. What he didn't see when he closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep were the tears brimming in Claire's, about to overflow.

Instead of leaving, she put the cloth back in the bowl, and picked up one of his books, _A Tale of Two Cities,_ from his bedside table. Settling down on the floor and crossing her legs, she opened the book. About five minutes later one of Remus' arms slipped off the bed and hung limp beside her. She took his hand in hers, stroking it tenderly with her thumb while she continued to read silently. She didn't let go.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

At The Three Broomsticks, Madam Rosmerta had reached her limit with the festivities. Several students including Caradoc had puked on the bar, and someone had started a cake fight wherein she was hit in the face with a dollop of red and gold icing. While the mess was quickly cleaned up with a few swishes of her wand, she had better things to do than play housemaid for a pub full of disorderly Hogwarts students.

With the help of one her regular customers who had a similar build to Hagrid's, the students were shown the door. Alice had already left with Frank, preferring the quiet of the tea shop to the shenanigans at the pub. They were all at varying degrees of intoxication, except for Annabelle, whose alcohol consumption consisted of that one mighty gulp from Caradoc's glass. Lily had also taken it easy, since firewhisky wasn't exactly her favourite. Sirius had stopped drinking when he and Annabelle had started snogging in the corner, so he was in better shape than Caradoc. But then again, everyone was in better shape than Caradoc, including the birthday boy himself, who felt it was his duty to stay coherent at his own gathering.

"Wait," Annabelle said. "Where's Remus?"

"Left ages ago," replied Caradoc, who lurched along the muddy path unsteadily.

"By himself?" Sirius asked.

Caradoc shook his head dramatically. "No, no, no. Claire Shaw was with him. Said she'd see to it that he got back all right."

Lily walked faster, shooting a panicked look at Annabelle.

"I told him to let me know when he wanted to leave," Annabelle said.

Fairfax laughed. "We're talking about Claire, the girl he probably kicks himself nightly for dumping. Of course he's going to go with her."

"He was really sick," James pointed out. "You shouldn't have let him go with someone who doesn't know… you know… the truth."

Caradoc rolled his eyes dramatically. "Not like she's goin' to figure it out from him being sick. Shite, she probably just thinks he's wasted out of his brains."

Johnny B.'s brow was pinched and he glanced at Annabelle. "No way she'll figure it out," he said. "No way."

But they all quickened their pace, hoping the damage control needed would be minimal.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

When they arrived back at the castle, Lily and Annabelle insisted on going upstairs with James and Sirius. They didn't bother with an invisibility cloak. If anyone dared to report them they would just tell Dumbledore the truth, that they were concerned for Remus. He wouldn't punish them for that.

When they entered the room, Claire was still seated on the floor, sound asleep. Her head rested against Remus' arm, his hand in hers. The book was open in her lap.

Lily frowned. "Well that's rather sweet."

"It is," Annabelle whispered.

"We should get her out of here," James said. "Before Peter comes back from whatever lame chess thing he's at. He'll scare the shite out of her."

"Or before someone slips up and says something," Sirius warned.

Lily tiptoed over to Claire and whispered, "Claire, wake up."

Claire opened her eyes. It took her a moment to get her bearings, but when she did, she rose quietly from the floor, bending to tuck Remus' arm back under the covers. Placing the book back on the pile on his night table, she gathered the bowl with the cloth into her arms.

James and Sirius eyed her suspiciously as she left, which might have been why she was in such a hurry to leave. Annabelle and Lily escorted her out, following behind her like bouncers at a pub until she was on the landing outside the portrait.

"Claire," Lily said as the girl started down the stairs. Claire turned around and Lily continued. "Thank you for being there for him. Hope you didn't catch whatever he's got."

"Yeah," agreed Annabelle. "Potions don't work so great for the flu. Nice of you to risk it anyway."

"I have a strong immune system," Claire replied, her eyes conveying much more than her words. "I think I'm safe from what he's suffering from."

"Well, thanks again," Annabelle replied.

"No need to thank me. I was happy he allowed me to be there for him."

With that, she turned and flitted down the stairs. Annabelle and Lily watched her go, then turned to each other.

"She knows," Lily said.

"She definitely knows."

Lily leaned against the bannister. "Do you think she'll keep it to herself or do we have to drag her into a broom cupboard and threaten her?"

"I get the feeling she'll keep it to herself. She'd have to answer to the lot of us if she didn't. Besides, she seems better than that. I don't think she has a mean bone in her body."

"I hope you're right."

"So do I."

Peter came up the stairs then, a smirk on his face.

"You lot are royally screwed," he said, his eyes alight with glee.

Lily glared at him. "What are you talking about?"

"Norvel Tugwood just said that Dumbledore and McGonagall are calling an assembly for the sixth and seventh-years about the 'deviant behaviour displayed in Hogsmeade today.' I'll be in the common room while you're all getting lectured. Have fun!"

"Brilliant," Lily muttered.

Twenty minutes later after being summoned by the prefects, the students gathered in the Great Hall. Normally at that time the food would already be on the table, but apparently the lecture couldn't wait. Many of the students were still drunk and had their heads down on the tables. Rowan Summerby missed the bench when he tried to sit down and fell on the floor, causing his fellow Hufflepuffs to explode in laughter.

"There will be _silence_!" Dumbledore charged them, and they instantly quieted, many hanging their heads in shame.

He peered at them all, attempting to make eye contact with each and every student before continuing. The tension in the room was palpable.

"I have never in all my years as a professor and headmaster felt so ashamed of the students of Hogwarts."

James had his head in hands, and Annabelle could only guess that he was hoping Dumbledore wouldn't call him out personally, since everyone knew it was his birthday that inspired the debauchery.

"Most of you are underage, and such blatant disregard for the rules of conduct not only dishonours Hogwarts, but it dishonours you as individuals. As of this moment, I do not know who is responsible for procuring the alcohol consumed at The Three Broomsticks today. But when I find out, there will be consequences. In regards to the rest of you, unless you can produce an honest, trustworthy alibi that proves you weren't a participant in the events of this afternoon, you are banned from Hogsmeade for the remainder of the school year."

An outburst of groans and protests rose from the tables and a chorus of "That's not fairs" could be heard round the room.

Dumbledore peered at them all, his electric gaze enough to make them all uncomfortable and quiet again. "My apologies to those of you who feel this is unfair, but there is no other appropriate course of action. Excursions to Hogsmeade are a privilege, not a right. From now on, I'd like you to remember yourselves when representing this school. Have some integrity."

He looked about the room one last time, then walked away and took a seat at the faculty table. Annabelle's stomach seized with pain. While her friends were disappointed over the punishment, they didn't have any way of knowing how this could potentially affect them. Dumbledore was growing weary of their bad behaviour, and if Jaeger told him all the other forbidden things they'd done, they might as well pack their bags.

"This is all my fault," James muttered.

"How so?" Lily asked. "You didn't bring the firewhisky."

"Still."

James got up and as the rest of the student body shuffled in and the food appeared on the tables, he made his way to Dumbledore.

"Sir, may I have a word with you?"

Dumbledore's expression remained stern, but he rose from his chair and met James by the wall.

"If you want to punish anyone," James began, "punish me alone. What happened today was my fault."

"Are you saying you're responsible for bringing the alcohol into the pub?"

"No, sir, not directly. It wasn't mine, if that's what you mean. But I knew that it would be brought by somebody. And instead of going along with it, I should have stopped them."

"I don't suppose you'd be willing to turn in the culprits."

James gave a slight shake of the head. "I don't want to get anyone in trouble, but I did want to apologise for my part in it, considering my birthday is the reason it happened to begin with."

Dumbledore sighed. "While I applaud you for attempting to take the blame, I cannot hold you solely responsible for what occurred. You are individuals, and you all made your own choices today."

James scratched at his arm and looked down at the floor. "I'm truly sorry, sir."

"Thank you, Mr. Potter. Now go back to your table and try to salvage what's left of your birthday." He turned to go back to the faculty table, but stopped and said, "I hope it was a happy one, in spite of what happened."

James smiled. "Thank you, sir. It was."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

The full moon was the next day, and Remus barely moved from his bed. By nightfall, he was in such bad shape that James went with Madam Pomfrey to help him to the Shrieking Shack.

"He seems worse this time," James observed on their way back to the castle. "Why is that?"

"The period before transformation gets increasingly difficult during adolescence and young adulthood," she replied. "But not to worry. By middle age it won't be quite as aggressive."

"Great," James groaned. "He's only got twenty something years of monthly torture to go."

"Don't misunderstand me, Mr. Potter. The illness leading up to transformation may not be as severe in the distant future, but his condition will be painful for the rest of his life."

James knew that already, but hearing it confirmed felt like a punch in the gut. He thought of Remus in the Shack alone, shaking and crying out in pain while he waited for his mates to join him. It was a thought he usually pushed out of his head, because acknowledging it also meant admitting that no matter what he, Sirius, and Peter did to help him, nothing would ever be enough to erase his suffering.

"Why don't they have a cure for it yet?"

"Because there's a stigma attached to lycanthropy, and there's very few people willing to donate their money towards researching the condition. Sadly, many people are misinformed and believe it's a punishment that should be borne without complaint by the infected."

James gritted his teeth. "Misinformed? Try _ignorant and_ _cruel_. When I get a job, I'm donating whatever I can to research. So will my mates."

"That's kind of you, Mr. Potter," Madam Pomfrey replied with a smile. "Very kind indeed."

"Thanks, but I don't think it's particularly kind. It's humane, and it's the right thing to do."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Remus slept in on Monday morning, but his three companions dragged their exhausted bodies out of bed, gulping down several cups of coffee at breakfast to help them get through the day.

"I don't know how you lot can stay up all night running about the castle when you know you have class the next morning," Alice said.

"Some things are worth staying up late for," Sirius replied.

Annabelle didn't comment. She was used to seeing them tired from their nights of doing Merlin knew what. Considering they'd been marauding Hogwarts for almost six years, she imagined the Map was growing more and more intricate as they discovered the castle's most well-kept secrets. They probably knew the place better than Dumbledore himself.

By lunch, Remus felt somewhat better and made an appearance, even though he didn't eat much. Claire only looked at him once, and abruptly turned away when his eyes met hers. He wasn't sure why it hurt so much, since he wanted her to forget about him, but it did. He knew it was a mistake allowing her to see him so sick. She could barely stand the sight of him. He would have to let someone else return her hot water bottle to her because he couldn't face her again.

Needless to say, he wasn't expecting to hear her call his name later that day as he was headed back to Gryffindor tower after a prefect meeting. She was walking down the corridor, some books and parchment in her hands. He stopped, every cell in his body tensing as he waited for her.

"I've been hoping to run into you," she said, smiling shyly.

Remus raised his eyebrows and stammered, "Y-you have?"

"Of course. I wanted to see how you're feeling. Didn't see you at all yesterday."

"That's because I went home. My dad – he came to get me."

"That's good. Home is the best place when feeling sick."

"It is," he replied, looking past her at a suit of armour. "It definitely is. Thank you, by the way. For helping me back to the castle, and for everything else. I need to return to your hot water bottle to you."

"It was no trouble. And you can keep the hot water bottle as long as you want. You might need it again some time."

He nodded, hesitating, unsure what to do next. He wanted to walk away and save her the discomfort of being in his presence, but she stood there, looking expectantly at him.

"Are you walking this way?" he asked, figuring he would give her an out so that she could get away from him without coming off as rude. To his surprise, she didn't take the opportunity.

"Actually, I am. Going to the library to work on a presentation for Care of Magical Creatures."

"What creature are you doing?"

She grinned and replied, " _Werewolves_."

For a moment, Remus forgot how to breathe. He scoured his brain for a natural response, but was at a total loss. He had to wing it.

"Really? Um, why werewolves?"

"Because I feel they're poorly represented in the curriculum, not to mention completely misunderstood."

Talking to Claire about werewolves was surreal. As much as he knew he should change the subject, he didn't. He was curious to hear her thoughts despite the nervous tightening in his stomach.

"How so?"

"For starters, Professor Jaeger told us that werewolves have an innate desire to kill. I argued that it couldn't be an innate desire, because most werewolves aren't born with lycanthropy, but contract it later in life through no fault of their own. The general public is too apathetic to do their own research, so they just absorb whatever these hateful, bigoted idiots tell them. It's quite a statement on humanity when we allow people to tell us what to think and believe without even questioning it."

"But werewolves are dangerous, Claire. You can't deny that."

"Dangerous for one night every month. But did you know that many werewolves bite themselves instead so they can avoid harming others? That they aren't all these bloodthirsty killers that we've been brainwashed to believe they are?"

Remus thought of Fenrir Greyback. "Some are."

"True, and the ones that are need help that is never offered to them. But the point is, many are not like that. Many are just regular people trying get through life despite their affliction. I think they should be heralded, not shunned. It takes a strong person to thrive in the face of that kind of adversity, and I have nothing but respect for the werewolves that do."

Hearing her talk in such an educated manner about lycanthropy lit the flame inside him that he'd done his best to extinguish months before. But its warmth faded fast, as he reminded himself that just because she thought werewolves deserved to live their lives with dignity didn't mean she wanted to date one. And even if she did, he could never allow her to throw her life away on him.

"Sounds like you know your subject," he said, swallowing the hurt inside.

"I plan to get top marks on this one," she said with a chuckle. "You know, it's a rather depressing subject matter sometimes."

There it was. He was almost glad she said it. Any hope that kept trying to force its way into his heart was deterred. Werewolves were depressing. Sad. Pathetic.

"I imagine it is."

"Not just because they suffer so greatly, but also because they often don't have a high opinion of themselves. They deny themselves aspects of life that other people take for granted. Things like relationships."

"Maybe they just don't trust people to accept them for what they are. Can you blame them?"

"No, I can't. But some feel so ashamed, because society tells them to be, of course, that they isolate themselves, believing that they aren't worthy of love and affection. I find that depressing, because they're human after all, and love is one of the best things about being human."

He heard the words escape his throat before he could stop himself. "Please, Claire. It's lovely that you are giving them some positive exposure through your presentation, but don't tell me you would want to have a relationship with a werewolf."

"No, you're right," she said, stopping at the stairs that led to library.

She looked him in the eyes, and the pain her response caused in him was visceral, tearing at his insides like a Griffin's claws. He wanted to disappear, not to his room, but into the darkness of the forest, anywhere but in that castle, filled with normal healthy witches and wizards that would lead rich, fulfilling lives while he would always be displaced, surviving at the fringes of society, alone. Utterly alone.

He blinked a few times as he nodded his head, about to tell her goodnight, when she reached out and touched his arm. A lump immediately formed in his throat as he fought her gaze.

"But I would want a relationship with an intelligent, fascinating human being," she said. "One with sparkling eyes and a kind soul… just like yours, whether he's a werewolf or not."

He held his breath as he raised his eyes to meet hers, feeling the hair on the back of his neck stand up. Her expression was urgent, and her gaze never faltered from him. His heart pounded in his chest. She knew.

She knew.

_She knew._

He rubbed a hand across his face and looked at her again, trying to keep his composure.

In a trembling voice he said, "I'm not sure what you're saying."

"Listen. When you broke up with me, I was so confused… _angry_ even. First, at you, then at myself for not being good enough for you, then at myself again for being so hard on myself when _you_ were the one that treated my heart like a Bludger."

Remus winced, grasping the railing and lowering himself onto a step. Hearing her express the way he made her feel was excruciating.

She sat down next to him, setting her books aside. "I went over it and over it in my mind, so many times, trying to figure out what went wrong. I thought maybe you found me attractive, but changed your mind when you got to know me. I tried to figure out what I did to offend you. Then I thought that maybe you were just a shallow prat, who preferred someone brainless and uncomplicated."

"No, Claire, none of that is true."

"Just let me finish, please," she implored. Remus nodded, staring down at his knees as she continued to tear his heart out. "I always came to the same conclusion, that maybe we just weren't meant to be, and there was no way to explain it and I'd just have to accept it. But then, I'd look at the bracelet you gave me, and I'd remember how you kissed me, and how your hand felt when it held mine. I'd remember how we got along so well that it was as though I'd known you my entire life. How I felt excited when I saw you, and missed you when you were gone, and I didn't think it possible to feel that way about someone who didn't feel the same for me. I reckoned you must have felt _something_ for me, and it must have been real."

"It was. You have to know that. Everything between us… it meant the world to me."

He stopped talking as his voice caught.

"I _do_ know that now," she said, putting her hand on his face and forcing him to look at her. "And I think I know why you ended it." She paused as she stared into his eyes. In a whisper, she asked, "Are you a werewolf, Remus? Because I think you are. And I think you broke up with me so you could protect us both."

He closed his eyes, his tears forcing their way out against his will.

" _Please_ , Remus, tell me I'm wrong and I will never bother you again, I promise you. But if I'm right, you have _nothing_ to _fear_. I will never tell a soul. And I won't abandon you, either. Just trust me, _please_."

He opened his eyes to see tears on her cheeks as well. One lie, that was all it would take to make it all go away, but he couldn't do it. He wanted to be with her again.

Biting the inside of his lip, he nodded several times. Claire pressed her forehead to his and smiled, letting out a small noise that was a cross between a laugh and a sob. Remus squeezed his eyes shut, the blanket of shame and hurt that he wrapped himself in for the past few months slowing falling away.

"Oh, sweetheart," Claire breathed, "I'm so relieved."

He smiled through his tears. "You are?"

"That sounds terribly selfish – I only mean that I'm relieved that you still like me. Not that I'm happy that you have to suffer so much."

"I don't think it's possible not to like you," he replied. "But Claire, you really should take some time to think about this. About us, and what it's like to be with someone like me."

"I've had enough time to think about it," she replied, lacing her fingers through his. "And to be honest, it really didn't require much thought. Remus, I've missed you terribly."

"I've missed you too, so much it hurt to breathe sometimes, but werewolves don't lead stable lives. It's not easy for us to have careers or families. What about the future? _Your_ future?"

"All I know of the future is that I hope to be by your side. I love being with you. Can you accept that?"

He nodded again, words not coming easy.

Claire wiped his cheek with her fingertips. "At the risk of sounding forward, I really want to kiss you right n-"

His lips met hers, and what started off as a gentle kiss, a reacquainting of sorts, quickly escalated into feverish one. He'd kissed Claire several times, but those kisses paled in comparison. Claire pulled him closer and pressed herself to him, her fingers raking through his hair. Remus had never felt so alive, nor had he ever felt so utterly normal since his roommates first included him in their troublemaking all those years before, even after finding out about his condition. But just then, Claire was everything, and as her hands trailed down his neck, he decided that he would allow her to love him, because the alternative was too dark and desolate for him to bear.

"I've wanted to kiss you like this since the first day I met you in the courtyard," she confessed.

"I've wanted to kiss you like this since the beginning of the school year."

"I wish I'd known. So many kisses we've missed!"

He moved to her neck. "We'll just have to make up for them."

Claire closed her eyes as she tipped her head back and beamed. "That won't be difficult."

Suddenly, Remus pulled back. Claire's smile faded as worry briefly creased her brow.

"Just one thing," he said. "How did you figure it out? Did someone tell you?"

"No," she replied as she ran her fingers along the side of his face, smiling again. "No one told me anything. It all started with a game called, 'What Would You Do If?'"

"I'm familiar with that game," he replied, remembering his run-in with Lily.

Claire explained everything, from that day by the lake and questioning Annabelle in the library, to her research that she'd been doing for weeks and seeing him so sick before the full moon. Upon hearing her story, Remus wasn't one bit surprised at how it all played out.

"Johnny B. strikes again," he said.

"I have to thank Johnny B. twice now," she replied. "Once for introducing me to you, and twice for bringing you back to me."

Her brown eyes shimmered in the torchlight, and that delicious ache that he'd been missing without her returned to his chest with a vengeance. It was like he was seeing her for the first time, now that his wall of secrets had crumbled into dust. He was vulnerable without it, but she'd been vulnerable all along, and he would do anything to heal the wounds he'd inflicted on her heart.

"You're incredible," he said to her, finding it hard to articulate his feelings.

She blushed. "So are you. Now let's get back to what we were doing before." She tapped a finger to her neck. "I think your lips were right here."

He grinned, and continued where he'd left off.

 


	19. Gobshite

The news of Remus and Claire getting back together surprised everyone, except for Johnny B., who said he knew it was only a matter of time. Annabelle and Lily were so excited that they tackled Remus to the floor in a bout of hugs and giddiness. He laughed and thanked them all for their help, even if he hadn't been receptive to it at the time. Alice's eyes filled with tears when she heard. She'd been so worried about him, and even though she'd warned the others against pushing him, she was thrilled that it all worked out in his favour. He had been her lab partner and friend for years, so his emotional struggles affected her as well, and she hoped he was on his way to loving himself more.

On Tuesday morning, Jaeger was a tyrant in class, not picking on anyone in particular, but making them miserable just the same. It was obvious that he wanted them all to know what a strong, powerful wizard he was, considering the blow-up doll prank was still on everyone's minds. He'd shouted and blustered for the entire lesson, then assigned them reams of work to do, so much that the majority of the class couldn't possibly finish it all. It was clearly a punishment for laughing at the prank. At the very least, Annabelle thought they'd escape without any personal attacks from the man, but she was wrong.

"Miss O'Neill, I'd like to speak with you," he called out as the class was exiting. " _Alone."_

Sirius eyes flashed angrily, and he sat down on top of a desk. Jaeger turned red in the face and was about to confront him when Annabelle intervened. She couldn't allow the situation to escalate any further. Not with Dumbledore at his wit's end with them as it was.

"Sirius, please," she said. "Just wait outside."

Sirius glared at Jaeger. "Not a fucking chance."

She walked over to him, and whispered, "Please? He wants you to resist so he can punish us some more. You're only pleasing him by disobeying. Just wait outside, okay?"

Sirius peeled his eyes off Jaeger and looked at her. "Fine. But if he upsets you, _tell me._ Enough is enough."

"I will, I will."

Once Sirius was gone, she approached Jaeger at his desk.

"Miss O'Neill. So good of you stay."

She made a concerted effort not to curl her lip in disgust. "Is there something important you need to speak to me about? If not, I'd like to go."

He chuckled arrogantly. "I think you'll find that it's important. The problem is, I was rather taken aback by your wretched display during last Thursday's class. Talking back, throwing books, leaving before dismissal... I'm sure you won't forget your manners again, or else reckoning day will arrive much sooner than I anticipated."

"Will it?"

"Do you really want me to answer that?"

"If reckoning day arrives for me, it will for you too," she said in a low, steady voice. "Dominica and I go back many years. So you might not want to threaten me unless you're willing to take your chances."

His eyes widened briefly, long enough for Annabelle to surmise that she'd taken him off guard by acknowledging his creepy relationship with Dominica, but then his customary sneer returned.

"I don't know what you are talking about. But don't forget, the stakes are high, Miss O'Neill. Your very future depends on them."

"May I go?"

He smiled widely. "You may."

As Annabelle headed toward the door, a seventh-year Hufflepuff whose name she couldn't remember entered the room. She regarded Annabelle smugly. Annabelle almost asked her why she was there, but Jaeger spoke quickly.

"Ah, Miss Leland. You're early for your tutoring. Come in, come in."

"Tutoring?" Annabelle hissed to the girl as she passed her. "Is that what they're calling it these days?"

Jaeger stood up from his desk, aware that Annabelle had said something to the girl.

"Good _day_ , Miss O'Neill."

She decided not to prolong her stay by responding. When she got to the corridor, Sirius was waiting for her.

"Well? What did he want?" he asked as soon as he saw her.

"Just to scold me for my outburst on Thursday."

Sirius clenched his jaw. "After the way he talked to you."

"You know how he is. He's just trying to remind me he's in charge."

Sirius glowered and eyed the classroom door. Annabelle knew he was thinking of going back to confront Jaeger. She reached for his hand.

"Let's go, love. I want to fix something in my Transfiguration essay before class."

He hesitated, then looked back to the classroom again before surrendering and walking away. It was getting harder for him to overlook Jaeger's taunts, and Annabelle knew it was just a matter of time until Sirius reached his breaking point. If she didn't reach hers first. Either way, it would be disastrous.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Saturday came too quickly for Annabelle's liking. She no longer looked forward to visiting her mother. Sirius kept reminding her that she had a choice, and she didn't have to go if she was uncomfortable with the situation, but she'd already said she would. And that little spark of hope, the one that told her Colleen was still on the road to recovery, just wouldn't die.

They stuck to casual weekend clothes, not bothering to make an extra effort for dinner in Golding Tower. Annabelle thought she should bring something, flowers, or a cake, but James said he ate dinner with his parents all the time and they never expected him to bring anything.

"But you live there when you're not here," Annabelle pointed out.

"Under different circumstances, you would be living with your mum as well," he explained.

Annabelle wished she had parents like Mr. and Mrs. Potter, or even like Lily's parents. Involved. Stable. Sober. She would settle for sober.

Sirius held her hand tightly on the train ride to Colleen's. He had a hunch that they wouldn't be staying for dinner. Colleen had been a wreck last time they saw her, not even hiding the fact that she was using. And even though Annabelle admitted that her mother was having problems staying clean, he knew deep down she was hoping for a miracle. He was too, because it would mean Annabelle would get what she wanted, a real relationship with her mother.

After dodging glass bottles, swerving round a brawl in the lobby, leaving some coins in Tommy-the-beggar's cup, and holding their breath as best they could in the lift, they made it to Colleen's floor. The door was partially open again, and Annabelle swore under her breath about her mother's inability to take proper care of herself.

But once inside, it was clear that Colleen wasn't there. The air still smelled of cigarette smoke, so she couldn't have been gone for long. Annabelle checked the bathroom while Sirius looked around. He found an envelope with Annabelle's name on it. She reappeared from the bathroom, wide-eyed and pale.

"Her stuff - it's gone."

"What stuff?"

"Her toothbrush, hairbrush…"

Annabelle darted to the chest of drawers next to her bed on the far side of the small flat. Wrenching the drawers open, her fears were realised.

"Her clothes are gone," she said, fighting the panic seizing her. "Do you think she moved in with Martin?"

"I don't know, but she left you a letter."

She crossed the room and took the envelope, tearing it open and reading it to herself.

**_Dear Annie,_ **

**_Martin says he can get me a job back home in Belfast. I have an old friend there that says she has room in her house for me. Maybe if I change my environment, then I can beat it. But I don't know. All I know is that I'm bad for you right now. I'm so sorry, for everything, but I still hope that someday I can be the mother you deserve._ **

**_Please believe that I love you._ **

**_Mam_ **

Annabelle faltered, dropping the letter to the floor. She rested one hand on the wall, the other on her stomach as she bent slightly and tried to catch her breath. It was as though the wind had been knocked out of her, and she thought she'd never breathe again.

"What did it say?" Sirius asked her, feeling shaken by her reaction.

"My mother left me again," she forced out of her constricted throat.

She began to sob, the hurt clawing at her heart, and she thought that it must have been what Sirius was feeling in London the week after his father nearly beat him to death.

Sirius grabbed the letter from the floor and scanned its contents. Dropping it again, he pulled Annabelle to him in an embrace, his heart pounding painfully. They sunk to the floor and he held her as her body seemed to break piece by piece with sobs. He was trembling with the shock of it, but he held on, rocking her gently as she gradually began to relax, the intensity of her cries diminishing into soft weeping. He knew what it was like to feel irrelevant to the people that by all natural laws were meant to love and care for you the most. And even though Colleen claimed to love Annabelle, she still disappeared with no regard for her daughter's broken heart.

"I'll never leave you, Annie. Do you hear me? I promise I will never hurt you like this."

She tightened her grip on him, and they sat on the floor for a while, Annabelle wrapped in his arms. Sirius lost track of time. He didn't know if a half hour had passed, or if it was only ten minutes, but eventually he said, "Let's go. I want to get you back to the castle."

She nodded and stood up, and Sirius took her arms and draped them around his neck, hugging her to him.

"Hold on tight," he said.

One loud pop and a dizzying ride later, they appeared in the woods at the edge of Hogsmeade where no one would likely catch them apparating. They stumbled a bit upon landing, but managed to stay afoot, and after the vertigo passed, Sirius offered her his arm. She took it, grateful for the stability it provided.

"Will you tell Dumbledore for me?" she asked.

"Yes, but you know Dumbledore. He'll probably want to talk to you about it."

"Tell him I'm fine, and that I don't need to talk about it. I can't, Sirius. I just can't."

"I'll try my best."

That evening, after Sirius explained to their friends what had happened, Alice came into the dorm room and sat down on Annabelle's bed.

"Sirius wants me to tell you that he doesn't think you should be alone right now. He's concerned, Annie. We all are."

Annabelle wiped her eyes. She knew they cared, but she didn't want to talk about it. There was just such an emptiness inside of her that she didn't know how to articulate. Besides, Colleen was gone, and Annabelle felt Sirius deserved a break from her problems.

"Just tell him I'm asleep."

"He's not going to be happy, but I'll tell him."

Annabelle did fall asleep soon after, and in her nightmares, her mother was drowning, being sucked into a whirlpool in the middle of the sea that kept growing until it was impossible to see her. Annabelle jumped from the small boat she was in and thrashed her arms about in the choppy water, the waves making it impossible to swim. In her attempt to save her mother, she found herself drowning as well.

It was the middle of the night when she woke up in tears. Once she realised it was only a dream, she put her head back on her sweaty pillow and wept as quietly as she could. Lily shifted in her bed.

"Annie?" she whispered. "Are you all right?"

"Yes," she replied, but Lily knew better and got out of her bed, slipping in beside Annabelle. She pulled Annabelle's head to her neck and let her cry on her, stroking her hair the way Annabelle always imagined a mother would.

"You're going to be a great mum someday," she said to Lily. "Maybe you could adopt Sirius and me."

Lily giggled. "All right, but then you'd be siblings."

Annabelle giggled too. "Could I share a room with him, then?"

"That's so pervy, Annie," she replied, trying to control her laughter.

"Relax. I was going to suggest bunk beds."

The girls laughed again, a bit too loudly that time.

They heard Lorelei's bed creak and the shuffle of sheets. "Shut your _fucking_ gobs," she droned in a tired voice.

Of course, her grouchy tone only made the girls want to laugh harder. Lorelei sighed and turned over sharply, and resumed her grizzly snoring. Lily and Annabelle eventually stopped laughing, and Annabelle's thoughts returned to her mother.

Lily gave her a squeeze. "You're a good daughter, Annie. One doesn't need to be your mum to see that."

"Thank you, Lily."

Eventually, they fell asleep, Lily keeping Annabelle close so she wouldn't have to feel alone.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

The next few days were difficult for Annabelle as she attempted to find some closure where there was none. Sadness consumed her, but in the drop of a hat, anger would burn in its place until something triggered her sadness again. Guilt also reared its distorted head along with an unhealthy dose of shame and regret. Any shred of joy or peace had been sapped from her as she sat amongst her friends in a haze of desolation. Even when she was with them - studying, doing assignments, walking to meals that she barely ate - she was elsewhere, adrift.

Sirius did his best to be understanding, but felt helpless seeing her so depressed. She'd pulled him out of his own emotional quicksand time and time again, and he wanted to do the same for her, but he didn't know how. Lily told him to give her time, but he hated to sit by and do nothing while Annabelle was so torn up inside. Colleen was like a violent storm, brief but dangerous, wreaking havoc and leaving nothing but brokenness in her wake, and he hoped she'd never come back.

On Wednesday evening, Annabelle sat next to him at a study table while they did their assignments. She had her elbow on the table and her head in her hand, her face resigned and distant. Every time Sirius looked at her, she wasn't writing, but staring wearily into space.

He reached over and brushed her cheek with the end of his quill. She looked at him with a blank expression.

"What can I do to help you?" he asked.

She forced a weak smile. "Nothing, love. I'll be fine."

Her response hurt him, he couldn't deny it. Not because she was being cruel, but because she was keeping him out. And of the people in the world he wanted to feel comfortable sharing herself with him, it was Annabelle.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Annabelle almost didn't go to Defence against the Darks Arts on Thursday morning. She hadn't finished their ridiculously excessive assignment, and Sirius didn't even attempt it. It wasn't worth his time, or anyone's, he pointed out, since it was just busy work. Nothing valuable to be learnt from it, so why fall behind in other subjects just to please a madman? Annabelle told him to copy hers, even offering to copy it for him just to avoid another showdown, but he refused on principle. Copying her homework would defeat the purpose of not wasting time on it, he said.

"Have your assignments on your desk, ready to be assessed," Jaeger commanded once the class had settled. He wasn't even collecting it, the lazy sod. He just wanted to see who completed it.

Some students pretended that they thought it was due the following week, others begged him for more time. Some scrambled to fill in the missing answers with gibberish, now that they saw he wasn't actually reading every response. As far as Annabelle knew, her friends had all done their best, but only got about two-thirds of the way through it, just as she had.

"I was extremely clear with the deadline," he replied, starting down the aisle on the left side of the room. Sirius' aisle.

He walked slowly, giving each roll of parchment a once over followed by a _tsk_ or a _very good_. When he reached Sirius, he seemed almost happy to have an opportunity to tear into him.

"No assignment, Mr. Black?"

Sirius glanced up at him and shook his head, his eyebrows raised with a slight sneer on his face.

"Why would I expect anything else from you?" Jaeger replied. "Anything that requires some intellect on your part sends you into a catatonic, mouth-breathing stupor, I'm sure."

A few snickers could be heard, most likely from some of Sirius' Slytherin adversaries.

"Are you saying you think I'm thick, Professor?" he asked, mildly entertained by the implication.

"I think you are robbing others of life-giving oxygen just by being here."

Sirius snorted a laugh. "Are you worried about not having enough oxygen to inflate your next wife?"

More laughter from the class ensued, but one sharp look from Jaeger put an end to it. The humiliation over the doll incident was still fresh, and he, like Dumbledore and most likely everyone else, clearly thought Sirius was among the guilty.

"NO. I mean _this_ ," Jaeger spat, bending slightly toward Sirius with his eyes wide. "You are a _waste of air_ , Mr. Black. Whatever gods that exist in this realm played a vile, unnecessary joke on the world when they created you."

Sirius narrowed his eyes, but stayed still as a statue, focusing on the back of Lily's chair as the man continued to beat him with his words.

"You are arrogant, yet so utterly useless that I'm astounded you find even an ounce of value in yourself. Flesh… Blood… Heartbeat... These precious gifts were never wasted so greatly as they were the day you were born. How do you not smash the glass when you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror? Or do you avoid mirrors full stop, afraid of the festering disgrace you'll see there?"

"Stop it! Right now!" Annabelle cried out, her stomach in knots over the poison spewing from Jaeger's mouth.

"Yes, stop it!" Lily echoed. "You have no right to talk to a student like that!"

"If you girls are wise," Jaeger warned, "you will kindly refrain from interfering again."

Sirius gave an almost imperceptible shake of the head to Annabelle before looking away, a request for her to stay out of it. The rest of class was quiet, stunned. It was beyond cruel. Sirius leaned back and crossed his arms over himself, his eyes fixed on his desk. He remained silent.

Annabelle felt her throat tightening as she thought of how often in Sirius' life he'd been told that he was a waste and a disgrace. She had almost gone out of her mind trying to stop Sirius from thinking those same toxic things Jaeger was feeding him all over again. The saddest part was, there would always be a small part of Sirius that was inclined to believe those lies. Sure, he could be irreverent, and sometimes downright defiant, but this persecution was undeserved. If Jaeger was a professional, he'd have worked to develop a rapport with Sirius, but no, he'd been demeaning and antagonistic from the start. Every altercation between the two of them was provoked by Jaeger himself.

She turned sideways in her chair, willing Sirius to look at her again, but he kept his eyes down, his jaw clenching and his shoulders hunched.

"I asked you a question, Mr. Black."

Sirius remained still.

"Cat got your tongue? For once?" Jaeger squawked.

James leaned in and whispered to Annabelle, "I'm going to hex him. Have my back, all right?"

Annabelle found herself nodding as James took aim, but Jaeger expelled his wand before James could make a sound. He may have been a lazy teacher, but he'd been ready to defend himself.

"Nice try, Mr. Potter, but I didn't win awards for defence training in honour of my good breeding."

James slumped back in his chair. "Fuck."

Jaeger wasn't interested in James though, and he focused on Sirius again, but not without stealing another peek at Annabelle.

"Oh how the mighty fall when revealed for what they truly are," he declared.

"Bloody gobshite," Annabelle seethed.

"What was that Miss O'Neill? Rescuing your useless loverboy since he can't help himself? So noble… like your grandfather, coming to the aid of those who can't fend for themselves. You'd be wise to remember where it got him."

"I said you're a bloody, stinking _gobshite_ ," Annabelle repeated, ignoring his thinly veiled threat. "That means your mouth is full of _shit_."

James giggled behind her, pressing is hand over his mouth in an effort to silence himself.

"Thank you for the lesson in etymology, but it doesn't change the fact that young Mr. Black here is not going to make it past his seventeenth birthday if he doesn't get his act together. Death Eaters prey on the weak."

"And you're not going to make it past this class if you don't shut the fuck up," James warned.

One corner of Jaeger's mouth quirked upward. "Is that a threat?"

"No, sir, it's a promise," James retorted.

The bell rang, but no one moved. All they needed was some popcorn and they would have stayed for another whole hour watching the show. Jaeger had been wise to keep his pool of targets limited to just Sirius, Annabelle, and occasionally James. No one else was going to rat him out because they were too afraid that he'd turn his abuse on them, or they were too eager for the entertainment the verbal sparring brought to an otherwise monotonous class. And Jaeger must have known Sirius and James' friends would keep quiet, seeing as they wouldn't want to make the situation any worse.

"Mr. Potter, have you ever seen a baby get angry, screaming and swiping his little hands in a tantrum? That's what your threats are like to me. Truly comical, but wholly ineffective. Class is dismissed."

The students began to pack up their belongings. James marched over to Sirius, and Annabelle was about to stand up when Jaeger was there, his lips pressing into the shell of her ear. She flinched and went rigid, feeling like worms were crawling under her skin.

"Detention. Saturday at two. _Don't be late_."

He walked away, and Annabelle glanced over to where her friends had gathered round Sirius. They hadn't seen Jaeger approach her; students had been in the aisles blocking the view. Her head throbbed, and frustration like she'd never known before ripped through her. It took all the self-control she had left not to flip the desk. Her eyes stung with tears but she fought them hard, not wanting to give the man the pleasure of knowing he'd got to her.

Glaring at Jaeger as she picked up her book and parchments, she wanted him to look at her. She was shaking, and violent thoughts filled her head as a wandless hex tickled the tips of her fingers. But he just sat there, smirking down at his grade book, fully aware that he had won. Before she could act on her fury, Sirius was at her side, his presence reminding her that she was not the only one the man wanted to destroy.

"Nothing he said is true. You know that, right?" she asked him, her voice strained. "He doesn't know the first thing about you."

His vacant eyes looked down and with a bitterness in his tone, he replied, "I know. His words mean nothing to me."

"Good, because he's clearly threatened by you," she announced, loud enough so that Jaeger would hear.

Before she could say another word, Sirius took her by the hand and led her out the door.

"Don't get yourself in trouble, Annie," he said as they exited.

She couldn't bear that this was happening because of _her_ , or because of the professor's strange animosity for her. It was obvious he hadn't been a supporter of her grandfather, which was common among purebloods, but it was known that Jaeger wasn't a pureblood. Maybe he just didn't like people who disagreed with his brand of cruelty. People who believed in compassion.

Once they were in the stairwell, she threw her arms around Sirius, squeezing him. Sirius gave her head a rub as he returned the hug. A heavy sigh escaped him and it was like a rake across her heart. She could sense that he was losing the will to defend himself.

"I'm so sorry," she said, her words a plea for absolution.

Her head was still pressed against his neck, and he tipped his head to meet her eyes. "Why are you sorry?"

"He hates me… so he belittles you."

"I can take it. But I think it's time he learned a lesson."

Annabelle pulled back. "What do you mean?"

"James and I are going to get him. And I don't mean a childish prank."

"Sirius…"

"We're just going to scare him. Make him beg for mercy before he realises he's been had."

"Sirius, don't. You'll get expelled. You will!"

"Only if he catches us. Which he won't."

Annabelle felt her stomach lurch. She felt powerless. First her mother, now this…. She thought she might end up in St. Mungo's soon from a nervous breakdown.

"Don't worry, Annie. We're going to think it through first. Form a solid plan before we act."

"Don't do it. You mustn't. He's mad, you know that!"

Sirius tightened his jaw. "We can't just sit by and do nothing, either!"

Gripping his face in her hands, she implored him. "Please. Don't be reckless. We've only a few more months until summer. We can make it. Don't let him win."

Sirius squeezed his eyes shut and broke away from her.

"Fuck!" he shouted into the rafters. "He's already winning!"

He slumped against the wall, then turned his back to Annabelle as he pressed his head against the cold stones. He tugged at his hair as his shoulders rose and fell.

She hesitated before approaching him, placing a tentative hand on his lower back and leaning in next to him. He appeared to be fighting his own frustrated tears, and it broke her heart. Taking him into her arms, she whispered, "He can't hurt us if we don't let him."

Sirius nodded his head against hers. She decided to wait until later to tell him about the detention. Much later.

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By Friday evening, Annabelle still hadn't told him. She'd found various reasons to avoid him during the day, running errands for Professor McGonagall, playing Gobstones with Zelda and Twyla, organising her trunk before the upcoming Easter break… anything so that she'd have a valid excuse when he asked why she didn't tell him about it sooner. But she couldn't avoid him any longer, and when Lily pulled her under the invisibility cloak, willing her to go to the boys' room to read the literature assignment together, she found herself out of excuses.

"But I'm tired, Lil," she whined.

"Wake up, then, before I lose my nerve."

Annabelle sighed but gave in easily, since it wasn't often that Lily suggested breaking rules. "Fine. But you're under an invisibility cloak. No one will catch us."

"I know. I'm just not used to sneaking into the boys' dorms."

"Well neither am I!" Annabelle replied, suppressing a giggle as they started down the stairs. Sure, she'd done it more times than Lily had, but it certainly wasn't an everyday occurrence.

"I know, but you don't seem as nervous about it anymore."

Lily's observation was correct, Annabelle wasn't nervous about it anymore, especially when she had a friend taking the risk with her. She reckoned she had bigger things to worry about. And she knew Sirius and James would charm the door to prevent anyone from just walking in and catching them there.

The boys' door was slightly ajar when the girls got there, and they pushed it open, slipping quietly inside. James smiled and jogged toward the door, closing it behind them. Lily pulled the cloak off and handed it to James, who hung it on a hook for them.

Sirius was casually sprawled out on his bed, propped up against his pillows with his lit book open and resting face down on his chest. He grinned at Annabelle and butterflies flitted in her stomach. He could make the most mundane acts appear devastatingly sexy without an ounce of effort. But then she remembered she hadn't told him or anyone about her detention, and the butterflies fluttered away, leaving her hollow.

"Where're Remus and Peter?" Lily asked as she followed James to his bed, hesitant to sit down on it. Only when Annabelle sat down on the edge of Sirius' bed did Lily do the same.

"Remus is studying with Claire-"

"So he says," Sirius interjected, a wry smile on his perfect lips.

Annabelle glanced at him, and when he met her eyes, she couldn't help but smile as well.

"Right," James agreed with a smirk. "And Peter is playing chess with some wanker Slytherin."

James picked up his lit book from his bedside table and pushed his glasses up. "So, who wants to start? That is, if you really want to read. These curtains are soundproof you know."

He gave his bed curtain a tug and wagged his eyebrows at Lily, who responded with a nudge to his ribs. She was grinning though, and James knew better than to push his luck.

Sirius sat up straighter and moved his feet to the floor. Scooting closer to Annabelle, he said, "I'll start."

It didn't take long before their reading turned into shameless, over-the-top acting. In their silliness, they made even the most mundane parts of _Oliver Twist_ entertaining. Sirius and Annabelle hadn't been keen on the idea of reading about an orphan, since it might hit too close to home for them, but reading it in such an absurd manner with their best friends made it tolerable, fun even. Not wanting the fun to end, they read a few chapters ahead before finally getting tired from all the laughing, and closed their books for the night.

"Who wants to listen some records?" James asked, grasping at any reason to keep Lily there a while longer.

"I wouldn't mind," she answered and followed him to his trunk to look at his collection.

Annabelle flopped back onto the mattress, feeling at peace for the first time in weeks. Of course, when she acknowledged her peacefulness, she was reminded of why she shouldn't feel that way as Colleen flashed into her consciousness. Her smile instantly faded. Sirius reclined next to her, his head propped up by his arm.

"What are you thinking?"

"That's a loaded question," she replied.

"Tell me anyway."

"You know. My mum. Other stuff."

"What other stuff?"

She rubbed her hands over her face, wondering if she could get away with not telling him about the detention at all. Make up some excuse, serve the detention, and he'd be none the wiser. But when she looked into his eyes, she couldn't do it. If he found out she'd kept it from him entirely, he'd be crushed.

"There's something I have to tell you, but you have to promise to stay calm, because it really isn't a big deal."

James put on an album by a new artist named Elvis Costello. A song called _Alison_ began to play, and James pulled Lily close for a dance.

Sirius' eyes narrowed, intent on Annabelle's. "This is about Jaeger, isn't it?"

She covered her face again in an effort to compose herself, but Sirius was already thinking the worst.

"Did he say something else to you?" he asked, sitting upright. "Did he _hurt_ you somehow?"

"Hurt me? No, nothing like that," she replied, taking a deep breath and sitting up as well.

His lips grew tight. "What did he do?"

James and Lily stopped dancing, turning their attention to Annabelle and Sirius.

"He gave me a detention. I have to serve it tomorrow at two o'clock."

"What?" Lily gasped.

"When did he do that?" Sirius demanded. "Why didn't you tell us?"

"After he dismissed us yesterday," she replied. "I didn't want you to overreact and get into a confrontation with him. It's just another silly detention."

"For _what?_ " Sirius implored, getting up from the bed.

"I think it's obvious. I called him a stinking gobshite."

"I called him a tool and I didn't get a detention! James tried to hex him yesterday! Why _you_?"

"I- I don't know."

Sirius walked over to the window, leaned against the narrow sill, and scrubbed his hands though his hair.

"Don't go," James suggested with a shrug.

Annabelle let out an exasperated huff. "I have to go."

"What's he going to do if you don't go?" he questioned her.

"I don't know… tell Dumbledore?"

"So what? Dumbledore will see your side of it."

"So he'll tell Dumbledore what you lot said as well."

"Will he though? He only seems interested in punishing you."

Annabelle had to bite her tongue to keep from telling him all that Jaeger had on them and how skipping the detention just wasn't worth the risk. She was determined to see it through to the end of year, and beyond if he returned in the autumn.

"You never know. And it's just a detention. Really, it's nothing."

The more she said it, the more she was convinced that it wasn't that big a deal. She rose and went to the window where Sirius stood. He didn't move.

"Sirius, I'll be fine. I always am."

Finally, he turned round to face her. "If he so much as breathes on you, tell me. It will be his last breath, I assure you."

Annabelle swallowed painfully, trying to downplay the situation. "If he breathes on me I'll blast him through a window, all right?"

"If you don't pass out from the smell of his breath first," James retorted.

Annabelle giggled quietly at the joke, but Sirius scowled. She didn't know what else to do to ease his frustration.

"He's just a massive wanker," she added. "But he's not a threat to me."

"You said yesterday that he wanted to belittle me because he hates you. I think the reverse is true as well. He hates me, and he knows I can't stop him from punishing you. It's like we're pawns in a game he's playing."

"If that's the case, he won't win," she replied. "I'm just going to hold my head high and do the detention, because he'd love it if I didn't."

"Annie's right," Lily said. "If she misses the detention, he'll only have more to lord over her."

Sirius wasn't placated, and he continued to sulk. But the record was still playing and Annabelle wanted to hold him. They both needed comfort, the weight of injustice too heavy to bear alone.

"Let's dance," she said, guiding his arms around her. He needed little prompting as he buried his face in her hair, holding her tight. Her arms encircled his neck and she rubbed her temple against his jawline, feeling the slight scratch of barely-there stubble.

"I hate that he's hurting you and I can't do anything about it," he whispered in her ear.

"You do more for me than you know."

They danced until it grew late. Lily and James had been stealing kisses, but Lily's discomfort with snogging in front of others won out over her desire to keep kissing him, and she suggested to Annabelle that they head back to the girls' dorms.

Parting with Sirius was never easy, especially when they needed each other at the moment, but like Lily, Annabelle wasn't about to get too comfortable when others were in the room with them, no matter how soundproof the bed curtains were.

"Don't look so sad," Annabelle whispered to Sirius.

"I'll be thinking of you tonight," he said before cracking a smile. "Which makes it no different from any other night I reckon."

She kissed him, wishing she could skip ahead to the future when they could spend every night with each other, never being forced apart again. Time seemed to fly until she wanted it to, and then it moved at a snail's pace.

"Good night," she told him, but he kissed her one more time before releasing her to Lily, who was waiting by the door, her head resting against James' chest. James had the invisibility cloak in his hand and draped it over them, then opened the door. As the girls were heading down the stairs, Remus was making his way up with a dopey grin on his face, his hair rather dishevelled. They moved to the side so he could pass, and Lily couldn't resist poking him in the arm through the cloak.

He jumped, glanced around, and seeing no one, he quickened his stride up the stairs. The girls giggled, and he smiled in understanding.

"Good night," he called out to them.

"Good night," they echoed, still giggling as they rushed down the rest of the twisting stone steps, their presence going completely undetected by the rest of the dormitory's inhabitants.

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Sirius, James, Remus, and eventually Peter stayed up half the night, brainstorming ideas for how to teach Jaeger a lesson. Sirius knew Annabelle was against it, but he was sure they wouldn't get caught. The man couldn't keep getting away with demeaning them at every turn, not when Annabelle was still dealing with her mother leaving her again. She'd been trying so hard to be brave, but her sadness was always detectable, like a cloud that followed her everywhere. Jaeger was only making it worse for her by insulting her grandfather and punishing her repeatedly.

The problem was, they were having a tough time coming up with something monstrous enough to have an impact without actually harming the git. Sirius wasn't against harming him, but James said they had to be careful. If they accidentally did permanent damage, or worse, killed him, no one would have learnt anything except how to land themselves in Azkaban. No, they just had to scare him until he peed himself and let that be the end of it. He'd know they were the perpetrators, and he'd back off because he'd have no proof.

Their conjuring skills weren't quite as advanced as their transfiguration skills, which was unfortunate, because conjuring some epic, grotesque beast to fill the room around him would have been preferable. Even better, a likeness of Voldemort, whose wanted posters could be seen around Hogsmeade. They still hadn't ruled it out, and decided to practice the following afternoon. In the meantime, they would sleep on it.

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The next morning, Sirius knew by the way Annabelle hadn't touched her breakfast, by the way she was avoiding looking at him directly, and by her almost too-cheerful demeanour that she was nervous about the detention. At lunch, she didn't eat again, and she was pale, holding her stomach while trying to maintain some semblance of normalcy.

"Are you feeling okay?" he asked her as they walked back to Gryffindor, and she shook her head no. "Maybe you should lie down, forget the detention. Someone can tell him you're sick."

"Maybe a lie down will help," she replied. "But if I miss it, he'll only take it out on us in class, and he'll just reschedule it."

Yet again, he had the feeling that she wasn't telling him the whole story, just as he had after her first detention with Jaeger. She'd already proven that she could keep things from him. He'd never have known she had a detention at all if she hadn't told him the night before.

"Annie, I-"

He wanted to tell her that she needn't spare him the truth, but he knew she was against him seeking revenge, and he reckoned that whatever the truth was, it must have been something she felt would incite his rage further. If he didn't know her, he'd think she was trying to protect the professor.

"It's all going to be fine," she said before he could put his feelings into words. "I'm just going to rest for a bit."

He nodded. "Find me when you're ready to leave so I can walk with you."

"I don't think that's a good idea. Not when you're itching to confront him."

"I won't do anything, except maybe threaten him."

Annabelle chuckled. "See? You're not coming with me. Besides, I think I can manage walking there alone."

He didn't press her anymore. She was tense enough without worrying about him getting into a fight with Jaeger. And she was right, he might not be able to hold his tongue… or his anger. When they reached the common room, he watched, defeated, as she disappeared up the girls' staircase. Then he went to his own room to plot revenge.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

The dorm room was empty when Annabelle arrived; Lily and Alice had gone to the library to work on an essay for Transfiguration and she didn't have a clue where the other two were, but despite the quiet, she didn't actually nap. Her thoughts were too distracting. She considered Sirius' suggestion; skipping detention was an appealing option, but Jaeger would make them pay for it on Tuesday, she was sure of it. There was no way around it.

By half one, she found herself feeling drowsy, and remembering Jaeger's warning not to be late, she got up and headed out. She figured she could walk slowly and read in an empty classroom until two o'clock.

Sirius wasn't in the common room, though, so she approached Nico, who was playing a round of Exploding Snap with some other fourth-years, and asked him to find Sirius and tell him she was leaving. Nico obliged and when he reappeared, he was shaking his head.

"No answer when I knocked on their door. Tried the knob but it's locked."

"Did you knock hard?"

"I did. Want me to try again?"

Annabelle frowned. "No, it's not important. Thank you. Nico."

"Maybe they're having a kip."

"Maybe. If you see him, tell him I left early."

Not wanting to chance it in case he was actually napping, she decided to leave before she lost her nerve and played sick. She felt sad that she didn't get to see Sirius before she left, but she told herself she was just being foolish. It wasn't as though she was never going to see him again. But still, Sirius' presence beforehand would have fortified her in a way no one else's could have, and she'd been counting on that bit of strength to carry her through.

When she reached her destination, she sat down in the empty stairwell near the classroom and opened her book. She remembered what happened the last time she'd been early, and she wasn't sure she could stomach walking in on Jaeger in a compromising scene again, even if it gave her more to hold over his head. Taking deep breaths, she reminded herself that she was rather good at wandless magic and could defend herself if necessary. Unless he overpowered her… but she pushed that thought out of her head. Again, she told herself she was being ridiculous.

At about ten minutes to two, she heard a high-pitched sound, like a squeal. It startled her, and she stood up and peeked down the hallway. No one was there. When she heard it again a moment later, she realised it was coming from Jaeger's classroom. She wasn't sure if it was laughter or crying because the door was muffling the sound. She considered going for help, but the corridors in that part of the castle were empty on a Saturday afternoon and Annabelle had no time to go searching for someone, lest she be late.

Taking a few wary steps in the direction of the classroom, she stopped, waiting for the sound again. Hearing nothing, she exhaled and quickened her pace, deciding that being ten minutes early might mean she could leave ten minutes early. And she really just wanted to get it over with.

But when she reached the door, she hesitated. There was a sign on the door that read: **Detention for today is cancelled.** Relief flooded her, and as she turned to leave, she heard the sound again. That time she recognised it. It was Dominica, and she wasn't laughing. She was struggling – pleading for mercy.

"Just stop. I think you misunderstood! I don't like this!" she heard Dominica cry, her voice tense and shrill.

Annabelle felt a cold sweat break out all over her as her pulse pounded in her veins. Acting purely on adrenaline, she turned the knob slowly, but the door was locked. She pulled out her wand.

" _Alohamora,"_ she hissed, hoping to go unheard by Jaeger so she could catch him off guard. She had to stop him.

To her surprise, the lock clicked open. She'd expected better security measures from the renowned defence instructor, then again, he'd probably underestimated her. Gently turning the knob, she eased the door open. Her eyes went wide as she tried to process the scene before her. At the back of the classroom, Jaeger had Dominica pinned to the wall, his face centimetres away from hers.

"But I said you can trust me. I won't harm you in any way."

"Please, just let me go. I'll tell no one, I swear!" Dominica begged, her shoulders shaking with sobs.

"Let her go!" Annabelle shouted as she rushed inside, her wand aimed straight at Jaeger. A fraction of a second later and a flick of her hand, she managed to punch him in the face from across the room.

His head jarred back and he instinctively let go of Dominica's wrists which he'd had restrained against the wall. Dominica ran, sending a pleading look to Annabelle, as though Annabelle might reconsider helping her now that she knew it was her. Annabelle paid no mind, tossing her book aside and keeping her wand trained on the professor, who had adopted a malevolent smirk. She didn't even realise Dominica was gone until Jaeger spoke.

"You can put your wand down now, Miss O'Neill," Jaeger said, wiping blood from his lip. "She's gone and you can't take me on by yourself."

Annabelle couldn't believe Dominica would leave her alone with Jaeger after she'd just bloody saved her from the beast. But then again, she must have been terrified and Annabelle couldn't fault her for wanting to put as much distance between her and her attacker as possible.

"Don't be so sure!" she warned.

He laughed wildly, and Annabelle couldn't tell if he was bluffing or not. Wordlessly, he shot a hex at her - a burst of blue light which she ducked. If she'd known he was going to go crazy and curse her, she'd have stupefied him from him the start, but it was too late. She tried to curse him back, but a moment later he'd summoned her wand with a quick jerk of his hand. Frank had said he was extremely skilled at defence, and she admonished herself for doubting it.

There was a charged pause, and she swore she could hear her own heart pounding. She stared at him with his malicious, teeth-baring smile plastered across his face. Wandless magic had come easy to her, but she'd never been matched against someone of his skill before. Her body trembled, yet she decided to attempt it, and whipping her right hand out in front of her she yelled, " _Stupefy_!"

His shield spell blocked it and he counter-hexed her, the incantation " _Immobulus!"_ reverberating off the stone walls. Darting behind a column, she narrowly escaped, and she waited, breathing, trying to stay focused enough to fight back. The simpler the spell the easier it would be without a wand, but it had to do some damage. Maybe she could knock him out cold with an invisible fist.

The room had grown eerily silent, and she wasn't sure if he was still in the same spot or if he'd moved closer. She could barely force a breath as she tried to control her trembling. Swallowing her fear, she popped out from behind the pillar and shot out her arm. He was almost upon her.

" _Ferrumus_!" she cried, and with a cracking sound managed to send him staggering backwards, blood flowing instantly from his nose. But she hadn't succeeded in rendering him unconscious. She tried again, but he was ready for her, and casting the immobilising spell again, he froze her in place just as she turned to run. She began to scream, but he was one step ahead of her, grabbing her by the back of the neck and aiming two fingers at her mouth.

" _Silencio!"_

Annabelle had known the man was dirt, but she didn't know he would go to this extreme to keep her quiet. Frozen the way she was, she had no recourse. She was his to do with as he saw fit.

"Ever so naïve, Miss O'Neill, but I'm going to assume you finally understand who you're dealing with. Now, I can't let you go without making sure you understand how imperative it is for your own well-being, as well as that of your spoiled, delinquent boyfriend's, that you remain absolutely silent. If your holier-than-thou grandfather were here, he would advise the same, because unlike you, he recognised my gift and I think he must have feared it."

If she could have gasped, she would have. Her grandfather had known him personally? She wasn't sure how that was even possible.

"I'm going to unfreeze you now, so that you can walk _calmly_ with me to somewhere more private. I'd like to tell you all about how your grandfather tried to ruin my life, but I can't do that here, now that your classmate knows our location. So let's be on our way."

He took her by the arm and reversed the immobilising spell. Her first instinct was to break away and run, but his fingers dug deep into the underside of her upper arm, and with a yank, he had her walking alongside him, down the dim corridor toward the dungeons. She tried to fight, but he only tightened his grip on the sensitive flesh, causing her to whimper with pain. Yet, no one could hear her because he'd stolen her last defence – her voice.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

"Maybe we could keep it simple," Peter proposed. "Shove him off the astronomy tower and stop his fall just before he splatters on the ground. That would scare the shit out of him!"

"Could work," James replied. "But we'd have to think of a way to get him up there to begin with."

Sirius glanced at his watch. "Shite! It's almost two. I want to see Annie before she goes."

He rushed out the door and down the stairs. There was no sign of her in the common room, so he figured she must have left already. He was about to send someone upstairs to make sure she hadn't overslept when Nico tapped him on the shoulder.

Sirius spun round, expecting to see Annabelle.

"Annabelle told me to tell you she left already."

"Oh." Sirius felt sorry that he'd missed her, but at least she wouldn't be late.

"I knocked on your door, but you didn't answer," explained Nico. "We figured you were having a kip."

Sirius grumbled under his breath, kicking himself for being so negligent. They had Peter charm the room to be soundproof in case anyone was listening to their plans. He must have soundproofed it from both sides, the moron.

He glanced at the time again. It was already two o'clock. He decided he'd make a surprise visit in a half hour, just to see if she was all right and to make sure Jaeger was minding his manners.

"Cheers, mate," Sirius replied, and went back to his room to continue plotting Jaeger's comeuppance.

"Did you catch her?" James inquired when he entered the room again.

"No, I didn't. No thanks to Wormtail here. Tell me, Pete, how bloody difficult is it to properly soundproof a room?"

The two boys began arguing while Remus stepped outside to fix Peter's error. They fell quiet when Dominica appeared in the doorway, her face tear-streaked and red.

Sirius squinted in disgust. "What the hell do _you_ want?"

"Jaeger… he attacked me _..._ tried to touch me..."

"He _touched_ you?" Sirius repeated, the words sending a shockwave through him.

"Are you hurt?" James asked as he approached her, genuinely concerned despite their recent history with the girl. She backed away, shaking and scared.

"No, not really. Annabelle, she arrived, and, well… she's-"

Sirius flew past her and into the stairwell, not sticking around to hear the rest. She'd already told him everything he needed to know.

"Are they in the classroom?" Remus demanded.

"They were when I left."

James grabbed the Map just in case they needed it and the boys followed Sirius out the door. Dominica trailed after them, but James stopped her.

"Find Dumbledore," he ordered, then took off after the others.

 


	20. Black Dog

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: You probably already know this, but if you didn't - The Bay City Rollers were sort of like a 1970's One Direction. Bye, Bye, Baby is one of their hits.
> 
> Also – Curriculum Vitae, or CV, is the British name for résumé (the paper you need when applying for jobs.)

 

 

 

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_"My dear young lady, crime, like death, is not confined to the old and withered alone._

_The youngest and fairest are too often its chosen victims."_

_― Charles Dickens, Oliver Twist_

_.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-._

Being silenced didn't stop Annabelle from trying to speak.

_What are you going to do to me?_ she insisted, but like a nightmare, no sound came out. Jaeger prattled on like a madman as he wrenched her along, his nails scoring her skin.

"I have a little story for you, Miss O'Neill. Once upon a time, very early in my career, I was employed as your grandfather's assistant. I respected his skill, and his _drive._ He wasted it on activism, since what difference could he really have made for the poor slobs of the world?" He laughed as though he found the idea of charity pathetic. "But, I did think he was someone who could help advance my career, since I wasn't the only one who respected him. He was the youngest member of the Wizengamot at the time and the Ministry at large treated him like a god – he could do no wrong. It's because of him that the Department of Social Welfare and Justice is as esteemed as it is today. Corrupt wizards with vast political power feared him, while the rest lauded him along with his mentor, your bumbling headmaster, Albus Dumbledore."

Annabelle didn't know how she was moving her legs to walk; she felt paralysed hearing him talk so familiarly about her grandfather.

"You see, after Dumbledore defeated Grindelwald, he wanted to make it clear to the public that he was on the side of good, and what a pair they made. The teacher and his protégé, Dumbledore and O'Neill. The two of them in a room together was a religious experience for many, like they were the saviours of the modern wizarding world. Too bad their partnership was short-lived, when at the height of his career your sentimental grandfather got himself _killed_. Oh, how the mighty fell that day."

The way he spoke of him sickened her. An impulse propelled her hand to lash out and she dug her fingernails into his cheek, trying to focus hard enough to produce a hex, but she couldn't concentrate. He fought back, shoving her against a wall and grabbing her by the neck.

"Don't test me, O'Neill. I was burned by your blood once. It won't happen again."

She choked soundlessly as she tried to pull his arm away, and his upper lip quivered in delight before easing his hold.

"Of course you wouldn't have heard that story. No one did, because your noble grandfather did his dirty work quietly, behind closed doors. And I'm going to return the gesture tonight!"

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Sirius reached the Defence classroom first, sprinting to the textbook cupboard and throwing the door open. When Annabelle and Jaeger weren't there, he began to panic.

"Fuck!" he exclaimed, tearing at his hair. "The map!"

"Got it," James replied as he, Remus, and an out-of-breath Peter hurried into the room. Sirius dashed over to them.

"Look, a copy of _Oliver Twist_ ," Peter squeaked, bending to pick it up. He opened the front cover. "It's Annabelle's."

Sirius grabbed the book and flipped it open, wanting to see with his own eyes before slamming it shut. Fear ripped through him. What was Jaeger doing to her? What if they were too late?

James spread out the map and brought it to life. Four heads huddled over it, fingers frantically tracing the corridors and rooms for any sign of them.

"There they are," Remus observed. "By the stairs to the dungeons!"

Sirius wasted no time, running as fast as his legs could move, James and Remus close behind.

"I'll wait here in case they come back," Peter called after them, still panting for breath, but his words fell on deaf ears.

The boys flew through the corridors and into the stairwell that the map had indicated, but Annabelle and Jaeger weren't there anymore. James opened the map again and the two dots they were tracking had moved further into the dungeons.

James eyes widened. "Looks like he's taking her to the undercroft."

"I'm faster as a dog," Sirius said as he started running again.

"Someone might see you!" James hissed, close behind him.

"No one is around!"

Sirius transfigured before his friends could protest further. Gaining speed, the strong black dog tore off ahead, moving deeper into the castle.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Jaeger yanked Annabelle from the wall by the neck, dragging her into the dungeons on the far side of the castle, opposite from the dormitories. Annabelle realised with horror that he was taking her to the undercroft, a derelict place in the bowels of the castle that students purposely avoided lest they get permanently lost. There were legends of wandering spirits haunting the place, that, trapped forever, swirled about the twisting, vaulted ceilings and dark, vacant rooms. Along with the dank cold, it didn't make for a pleasurable place to hang out with one's mates, and most stayed away.

"My duties as Darien O'Neill's assistant included scheduling speaking engagements, notifying the press of rallies and protests, even slogging along when he went on investigations of hate crimes against muggles and wizards alike. I took notes for him at classified meetings with the Auror department, organised fundraisers, and I was slowly becoming his right hand man."

Down the stairs he dragged her, a force more powerful than she'd anticipated. When they reached the undercroft, he steered her to the right and slammed her against a wall. With a snap of a finger a torch just above her head ignited, casting a dim, shadowy light for several feet. There was a small fireplace beside her, and it struck her as a rather odd location for one since she couldn't see anyone wanting to relax by the fire in the most uninhabitable place in the castle.

Jaeger restrained her against the wall, seemingly enjoying her struggle. He wanted her to fight him, he wanted to see the fear in her eyes. Controlling her seemed to be his goal from the start.

"But the girl," he sighed, " _she_ was everything to me. Her name was Madeline, and she was a lowly intern that O'Neill said reminded him of his daughter, so of course he was overly protective of her. He was a nuisance, really. I could barely get Madeline alone!"

His voice began to falter, as though the memory of it was still hard for him to recount, and his eyes took on a distant, wistful look.

"She led me to believe that there was something between us, and I tried to show her some affection, which she teasingly refused. But I loved her, and I _know_ she loved me. Before I knew what was happening, your grandfather had me in his office, sacking me for making advances on the girl. _No_ , I assured him, there was a mutual attraction. We were destined to be together. But your morally superior grandfather dismissed me anyway, and spoke to me like a child, saying that it didn't matter what I thought, that I was to _keep my hands to myself_ , then threatened to bring charges against me. So, not only did he ruin my burgeoning career, but he stole the love of my life from me!"

Annabelle knew that his version of events was being filtered through his skewed, deranged lens. The girl probably feared him, and passively tolerated his flirtations until he deluded himself into thinking she was interested. Maybe he'd grabbed her arse, or rubbed her back too long and too low. Maybe she was afraid he'd do worse to her if she expressed her discomfort. Yet, she must've grown increasingly frightened, and asked her boss to do something about the harassment. One thing was clear, Jaeger had always been a scumbag. An unscrupulous, opportunistic, _pathetic_ excuse for a man. Her grandfather had been right in sacking him.

She blinked a few times, not showing the empathy or remorse he'd obviously been hoping for, and he glared back at her, his face mere inches from hers.

"I was _going_ places, making connections… Before long I would have surpassed Darien O'Neill, and I would have held a position fit for someone with my advanced skills. Being dismissed from such a well-connected situation didn't bode well for my political goals since it was sheer luck that landed me the position to begin with. I was out of a job with no references and I had to start from scratch, proving my worth all over again. It took me ten years, do you understand? _A decade_ to build a career worthy of the respect I deserved. I built my empire with no help from anyone! And when I saw the opportunity to advance my curriculum vitae by working for Dumbledore himself, I jumped at the chance."

His breath smelled of rotten eggs, and a gag forced its way out of Annabelle's throat. Her stomach was a mess, but she didn't think vomiting on him would improve her situation, so she tried to remain still. If only she could injure him, get him to release her, she might be able to escape.

"You see," he chuckled again, "and this is the best part- your dear old grandfather left on his mission to save the poor little captive children in Morocco the day after he sacked me. Can't say how ecstatic I was the next day when the radio broadcast I was listening to first broke the news of his passing. O'Neill's death not only prevented him from further trying to destroy me, but it also gave me an excuse as to why I was out of a job. No one knew the details of my dismissal because O'Neill died before he could blacklist me, which is precisely why Dumbledore hired me without suspicion. My reputation had remained intact!"

He cackled, his neck taut. Annabelle noticed foam collecting in the corners of his mouth. Regret engulfed her. If only she'd given Sirius her blessing when he wanted to hex the man. Maybe it would have served as a warning and she wouldn't be there, in the recesses of the castle, wondering what Jaeger was going to do next. Or if she'd only let Sirius walk her to detention, they might have fought Jaeger off together.

He ranted on. "But when I found out _you_ were here, I realised why I'd been led to this position. A chance to make Darien O'Neill pay for destroying me, for taking my Madeline away-" He coughed back a sob and put a fist to his mouth, then continued, slowly. "And for crushing my dreams… nothing else mattered but seeking revenge. It was… _serendipity_ to find the youngest O'Neill at Hogwarts. I'd have punished you ages ago if you hadn't threatened to destroy me all over again. I couldn't trust that you wouldn't tell your idiotic friends what you thought you saw, so I had be careful with how I proceeded, lest they do your bidding on your behalf after I disposed of you. But you know too much now, and it can't wait, which brings us here. And soon you will be here no more."

Panic started rising in her. It couldn't be happening. No, it was an ordinary Saturday, and she had a detention. This couldn't possibly be real.

"I'm sure you think Dominica will come to your aid, possibly alert Dumbledore, but no…" he said, shaking his head, his eyes manic, "She told me you and she had a falling out, so don't hold out hope. And even if I'm mistaken, I'll be taking care of her as well, in due time. Either way, your luck has run out."

He squeezed her chin, then jerked her head sideways causing her to shriek soundlessly. Her heart pounded as she trembled.

"Do you see that fireplace, Miss O'Neill?" She nodded, and a devilish smile twisted his lips. "Here's a secret for you: _It's not real_. It's called a priest hole, present in many castles and palaces in medieval times. They were secret places once used to hide priests at the time when it was illegal to practice Catholicism in Britain. Wizards caught onto the idea, and never to be outdone by muggles, they managed to sneak a few into Hogwarts in case there was an abrupt need to hide something, for whatever reason. The successful creation of revealing charms rendered these hiding places almost obsolete, but it suits my needs just fine since no one will think to look for you here. This one is rather small, more of a crawl space than a chamber. A perfect place to cram you, paralyse you, and leave you for _dead_."

Another soundless cry erupted from her throat. She wondered if anyone would find her. If one day the boys would discover the priest hole and upon mapping it, see her name. Did dead people's names even show on the map? She didn't even get a chance to say goodbye to her friends… to Sirius. It was her last chance to act, and it had to work. Shaking her head dramatically, pleading with her eyes, she convinced him that she was entirely at his mercy.

"Come with me, Miss O'Neill. No point in fighting back. I'll only hex you and shove you in myself. Let's make this easy by going willingly."

She stepped toward the hearth, noticing the opening where a few stones were missing, waiting be replaced after she was well inside. Bending down, she hovered one foot over the hole, then abruptly turned and with all her might, kneed Jaeger in the groin. He doubled over, letting out a guttural groan as she darted for the stairs. She'd almost made it up the first flight when he was upon her. He cast a cord around her ankle, which caused her to fall and hit her forehead against a stone step.

The pain was excruciating and she lost focus. He lunged upwards at her, but she managed to roll over and kick him in the face, the heel of her shoe cracking him under the right eye. Scrambling up the stairs on her hands and knees, she reached for the wall as a means to pull herself to her feet, but her head was foggy and she couldn't move fast enough.

"You'll pay for that!" he growled, scrambling up the steps behind her, wand aimed directly at her back.

Just as he was about to immobilise her again, a black dog tore past and leapt into him, causing him to drop his wand and tumble down the stairs. Annabelle screamed silently and saw the dog bite down on Jaeger's ear and drag him back into the undercroft. She heard a struggle - Jaeger wailing, the dog snarling, and as she got to her feet, James flew past her, seemingly following the ferocious animal.

"Padfoot, _wait_!" he shouted.

Confused and worried that the dog would attack James, she moved to follow, screaming uselessly for him to turn back, but a hand wrapped round her wrist and tugged her up the stairs to the first landing. She whipped her head about to see Remus.

"Come with me, Annie. Don't follow them."

She urged him back toward the stairs, unsure why he was letting James go down there alone with a wild dog and a crazed professor.

"They're going to be fine. James… and the dog."

_I can't speak_ , she mouthed, and he understood, removing the silencing charm.

"What's going on?!" she shrieked, but he put a firm hand over her mouth.

"You have to be quiet," he warned. "At least until Sirius gets here. Don't call attention yet." He grimaced at her forehead. "Merlin, Annie, you're bleeding."

She nodded, her body still shaking violently, and she wondered if she was going into shock. When he removed his hand from her mouth, she whispered, "Where's Sirius?"

Remus gestured towards the stairs. "I think he's coming now."

Sure enough, Sirius trudged up the stairs, a pained look on his face as he held onto his side. James was right behind him, his wand held limply in one hand, his other hand placed firmly on Sirius' back as though he didn't trust him not to run back into the undercroft. But when Sirius saw Annabelle, he seemed to forget he was hurting and quickened his pace, sweeping her into his arms with such force that they staggered, almost losing their footing. A ragged sob escaped him as they clung to each other, shaken and distraught.

"Where did you come from?" Annabelle managed to croak, her mind reeling.

"Tell me what he did to you, Annie," he implored, his voice twisting in the effort to speak without crying. "Tell me. If he so much as-"

"He immobilised me, took my voice," she cried as she held on to him. "He was in a hurry… to bury me alive." The last words were whispered, too absurd to be spoken aloud.

Sirius squeezed her harder. "You're safe now," he breathed.

"Are you okay, Annabelle?" James asked.

"Yes, or I think I will be."

Remus went down the stairs to watch for any movement.

"Moony," James called, "I'm going to look for Dumbledore myself. Can't trust Dominica."

"I'll stay down here," Remus volunteered. "Not taking any chances on him escaping. See if you can't find that bloody rat as well."

James bounded up the stairs, mumbling something about Peter under his breath.

Annabelle's eyes widened. "The dog! There's a wild dog roaming the castle! Did you see it? It went straight for him, and-"

"It's all right," he soothed. "The dog is gone and Jaeger is unconscious and bound. You're safe. You're safe… You're safe." He repeated the words like a mantra, not only for Annabelle's sake, but his own as well.

"Padfoot. James said Padfoot," she stammered. "But you weren't there – I didn't see you pass-"

Sirius loosened his grip on her and met her bewildered gaze.

"Yes you did," he said evenly.

Annabelle tilted her head slightly as she searched his countenance for a clue. "Padfoot… The dog… James called the dog Padfoot."

Sirius bowed his head, waiting, then peeked at her again. A moment passed before her hands flew over her mouth and she gasped.

"You- you're- you're the dog! _You're an animagus!"_

He grinned and pulled her face to his. "Shhhh. No one can know."

Swaying a little on her feet, she held onto his forearms for support and stared at him, seeing him anew. She didn't know it was possible to be even more in awe of him than she already was, but right then she was utterly floored by him.

"Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs," she recited. Silly names created by mischievous boys, she thought the first time she saw them scrawled across the top of the map. Then she had another epiphany. "You can all do it - become animals. Am I right?"

"We learnt how to do it for Remus, so he wouldn't have to be alone during full moons. It helps him get through it to have other animals around. We're a diversion of sorts."

The puzzle pieces were shifting into place and her shaking gradually ceased. "All the times you were tired in the morning…" Suddenly, what Remus had just said sunk in. "Wait, Peter's a _rat_?"

Sirius laughed. "Fitting, yeah?"

"But what does Prongs mean?"

"He's a stag," he replied matter-of-factly. "Prongs for the antlers."

"This just keeps getting more surreal," Annabelle observed. "I feel like I'm going to wake up any minute." When Sirius winced from pain in his side, she snapped to attention. "You fought Jaeger. Did he hurt you?"

"No more than he apparently hurt you," he replied through gritted teeth, wiping some blood from her hairline with the sleeve of his shirt. "I might've killed him down there, if not for James."

A pain throbbed in her chest as she realised her own secret was going to come out, now that Jaeger had nothing more to lose. He would take them down with him, she was sure of it.

"He's going to get us expelled," she confessed. "He's been threatening me all semester."

"What are you talking about?"

"I think I should wait to say more, until you're calm."

The clickety-clack of footsteps, urgent upon the stone stairs distracted them, and James, followed by Dumbledore, McGonagall, and Slughorn appeared. Dominica and Peter trailed close behind.

"Dominica and I explained what happened," James told Sirius and Annabelle as the professors rushed down the stairs to where Jaeger was detained. "Let's just say, I think we're going to be short a Defence professor on Monday."

He grinned, proud of their handiwork, and high-fived Peter. Annabelle felt tears pool in her eyes.

Sirius placed his hands on her shoulders. "Annie, tell me how he threatened you."

With Dumbledore and the other professors taking care of the situation, she figured Sirius couldn't act on his impulse to kill the man, so she blurted out the whole story, starting at the first detention when she saw him touch Florence Parkinson's backside and he confessed to knowing all their transgressions, even the ones that took place outside the classroom.

"He _grabbed_ your _face_?" Sirius demanded, his eyes blazing with rage.

"Did you hear me?" Annabelle asked, not sure he understood the ramifications of what she'd just told him. "It's over now. Even if he's sacked and sent to Azkaban, do you think he'll keep what information he has on us to himself?"

"I don't bloody care about that! You should have told us straightaway and we could have figured something out together!"

"I thought I could endure it if I just did what he said, but it only got worse."

She continued her account, how he'd admitted he wanted to hurt Sirius just to upset her, knowing full well that if she tried to report him that she wouldn't have a leg to stand on and they'd be packing their bags. When she got to the part about Dominica, she looked at the sorrowful girl standing in the corner, her arms crossed over herself and tears still staining her cheeks. Annabelle choked out a sob.

"When I saw him with Dominica, I wanted to tell, but she seemed pleased with his attention. I'm sorry Dominica, I should have said something anyway."

Dominica began to quietly weep and Annabelle went to her, embracing her.

"It's not your fault," Dominica replied through her sobs. "I was just so lonely, and rightfully so after what I did to you. He made me feel wanted, like I wasn't a complete loser. I just wanted a friend. But this afternoon he was like an animal, and I didn't want _that_ from him. It was scary and it felt so wrong."

"He was _so_ wrong," Annabelle replied. "And you're not a loser. We always wanted you with us, that's why it hurt so much when you joined up with Elsinore."

"I was selfish and jealous, and I'm so sorry, for everything. I did something so bad because of it and I regret it, Annie, I really do. I was never friends with her, not like I was with you."

"We can still be friends," Annabelle said. "It may not be exactly like before, but with time, I think we can mend things. That is if I don't get expelled."

Dominica sniffled and smiled hopefully. "I'd like to try."

Sirius and James glanced doubtfully at each other. Sirius wasn't keen on the idea of Annabelle letting barmy Dominica back in, but she had her grandfather's heart, and he could see that forgiving gave her some peace.

Annabelle eventually finished her account when McGonagall rushed up the stairs followed by Remus. While they all listened, she explained to the professor how she'd reported for detention and caught Jaeger attacking Dominica. Her shaking returned as she recalled the rest, the things he'd said about her grandfather and how he'd planned to bury her alive in a priest hole as revenge. She left out the part about the dog, but did inform her that Sirius was ultimately responsible for halting the man in his tracks.

"A despicable creature, on the loose for far too long," McGonagall seethed through clenched teeth. "I assure you all, a complete investigation will take place, and once it's through, I have a strong feeling Azkaban will have a new resident."

Annabelle resisted the urge to fall to her knees and beg for the woman's grace. She knew that when McGonagall found out how badly they'd abused the rules, the professor she most respected, loved even, would find her deplorable.

"Professors Dumbledore and Slughorn have already apparated with him to St. Mungo's where the proper authorities will be notified," McGonagall went on. "When they return, Dumbledore and I will want to question all of you, as will law enforcement representatives. But, for now, let's get you to the hospital wing."

Madam Pomfrey treated their cuts and bruises, and gave Dominica a calming draught so she could rest; she was still so traumatised from the day's events. Lily and Alice came rushing in after being alerted by Peter of the situation, and after hearing the whole story, including the part about Jaeger seeing them in Knockturn Alley that night and Jaeger's ultimate plan for Annabelle, Lily burst into hysterical laughter. James pulled her to him, and her laughter quickly turned to weeping.

"Poor Annie," Alice said, "Carrying this around all by yourself. But after what's happened, I don't think they'll expel anyone."

Lily took a deep breath and wiped the tears from her eyes. "Nor do I. They've got bigger things to worry about."

"He's a criminal," Remus pointed out. "Do you think anyone is going to believe what a letch like that has to say about any one of us?"

"Especially since we caught him," Peter piped up. His fellow marauders shot daggers at him with their eyes and he amended his statement. "Okay, okay, especially since _you_ lot caught him. Of course he'll try to discredit us, but they won't listen."

"Merlin," said Lily, choking back a sob. "He was more twisted than we thought. To think, he could have killed you."

Annabelle shivered, and she looked at Sirius who was sitting next to her, his hand holding hers. Gratitude overwhelmed her, because if not for the mischief of certain boys, she'd be frozen inside a floor, never to be seen again.

Just then, Johnny B. burst through the door, followed by Caradoc and Fairfax.

"What in the bloody fuck is going on?" Johnny B. asked, rushing to Annabelle's bedside. "Lorelei said she heard you were here, but I didn't expect you _all_ to be here."

James volunteered to tell the story, and once he finished, Johnny B. had tears in his eyes as well. "How did he know about this random hole?"

"You just have to know where to look," James explained. "He probably knows a lot about castles. We found that same hole our first year."

"You lot are nutters of a special kind," Johnny B. replied. "You'd have to be to go exploring the undercroft."

"Well I'm grateful for these nutters," Annabelle said. "I don't think I could have escaped on my own. That map might have been my one saving grace."

"You never know," Sirius reassured her. "Judging by the cuts on Jaeger's face when I got to him, you certainly did a lot of damage for someone with no wand and no voice. If I had to wager, my money would have been on you."

"I'm still surprised that kneeing him in the bollocks bought you some time," Caradoc chimed in.

"Why?" asked Annabelle.

"Because I didn't think he had anything there to injure."

Everyone laughed, glad for the brief respite from all the horror.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

A short while later, Madam Pomfrey checked them over again, and finding them one hundred percent healed, she released them from the hospital wing. The common room was bustling with the usual crowd of students working or messing about, waiting for dinner to begin. Annabelle found it rather disorienting that after what had just happened, life still proceeded in an ordinary fashion in the rest of the castle. Taking Sirius by the hand, she tugged him back towards the portrait hole.

"We're are we going?"

"I have more to tell you," she replied, and led him to the secret tower.

When they arrived, the entrance was still hidden by the charm and she led the way up the twisting stairs to the top. It was exactly as they'd left it - mostly empty except for the old trunk, the pile of brittle books on the windowsill, and the careworn quilt in a heap on the floor.

"I didn't mention it in front of the others," she admitted, "but I wasn't telling the truth when I told you the tower had been discovered by kids. It was Jaeger… he told me he followed us here."

Disgust registered on Sirius' face. "Do you think he was in here with us under a disillusionment charm?"

Annabelle shrugged. "I don't know. I reckon he only saw us entering the through the crack in the wall, otherwise he probably would have hinted at bits of our conversations... and other things..."

Sirius shuddered. "Well, he'll probably tell Dumbledore about this place, just to spite us."

"I know. That's why I wanted to come here, just in case it's the last time it belongs to only us."

"It was great while it lasted."

Annabelle went to the window and looked out at the sprawling blanket of brown earth, with exception of a few stubborn patches of grey ice and bursts of green grass awakening from the long winter. The sun was trying to peek through the clouds and almost succeeding, but not quite. Sirius joined her, gazing into the ever-shifting sky.

"This place has been a sanctuary for me many times," Annabelle said. "When I was homesick for my grandfather… and when you and I broke up… It was the only place I could go to find any real solitude around here."

Sirius stepped closer, hugging her from behind. She held onto his arms and leaned into him, touching her head to his.

"I am so sorry," Sirius whispered in a husky tone.

She turned her head so she could see him. "Why?"

He choked softly as the tears brimmed in his eyes, his forehead crinkling with emotion. She turned around and held him, and his arms enveloped her, his hands clutching at her back.

"What is it?" she begged of him, her own eyes welling up.

"He was going to kill you. And if he succeeded, it would have been my fault."

"But how? You had the map. You would have found me before anything-"

"What if he'd used the killing curse instead?"

"He didn't want to get caught, Sirius. He wanted me to disappear."

"Still, he might have succeeded. And you didn't tell me how he was blackmailing you because you were afraid of what I would do to him. You were afraid for me because you knew I'd be the first to be kicked out."

"No, Sirius, no. It wouldn't have been your fault. If I'd known he was actually certifiable, and capable of attacking and murdering students, I most certainly would have told you and everyone else for that matter. But I didn't know, and I just couldn't bear the thought of you being sent away with nowhere to go."

"Listen, Annie, on top of everything else I've done over the years, if Dumbledore didn't expel me for almost getting Snape killed, I doubt he's going to expel me for sneaking out of the castle. But even if he does, it's definitely preferable to your suffering in silence on my account."

"Can't you see? I'm alive because of you. You saved me."

He brushed a hand over her cheek and replied, "You did the same for me in December, so I guess we're even now."

The weight of his words pulled at her heart, and she squeezed him to her again. "If you get expelled without me, I'm going with you, I promise you that."

"Let's not worry about that right now."

Hugging soon turned to kissing, and they slipped to the floor, relieved to be together and alive no matter what the future held. Eventually, the room grew colder as the daylight faded, so they left, since it was dinner time and they knew they might be called for questioning.

As they walked to the Great Hall, Sirius took her hand. "One more thing, I know you're worried about McGonagall knowing what we've done and thinking less of you for it."

"I am."

"Right, well, you broke some rules - snogged in the library, sneaked out for a party on a Saturday night, hid out with me in a secret tower - but do you regret any of it? Because if not, she'll just have to accept you, transgressions and all."

She looked down, knowing he was right. McGonagall might be disappointed, but she hadn't hurt anyone with her transgressions, and she'd do it all over again in a heartbeat.

"You're right. And I don't regret anything we did, not one second of it."

He grinned and took her face in his hands, placing a kiss on her lips.

"Neither do I."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Later that evening, they all sat round the fire in the common room, still too stirred up by the events of the afternoon to go to bed. Claire joined them, since they all figured one more broken rule wouldn't make a difference in the long run. They were just happy to be together, safe, knowing that whatever the future held, none of them would ever have to suffer alone because they would be there for one another. Remus filled Claire in on the story, and around eleven o'clock, Norvel Tugwood peered at them from the boys' stairs.

"I see you have a Ravenclaw here," he sneered. "Get her out of here and go to bed, or else."

"Was that a threat, Tugwood?" James questioned.

"Yes, that was a threat. In fact, I might just write a report on you lot anyway."

Remus whipped his head around, glaring at his fellow prefect. "And I'll report _you_ for singing Bay City Rollers songs at the top of your lungs in the shower. Yes, that was a threat."

Sirius burst out laughing, and it was contagious. The girls started singing _Bye, Bye, Baby_ as Norvel retreated up the stairs, shaking his head, while the rest of them doubled over, crying with laughter.

"Nothing wrong with the Bay City Rollers!" Norvel hollered from the stairwell.

"That may be true," Remus called back to him. "It's your singing voice that's wrong."

"You sound like a cross between Moaning Myrtle and a bullfrog," James added.

Claire was in stitches, her eyes shut tight as her shoulders bobbed up and down. When she suddenly snorted, Annabelle could barely breathe from laughing so hard and fell into Sirius' lap in hysterics. It wasn't even Norvel and his shower performances that was so funny anymore, but once they started they couldn't stop. And after the day they had, it felt good to just laugh with abandon.

 


	21. Here Comes the Sun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FYI – This chapter was written well before JKR revealed the names of James' parents, not that it matters much since they're only names, but just thought I'd put that out there. You can call them Fleamont and Euphemia in your head if you prefer! ;) 10/24/15
> 
> Also, Simnel cake is a traditional British Easter fruit cake with marzipan inside and on top.

Dumbledore, McGonagall, and the authorities questioned everyone extensively throughout the following week. Luckily, Frank was assigned to the case along with Dorcas Meadowes, so the students involved were privy to more information than they should have been. Once the other schools where Jaeger had taught were notified of the charges against him, young women from all over came forward with accusations of sexual harassment, no longer afraid of Jaeger's retribution since they realised they weren't alone. With the evidence stacked against him, including attempted murder and endless witnesses testifying against him, Jaeger didn't stand a chance. Justice moved swiftly in the wizarding world, and the day they were to leave for Easter break, the Daily Prophet reported that the Wizengamot had sentenced him to life in Azkaban, if he could survive the conditions that long.

It also appeared that their secret transgressions stayed secret. Frank told Alice that Jaeger had been unconscious when the authorities arrived at St. Mungo's, and when he awoke he began babbling something about a dog. They took him into custody, and anything he rattled off after that was disregarded as lunacy. Dumbledore and McGonagall didn't see him again until his trial, and by then, he was under strict orders by his legal representative to keep his gob shut.

Annabelle was relieved that Jaeger was put away where he couldn't harm anyone else, but when she thought of the terrible Dementors, it made her glad her mum was a squib, and that she committed her drug crimes in muggle society. Sure, prison had been rough on her, but at least she'd come out with her soul intact. Annabelle had seen signs of it flourishing underneath her self-loathing and scars. It was the part of Colleen that Annabelle wanted to remember.

And just like that, her mother took over her thoughts. When Colleen resurfaced clean and sober, Annabelle had gotten it into her head that for once she'd get to spend Easter with her very own mother, instead of at the Evans' home feeling like a charity case. She always felt welcome there, except when Petunia was around, but there was no point in denying that she was only going home with Lily because she had no family of her own to go to. Sirius had offered to stay behind at the castle with her. He knew how affected by her mother she still was, but as appealing as his offer was, Lily's parents were expecting her, and James' parents were expecting Sirius.

The good news was that Petunia would be spending the holiday with Vernon's family. The other good news was that the Saturday before Easter was Johnny B.'s birthday, so there were plans for London in the works, as well as plans to put on a real magic show for Matthew. Lily and Annabelle hoped that Lily's parents would let them go to London without supervision, considering it was for a friend's birthday. After all, Lily was seventeen, and Annabelle would be in a matter of months, but they still had to formulate a plan just in case it was a no. It was almost enough to keep Annabelle's mind off her mum, but not quite.

The morning before they left, Dumbledore called Annabelle into his office. He'd already spoken to her about what happened with Professor Jaeger during the investigation, even congratulating her for her bravery in attempting to duel the man by herself. As though she'd had a choice. She sat down opposite him, accepted his offer of a lemon drop despite finding lemon to be the worst fruit flavour of any and all sweets. After formalities were exchanged, Dumbledore got right to the point.

"Mr. Black kindly informed me that you needed time to come to terms with what occurred with your mother, and I took that to mean he wanted me to leave you be. So I did, and now that some time has passed, I hope you're ready to hear what I have to say."

She felt like telling him no, she didn't need to hear anything more about the matter. Why did he feel obligated to talk with her about it? But she found herself nodding along anyway. He wandered over to the window and looked out as he spoke.

"It may have seemed like a whim to you, but I thought long and hard before allowing you contact with Colleen O'Neill. I'd seen enough heartache brought on by her addiction whilst your grandparents were alive, and it didn't seem fair to make you suffer the same agony they endured with her for many years. But she begged me, Annabelle, and all I could see was the child I once knew… a beautiful, clever, precocious child; the light of her parents' lives. I'm afraid all reasonable thought went out the window."

Annabelle felt the grief swelling inside her again, but she kept a stony expression, urging herself not to breakdown as Dumbledore continued.

"And I felt that her previous hardships shouldn't be used to punish her, for who are any of us to cast judgement? Maybe having a relationship with her daughter, now that you are a bit older, was the incentive she needed to finally overcome her vices, or so I'd hoped." Dumbledore shook his head, his eyes misty. "It seems I was wrong, and for that I am quite sorry."

She stared at the front of his desk and replied, her voice dull in an effort to keep the pain at bay. "Maybe I didn't do enough, or handle it in the right way. Maybe she needed more from me somehow."

"Now I don't want you to blame yourself," he said, sitting down in the chair beside her. "It won't change anything, I know that from watching your grandfather condemn himself over and over again through the years. The truth is, there are many things in life that are simply out of our control. And it hurts because we want – and believe we need – things to go according to our desires. My advice to you is to step back, and view the situation from the perspective of an outsider. Put one of your friends in your place. Would you blame them for what happened?"

Annabelle imagined Lily or Alice going through what she had and she shook her head. "No."

"Then you mustn't hold yourself to unattainable standards either. You don't have the power to cure addiction any more than the next person. Remember that, Annabelle. Your grandfather wanted better for you. He didn't want you taking on your mother's troubles and falling into the cycle of desperation and disappointment. Especially when you did all you could possibly do. You believed in her, encouraged her, and gave her a reason to fight. The rest - the hard, painful work- is up to her."

Numbness bled through Annabelle, cancelling out the sorrow of before. Maybe it was a defence mechanism triggering, a way to ward off the sad truth of what her grandparents went through with their daughter for so many years. Or it could have been because it was painful to speak of her grandfather with Dumbledore, which was why she didn't do it very often.

"As for Colleen, you must accept that she may never be well, at least not for long," he said. "I'm afraid the odds are against her at this point. That's not to say there is no hope for her, only that you must be realistic… and prepared for any possibility."

Something clawed at her heart and her eyes filled with tears.

"You mean her death."

Dumbledore exhaled and bowed his head. "Not exclusively, but that is always a risk where substance abuse is concerned."

She appreciated his efforts to get through to her, but his message was too difficult for her to process. She still couldn't wrap her brain around her mother coming back and leaving again, how was she supposed to think the unthinkable?

"Thank you, sir. May I be excused, now?"

He stared at her for moment, sadness in his eyes, before nodding. "Yes, Annabelle. You may."

She walked quickly, slipping out the door and to the stairs before he could say anymore. One syllable, death – a word she normally couldn't bring herself to say out loud – resounded in her brain like a gong. No, she mustn't allow herself to think of it. But the word persisted in her thoughts like a scratched record, and she hoped she would never have to find out if and when Colleen eventually destroyed herself. If she was gone, let any bad news connected to her be gone with her. Then she could tell herself that her mother was fine, wherever she was. Maybe she'd even believe it.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

They didn't all fit into a train compartment together, so Lily and Annabelle rode with Sirius, James and Peter, while Remus was assigned prefect duties, even though he spent half the trip with Claire. Johnny B. shared a car with Caradoc, Fairfax, and Edmund Kittle, as well as a revolving door of girls that popped in, some eager to have their hearts broken by Fairfax, and others not ready to accept that Johnny B. was, in fact, gay. Alice had been picked up by Frank the night before, as she would be spending the holiday in Paris with his family, causing much envy in her two closest friends.

Of course, Peter talked everyone's ears off until he fell asleep, his head repeatedly lolling onto James' shoulder. James kept nudging him off, much to the amusement of Sirius, Annabelle, and Lily, and not until James gave him a shove that caused him to fall off the seat did Peter finally switch position.

James and Lily eventually slipped into their own quiet conversation, punctuated by soft kisses on foreheads, cheeks, and lips. Sirius held Annabelle, their hands clasped together for most of the journey, an aching inside them both. Even though Sirius and James had promised they'd find a way to visit the girls before Saturday, they were used to seeing each other morning, noon, and night, seven days a week. And after the events of the past few weeks, being apart was a daunting prospect.

Annabelle's forehead was glued to Sirius' neck as she watched the green fields roll by, occasionally spotting a flock of sheep or a distant church steeple pointing toward the cloudy, grey heavens. Occasionally, the clouds would break and pillars of shimmering gold would reach down to the damp earth like divine searchlights. She wondered what her mum was doing at the moment. Was she really in Belfast? Was she safe? Was she thinking of her daughter? And with the questions came the grief that she'd been grappling with since the day she saw the wine in front of her. She let go of Sirius' hand and slid her arm around him. He held her and kissed her head, threading his fingers through her hair.

"I have to keep reminding myself that Jaeger is locked up," he said quietly, "and that he can't hurt you anymore. Or else I wouldn't be able to let you go."

She tilted her back and kissed him along his jawline, while he closed his eyes and tried to push his fears aside. But they were persistent. He couldn't begin to fathom the terror she experienced when Jaeger tried to murder her. All he knew was when he thought about it - and he thought about it constantly- that it shook him inside in a way he hated. To think of how vulnerable they all were, how one person could take someone else out of the world without a thought, and with mad wizards like Voldemort and his Death Eaters still lurking about unchecked, he couldn't fight the dread pooling in the pit of his stomach.

"I'm going to miss you so much," Annabelle whispered.

He steeled himself, wanting to be strong for her. "We'll find a way to visit you."

"You'd better. Just don't get caught."

"Caught? Padfoot and Prongs? Never. You should know that by now."

Smiling up at him, she replied, "Who knew that dating you meant I'd also get to have my first pet?"

Sirius started laughing, as did James, since it was difficult to have a completely private conversation in such close quarters.

"Good one, Annie," James said. "Ten points to Gryffindor."

"Well, Prongs, I won't believe it until I see you transform with my own eyes," Lily teased.

"Then see it you shall."

"Just don't do it near a hunting ground," Annabelle said. "Or else… _pow_."

"Ha ha. You're just full of jokes today, aren't you."

There was a thud against the door to their car, and they jerked their heads toward the sound. Johnny B. had his flawless face pressed against the glass, mouth agape, his features wildly distorted. A fit of laughter seized them, and proud of himself, he slid open the door and plunked down next to Annabelle.

"All right, children, here's the plan. We're meeting Matthew at The Clanging Bell in Highgate on Saturday, two o'clock. It's some all-day band thing called Springfest. He said not to worry about fake I.D.s because they never check."

"Three stops past Camden, yeah?" Sirius confirmed.

"You got it."

"What bands are playing?" James asked.

"Eh, I don't have bloody clue. All I know is that if you lot don't find a way to be there, I'll curse you with foul body odour for the rest of your days."

"Don't bother cursing Peter," Sirius said. "I think someone else got there first."

"I heard that, asshole," Peter groaned, his eyes still closed.

They started laughing again, and Peter got up in a huff. "I'm going to find the food trolley." And with that, he flung open the door and was gone.

"Something tells me he won't be joining us in Highgate," Lily observed.

"Probably right," James replied. "He's really freaked out about Voldemort. It's to the point where he should see a shrink or something."

"A shrink would be wasted on Peter," Sirius said. "He's beyond help."

No one could argue with that. Johnny B. sighed and put his feet up on the seat Peter left empty.

"I'm staying in this car. You lot are much more tolerable than listening to Caradoc and Edmund debate which magical creature could kill you faster, a hydra or a chimaera. And of course listening to Fairfax slurp all over Phyllis Meadowes is particularly unsettling."

"Did you say _Phyllis_?" Lily exclaimed as Annabelle gasped and Sirius and James' jaws dropped.

"Just joking!" he crowed, "Can you imagine sweet, innocent Phyllis hooking up with Fax? Now that'd be a crime against humanity if there ever was one. No, no, he's actually snogging Mary McDonald. No joke this time."

"Hmm, for some reason the two of them together doesn't surprise me," Annabelle mused.

"Me neither," said Lily. "In fact, I think they'd be perfect together."

"Don't get ahead of yourselves," Sirius said. "We're talking about Fairfax. His affections change on a sickle."

"Hush, you," Lily replied. "She may be the one to hold his interest. You don't know."

"Okay," he said. "And I'll be ready to say I told you so in a week's time."

"I'll give it two weeks," James chimed in. "Two and half max."

"Cynics, the both of you," Lily sighed, resting her head on James' shoulder.

The last leg of their journey seemed to fly by, and soon green fields gave way to houses, then to warehouses, and before they knew it, London was looming all around them. Annabelle's heart sank, and when they disembarked, students scattered as they met up with their families, waved good-bye to friends, and disappeared out of King's Cross Station.

James' parents, John and Rosemond, also known as Jack and Rosie, were chatting with Lily's parents, Harvey and Kaye, while Lily and James waited next to them, exchanging awkward smiles. The Potters were much older than Mr. and Mrs. Evans, old enough to be their parents, but they were young at heart. Even so, the time for passionate kisses goodbye was over, unless they wanted to give their parents a display. Annabelle and Sirius stood together near the platform entrance, a distance away from their hosts, hands clasped and unable to let go.

"This feels strange," Annabelle said, "Knowing I won't see you later."

"I'll see you soon," he said, taking her face in his hands. "Sooner than you think."

They held each other one more time, Annabelle gripping the fabric of his coat while he softly stroked her hair. A moment later, James motioned to Sirius that it was time. He let go of Annabelle and said, "I love you, and you won't have time to miss me. That's how soon I'll be paying you a visit."

"Remember, don't get caught," she warned, despite the boys' cavalier attitude about getting away with everything. "And I love you too." She gave him a peck on the cheek, and they strode over to where their surrogate families were waiting.

"Annabelle!" Mrs. Evans exclaimed as she swept her into a hug. "It's so wonderful to see you! I almost didn't believe it when Lily told us what happened!"

"You kids have been through a terrible ordeal," Mr. Potter acknowledged. "Hopefully Dumbledore will screen his teaching candidates a bit more carefully from here on out."

"I certainly hope so," Mr. Evans said. "I have a mind to take Lily right out of that place."

"It was just a fluke, dad," Lily replied. "The rest of our instructors are highly professional and excellent at what they do."

"And Dumbledore's teaching the class until the end of the school year," James told them. "Can't get better than that."

"Well, you've certainly earned your holiday," Mrs. Potter chimed in. "And I couldn't be prouder of you all for being so brave."

"What did you expect, dear," Mr. Potter replied. "They're Gryffindors!"

Annabelle glanced at Sirius who gave her a half smile and subtle wink. As they walked out of the station, the parents chatted about the chilly weather, and after one more goodbye, they went their separate ways. The Potters headed to The Leaky Cauldron where they would be travelling by floo to their home in the Devon countryside. Since the Evanses were muggles, they stopped at a restaurant for a bite to eat before embarking on the three-hour car ride to Cokeworth.

Once in the car, Annabelle noticed Lily had tears in her eyes, which in turn made Annabelle choke up, and they simultaneously burst out laughing at their sentimentality. Annabelle didn't mind the journey at first. She spent her childhood riding in cars, so they didn't fascinate her nor did they inspire her ridicule like they did with some wizards, but after the first hour and a half, it would have been nice to hop into a fireplace or mount a broom to the sky and just be there already. She and Lily could apparate longer distances thanks to their apparition classes, and she thought she could probably make it to Cokeworth if she concentrated really hard. But Mr. and Mrs. Evans let them pick the radio station, and they talked and gazed out the window at the scenery which was similar to the pastoral scenes they'd passed on the train into London.

"Next year, can we take the Floo Network from The Leaky Cauldron?" Lily asked her parents. "James' dad can set up a connection for us at the Ministry of Magic. Then you won't have to drive so far just to turn back round again. We can just meet you at home."

"We'll see, dear," her mother replied. "You know I don't like the idea of you girls coming all this way on your own."

"But it literally takes minutes. Not three bloody hours."

"Language, Lily," Mr. Evans said.

"Sorry, Dad."

"Annabelle, you'll find Petunia's room all set up for you," Mrs. Evans informed her. "The bed has fresh sheets, and I've left towels and washcloths for you folded on the desk. If you need anything else, don't be timid, dear. Just ask, all right?"

Annabelle smiled. "Yes, Kaye. And thank you."

"Mum, does Petunia know Annie's sleeping in her room?"

"She does."

"Does she mi-"

"Lily," Mrs. Evans cut her off, "The house belongs to your father and me. Petunia is well aware that when she moved out, her room would occasionally be used for guests. Now, when we get home, I think you girls should get some homework done. Don't put it off until the last minute. Of course, after all the stress you've endured, you'll need your rest, so I'd like you to get to bed early tonight lest you get sick for Easter."

"Yes, mum, we will," Lily droned, smirking and rolling her eyes slightly so that only Annabelle could see.

Annabelle fought the urge to giggle. Lily was probably sick of her mother's nagging, but Annabelle embraced it every time she stayed with them. As an outsider looking in, she could see it was just Mrs. Evans' way of caring for her daughter, and it was beautiful, no matter how annoying it could be.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Stepping out of the hearth into the Potter's sitting room, Sirius was reminded of why he treasured visits to his best friend's house so much. The aroma of dinner, cooked by Dotty the house elf and chef extraordinaire, filled his nose, mixing with a subtle hint of cinnamon and orange that was drifting down from the upstairs rooms - Mrs. Potter's potpourri that she bought in the South of France every summer. The entire house seemed to glow in the late afternoon light, and hearing James and his parents banter good-naturedly with each other, he was reminded that loving homes were indeed a real thing.

James showed Sirius to one of four spacious, impeccably decorated guest rooms; the one he always stayed in because it had a view of the river that wound its way through the wood behind the house, the same river that he and James trekked down to and swam in every sunny day in August since he was twelve years old. In fact, Mr. and Mrs. Potter referred to it as Sirius' room, and it warmed his heart that this fine family had welcomed him with open arms.

Like a mountain resort in the Alps, minus the mountains of course, Mrs. Potter chose a comfortable, more contemporary style of home furnishings than Sirius' mum had. The Black family shunned anything too modern or comfortable and 12 Grimmauld Place had been a stark, cold contrast to the cosy warmth found in every corner of the sprawling Potter estate.

James lounged on the chaise near the fireplace in Sirius' room while Sirius charmed his suitcase to unpack itself.

"Can you believe the pile of work Dumbledore assigned for Defence?" James asked. "Ouch."

"He reckons we have to catch up after learning nothing for so long."

"Yeah, and at least he's a real teacher. Too bad he couldn't just keep the job permanently."

"That would be wicked."

Mrs. Potter knocked softly and peeked her head in. "Everything all right?"

"Yes, Mrs. Potter," Sirius replied.

"Oh, Sirius, you've been staying with us long enough that I think you can drop the Mrs. Potter pretence. Call me Rosie. And Mr. Potter is Jack from now on. Understood?"

Sirius smiled. "All right, Rosie. And thank you, for everything."

"That's completely unnecessary, but you're welcome. Dinner should be ready in a half hour. Hope you're hungry because Dotty has been busy in the kitchen all afternoon making her famous roast beef and Yorkshire pudding. I think we could feed the entire village of Muddiwick with the amount of food she's prepared."

"Mum, could we have the girls over next week?"

"Not sure Mrs. Evans would approve, James."

"We can always pop over and ask."

Mrs. Potter lit the lamps in the room with her wand as the sun was beginning its descent into the hills.

"Apparition is out of the question, son. You haven't taken your test yet."

"What about-"

"And it's too far away and chilly for brooms."

James sighed, but didn't push the issue.

"Maybe this summer, when the weather is warm and you can spend time at the river. Don't forget, you'll see them in just over a week. I think you'll survive." She headed to the door. "And don't get any ideas."

"Okay," James replied, and as she turned to go, he called, "Thanks, Rosie!"

She peered at him from the door, but instead of scolding him, she shook her head, and as she walked away they heard her mutter, "Oh Jamie, what am I going to do with you?"

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

That evening, Lily and Annabelle did as Mrs. Evans advised and began their homework. They hoped to finish it as soon as possible so they could be free for rest of week, but there was just so much of it.

"My hand is starting to hurt," Annabelle said after two hours of Dumbledore's assignment.

Lily closed her book. "Let's take a break. Want to watch the telly?"

"Sure. Haven't done that in a while."

They went downstairs, but Mr. and Mrs. Evans were watching a game show, and the girls quickly grew bored. A tapping on the window caused Annabelle to shriek, which caused Lily's parents to startle.

"It's just an owl, Annie," Lily laughed, and opened the window. "Iris! How are you?"

She took the letter from the Potters' owl and disappeared for a moment, returning with a mouse from the stash they kept for Simon. Iris flew off with it and Lily closed the window. The girls excused themselves to Lily's room with the letter. Lily opened it and pulled out a piece of creamy linen stationery, holding it between them so they could both read it.

**Dear L & A,**

**Going to be home tomorrow? If so, we'll meet you at the park by your house at one.**

**J & S**

Lily smiled. "Aww, I knew they wouldn't last a day without us!"

She went to her desk and wrote back to accept.

"Tell them to be careful not to get caught," Annabelle reminded her.

"Merlin, Annie, you are as bad as my mum. _P.S. Annie says be careful not to get caught._ Happy now, worrywart?"

"Why yes I am, thank you."

Annabelle couldn't help it. She'd always been a worrier, but in light of recent events, she felt like every action had the potential to bring about tragedy. Losing her mother, Jaeger's abuses of power and vendetta against her… she was haunted by these things and felt like if she just held the reins a bit tighter, maybe she could get control over what seemed to be a whirlwind of unforeseen disaster.

"Maybe my mum was right," Lily said after sending Simon off with the letter. "Sleep will be good for us. You look knackered."

Annabelle agreed, and after changing into her nightgown and brushing her teeth, she climbed under the frilly pink covers in Petunia's room. Mrs. Evans had already cleared the bed of Petunia's abundant collection of dolls and teddy bears, but she hadn't taken down the posters on her walls. There was a particularly unsettling one of Rod Stewart staring at her from the opposite wall. Not that she had anything against him, but he seemed to gaze at her expectantly, like some tight-trouser-wearing pervert.

She shut off the light, willing herself to sleep, but being in the foreign room made it difficult. Eventually she heard Mr. and Mrs. Evans ascend the creaking stairs and retreat into their bedroom, their soft voices muffled. The sound of the occasional passing car outside made her nostalgic for her "muggle days" as she'd come to think of them, and she felt simultaneously lucky and cursed – lucky to have the Evans family in her life, and cursed to have no family of her own. _Count your blessings,_ Mrs. Brennan always told her when she would complain about something beyond her control. She figured it was worth a try, and was asleep before she could finish her tally.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Sirius woke up to sounds of birds chirping in the trees outside his window. He felt rested and alert; it was hard not to sleep well in that massive, warm bed with the fire crackling away. The only thing that would have made it better was if Annabelle was there, but he knew she was in good hands with Lily's parents, and since Petunia didn't live there anymore, she was safe from her insults as well.

He went downstairs in his pyjamas, which was the Potter tradition, the aroma of coffee and freshly baked pastries beckoning to him. Mr. Potter sat at the round white table in the breakfast nook. No formal breakfasts for the Potters, just five or six different varieties of pastries, yoghurts, breads, and jams spread out on the table. There were also pots of piping hot tea and coffee, and an array of juices to choose from.

"Would you like Dotty to cook you a fry up?" Mr. Potter asked.

"No, sir, I think this will be sufficient."

"Sirius, cut the "sir" nonsense, please. This is your home, not military boot camp."

Sirius grinned. "Sorry, Jack."

He poured himself some coffee, which he much preferred instead of waiting for a house elf to pour it for him, which was protocol at Grimmauld Place. Soon, James shuffled into the room, his hair sticking up in every possible direction.

Jack briefly glanced up from his paper and asked, "Did you hex yourself, son?"

Sirius choked out a laugh.

"So hilarious," James moaned, grabbing the coffee.

"Our Jamie, ever the morning person." Jack slapped his newspaper shut and tossed it onto the table. "Right, I'm heading out for a bit. Your mother is resting. Had a bit of a headache last night, so try not to disturb her. Get outside, get some fresh air. You both look like ghosts from being cooped up all winter."

"Great idea, dad," James replied, grinning at Sirius. "Maybe we will."

Jack Potter put on his cap and jacket, and headed out into the cool morning. Sirius and James finished their breakfasts and got dressed. They were just heading out the door when James' mother came downstairs, looking a bit frail.

"Going to the local library I hope?" she asked as she took each step carefully. "Getting a start on all that schoolwork?"

"Just going to walk into the village," James replied. "Don't worry mum, we'll get our homework done."

She made her way over to them and said, "I'll be going to lunch with my weekly witches group at noon in Godric's Hollow; dear old Bathilda is hosting this week, so if you need me you know where I am. Then I'm heading over to the Home for Aging Wizards in Hogsmeade to lead craft time. I won't be back until around six, so please, make today a productive one, and remember, no magic outside this house."

Sirius could tell James' mother had a strong influence over her son. Even Sirius wasn't immune to it completely, but he could withstand it better than James could.

"We would never," Sirius replied, trying hard not to smirk.

Rosie narrowed her hazel eyes at him, a small grin playing at her lips. "Why do I find that hard to believe?"

Sirius chuckled and replied, "Don't worry, Rosie. We'll stay out of trouble."

"All right, have a good day, lads. Off you go."

"Mum, are you sure you should be doing so much today? Dad said you weren't feeling well and-"

"James, I'm fine. I just want to enjoy my breakfast in peace. Be gone with you."

The boys followed her orders and headed down the narrow road into the village. Muddiwick was inhabited mostly by muggles, but there were a few wizarding families that had been there for centuries as well. Even though James had grown up there, he'd been very sheltered from the life of the village. As a small child, he'd grown accustomed to flooing it with his mum to play dates at the homes of other magical children, taking holidays with other magical families, and generally steering clear of any muggles he might come across. It wasn't that his parents wanted him to feel superior to muggles, but that they wanted to protect him from any mishaps and the temptation to reveal his abilities to other children. Now that he was older and had a better understanding of things, they trusted him to intermix with muggle society as he saw fit.

The boys wandered down the narrow road past wooden fences and prickly hedges, farm land on one side and storybook cottages on the other. Flowering wild cherry and blackthorn trees twisted their branches overhead, and the dew sparkled on the blossoms in the morning light. It wasn't long before they reached the village where they nipped into a small shop.

"Here they are. Jaffa Cakes," Sirius said, picking up the box he remembered Annabelle opening on Christmas morning. "Annabelle and Lily love them, but I tasted one and I can't say I feel the same."

"Let's buy a few boxes. We can bring them with us today."

After paying for their Jaffa Cakes, they strolled down to the bridge that crossed the river and opened a box. James took one, but hesitated.

"Go on," Sirius said. "Try it. It won't kill you."

James shrugged and bit into it, chewing slowly as he gazed out over the marshlands. "They're not entirely awful," he said when he was done.

"But they're not good either."

"No, they're not. Better not let Dotty see them. She'll be insulted."

James popped the rest of it into his mouth and shoved the box back into the bag. They killed time at the river's edge, throwing rocks into the water. Soon it became a competition over who could throw the farthest. By noon, they went back to the house, ate some lunch, and got ready to meet the girls. Since James' parents weren't home, they could disapparate straight from James' room. If Dotty heard the cracking sounds, she wouldn't tell. She loved James as much as his parents did and would never say anything that might make Jack and Rosie angry with him. Sirius wished Kreacher had been more like Dotty. At least he would have had one ally in the house while growing up.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Lily and Annabelle didn't exactly lie when they told Mrs. Evans they were going to the library. In fact, they spent fifteen minutes there looking for a book they'd heard about called _Fear of Flying_. When they asked the librarian about it, she told them that the library had banned that particular book a few years before, and what did nice young girls want to read rubbish like that for anyway?

"We'll just buy a copy in London, then," Annabelle decided as they walked to the park.

"I don't think she realised that by telling us it's rubbish, she just made us want to read it more."

"Exactly. It must be pretty wild to be banned."

A few children played on the jungle gym, while others ran in circles playing tag. Lily and Annabelle sat down on the swings and kicked off, pumping their legs to see how high they could go. They laughed and shrieked at the power their bodies possessed, going much higher than when they were younger.

Annabelle thought she might fly right out of the swing and she began to drag her feet, slowing herself down when a pair of hands landed firmly on the middle of her back, sending her higher again.

Lily screamed at the same time Annabelle did, and they jerked their heads about, not surprised to see Sirius and James behind them, cracking themselves up over scaring them. Once their swings slowed to a stop, the boys greeted them with kisses and Jaffa Cakes. They split up for a while, and James sat down on the swing Annabelle had vacated, taking Lily's hand as they swung gently, side-by-side.

Sirius and Annabelle strolled over to the playing fields where some local boys were playing football. They sat down in the stands, the metal cold beneath them. Sirius wasted no time, pulling her face to his for a long, lingering kiss.

"You were wrong," she said when he stopped to look at her.

"About what?" he asked.

"You said I wouldn't have time to miss you."

"I missed you, too. In fact, I had a rather lovely dream about you last night."

"You did? Aren't _you_ lucky."

Sirius laughed, and Annabelle could tell already that being at the Potters was having a positive effect on him.

"I take it you didn't dream about me, then," he said.

Annabelle's smile faded. "I wish I had."

She crossed her arms and hunched forward. Despite the sunshine, it was still a chilly day, and the dampness in the air made it feel colder than it actually was.

Sirius leaned back, resting his elbows on the cement step behind him. "You had nightmares again."

Annabelle nodded, not really wanting to rehash the bad dreams.

"Where they about Colleen or Jaeger?"

"Colleen," she muttered. "As usual. Jaeger's not worth dreaming about."

"You want to talk about it?"

"No, not really. What is there to say?"

"Come on, Annie," he said, sitting up again and resting a hand on her knee. "You said you wouldn't hide things from me anymore. You're killing yourself over this and I don't know how to help you. Just let it out already!"

Annabelle swallowed back the anguish that seemed to spring itself on her at the most inopportune times, and replied, "Okay, fine. Did you know that when she came back I actually thought that I'd be spending Easter with her? That I wouldn't have to be some charity case for once? I mean, how _stupid_ is that?"

"Lily's parents don't think of you as a charity case. And there's nothing stupid about being optimistic."

Her voice cracked as she went on. "I even imagined baking a bloody simnel cake with her, and I don't even like simnel cake. Or baking for that matter. It just seemed so perfect in my mind, throwing flour at each other, giggling like old friends, and while it baked, we would chat about whatever mothers and daughters are supposed to chat about. It was a _ridiculous_ fantasy and I'm embarrassed for having it."

She stood up, tired of crying about Colleen but unable to fight the angry tears stinging her eyes. She was still so frustrated, and she didn't know how to get over it. Sirius stood up with her, walking a step behind her as she made her way down and around to the other side of the stands where no one could see her. All that was back there was a small lawn and a line of patchy trees dividing the property from a hilly field and a pond. She leaned against one of the metal supports, her back to Sirius and tried to regain her composure, but the harder she tried to stay calm, the more worked up she became.

Sirius wanted so much to ease her pain, but he didn't know how. All he knew was that seeing her so bereft over her mother, in addition to everything else she'd been through was breaking his heart. There was no way to change what happened, but he couldn't stand by and allow her to wallow in her abandonment, either. That would be an abandonment of another kind. And how many times had she been his compass when he was lost? He wanted desperately to return the favour.

Taking a deep breath, he walked over and stood in front of her.

"Remember what you said to me about leaving the past in the past?" he asked. "About being set free and leaving the cage behind?"

She looked at him, a blank expression on her tear-streaked face. "Yes."

"Well, it's my turn to say it to you. You have to let go. Of Colleen, of what she did to you, of your guilt for not being able to fix her… or you will never be free."

"Maybe we shouldn't talk about this right now."

"That's the problem. You won't talk about it at all."

"It's not like talking about it will make it better!"

"No, but you are holding on to her anyway," Sirius said, following her as she started walking across the lawn. "You know she can't be what you want her to be. She isn't good for you, and she knows it. _God_ , even her own father knew that! Why can't _you_ accept it?"

Annabelle turned abruptly, her face stricken with pain. "She's my _mother_!"

"She's _gone_ , Annabelle!"

She froze in place, her eyes wide as he stepped towards her.

"And it's not your fault. You can't keep holding yourself responsible for her." She turned away again, but he caught her in his arms from behind, holding her as her body shook with sobs. "You have your own life to live. And you deserve to be happy, despite your mother's struggle. No, she's not bad, but she's sick, and you can't cure her no matter how hard you try and no matter how much you beat yourself up over it! But you can save _yourself_ , don't you see? You need to let her go."

She turned round and pressed her face into his shoulder. He cradled her head, and with is other arm around her, squeezed her tight as her tears wet his shirt. When she began to relax, she looked up at him.

"I just can't handle any more bad news," she said hoarsely. "Enough is enough."

Sirius wiped her cheeks and kissed her forehead. "I think we've both had more than our fair share of suffering this year. Things can only get better, yeah?"

She nodded, closing her eyes and resting her head on him again. "I hope so. It's just hard going through life with no family, you know what I mean?"

He hugged her close and said, "You know I do. But even though we can't change the past, the future is ours, Annie. We can face it together. We can be each other's family, can't we? And neither of us will have to feel alone in this world, _ever_ again."

Family. Love. An unbreakable bond with another human being. These were the things they both wanted, _needed_ really. And they were things, she realised, that they already had in each other.

She took his his face in her hands, and replied in a shaky voice, "You're in my blood already. And you always will be, no matter what. I wouldn't have it any other way because I love you."

Sirius' eyes filled with tears and he held her tighter. All those years, his family had been wrong. He was worthy of love. She wanted to be connected to him, wanted him to be a part of her always - she said so herself. And in order to receive it, he just had to be himself, and that's how he knew it was real.

"I love you too. Always will."

They held each other a bit longer, and eventually a glimmer of peace settled inside of them. They wiped each others tears, and after a tender kiss, began walking back towards the playground.

"Are you going to be all right tonight?" he asked.

"I'll be fine. I have Rod Stewart to keep me company."

"Not even going to ask."

She laughed, and it felt good. He squeezed her hand, then brought it to his lips, kissing it softly. A fluttering tickled her insides, and she wondered how one person could have such a beautiful effect on her. She pulled his face to hers and kissed him again as they walked, stumbling across the squishy spring grass. Lily and James were heading toward them, and when they saw each other, Lily broke away from James, running to Annabelle and tugging her arm.

"Come, Annie," she said in a hushed voice, "James says they're going to transfigure for us."

They walked back to the thicket of trees, climbing through the undergrowth to the other side where the large field lay fallow before them.

"The road is all the way on the other side of the barn," Lily said. "No one will see."

Sirius and James looked at each other and in less than a second, the boys were gone, replaced by a noble stag and a rather large, but adorable, black dog.

Lily gasped then let out a sharp laugh as she stared in disbelief, unable to conceal her wonderment.

"Oh my word. That is bloody amazing!" she exclaimed, timidly approaching Prongs. "I want to learn how to do it!"

The last time Annabelle had seen the dog that was trotting over to her, he had been vicious and frightening. But as he sat before her, looking up with expectant eyes that even in their canine form were so familiar to her, she had a new appreciation for him. He was the sweetest guard dog a girl could ever hope for.

When he raised his paw, she knelt down and took it, then scratched him behind the ear.

"This is bloody weird," she said to him as she giggled, but the dog closed his eyes and leaned into her scratching, so she kept it up a bit longer. When she stopped, he barked once, then licked her face.

"Sirius! Ugh! That's so wrong!"

But her complaining didn't stop him, and while Lily continued to investigate Prongs, Padfoot knocked Annabelle onto the soggy ground, licking her face all over. She laughed and shrieked in protest, her eyes closed tight until the dog's tongue was gone, replaced by human lips. She opened her eyes to see the boy she loved, back in his human form.

"Woof," he said.

She rolled over on top of him, smothering him with kisses.

"I should lick your face," she said. "See how you like it."

"Like it? I'd love it."

"True, you probably would," she replied before she stood up and offered him her hand.

They ambled over to Lily, who was still beguiled as she slowly smoothed the stag's fur along his face. When he nudged his head against hers, she closed her eyes, hugging his neck.

"Bet you never thought you get that close to Bambi, did you?" Sirius asked.

Lily laughed and opened her eyes. "No, I didn't. It's incredible. Wait - how do you know about Bambi?"

"Remus' mum is a muggle, remember? He's seen all kinds of muggle films. It was his idea to call him that."

Prongs instantly turned back into James and he teasingly gave Sirius a shove. "What'd I say about calling me Bambi, _Toto_?"

With a smile on his face, Sirius shoved him back. "Toto? _Toto?_ Now you're going to pay."

In a heartbeat, they were dog and stag again, running across the meadow, darting and dodging each other at every turn.

"Show offs!" Lily called after them. After a moment, she said to Annabelle, "Our boyfriends are frolicking in a field together."

Annabelle burst out laughing. "At least they keep things interesting."

"It's just so amazing knowing they can do this. So few people can."

"Amazing is a good word for them."

After a few more minutes, the boys came striding back in from the field looking wind-blown and red-cheeked. Deciding to warm up before heading home, the four of them walked to a nearby café for some tea. When it was time for the boys to return to James' house, they walked Lily and Annabelle back to the library and said their goodbyes with a promise of another visit when the girls least expected it.

"Don't bother saving us any Jaffa Cakes," James said, pretending to gag himself.

"Don't worry, we won't," replied Lily as she pulled him closer.

A few prolonged kisses and hugs later, James and Sirius headed off, returning to the patch of trees behind the park so they could dispparate in secret.

"Is it sappy that I'm really bloody sad they left?" Lily asked after they were gone.

"No. I feel it too."

The library door swung open behind them and Severus Snape shoved between them, then stormed off down the pavement. He shot a disdainful look at Lily before turning the corner of the building.

"What's his problem?" Annabelle asked, her face scrunched in irritation.

Lily glared at the spot where he'd just disappeared, then scuffed her foot on the ground. Neither wanted to start walking until they were sure he was gone.

"I reckon he saw James and Sirius from inside. Did you know I haven't spoken with him since February, and honestly, for the first time in years, I haven't missed him? What does that tell you?"

Annabelle bit her tongue, not wanting to disparage Lily's former friend too much, lest they mend their friendship someday.

"It tells me that you've gone your separate ways. It happens sometimes. His way of handling it tells me he's a bit dramatic."

"You can say that again. We're just so different now, and of course he could never be happy that I associate with James. But he's got friends I don't approve of. They're creeps. Do you think he'd shun them all on my account?"

"I don't know. If anything he's just getting chummier with them."

"Exactly. And I wouldn't dream of giving up James for anyone, let alone to repair Severus' wounded pride."

"You shouldn't have to give up someone you love in order to keep a friend. You wouldn't ask him to do that, and he shouldn't expect it of you."

Lily shoved her hands in her jacket pockets and kicked a pebble across the pavement.

"I tried to forget the mudblood comment," she said quietly. "I believed him when he said he didn't mean it, but I can't help but wonder if my being a muggleborn is more of an issue for him than he lets on. I don't know what he wants from me, but I do know that I'm exhausted trying to figure it out. I can't do it anymore."

Annabelle gave her back a rub. "Don't let him get to you, Lil. You're not responsible for his happiness. Only he is. Hopefully he'll realise that someday."

Just then, Mrs. Evans pulled up in front of the library and rolled down the window.

"I swung by to see if you wanted a ride home," she said. "The clouds are rolling in – looks like it's going to rain soon. Wouldn't want you girls to get drenched and catch a cold."

Lily and Annabelle smiled at each other, and gladly expected the offer, hopping into the car and turning up the radio. "Here Comes the Sun," by The Beatles was playing, and after expressing how long it'd been since they'd all heard that song, they sang along at the tops their lungs. Even Lily's mother joined in.

 


	22. The Clanging Bell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FYI- Jackie and Honey were popular young women's magazines in the 70's and 80's (UK).

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

_"To thine own self be true…"_

_– from Hamlet by William Shakespeare_

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

It had been three days since James and Sirius had met Lily and Annabelle in the park by Lily's house. Rosie Potter's illness had worsened, and despite her objections, James insisted on staying close by. His father had prior commitments to attend to, and Dotty was a great help, but neither James nor his father thought the elf could handle an emergency if one arose. As a result, the boys had plenty of time to finish their school assignments. They also managed to correspond with Lily and Annabelle via owl several times over the interim, sometimes twice a day.

By Wednesday, Rosie was feeling more like herself, and James and Sirius decided to surprise the girls with a late night visit. They chose the time carefully, not only because they wanted to go undetected by James' parents, but they didn't want the Evanses finding out about it either. Besides, surprises were much more fun.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

That same evening, Annabelle and Lily got ready for bed, but after Mr. and Mrs. Evans turned in for the night, Annabelle sneaked back in to Lily's room. They had finished their assignments already after spending two days straight on them. Now they were free, and Lily pulled out the muggle magazines they'd bought earlier that day. Annabelle indulged in a copy of _Jackie_ , while Lily flipped through a copy of _Honey_ – two popular magazines for muggle women _._

"Did you see this?" Lily asked, holding the magazine open to an article. " _'Why Broken Friendships Can Never Heal Completely_.' Yikes."

"Don't let Dominica see that," replied Annabelle as she analysed a photo spread of Andy Gibb. "Do you think Andy Gibb is fit?"

Lily leaned over Annabelle's shoulder and had a look. "Eh. He's not bad. Do you think so?"

"Not sure, really. Sometimes he is, other times he looks like a twerp."

"He certainly keeps the hairspray industry flourishing."

The sound of a dog barking outside caused them both to look towards the window. It was persistent, and quite close to the house. Lily went to the window to see where it was coming from.

"Sounds like it's right below us," she said. As she looked out, something small hit the glass, like a pebble or a small stick. "Oh my Merlin!" she squealed and jumped back onto her bed.

"Did you see anything?"

"I couldn't. The reflection made it impossible."

The dog started barking again. Annabelle listened carefully, then her eyes widened. "Could it be?"

Lily ran to the light switch and turned it off. They both looked out, and without the reflection, they could see two figures below, and though they couldn't make out their faces, their forms were rather familiar. One of the figures waved, solving the mystery. Lily put a hand over her heart and exhaled. Then she opened the window.

"Can we come in?" James asked in a loud whisper.

"You scared us! What if my parents had heard?"

"If I'm not mistaken, that's their bedroom right over there, and their light is still out."

"Go to the door. I'll be right down."

She shut the window and turned to Annabelle. "Stay here in case my parents wake up. Tell them you couldn't sleep so I went downstairs to get us some Lilt and biscuits."

Annabelle waited in the doorway, listening for any movement from Harvey and Kaye's room, but their bedroom light remained off. A moment later, Lily was back, followed by James and Sirius. She ushered them into the room then locked the door behind them.

"Barking? Really?" Annabelle teased as Sirius took her into his arms.

"We had to get your attention somehow," he replied. "I was going to levitate James to the window, but we figured that was a bit indecent."

"Can you imagine if the neighbours saw that?" asked Lily. "I hope they didn't hear you and look out the window as you were transfiguring."

"They'll think they were dreaming," Sirius replied with an easy laugh, then eyeing the magazines on Lily's bed, inquired, "So, what are you doing up this late? A bit of scholarly reading?"

"Is that Andy Gibb?" James asked as he plunked down on the bed and picked up the copy of _Jackie_. "He's so _dreamy_." He tossed it aside. "Whaddya say we go somewhere?"

"Now?" Annabelle replied. "It's almost midnight."

"So?"

"So my parents, James," Lily said as she sat own next to him. "They would call the police if they discovered us missing. Won't your parents panic if they check on you and you aren't there?"

"My parents' room is on the other side of the house and they sleep like basilisks. They won't have a clue we're gone."

Sirius and Annabelle had dropped out of the conversation, and were near the door, whispering to each other and sharing kisses.

"You want to show me Petunia's room?" Sirius suggested.

"Oh sure, and if Lily's parents wake up and catch us? That would be mortifying."

"Need I remind you that we can do magic, Annie? A few charms and they'll never know a thing."

It was a tempting offer, but Annabelle didn't want to disrespect Lily and her parents' kindness like that.

"I don't know, Sirius."

She glanced at Lily, and from the way her eyes closed as she rubbed her forehead against James' cheek, his hands clutching hers, she wondered if Lily might actually want her and Sirius to scram. Annabelle cleared her throat, and when Lily opened her eyes, Annabelle motioned for her.

"Be right back," Lily said, and stepped into the hallway with Annabelle.

"Do you want us to give you two some privacy?" Annabelle asked, hoping she'd say yes, but expecting a definitive no.

"You wouldn't mind?" Lily whispered.

Annabelle wasn't sure she'd heard correctly. "Are- are you sure? What about your parents?"

"They're clearly asleep, Annie. And we have wands, remember? They won't know."

Annabelle eyed her suspiciously. "Okay, if you're sure..."

"I'm sure. Unless you don't feel comfortable with-"

"Shhh, it's fine. I'm quite comfortable leaving you two alone for a bit. Just knock softly when James is ready is to leave."

Lily grinned and Annabelle had to stifle her laughter as they slipped back inside the room. Annabelle took Sirius by the hand and put a finger to her lips. He smiled knowingly and followed her into the dark hallway, closing Lily's door behind them as softly as he could manage.

Annabelle opened Petunia's door and hustled him inside. Once the door was shut, they cast the soundproofing charm on the walls and the door, and Annabelle set her wand down on the bedside table.

"Wow, Petunia likes pink," he observed as he glanced about the room. He noticed the poster of Rod Stewart and said, "Ah, so that's what you meant before. Hello, Rod."

With a swish of his wand he gave Rod a moustache, a unibrow, fangs, and devil horns.

"Sirius! Reverse that!" Annabelle ordered, even though she was laughing. "Petunia will go mad."

"Then imagine how she'd react if she knew I was in her bedroom with you." He tossed his coat over a chair and flopped onto the bed. "On her fluffy pink duvet no less. Her head would explode."

Annabelle sat down, suddenly self-conscious as she looked at her night gown and slouchy tube socks. Sirius scooted over beside her and took her hand.

"Your hand is cold," she observed, rubbing it between her palms.

"It's rather chilly in here."

Annabelle pressed her lips together in a nervous grin. They glanced at each other and she squeezed his hand.

"Want to get under the covers?" she asked, her voice an octave higher than usual.

"I thought you'd never ask."

They pulled back the frilly bedding and sat down on opposite sides of the double bed. Sirius kicked his shoes off and brought his legs up, pulling the cover over him. He propped himself up with his arm and patted the mattress, a roguish smile on his face.

Annabelle coughed out a laugh, her cheeks burning. She wasn't sure why she was being so shy, but she reckoned it had something to do with Lily's parents being a room away, and being in Petunia's bed.

"We're just going to cuddle," she informed him.

He rolled his eyes, his smile never faltering. "Yes, Annie, I know. Now would you please come closer?"

There was no telling how much time they had together so she stopped hesitating and climbed in next to him. He wrapped her in his arms and she breathed him in, savouring the warmth of him, his scent, and the rise and fall of his chest against hers.

"I'm feeling toasty already," he said.

"So am I."

Annabelle placed her hand on his hip and ran it along his waist. He sighed softly, closing his eyes.

"Maybe this wasn't a good idea," he said.

She rubbed her nose against his chin. "I told you so."

Taking her face in his hands, he kissed her so deeply that Annabelle was transported, almost forgetting where she was. She grabbed for the hem of his shirt, which was tucked into the waistband of his trousers, but something willed her to stop. She abruptly rolled away from him.

"Wow," she said, panting a little. "This was a terrible idea. What would Petunia say?"

A corner of Sirius' mouth turned up and he blinked once, slowly. "I don't rightly care."

"Well, I do!"

"Fine, fine. You stay over there and go to sleep, and I'll stay with you until it's time to go. Over here. On this side. No more touching."

He used his wand to shut off the light. The room was plunged into semi-darkness as the street lamp outside cast a swath of light across the wall and ceiling making it just bright enough to make out each other's faces. Annabelle reached out and put her hand on his arm.

"Oy! What're you playing at, Miss O'Neill? I said no touching."

Annabelle pulled her hand back and giggled. "Not even your arm?"

"Is my arm not a part of me? No, not even my arm. Try to _control_ yourself."

Annabelle choked back a laugh, and Sirius responded by wagging his finger in warning, then laughed as well.

"You have a cute bark, by the way," she said, inching her fingers over to him again and stopping just short of him.

"Hmm, a strange compliment. Surely that's not the best you can do."

Annabelle giggled and elaborated. "Ah, well in that case, I think you're rather adorable, as well. Your eyes, your hair, those arms... I mean, even your _elbows_ are sexy."

Sirius let out an exuberant laugh, and Annabelle, laughing as well, shushed him despite the room being charmed.

"Surely you don't find my long, gangly fingers appealing," he replied, tickling her waist.

She squealed and pushed his hand away. "I dream about those fingers."

"What about my feet? Do you dream about them?"

"Well… they're feet, so I don't exactly dream about them. But they're yours, so of course they're gorgeous and I adore them."

"Even when they stink after playing Quidditch?

"I don't discriminate based on stink. And my feet stink after playing Quidditch as well.

"They stink of lilacs and roses."

They fell into another fit of laughter, which continued for several minutes. Every time they would stop laughing, the silence would be broken by one of them snorting out a laugh and the hysteria would begin all over again.

When they were all laughed out, Annabelle said, "It isn't all about _you_ , you know. What about me?"

"It's not all about me?" he asked in a shocked voice. Annabelle sighed dramatically, and he said, "Right. I knew that. As for you, my Annie, you dazzle me, from your beautiful head all the way down to your adorable, smelly toes." He scooted closer to her. "And I'm dying to kiss every gorgeous inch of you right now - and I mean every inch of you - even your elbows."

"Now I'm blushing."

"Are you? Can't see you so well in the dark," he replied, reaching behind him for the small bedside lamp.

She caught his hand before he could turn it on. "But you can feel me," she replied, pressing his palm against her heart.

Sirius softly grazed his lips against hers as he slid his hand down her torso. Annabelle began working on his shirt buttons.

"What would Petunia say?" he asked against her lips.

"Not sure I care anymore," she answered. Her breath caught as his hand found its way under her nightgown and began travelling up her thigh. "What she doesn't know, won't hurt her."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

The lights were still on in Lily's room as she and James were getting a bit carried away themselves. Lily's heart pounded with a mix of longing and nervousness as James' hands and kisses moved into uncharted territory. She wanted to focus and enjoy being so close to him, but her mind kept snapping back to her parents in the next room and she'd feel guilt rush in, wiping away any feelings of enjoyment.

"James, stop for a moment, please?" she breathed, forcing her eyes open and taking in her surroundings.

James rested his chin on her abdomen and looked at her. Just the sensation of his body against hers, exposed and warm, caused her to feel even more conflicted, but she couldn't let it go any further.

"It's just… well… my parents are so close that it feels like they're practically in the room with us… and I just don't want it to be this way… with my thoughts all scattered."

"You don't have to explain," he replied as he crawled up next to her.

"It's not you. You- you're amazing! It's just that I don't think this is the place for… all of this."

"I said you don't have to explain," he replied, stroking her hair. "Sure, I'm ready whenever you are, but I'm not going anywhere. I'd hate for you to think I was that type of asshole."

She looked into his hazel eyes, so vulnerable without his glasses over them. "You are so beautiful," she said. "And I love you so much…. And I just don't want to go too far… then lose you."

He winced, squeezing his eyes shut before opening them again to meet hers. "Lily, what must you think of me? Is this because I flaked out last semester? Because if it is, you have to understand, it was temporary insanity, or growing pains as my mum called it-"

Lily cringed. "You told your mum?"

He lowered his eyes sheepishly. "Yeah. I told her I didn't know how to be a proper boyfriend and asked if she could give me some pointers. She referred me to my dad-"

"Your dad knows as well?" Lily put her hand over her mouth and started giggling.

"What's wrong with that? We're close is all."

"Nothing's wrong with it. It's actually rather sweet."

James smiled and rubbed his eyes, unable to conceal his embarrassment, but quickly grew serious again.

"Just hear me out, Lil. No one has ever made me feel the way you do. And believe me, every time you rejected me, I tried to find someone else that interested me just to get my mind off you, but no one else gave me that sick feeling in my stomach-"

Lily's eyes went wide as she tried not to laugh. "I made you sick?"

He gave a tight smile, then nodded. "In a good way. And when you started acting interested in me, I panicked. I was so unprepared, and I kind of wanted to hide until I figured it out. But my mum said it's impossible to be prepared for love. It just smacks you over the head and you either run from it, or go with it. And I really want to go with it… with you. And if that means we don't… go all the way for a while, then I'm okay with that. I promise you."

"Are you sure? Because I may not be ready any time soon."

He propped himself up on his arm and pressed his hand to the side her face, rubbing her cheek with his thumb.

"I'm sure. I just want to be close to you, with your head on my chest and my arms wrapped around you, feeling you breathe and keeping you warm when the fire goes out. And if it takes forever to prove to you I'm not going anywhere, then forever it is. Because I love you, Lily. I've loved you for so long… it took me almost six years to get here and I don't want to mess it up again."

Lily's lips pressed together in the hint of a smile, her eyes wide. James' cheeks turned red and he flopped back onto the pillow.

"And I think I'll stop now because you're probably squirming inside at what an idiot I sound like."

"No, James. You don't sound like an idiot." Lily felt tears warm her eyes. "You sound like a romantic, and I think I just fell even more in love with you."

He turned to face her. "You did?"

She nodded as she moved in close, and his lips parted to accept hers. And while they didn't go past Lily's comfort level, they did make the most of their time together, and eventually fell asleep in each other's arms.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Lily's owl had been out hunting that night, and it wasn't until he pecked at the window did James awaken.

"Shite! What time is it?"

Lily sat up, her hair wild and falling into her face.

"I don't know!" she exclaimed, her heart pounding.

"I need to get Sirius," he said, putting his glasses on and standing up.

Her hand shot out. "Wait! You're not entirely dressed."

He looked down at himself and grinned. "Oh yeah. Right."

Lily got up and threw on her dressing gown. "I'll go. Just in case my parents wake up."

She rushed into the hallway, treading lightly, and knocked softly on the door.

"Annie?" she whispered, hoping her parents wouldn't hear. "Pssst, Annie?"

Ever the light sleeper, Annabelle's eyelids fluttered open. Sirius' head rested in the curve of her neck, his arm draped over her. When it registered that they'd fallen asleep, she startled, and quickly prodded him awake.

"Sirius, wake up!"

He opened his eyes and when he realised that he was still in Petunia's room, he bolted upright, throwing his clothes on and shoving his feet into his shoes. Annabelle slipped into her dressing gown and opened the door a crack.

"We fell asleep," she whispered to Lily. "He's getting his shoes on."

"Come to my room and I'll let them out the front door."

"Okay."

Lily shuffled away, and Sirius put on his coat. He hugged Annabelle, momentarily lifting her off the floor.

"See you Saturday, Annie. Oh, and let me know if Rod gets fresh with you and I'll take care of him," he said as he gestured to the creepy poster. "Defacing larger-than-life posters of famous muggles is a special talent of mine."

"You are rather multi-talented," she replied, then led him out the door to Lily's room.

Lily was standing in her doorway with James, and wasting no time, they made their way to the stairs. Annabelle stayed behind in case Lily's parents came out of their room, ready with an excuse.

"Don't get splinched," she warned as he headed down the stairs.

He grinned. "No worries. Done this a million times."

A moment later, Lily returned, and in the distance, two loud cracking sounds could be heard. The girls giggled quietly and returned to their rooms, hoping to get a few more hours sleep before morning.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

James sent an owl the next morning informing Lily and Annabelle that they got permission from his parents to go to London, and while Rosie wasn't sure it was a good plan, Jack had convinced her to stop treating them like children. He also offered to apply for a temporary Floo connection at the Evans' house to make the journey easier – that was if the girls were allowed to go.

The letter motivated Lily and Annabelle to finally raise the subject with Lily's parents, and they spent an hour that morning trying to convince Lily's mum to grant permission. Kaye was full of reasons why it was a bad idea, but they had an answer for all her concerns, and finally, and most likely in order to shut them up already, she gave in. Lily's dad would have to agree of course, but Lily didn't think it would be a problem as long as her mother was okay with it. When he got home from work, Lily pounced on him.

"Dad, can we please go to London on Saturday afternoon? It's our friend's birthday and we'd hate to miss it!"

"What did your mother say?"

"She said it's fine as long you say it's all right."

"How will you get there?"

"James said his dad could request a Floo connection for us that day. It's the most common form of magical travel. Safe and easy. You let me go over Christmas hols, remember?"

"Ah yes. Well, if your mother says it's all right, then I suppose I shouldn't argue."

"Thank you so much, Dad!" Lily exclaimed and kissed him on the cheek.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

The girls fretted over what to wear, since they didn't own anything appropriate for a rock venue, and Kaye wouldn't let Lily out of the house in the type of outfits the punk rock girls wore anyway. They convinced her let them go shopping at least for some new trousers, and the next day, she dropped them off in front of Mitchell's Department store, then went to do some shopping of her own.

They tried on a myriad of ensembles- gold lamé jumpsuits, deep v-neck maxi dresses, even tube tops and mini-skirts - mostly just for fun. After much deliberation and fear of looking like school girls among an edgy, older crowd, they settled on vibrant but modest trousers and some risqué halter tops, which they would conceal under cardigans until they arrived in London. When Lily's mum asked to see what they'd bought, they showed her the trousers.

James and Sirius arrived in Lily's living room at half one, looking rather cool their go-to outfits for mingling with muggles – the same ones they wore the night they got hammered and the girls had to haul them back to the castle. Lily and Annabelle had tried their best to do their hair and make-up like Stevie Nicks, who they were convinced was secretly a witch, but they had to keep it subtle in order to avoid Kaye's scrutiny. Even so, the boys were quite dazzled by them.

After a swift Floo journey to Diagon Alley, and a slightly longer one to Highgate, they arrived at The Clanging Bell. There was sign in the back of the pub that said _Springfest Downstairs_. The basement looked like a nightclub, dark and smoky with multi-coloured lights flashing, and crammed to the gills with young muggles. The girls shed their jackets and cardigans, and the boys' jaws dropped.

"Wow," James said as he watched Lily hand her jacket to the coat-check clerk.

"Yeah," replied Sirius, his eyes glued to Annabelle's bare back.

Lily and Annabelle began working their way through the crowd in search of the others. The boys followed behind, trying to regain their composure, stumbling a bit on the plush rug and chuckling awkwardly at themselves.

The first band had taken the stage – a shouty group of rag-tag lads that sounded more like noise than music. James was instantly drawn to them and he and Lily moved closer to the stage to get a better view. Sirius and Annabelle hung back, getting acclimated to the scene and hoping to spot Johnny B.

"I feel a bit out of place," Annabelle said, a nervous smile on her face as she gripped Sirius' hand.

"You look incredible. Not that you don't look great all the time, but – well – it's just–"

She met his eyes, a blush forming on her cheeks.

"Thank you. So do you."

Sirius slipped his arms around her waist and pressed his lips to hers as she ran her hands up his arms and his neck. There were so many people about, many of them drunk already or on something, that they went virtually unnoticed, standing against the wall and kissing like it'd been two years since they'd last seen each other instead of two days.

"All right, you two, break it up!" Johnny B.'s voice called to them as he and Matthew worked their way through the throngs of people.

"Happy birthday!" Annabelle cried out over the music and hugged Johnny B.

"Merlin, Annie, I just saw Lily, and I must say, if Professor McGonagall could see you two she'd keel right over!"

"Maybe it's too much? I should get my cardie-"

"Don't you fucking dare. You look amazing!"

Matthew hugged her, then greeted Sirius. Before long, the whole crew was there, except for Peter, who had refused to join them, Alice, who was still in Paris, and Remus, who they were still expecting.

"He said he was coming, didn't he?" asked Annabelle.

"He did," replied Sirius. "I hope his father didn't stop him."

It wasn't long before Remus arrived, an unexpected date by his side. Claire had her arm linked through his, a timid smile on her face as she surveyed the space.

"Sorry we're late," Remus said. "Had to have tea with Claire's parents before they'd let her come out with me."

Claire grinned. "I knew they'd approve."

Remus gave a little smile, but there was something sad in it. Yet Claire was quick to assure him, whispering in his ear, "All they want is for me to be happy. And I am with you. Nothing else matters."

She kissed his cheek, then tugged at his chin, willing him to look at her. When he did, she met his lips, making it crystal clear that he had her approval as well.

Meanwhile, Annabelle had pulled Johnny B. aside. Matthew was having a conversation with Fairfax and Caradoc about football scores, and the others had gone to the bar.

"Did you tell him yet?" Annabelle asked. It was the day Johnny B. had decided to reveal the magical truth to Matthew.

"NO! I was waiting for you lot. I don't think we should tell him here, do you?"

"He won't even understand a word we're saying in here. The noise is ghastly!"

"Right. Maybe we could go upstairs to the pub. It's a bit quieter there."

"Shall we tell him now?"

Johnny B. shook his head, fear showing on his face.

"We don't have to tell him if you don't want to," said Annabelle. "It can wait until you're sure."

"No, it has to happen today. It's starting to eat away at me. He deserves to know."

"But I don't want your birthday to be ruined if he doesn't respond well."

Johnny B.'s eyes grew misty. "He told me he loved me, Annie. How can I keep it from him any longer?" They both looked over at Matthew, his smile a light in the dark room. "How can I deceive him?"

"It's not deception. You never said you _weren't_ a wizard."

Johnny B. chuckled. "True. I didn't. But let's wait a little bit longer. We'll tell him before we leave."

"Okay, just say the word."

The basement grew hot and humid and an hour later, after a few drinks, Sirius and Annabelle had had enough pretending to be interested in the bands. They found a dark corner and settled in, a mutual desperation driving their lips together, neither one caring that they were in a public place. Annabelle drove her hands into his hair as he squeezed her hips and her backside, eliciting a gasp from her. They couldn't get enough of each other as they pressed their bodies together and carried on in a way that would have got them arrested anywhere else, but went virtually unnoticed in the dark, chaotic place.

James and Lily had been dancing with the others, but Lily wanted some water so James escorted her to the bar and shoved his way to the front. It took a few minutes, and Lily watched as Remus led Claire away from the stage area, pulling her in for a kiss as they disappeared into the shadows near the coat room. Finally, James procured their glasses of water and they moved toward the back of the club. They were both sweaty, their cheeks like apples and their hair damp and clinging to their skin. Lily finished her water and set the empty glass down on a cluttered table top. She proceeded to lift her long hair off her neck with one hand and with her eyes closed, fanned herself with the other. When she opened her eyes, she noticed the way James was looking at her, a subtle grin on his handsome, sweat-dappled face and she fought the urge to throw herself onto him right there.

"Where's Annabelle and Sirius?" she asked instead. "Haven't seen them in a bit."

The two decided to find their friends and wandered through the drunken crowd. When they discovered them all over each other in the corner, they froze awkwardly, and abruptly turned to face each other.

"Maybe we should leave them," Lily suggested.

"Good idea," James said.

He clutched her hand as he led her in a different direction, only to spot Johnny B. and Matthew wearing the faces off each other. It seemed everyone was throwing caution to wind, and Lily didn't want to control her urges anymore. She took James' face in her hands.

"I'm dying to kiss you right now," she breathed.

James pulled off his glasses and met her already parted lips, kissing her hard and deep. She hugged her arms around his neck as he enveloped her body, holding her as close to him as he could without hurting her. She pushed his wet hair back from his face, a longing for him growing inside of her like never before.

"I love you so much it hurts," she whispered.

"In a good way?"

"In the best possible way."

He took her face in his hands, his eyes fixed on hers. "I love you more than anything in this world."

She pressed her mouth to his again, taking him in, and luxuriating in the all-consuming heat between them. He felt amazing, his form so familiar, but exciting at the same time, and from his words earlier in the week and the way he was holding her and kissing her just then, she knew in her heart he meant it when he said he was there to stay. He never showed interest in other girls, never made crude remarks about girls like some boys did, and was always a gentleman with her… So he'd panicked once when he was sixteen, but he only ever wanted her, even when she couldn't stand him. It had taken some time, but he was all she wanted, and she would never doubt him again.

"COPS!" a voice rang out, and Lily and James turned their heads towards the stairs.

The basement only had one exit, so there was no way out as the police descended into the underground club and the crowd morphed into a stampede. The vast majority of patrons were either under eighteen, or high on some illegal substance, and a mass panic ensued as people tried to get past the officers. Lily and James were the only ones who knew where everyone was located, and they fought their way through the chaos, latching onto Sirius and Annabelle first, who had already begun pushing their way towards them.

"What are we going to do?" Annabelle exclaimed.

"We have to find the others!" James shouted above the racket.

They found Johnny B. and Matthew straight away, and Sirius spotted Remus and Claire ducking out of the coat room behind the crowd mobbing the staircase, their coats in hand. After rounding them up and calling to Fairfax and Caradoc, who were casually sitting on the stage, laughing at the panicking muggles, they managed to reach the ladies' loo. There were other people hiding in there as well, but Sirius figured they were as good as caught anyway, so he shooed them out, telling them the police had left.

Once they were gone, he wandlessly charmed the door to lock. Matthew didn't notice.

"Johnny B.," Sirius said and waved him over. "We're going to have to apparate."

"We can't. He'll freak out! He doesn't even know-"

Annabelle was standing by and warned him, "If we don't, we may get arrested. Do you want that to happen?"

"You said you wanted to tell him today, didn't you?" Sirius questioned him.

"Yes, but not like this!"

"We don't have a choice!" Annabelle urged, even though she knew what Matthew was about to experience would likely terrify him.

A pounding on the door startled them all. "Police! Open the door!"

Their eyes widened, and finally, Sirius spoke to the group. "We have to apparate. To the woods outside Hogsmeade."

Fairfax pulled out his wand and cast a soundproofing charm on the walls. Matthew squinted in confusion as he watched.

"What's he doing?" he asked.

Johnny B. gripped his shoulders. "Listen. We're going to get out of here. But not the way you would normally get out of here."

Matthew's eyes wandered over the rest of them, and they looked back at him fearfully. Johnny B. glanced at Annabelle, his eyes pleading for help.

"Right, Matty," she said. "It's perfectly safe, if you just – do what Johnny B. says. We travel this way all the time."

"Do you trust me?" Johnny B. asked him.

Matthew nodded, his brows furrowed. "Course, but how? There's no windows. God, my father is going to _kill_ me!"

"We have to go _now_ ," James said.

"Put your arms around my neck," Johnny B. instructed, "and keep them in, don't wave them about or kick your legs or anything like that. And hold onto me, okay?"

Matthew nodded again as the police banged on the door.

"What is going on, Johnny?" he whispered as he followed instructions. "How is my hugging you going to get us out of here?"

"Someone go first and show him?" Johnny B. requested.

"We'll go," Fairfax offered and with a pop, he disappeared followed by a second pop from Caradoc.

"We'll go too," said Remus, who couldn't allow Claire to get arrested by the muggle authorities on their first official date. He held her tight, and with a third pop, they were gone.

Matthew blinked several times and let out a sharp laugh. "Someone must have slipped something into my drink, because I'm hallucinating!"

"Let him think he's hallucinating," Sirius said. "Come on!"

The door started to thud and buckle repeatedly, and it was clear the police were trying to break it down.

"Just do it, Johnny!" James cried out.

"Hold him tight!" added Annabelle.

And with a crack, they were gone, the rest following behind them.

 


	23. The Magical Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since there is no definitive answer as to how muggles gain the ability to see magical places (for ex. muggle parents and siblings of Hogwarts students), I am making up my own explanation.
> 
> 10/24/15 - Please note this chapter was written long before JKR revealed Sirius' birthday. But hey, it's fanfiction, and I prefer to think of him as a Leo anyway. :)

" _What the fuck just happened?"_ Matthew screamed.

He staggered, panting, and put his trembling arms out to keep the rest of them away. Grabbing the collar of his t-shirt, he wiped the sweat from his upper lip while the other arm stayed outstretched, warning them to keep back.

The others gathered round, looking at him with a mix of fear and sympathy. The birds tweeted in the branches above, blissfully unaware of any trouble below. Annabelle took a hesitant step towards him.

"Matty, calm down, all right? You are perfectly safe."

"Annie, what is going on," he demanded, his teeth clenched, "because I think I'm losing my mind."

He was shaking violently, and Annabelle reached out to touch him but he recoiled. She exhaled heavily, trying to think of a way to explain.

"I mean it, you're fine," she soothed. "You're not hallucinating. You're not going mad. I promise."

Johnny B. approached cautiously. "I'm sorry, Matthew, but we had to get out of there. It was the only way."

" _WHAT JUST HAPPENED_?"

Johnny B. glanced at Annabelle who nodded encouragingly, so he decided to go for it and tell him the whole truth.

"I didn't want to you to find out this way, but I reckon it's too late to turn back now."

"Find out _what_?"

"You apparated, that's all."

Matthew squinted in confusion. " _Apparated_? _That's all?_ What does that even _mean_?"

"It's a way for witches and witches to travel," Johnny B. explained. "In fact… um…" He paused, gathering his courage as Matthew waited, the distress showing on his face.

"It's okay," said Annabelle. "Just tell him."

Johnny B. nodded and looked at Matthew again.

"Well… you see, Matty… we're witches and wizards. And that's why you could never come visit us. Because you're a muggle. Meaning, you can't do magic. It's a funny word, but-"

"Hold on, hold on," Matthew interrupted. "Are you trying to tell me you think you're a wizard? What is this? Fuck with Matthew Day? Is this some sick prank on the gay kid?"

Johnny B. flinched, Matthew's words cutting him deeply.

"We would never, Matthew," replied Lily. "You might not believe us right now, but we can prove it to you."

"I believe you're all crazy," he spat, taking a step backwards.

"Look at me," Annabelle told him. "You know me. You've known me forever. You've known my family forever. You know I wouldn't let anyone hurt you or prank you or lie to you."

Matthew's brow knitted as his eyes pierced Annabelle's. Then he looked to Johnny B. and demanded, "Just tell me where we are."

Johnny B. opened his mouth to speak, but Annabelle could see the hurt weighing him down and abruptly answered for him.

"It's a town called Hogsmeade. Although you may not be able to see it."

"He can if we charm him," offered James.

"Yes, there's a charm," said Lily. "How do you think my parents and Petunia can see the castle when they visit?"

"Right, a charm," replied Annabelle, looking at Matthew. "Lily's family are muggles. I mean, they're not magical. Like you. And like I thought _I_ was until just before I turned eleven."

Matthew laughed incredulously. "This is too bizarre. Maybe I'm dreaming. A waking nightmare perhaps."

"Would you like us to prove it to you?" Sirius asked.

"Prove that you're not psychotic?" He crossed his arms over himself and shrugged. "Please do."

Annabelle knew he was struggling with what just happened, but his words hurt. Yet she couldn't blame him, because she knew he'd been told his whole life that magic was only pretend, and grown muggles who claimed otherwise were perceived as mentally unsound.

"All right then, let's start small," Sirius said, bending down and pulling his wand out of his sock. "Ready? Here we go. _Orchideous."_

A bunch of flowers burst from the end of his wand. He took them handed them to Annabelle.

"For you, my love."

Annabelle grinned as she accepted them and turned back to Matthew.

"So you're magicians?" he asked, his posture relaxing a bit. "And this was an illusion of some kind?"

James snickered and Lily nudged him with her elbow.

"Not quite, but sort of," Johnny B. replied. He pulled out his own wand and aimed it at a blossoming cherry tree several feet away. _"Ventus Supervolus!"_

The tree began to bluster about wildly, then stopped abruptly as soft pink petals hovered in mid-air before drifting slowly to the ground. Matthew grew anxious again, his eyes like saucers, but he said nothing.

Remus went next, aiming his wand at a small rock next to his foot. _"Engorgio."_

The rock became a boulder and Remus sat down on it, making himself comfortable.

"See? Real magic," Annabelle said. "Not make-believe."

Matthew was silent for a moment, biting a nail as he looked from the bunch of flowers to the tree to the boulder. Then he started shaking his head.

"No, No. This is mad. Someone must have slipped something into my drink. How do I get out of here? I _need_ to get out of here."

"He could use one of the portkeys to Straiton," Caradoc suggested, "then take a coach to the closest train station. It's four and a half hour journey back to London, though. Probably longer."

Matthew went pale. "Four and half hours?!"

"Or you can Floo it with us," Fairfax said. "We're heading back to London now to see if we can retrieve our jackets. A simple summoning spell and you'll all be warm again. Want to join us?"

Matthew swallowed and declined with a shake of his head.

Fairfax shrugged. "Suit yourself," he said, then he and Caradoc trudged through the trees and headed towards the high street.

"You're in Scotland," said Annabelle. "In fact, just through the woods is the Arsenal Boarding School, better known as Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry."

"Why are you doing this, Annie? Why? I feel _sick_ right now."

Annabelle glanced at Johnny B. and her eyes welled with tears. None of this was going as they'd hoped, and Johnny B. was visibly devastated.

"Do you mind if I take Claire home?" Remus asked the others. "We promised her father we'd be back by five, and I don't want to chance it. And we have our coats already, so…"

"No, go, go," replied Johnny B. "It's all right."

Claire gave Johnny B. a kiss on the cheek, and wished him a happy birthday. Matthew stared at her like she had two heads, so she said, "Bye Matthew. Hope to see you again soon."

Remus whispered in Johnny B.'s ear, "Don't forget to erase his memory if he decides to leave."

Johnny B. scarcely nodded, a despondency in his movement indicating he'd just lost everything. Annabelle's heart went out to him, but to Matthew as well. He didn't ask to be dragged into their world, and they'd been naïve to think he'd be able to grasp any of what they'd just put him through. She reckoned the International Statute for Wizarding Secrecy wasn't as cruel a measure as she'd originally thought. If they'd heeded it, Matthew wouldn't be terrified and about to reject two dear friends - Annabelle, whom he'd known for most of his life, and Johnny B., the boy he'd come to love.

"I'll take you back to London," she offered him. "But the only way out of here that won't require walking to a neighbouring village and taking a long journey is by magic."

"I'll take myself back," he replied through clenched teeth. "Just point me in the right direction."

Sirius whispered to James, "He's dying to call us freaks, you can tell."

James smirked, but had no witty comeback. "He must be scared shitless right now."

"It's this way," said Annabelle, as she started picking her way through the trees, defeat overwhelming her. Sirius caught up to her and put an arm around her, shooting Matthew a look of disdain in the process. He knew it wasn't Matthew's fault – of course a muggle wouldn't get it - but he still couldn't help feeling like Matthew was no longer a friend, by his own choice.

Matthew trudged along behind them, Lily, James, and Johnny B. bringing up the back. Lily took Johnny B.'s hand and when they reached the edge of the road, Johnny B. sat down on a stump, weak with regret.

"Wait, Matthew!" Lily called. "Just listen, please?"

Matthew eyed her warily, but stopped as she approached.

"I grew up like you," she said. "So did Annabelle! We were just as shocked as you when we found out about our abilities. Well, we were a bit younger and more apt to believe in magic, so maybe shock isn't the right word, but my parents were quite shocked! They didn't believe it at first, but they got used to the idea, and now they embrace it. They think it's a special talent, like singing, or dancing, you understand?"

Matthew just stared at her.

"I can even have my mum talk to you! She'll explain and-"

"Forget it, Lil," droned Johnny B. "He wants to walk, let him walk. He's not who I thought he was."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Matthew seethed. "You're the one claiming to be a _wizard_ when all along I thought you were _sane_!"

"It's not a claim!" Annabelle snapped. "He's telling you the truth. He's daring to open himself up to you completely, and you're turning your back on him!"

"And you were wrong," James quipped. "He isn't sane, but that has nothing to do with his being a wizard."

Sirius snickered and Johnny B. smiled weakly, but Lily and Annabelle shot James and Sirius daggers with their eyes.

"What? It was funny," replied Sirius. "Look, Matthew, no one wanted you to find out this way, but it was either that let you get arrested. Is that what you preferred?"

"Of course I didn't want to get arrested. I just want to know why my friends are acting deranged. Don't you realise how crazy you all sound?"

"Sure, but you sound just as crazy to us," offered James. "When Sirius and I were small, we thought everyone was a witch or a wizard. We had to be told there were people _without_ magical abilities."

Sirius nodded. "We were as shocked as you are right now. In fact, I thought my brother was lying to me for a laugh."

Annabelle asked, "Doesn't it seem strange that we couldn't send and receive letters without going through Lily's address? Or that Johnny B. could make it all the way to London on a school day when the journey takes several hours by train? Or that none of these lads knew about _football_?"

"I – I –" Matthew stammered, then rubbed his face with his hands.

"It's because owls deliver our post," she continued, "and Johnny B. travelled magically to meet you in London in about three minutes. And many witches and wizards don't even know what football is because non-magical sports are forbidden to us."

"But Johnny B. plays football with my mates and me all the time now."

"He's taking a chance," said Sirius.

"Because he wants to be with _you_ ," added Annabelle, her voice cracking. "You can't just walk away from that. You can't just walk away from him, or me for that matter. Not when I just got you back!"

Annabelle broke down, and as Sirius comforted her, he narrowed his eyes at Matthew again. Matthew looked up at the bright blue sky, biting down on his lip and hugging his arms to himself. Then he glanced at Johnny B. who was still hunched forward on the stump, head bowed.

"Could this be real?" he asked. "Because I want it to be. I want to believe this." But as hope filled their faces, he said, "No. No way. How can it be real? I keep waiting for a television crew to pop out of the trees and for you all to start laughing at me."

"No television crew," said Annabelle.

"No televisions at all, actually," said James.

Matthew peered at Annabelle. "If this is real, why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"As a kid, I didn't know about it myself. My grandfather hid it from me. He was a wizard as well. And when I found you again, I guess I was afraid of _this_ happening. Of you thinking it was a cruel joke or that we were mad. Plus, if you told anyone about us, we'd be in over our heads with magical law enforcement – we're not supposed associate with you – but Johnny B. couldn't keep it from you any longer. He felt you deserved to know, even if it meant losing you."

Matthew's eyes filled with tears. "I need to let this sink in a bit. I just don't know what to make of it."

James cleared his throat, and said, "If you leave like this – not believing us – we really should erase your memory. Can't risk you telling on us."

"Erase my memory?"

"Just of this, nothing else."

"You're not getting near me."

"He won't tell," Johnny B. said as he stood up and joined them. "Will you Matthew?"

"Who would believe me if I did tell?" he replied, shaking his head. "But, if you're telling the truth, then it explains _a lot_. I mean, you're some of the strangest people I've ever met."

"We're not really all that different from you," said Lily. "We're still people, with feelings that can be hurt just like yours."

Matthew looked to Johnny B. again, who met his gaze with a spark of hope in his eyes.

"How can you think I'd ever purposely hurt you?" Johnny B. asked quietly. "Don't you know how I feel about you?"

Tears trickled down Matthew's cheeks, and Johnny B. swept him into a hug. Matthew pressed his forehead into Johnny's B.'s shoulder.

"Then please tell me what's going on. Is this your way of breaking up with me? Because if it is, it's fucked up."

"Breaking up with you is the last thing I want to do, but if I did, I definitely wouldn't humiliate you in the process. You have to believe me. There's so much more to tell, but you have to trust that we would never play a twisted joke on you. This is real, Matthew. And it's scary to you now, but it won't be, I promise."

Johnny B. held him for a moment, giving Matthew time to absorb everything. Finally, Matthew looked up, and after seeing the tears in Johnny B. and Annabelle's eyes, he wiped his own and sniffled.

"Show me something that will convince me. Something big."

They conferred with each other, and finally James said, "You want to fly? Not fast or anything. Just a few feet off the ground."

Matthew shook his head. "Umm, I don't know."

"I'll go first," said Annabelle. "You'll see that it doesn't hurt."

She nodded at Sirius who spoke the incantation, and Annabelle rose into the air. With his wand fixed upon her, he hovered her over Matthew for a moment, and she smiled and waved down at the frightened muggle. Then Sirius moved her slowly around in a half-circle before bringing her down beside him.

"See?" she said. "It's nothing."

"Here," said Lily, stepping forward and taking his hand. "I'll do it with you."

"Sure," he agreed, clutching her hand.

James took aim and up they flew, both letting out a thrilled laugh. Annabelle was pleased to see Matthew's smile back, and she looked to Johnny B., whose smile had also returned as he watched.

"How about I flip you?" James asked, an impish grin on his face.

"NO!" Lily and Matthew replied at the same time.

Sirius chuckled to himself over James' urge to be a git, but James lowered them slowly, resisting the impulse.

"See, no strings," said Annabelle. "You were really flying."

"All right," Matthew said, as he put his hand against his lips. A moment later he said, "As hard as all of this is to believe, I can't come up with any other explanation right now. And since I'd trust Annie and Johnny with my life… I'm going to go with it… _for now_."

Johnny B.'s face lit up. "You mean it?"

"Yes. But _please_ don't let this be some sick, cultish drugging of some kind."

"Oh my god, no one drugged you, Matty!" exclaimed Johnny B. as he hugged him again. "Honestly. We're not a sick cult. You have my word."

"Good," he replied, squeezing Johnny B.

"Well, another day we avoided being burned at the stake under our belts," James murmured to Sirius.

Sirius laughed. "Ahh, the magical life."

"I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm freezing," said Lily as she rubbed her bare arms. "How about we head over to The Three Broomsticks and have a chat?"

"That's a great idea," said Annabelle, also shivering, and not wanting to take Matthew back to London until they were sure he wasn't going to flip out on them. She made a mental note to pop into a shop for some new cardigans before returning to Lily's house if Fairfax and Caradoc didn't return in time, not only because of the chill in the air, but to protect her and Lily from Kaye's disappointment in their choice of tops.

They quickly explained to Matthew that in order to avoid suspicion, it was imperative that he go along with everything he saw, no matter how weird, and if anyone asked he was to tell them he was a squib, and a distant cousin of Annabelle's. Matthew nodded and went with it. Johnny B. charmed him so he could see his surroundings, and as Hogsmeade came into view along with the castle perched high in the distance, Matthew gasped.

"See, you can't do that," James said. "Pretend like this is normal."

"Right, this is normal," Matthew said and pressed his lips together, but continued to take in his new surroundings.

Johnny B. sent Annabelle a look of relief, and she smiled, grateful that the hard part was over.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

June brought a burst warm weather, and with it, Quidditch practices and the excitement that only the last few weeks of school could muster. The approaching summer promised to be magical in its own right, as stresses and fears melted away, and freedom beckoned to all of them. They were even audacious enough to push thoughts of Voldemort out of their heads, longing to be carefree instead.

So much had happened since the previous autumn. Tension with Dominica was almost non-existent, gone was the stress of Jaeger, and Annabelle was doing better focusing on her own life than the hurtful mistakes of her mother. Even Fairfax and Mary MacDonald were still going strong, much to the surprise of everyone who knew them. Remus had settled naturally into his much deserved role as boyfriend to Claire, James finally stopped worrying about being Ringo'ed by Lily, and Lily had stopped caring so much about what Petunia thought of her, choosing to spend her energies caring for the people who loved and respected her, instead of the ones that didn't seem to any longer.

And unlike Petunia, Matthew had grown comfortable with the idea of magic, and like Lily's parents, came to view it as something special. He had learned all the magical lingo, and could follow conversations for the most part with only a little explanation needed. And he and Johnny B. grew closer than ever, as there were no more secrets between them.

And for the first time since starting school at age eleven, Sirius experienced a June without the twisting stomach pains or the nightmares he'd grown to expect every year as summer approached. Grimmauld Place and its legacy of pain was finally behind him, and an entire summer at the Potters' welcoming, loving home awaited.

On the last day of classes, the girls took a break from packing and sat by the lake discussing their plans. Alice and Frank had enjoyed their Easter holiday in Paris so much that they would be returning that summer, just the two of them. Again, envy filled Lily and Annabelle, but they were happy for Alice just the same.

"You and Sirius could go, Annie," said Lily with a frown. "My parents can't exactly stop you."

"But they'd think it was rather bold of me," replied Annabelle. "Besides, I wouldn't have any fun knowing you were moping about Cokeworth without me."

"I wouldn't mind, really."

They all knew Lily could go to Paris as well, but she refused to use her magical gifts to deceive her parents. And no one could fault her for that.

"We have a year left," said Annabelle. "Then we can all do as we please."

"Promise that in a year," Lily implored, "we'll stay close. No one runs off and gets married then forgets the other two."

"That will never happen!" laughed Alice. "How could we ever forget each other?"

Lily nodded and exhaled. "Good. Because I couldn't bear to face the future without either of you."

"And you won't have to," assured Annabelle. "We could get a flat together. Roomies forever!"

"I think Sirius and Frank might be disappointed to hear that," Lily replied, smiling despite the truth of her words. She also knew that Annabelle and Alice would probably want to move in with them, just as much as she wanted to live with James.

Alice wagged her eyebrows. "I think James might have something to say about that as well."

"I don't think my parents would be too keen on the idea of my living with him. At the very least, we'd have to be engaged, more likely married, and I'm not ready to think about that yet."

"And you don't have to," said Alice. "There's plenty of time for all that. And instead of speculating over future living arrangements, we need to start thinking about internships. We have to apply in January."

"But you already know you'll be training with the Auror department," said Lily.

"It's not a guarantee. It's a coveted position."

"Ugh," groaned Lily, "I can't think about careers either right now."

"Let's just be happy," encouraged Annabelle. "It's summer, and I think it's going to be the best one yet!"

Lily grinned. "You're right. It will be the best one yet."

A nasty grindylow suddenly surfaced and spit a jet of water at them before vanishing back into the lake's shadowy depths. They screeched and scrambled from their spot, running straight into Alecto Carrow and several of her Slytherin friends.

"Brave Gryffindorks, running from a grindylow?" she sneered. "Courage my arse."

"Wanting to stay dry has nothing to do with courage," replied Alice. "Now please, stop talking about your arse and let us pass."

Alecto's upper lip twitched, but she nodded once to her mates and they stepped away, letting the girls go by.

"Hope you survive the summer, you filthy mutts," Florence Parkinson called out behind them.

"Be careful," warned Alecto. "The dark lord eats scum like you for breakfast."

Alice was embarrassed to be a pureblood around witches like them. She whipped around and spat, "And how do you know what _the dark lord_ does? Because if you keep talking like that, people will start to think you're death eaters."

Alecto snorted. "And that's a bad thing?"

"You're _sick_ ," Alice spat, and Lily and Annabelle tugged her by the arms, away from the brutish girl and her cackling mates.

As they walked, Annabelle looked back, her eyes narrowed in warning. If they hexed them in even the smallest way, she was ready. But they didn't hex them; instead, Mona Nott called out, "See you hags in September! If you're lucky, that is!"

It took every ounce of self-control the three Gryffindors possessed not to turn round and curse them as they hooted and leered, but they resisted since they were outnumbered. Besides, if they were caught duelling, they'd be starting off their summers on punishment.

When they got back to the castle, Lily asked, "Do you think they're actually death eaters?"

Alice laughed. "No. I think they're all talk. They just want us to think they're death eaters so we'll cower to them."

"I still wouldn't cower to them," said Annabelle.

"Me neither," said Lily. "But don't tell the boys what happened. It will only rile them and we don't need any more trouble this year."

"Course not," replied Alice. "There's nothing to tell. As I said, they're all talk."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

 **_–_ ** **_23 JULY 1977 –_ **

The sky took on a sapphire hue as the half-moon hung suspended above the River Taw, the late July evening warm and peaceful in the Devon countryside. The Potters had thrown Sirius a small birthday party, and all his mates had attended, even Peter who had to be abducted by Remus and Caradoc to get him there. They'd swum in the river all afternoon, and later, there was a birthday dinner followed by a massive cake, glowing with the light of seventeen candles. It was far more than Sirius' own parents had ever done for him, and he'd been moved as he looked round the candlelit table at the people he truly cared about and loved more than he'd ever thought possible. He wished he could bottle all the laughter and warmth of the evening to keep with him always. And for that fixed moment in time, he was extraordinarily happy.

When it was just Annabelle and Lily left, the four friends hiked through the woods by wandlight to the banks of the river as crickets chirped and the water lapped against the sandy bank. They spread out a blanket near some trees, cast a mosquito repelling charm, and chatted as the fireflies danced and the night came alive with stars.

News of Voldemort had been infrequent. They allowed themselves to believe that maybe he was losing power and soon, he'd be caught and dealt with accordingly. They felt they were on the precipice of something; maybe it was adulthood waving in the near distance, or their adolescence slipping away behind them, leaving them vulnerable, but eager just the same.

"I wish summer could last forever," Lily said. She was lying on her back with her head in James' lap, holding his hand tight, while Annabelle sat between Sirius' legs, her back against his chest and his arms snug around her.

"That would be lovely," said Annabelle.

"It's only half over," replied James. "We have another whole month to go."

"And Annie's birthday is next," said Lily. "The last of the sixteen-year-olds."

Annabelle sighed wistfully. "Sixteen was truly the best and worst all rolled into one. I'll never forget it, that's for sure."

"Me neither," said Sirius.

Eventually, Lily and James decided to take a walk along the water's edge. Their laughter carried in the breeze until they disappeared from view, leaving Sirius and Annabelle alone for a time.

"Tell me, birthday boy," Annabelle asked. "What was your favourite thing about being sixteen?"

"Beating Slytherin."

"Hmm. Not the answer I was hoping for."

"I'm just teasing," he said with a laugh. "You were the best thing, no question. From finally getting to know you, to kissing you, and… well… you know the rest." He kissed her temple and she turned to him.

"You were the best thing for me as well. And I hope you'll always be the best thing about every year to come."

Sirius' chest filled with the same sweet ache he'd felt in October when he'd watched her sleeping by the fire after their second detention together. It was a feeling he'd grown accustomed to whenever he was with her.

"I hope so too."

They gazed at each other for a moment before meeting each other's lips. As the kiss grew deeper, Sirius guided her down onto the blanket, the soft grass a cushion beneath them. Suddenly, a bull frog croaked, and they both burst with laughter.

"What is Norvel Tugwood doing here?" Sirius asked.

"Maybe someone invited him to your party."

"You're late, Tugwood!" Sirius called to the frog. "Party's over, go home."

As they laughed, Sirius pressed his head into her shoulder and she couldn't help but inhale his hair. It smelled like the Potter's expensive shampoo, and of summer sun, and wind, and starry skies.

And as the clear night sky blanketed the heavens, she found herself wrapped in his arms, looking up at the stars. The constellation Orion loomed overhead, huge and intimidating, but just to the left, set apart and burning brighter than all the rest, was the heart of the great dog, Canis Major. It was the star called Sirius.

"You're the brightest star in my sky," she whispered.

He ran his hand along the side of her face, and looked into his eyes.

"You are my sky, Annie. And my earth, and everything in between."

"Charmer."

He grinned. "An honest charmer."

Her hands moved through his hair, pushing it back from his face. They gazed at each other a moment longer, then their lips met in a slow, deep kiss that conveyed everything they had inside them; all the hope, fear, and love their hearts could hold.

Graciously, Norvel didn't make another peep.

**\- THE END -**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 3, Here Is the World, is currently in progress. Click on over!


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